Am I wrong or is this just not appropriate?

[Connonym]

My dad's been gone just over 3 years now. My folks always had a rocky relationship to the point that they even divorced for 7 years and then remarried. Today would have been their 47th anniversary and my mom got a little teary talking about him and talked a bit about her disappointments in her marriage. Then she told me that when she's gone I can "read the letters I wrote to your dad about that" Admittedly, I've always favored my dad but this kind of pissed me off that she's implying that he mistreated in a way that she won't admit to us while she's alive but once she's gone she wants us to know. Not only is that creepy I also think it's inappropriate. I don't WANT to know that kind of shit about my dad. I love him despite his faults and I don't think anything would change that but I don't want to know the details of that crap. I'm all stressed now because even though I personally don't ever want to read these letters I have four sibs who will and will be sure to tell me every detail that I don't want to know. Even though I already knew my family is a whole bunch of back-stabbing gossips this is just beyond the pale. She's already planning manipulation beyond the grave. Unfuckingreal

[PeaceNikki]

1. It sounds like your mom really wants you hear her side of the story.

But she's afraid to talk about it.

Maybe?

[Connonym]

3. Yeah and that's fair but

why do it posthumously where we won't be able to ask questions or anything? I just think it's not productive and is only going to end with more sadness and bitterness for all of us.

[PeaceNikki]

4. Is it possible for you to gently try to ask her?

I'd try to ask her why she wants you to read them. And explain exactly wheat you just did - that you'd like to talk about it, and that you love your dad despite his mistakes. I am sure that there's a part of her that knows that you (in your words) "favor" your dad and that she feels unfairly judged.

Maybe at the end of talking and allowing her to justify her feelings/actions, you can destroy the letters together.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. sounds like she wants you to know her side too

[Guava Jelly]

5. It is both. (not that you are wrong.It is wrong)

I would suggest telling everyone your feelings on the matter and how you have no interest in drudging up the past.
And out of respect for the dead you desire no part of it..
It may not work if your family is as screwy as mine..But it may.
I am sorry :hug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

6. She wants you to know her side, but

she doesn't want to have to answer any questions about it.

I'm flabbergasted that she'd want you to know these "secrets" in the first place; it strikes me as extremely selfish. Is she also gonna leave letters for you and your sibs about how you ruined her life?

[crim son]

7. I'm not flabbergasted that she'd want you to understand her side of things.

I don't think it's particularly wise of her, or thoughtful, but I can understand how she feels the need to share, especially now that enough time has passed that she may believe she sees things more clearly. I'd tell her politely that I really don't want to learn the side of Dad he chose to keep from me, and then tell my mother I love her and respect her.

Moms are people too and sometimes we can be selfish and foolish. Hopefully we have raised daughters who can forgive.