I'm feeling philosophical

[realisticphish]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMG20rBfkM8
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And René Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

[Heidi]

1. Feelin' Existential | Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper

Your goatee is growin'
In front of your fake French café
You're readin' Kirkegaard
Underneath your very black beret
Smokin' filterless Camels
That stink just like Gitanes
Drinkin' some "express-o"
Droppin' all the names
Standing outside of a Winchell's
You're feeling very existential

You dreamed you were Whitman --
Walt, the poet, the bard --
But you're really more like Slim:
An evil tub of lard
Lookin' in the mirror,
And think you see James Dean
Now you turn to Dylan --
You "coulda been him ..."

Feelin' so depressed
You're lookin' so distressed
And all the little girls,
You just want to undress
You're uglier than your high-school principal
You're just feelin' very existential

You were kicked out of the college
Your Daddy couldn't afford
So you went out "On the Road"
In a '67 Ford
Then you went to Europe
You felt like Hemingway
You even loved a woman there
But you found out she was gay

Man, you gonna never get rid of your pimples!
You're just feelin' very existential

"Nothin' is nothin' --
Everyone's a twit!
Gonna tie myself up,
Have a little fit ..."
So grab your granny glasses
Dress all up in black
Find your journal
Read Jack Kerouac

Bed on down through the winter
You're feeling very existential

You'd like to sit on Kirk Douglas's dimple ...
Yeah, you're inside of a Chinese temple ...
And your mind, mind, is so, so ... simple
Standin' outside of a Winchell's
Feelin' very existential

-- "Feeling Existential," Mojo Nixon (recorded by Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper)