I just got slimed by a fundy

[ChickMagic]

I was walking in the park at lunch when a gang approached and wanted to
ask me a question. Not unusual in a huge hospital complex. She asked me,
"Are you 100% sure that you'll go to heaven?" I said, "Are you?" She
said, "Of course, but are you?" I said, "No I am not and I'm not going
to hell because they don't exist. Go forth and live your life and stop
being afraid." Now when I step outside, they just go the other way.

Honest - no offense to Christians - I just hate being hunted down by
fundies who don't appear to know anything about their own religion.

[matcom]

1. this is what I tell them

"I'd like to but Heaven doesn't want me and Hell doesn't want me to take the place over. I guess I'm kinda stuck."

[ChickMagic]

2. That's good

I'll save that for next time. I so badly want to say,
"Why don't you go get raptured and leave us alone?"
or "Have you given away all your possesions? Can
I have your teevee?"

[ceile]

3. Good answer. n/t

[AllegroRondo]

4. for fun

try talking to them like you've never heard of heaven or jesus before. its quite entertaining.

[ChickMagic]

6. Oooh. I could have fun with that.

I could say, "Yeah, Jesus was my waiter last night. Are you sure he can save me?"

[China_cat]

14. Or, 'sorry, I don't have a gardener'

[unpossibles]

7. that is brilliant!

Jeshwhatnow? read the Bable? What?

[AllegroRondo]

9. who's this "god" fellow again?

its great for when the JW's come to the door, too.

[unpossibles]

10. that is amazing.

the best lines I've given the random fundies is "no thanks, I have my own religion" and "do you have five dollars?"

Now I have a new one. The only downside is they may think they have some fresh bait and try to gang save you.

[ChickMagic]

12. You would be prayer circled for sure!

They were scared of me. :) Here's my favorite picture of my friend getting prayer circled at a protest of "Promise Keepers".

[unpossibles]

17. wow. I am almost to admit what my initial smart ass response to that would be

I wonder if it would upset them if I undid my fly...?

[ChickMagic]

22. I'm rather suprised that Dave didn't do that

He's prone to that sort of thing. It would be really funny!

[unpossibles]

26. yeah, although sometimes my self-preservation instincts keep me from doing things like that

I used to work with a couple of Promise Keepers, and... whoo-boy. They were some pieces of work. I never understood the whole premise - yes, staying faithful, respectful, and loyal to my family makes sense, but I don't need another vow to do the things I am supposed to do already.

I sometimes feel that these are the people who only reign in their own behavior out of fear of "The Cosmic Bogeyman" instead of a real desire to just be a good person, and that can be scary.

[realisticphish]

27. the reply to that is, of course

to spread your hands wide, and bless them in the name of satan

[edbermac]

5. I tell them I'm a devil worshipper.

Stops them dead in their tracks. :evilgrin:

[ChickMagic]

8. That would be fun!

I could invite them to sacrifice a goat with me.

[Richardo]

11. That...is a great answer, ginbarn

"Go forth and live your life and stop being afraid." :applause:

See everyone? It's not necessary to pummel them with profanity and screaming. Ginbarn got the message through without it. :thumbsup:

[ChickMagic]

15. I'm glad you like it

I really didn't want to be ugly to them, but I can't say I wasn't tempted!

[China_cat]

13. They also use the 'are you afraid to die' ploy.

Easiest to counter with 'are you afraid to live'

[ChickMagic]

16. Yeah, I've heard that one before too

I just say, "It depends on how I die. Since I don't obsess about death, I'm not afraid enough to even ask anyone that question."

[Deep13]

28. Sounds threatening.

Hey, any coercion, duress or deception is justified if it means saving souls. My wife and I ran into this very intense fundy woman (or maybe Jehovah's Witness--she talked about resurrection on earth) on Fremont St. in Vegas last Christmas who insisted on following us around. I told her the only reason she was still talking to me was because I was too fat to run away. I suppose we should have just walked into a casino to get away from her.

[SacredCow]

29. I got that line once.....

There just happened to be some police officers a few feet away, so my (loud) reply was "I don't even KNOW you- why are you threatening my life???"

One of the cops looked over and my would-be converter nearly crapped his pants... I'm guessing the cop knew what was happening so he strolled over and asked what the problem was, so I told him the truth- that I was minding my own business and this guy out of nowhere asked me if I was afraid to die... Clearly, it's a threat.... etc.... It went back and forth for a couple of minutes, and ultimately the police officer told the guy to beat it. I then apologized for wasting his time, but he laughed it off...


Good times.....

[China_cat]

33. I've also used

"sorry, I'm a 13th generation witch and don't want to lose my seniority and pension plan"

[Throwing Stones]

37. That's a great reply /eom

[NoGOPZone]

18. If you're ever in a really bad mood

You can answer with "I'm 100% sure I'm going to Hell because I'll beat the snot out of you if you don't leave me alone."

[pagerbear]

19. A few things I always want to ask those people

... but I'm wary of engaging in "conversation" with them:

1. Why is changing my belief system more important to you than doing good for the world?
2. What makes you so sure your belief system is superior to mine?
3. Why are you so angry/smug/patronizing/glib?

Feel free to add your own.

[tanyev]

20. "It depends. Are you going to be there?"

[jobycom]

21. "Heaven? Why would you want to go there?"

Counter everything they say with "But why would you want that?" Look confused and suspicious, as though they had just told you to eat earwax, or Vegemite.

Actually, I never do anything so dramatic, I just say "I'm not interested," smile, and walk off, like I do with any salesperson.

[ChickMagic]

23. I admit that I like the look on their faces

when I drop a bomb on them. It's not like I'm anti-Christian. My husband
is a Christian! It just bugs me that they don't know squat about their
professed religon.

[rockymountaindem]

24. As a great Rabbi once said:

"Heaven and hell are the same thing. In the afterlife, Moses teaches about the Torah 24 hours a day. For the righteous, this is heaven. For the wicked, it is hell. So don't worry about where you're going, worry about your attitude!"

That'll throw 'em :)

[Tyler Durden]

25. I used to quote scripture (I've read the KJV many times)....

Now I quote Q'ran and try to convert THEM to Islam. You should see the looks.

[ThomCat]

31. I would pay money to witness that a few times.

:rofl:

[Tyler Durden]

36. I thought one older lady was having a coronary.

She looked at me like I was Osama bin Laden. One Teenager (girl type) held her bible out in front of her like I was Dracula and it was a crucifix. I fell down laughing. She was not amused.

[ThomCat]

30. Excellent response!

:applause:

[Taverner]

32. "There is NO GOD and YOU KNOW IT!"

Is how I usually respond to them.

It usually makes their heads explode.

[ChickMagic]

35. I use something silimar

I say "I don't know and neither do you just won't admit you don't know."

[Q3JR4]

34. I had a fundie give me a "million dollars" once....

We walked by her and she stopped us dead in our tracks with the whole, "Would you like a million dollars?" bit. We took what she offered and I took one look at the piece of paper and laughed at her. I turned to my (Pagan) friend and said to her, "Wow that is so dumb." My friend got this glazed look in her eye, thanked the lady profusely, set the fake bill on fire and watched it burn toward her fingertips. Needless to say, the fundy woman got the hell away from us.