Who here has mixed feelings about Father's Day?

[Darth_Kitten]

I do.

I'm rather tired of making an effort with my Dad. He doesn't call anyone or talk to anyone on the phone unless you happen to phone him up and he answers, or Mom puts him on the phone. In short, people have to go to him, and any connection with family or friends is done by her. He doesn't seem to do much of anything with anybody.

I always remember special days of the year but I'm kind of torn this year. What, get him a card saying what a model dad he is? :eyes: I'm thinking of holding back as I haven't gotten a call (initiated by Mom of course) in two months. I hardly have a relationship with my sister or her kids, and I blame him for, partially at least, making my sister so bitter. Like, you helped make her that way by your actions, so why do you think you can just sit back and do nothing?

there, that's off my chest. I'm in a new frame of mind where I'm not going to be chasing down people saying "Here I am, acknowledge my existence, please!!!!"
If people don't make an effort with me, I'm going to turn my energies elsewhere.

Any thoughts?

[AlCzervik]

1. my Dad has become anti-social in the past 10 years, it was always there but

it's much worse now, i used to call him once a week but i gave up "Here let me get your step mother" if i called to talk to her i would asked for her. I don't send him cards anymore, i usually send him and my step mom a gift card to a restaurant. My sister and i have a good relationship but i think it's due to the fact i live far away and i don't involved at all with family drama but i will say she is a total kiss ass when it comes to our father--like he's going to leave her more money when he dies because she was an ass kisser--not bloody likely.

[Darth_Kitten]

2. I'm tired of being the thoughtful child........

he'll call up his dad though, even though his childhood was a mess. :eyes: Oh, he doesn't like talking on the phone. Yeah, whatever.

I'm torn because I'm not naturally insensitive or mean, I don't LIKE hurting people's feelings, but when is enough enough?
Maybe you should get back what you give others, nothing.

[AlCzervik]

3. it's hard to say when it's time, i knew when it is was it time for me and then i started

to deal with my Dad the way he deals with me, since then it's been ok. He actually called me up not too long ago and asked me to be the executor of his estate when he dies, i was like WTF? Don't you have a wife to do that? But for some reason he wants me to handle things and maybe thats because i'm sort of detached from all of it.

I gave up on having a close relationship with my Dad when i realized that he wasn't interested in his granddaughter, that was it for, now we're more like acquaintances. I expect nothing and i'm never disappointed.

[Darth_Kitten]

4. Maybe I should learn to expect less..........

it's hard because I've discovered in my own life that I don't have to "settle" anymore. I don't HAVE to accept things I don't like.

Confusing. :)

Who's that in your sig line? A guinea pig? Shore is cute. ;)

[AlCzervik]

5. thats Princess Bob, the best guinea pig evah.

as far as i'm concerned, also the laziest.

and you're right, you don't have to settle for less.

[Darth_Kitten]

6. Princess Bob? LOL that's so sweet..........

I love the sound guinea pigs make when you open the fridge door.....

oooweeee ooooweeee ooooweeeee..... :)

[AlCzervik]

7. omg the fridge!! i switched from bagged spring mix to boxed spring mix

because whenever he heard that damn bag crinkle he would go mental, that worked for awhile but now if you go in the kitchen and he just figures you're in there to get something for him, why else would you be in there? I will admit that i am Bob's servant, he's trained me well.

[Connonym]

8. it just makes me feel sad

lousy trifecta of my dad's b-day, anniversary of his death and father's day all in a few week period. I always have a relapse of depression in May and June as a result.

Please understand that this is not a "you should appreciate your dad" post. This is an acknowledgment that for lots of reasons and for many different people, days of celebration aren't always happy and we should all be more understanding of that.

Be true to feelings Darth_Kitten.

Peace

[NashVegas]

9. I Felt the Same About Mothers' Day

Had some huuuuuuuuge issues come up.

Finally I had a few chats with her about it and eventually came to the conclusion the situation was not going to change, but at least I got it through to her that her PR of being all-strong, all-sacrificing, etc., etc., didn't work on me anymore. And I certainly understood that a) our problems were not because I was some sort of bad seed and b) I don't need her approval.

I send her flowers on Mothers' Day if for no other reason than to reassure her that, even though we'll never be close, I don't think she's the anti-christ or anything.

[MadHound]

10. About this specific Father's Day, that's up to you.

But you should keep up an the effort of being social and in contact with him, even if the connection is tenous at best. I say this out of experience. My father was deep in the clutches of untreated manic-depression when I was growing up and well into my twenties. It was an utterly insane lifestyle, one that I had to get away from and recover from when I turned eighteen. Hell, the man even put a shotgun into my face a couple of times, and was serious about it. It was that bad.

However I did keep a link with him, for I remembered the man my father was before his mental issues took over his life. And it finally paid off. When he was sixty he had his first heartattack, and that touch of mortality seemed to be a catalyst for him. He started treating his mental and physical illnesses, and over the course of the last ten years of his life, he and I became quite close. I cried when he passed, was truly moved by his death, whereas a decade earlier I would have celebrated.

And this came about because I still kept a link to him, I didn't blow him off. Sure, it wasn't a strong connection for a long while, but it was still a connection none the less, one that allowed us to reconcile at a later point.

So my advice is to keep a connection with your father. Sure, make it a level that is comfortable for you, but keep that connection nonetheless. Otherwise you might very well regret it later on.

[Redstone]

11. Please re-read the last sentence of your post...it has a distinctly self-centered

(not to mention whiny) tone.

Hey, you wanted opinions.

Redstone