Worst Joke Contest. I'll start.=3 cowboys were sitting around the campfire

[DuctapeFatwa]

The first one decides it's time the others understand just how macho he is, so he says, "Well, lemme tell you what happened to me today. A raging bull ran at me, but hell, I just grabbed the damn thing by its horns and twisted it's fool head off.

The second one doesn't want the others to think he's a wimp, so he says,"Yeah, that kinda thing can happen out here. Just today a 12 foot rattler reared up and wanted to bite me, but I was too quick for that mofo. I just leaned my head out to meet it and bit it's head off and swallowed it whole.





The third cowboy didn't say anything, just sat there in silence, stirring the campfire coals around with his penis.

[grannylib]

1. What kind of tree is a toilet?

A pecan.

[CO Liberal]

2. Q - What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't Come Back?

A - A f**king stick.

:-)

[dolo amber]

3. Oooh!

What's brown and sticky?











A stick. :D

(Actually, that's like one of my very favorite jokes.:D)

[grannylib]

5. *lololol* I love it! n/t

[DrWeird]

4. What did the fish say when it swam into the turbines?

Oh shit!

[BrotherBuzz]

10. What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall?

Damn.

[Endangered Specie]

6. If God were an engineer what kind would he be...

... A Civil Engineer of course, who else would run a waste pipeline right next to a recreational area.

:evilgrin:

[TXlib]

22. Hey, the waste pipeline IS a recreational area!

[dweller]

7. knock knock

(this is where you say ) who's there?

MOO....

( and as you say) Moo wh...

INTERUPTING COW!!


well, it's pretty funny when my daughter tells it...


:)
dp

[ironflange]

8. Why do mice have such small balls?

Because very few mice know how to dance.

[frogbison]

9. Elephant jokes

Q: How do you know when an elephant is having her period?

A: There is a dime on your dresser and your mattress is gone.

(Shows my age, I know.)

[Dookus]

11. somebody posted this here last week...

I wish I remembered who.

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I told her she had quite a vocabulary for an eight-year old."

[U2Fanatic]

12. How do you recognize a blind man on a nude beach

it ain't hard!

[BrotherBuzz]

13. How many men does it take to circumcise a whale?

Four skindivers.

[moof]

14. Is that a banana in your pocket or ...

A couple of adults are sitting around talking about the appeal
of the popular childrens show and joking about the symbolism.
The first person observes " well of course they are IN pajamas,
it's a kid's show, who would try to entertain children with
their bananas hangin out of their pajamas."
The second person thought a moment & answered, " Priests ".

[mykpart]

15. A dishonest butcher used to

regularly cheat a Middle Eastern customer. One day the customer came in for a pound of liver and was waited on by a new employee. As he was preparing to get the liver, the butcher pulled him aside and said, "Weigh down upon the swami's liver!"

[Limbought]

28. Groan ..................... LOL

[hobbes159]

16. An Eskimo brings his snowblower into the shop to be repaired....

The mechanic pokes around the snowblower for a while, then says to the Eskimo "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."

"Nah," says the Eskimo, "I've just got a runny nose."

[non sociopath skin]

17. So John Wayne has been drinking in this saloon...

and he ups and leaves and comes right back in.

"Okay, you pieces of shit, where's ma horse?"

No answer.

"OK" says the Duke. I'm gonna drink one more beer and if my horse isn't back, the same thing's gonna happen here as happened in Tombstone."

Anxious glances. Several guys leave.

The Duke finishes his beer and outside his horse is waiting.

"Say, John," says a bystander, "So what happened at Tombstone?"

"I hadda walk home," says Big John.

The Skin

[hobbes159]

18. Really, really offensive priest joke

Three priests had taken three boys out fishing on a lake. Suddenly, the boat sprang a leak and began to sink rapidly.

First priest: "Brothers, there are only three life jackets. We must sacrifice ourselves for our flock and give the life jackets to the boys."

Second priest: "Are you crazy? The boat is sinking! I don't want to die! F*** the boys!"

Third priest: "Gee, do you really think we have time for that now?"

[Hubert Flottz]

19. What's the difference between Bush and a big Turd in a bucket?

The Bucket!

[LynneSin]

20. Worst Joke: George W. Bush

laughing yet?

[icymist]

21. "Deficits don't matter"

-Karl Rove Okay, okay.... here's another one: "Is our children learning yet?" -George W. Bush Okay, okay....... I know a really bad joke: the five Republican appointed justices of the 2000 Supreme Court! No! Wait..... weapons of mass destruction!

[GabysPoppy]

23. Questions

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?



What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?


Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

[BigMcLargehuge]

26. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

I'm laughing, really.

:hi:

[Palacsinta]

24. Where did Napoleon hide his armies......

after the Battle of Austerlitz?

In his sleevies.

[icymist]

25. How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None! They won't fit!

[jmowreader]

27. GWB was clearing trees from the pig farm...

and he was using an axe. Cutting down trees with an axe is hard work, so he went to town to try to get a better axe.

The store manager said there was no better axe, "but if you want to really make your work easy, try one of those" while pointing at a display of chainsaws.

Bush buys a Stihl Magnum, the best saw in the store, and heads back to the pig farm.

The next day, he's back. "This chain saw doesn't work for nothin'. It takes longer to cut down a tree with this than with my axe. I want my money back."

The store manager scratched his head, trying to figure out what went wrong. Finally, he picked up the saw and pulled the starter cord. It fired right up.

"What's that noise?"

[Djinn]

29. what's the difference between a greengrocer

and a pilot?

One flies planes the other sells fruit

[dolo amber]

30. Yes!

That made me *snort*! :D

[Interrobang]

31. Warning: Really, really sick, probably offensive jokes.

Q: How many astronauts can fit in a Volkswagen?
A: Eighteen. Two in the front, two in the back, and fourteen in the ashtray.

Q: What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?
A: You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork!

Q: What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg?
A: One's a flaming Nazi gasbag, and the other's just a dirigible.

Q: How does Hitler tie his shoesies?
A: In little knotsies.

Q: Why doesn't Hitler drink tequila?
A: Because it makes him *mean*.

Q: What's the difference between a corpse-sicle and a Scotsman?
A: One's kilt with the cold, and the other's cold with a kilt.

[smallprint]

32. knock knock

who's there?

banana... knock knock.

who's there?

banana... knock knock.

who's there?

banana... knock knock.

who's there, dammit?!

orange.

orange who?

ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN'T SAY 'BANANA'?


arrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh

:P

[ironflange]

33. Expanded version of #13

Say, I just got a job circumsizing whales. I'm part of a team of four skin divers.

<rim shot>

The pay isn't so good, but the tips are huge.

<rim shot>

They take the skins, tan them, and make them into wallets that turn into briefcases when you rub them a little.

<rim shot>