Why is it so hard to find a decent PHP/.Net jr web developer?

[mainegreen]

We've been interviewing for months and I've seen a parade of people who have
a) Never used a database in their life. (FAIL)
b) Can use Java. That's it. Java. (FAIL)
c) Know C++/C#. Wants to develop video games (Why are you interviewing for a web job? FAIL)
d) Wants 80k/year. Um, no. We said junior. (FAIL)
e) Knows PHP. Doesn't know the web. (What? How? Mmphphp..... FAIL)
f) Thinks security is pointless and shouldn't be implemented. (Begone demon! FAIL)
g) Is a misogynistic evil prick (Word to the wise: don't insult your girlfriend in a job interview. FAIL)

I'm about ready to make photocopied pamphlets and stick them up on various laundromat bulletin boards.
Any recommendations on where to look to get developers? We've tried the local colleges, the local developers group (MESDA), ads.
This is turning out to be damned harder than I thought.

:banghead:

[DS1]

1. You just found me

I don't expect 80k, but am willing to move

but I have some of that evil prick in me...

[mainegreen]

2. You serious?

'Tis a junior job. We've been around a while, but are still really trying to gear up as a company, so I don't think our pay scale rocks, say compared to the rest of America. But then, Maine is cheaper in some ways.
Anywho, if you're serious pm me and I'll send you my email so you can send a resume.

[DS1]

3. ok