Favorite novelty song

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Poll question: Favorite novelty song

If something else, please reply.

[Critters2]

1. Vatican Rag--Tom Lehrer nt

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8. First you get down on your knees, fiddle with your rosaries

That song was a hit in our Catholic household (well at least among the kids). Tom Lehrer is absolutely brilliant. I have his album "More of Tom Lehrer" and the liner notes are just as brilliant. A few excerpts:

"Note: The above songs are also available on the 12-inch LP "An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer" which contains exactly the same songs, but which also unfortunately includes Mr. Lehrer's tedious spoken commentary on the songs as well as the reactions of the comparatively live audience which was present at the time. Moreover, it costs more, but - who knows? somebody may prefer it.

The sales to date of Mr. Lehrer's first record have been phenomenal - over thirty copies in the United States alone - and accolade upon accolade has been heaped on him:

"Obvious, jejune, and remarkably unsophisticated" - London Evening Standard
"Plays the piano acceptably" - Oakland Tribune

If you don't like this record, you will certainly not enjoy:
TL101 Songs by Tom Lehrer
TL202 An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer
nor will you be in the least interested in the fact that they are available, as are additional copies of this record, at most record stores or from Tom Lehrer, Box 121, Cambridge 38, Massachussets.

A survey has shown that many of the owners of Mr. Lehrer's first LP, Songs by Tom Lehrer, prefer to play it at 78 r.p.m., so that it is over with that much sooner.

"If, after hearing one of my songs," Mr. Lehrer says, wistfully, "just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while."

[Critters2]

17. Another Tom Lehrer number I love...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=MVPjuiABp_E

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18. I have never heard that one before.

That was very good. Thanks!

[Critters2]

20. When I was a kid, and we were all being taught to worship NASA

astronauts, Wernher Von Braun was held up to us as a hero. It wasn't until I was in college that I learned he was a Nazi, which appalled me. So, I came to love this song by Lehrer.

Von Braun was the role model for Dr. Strangelove.

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22. I've heard his name for many years, but

all I ever knew about him was "rocket scientist."

[Critters2]

23. He designed the V-2 rockets used in the London Blitz.

He was Nazi Germany's top rocket scientist. After the war, he surrendered to American troops, and the US government sped him out of Germany to avoid war crimes trials, which the other Allies would almost certainly have insisted on. The whole thing is really quite sordid. But hey! We got a man on the moon, so it's all good.

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34. What do you think of J. Robert Oppenheimer?

[Critters2]

43. Oppenheimer is a disappointment

He was a good progressive. I've never been clear as to his motives in getting involved with the Manhattan Project. He clearly knew the dangers of nuclear weaponry, but continued to do the work. He was as gung-ho about it as Teller, for example. But he participated. So, yes, a disappointment.

[FloridaJudy]

28. Von Braun called his biography

"I Aim for the Stars". The joke back in the sixties was that the subtitle was "But I frequently hit London instead..."

Thanks for reminding me of Tom Lehrer. Here's one of my favorites: http://youtube.com/watch?v=aIlJ8ZCs4jY

[Critters2]

46. "hit London instead" LOL!! Thanks for that!! nt

[CBHagman]

54. Don't forget "That Was the Week That Was"

And whatever you do, don't forget "National Brotherhood Week."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIlJ8ZCs4jY


http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/National-Brotherhood-Week-lyrics-Tom-Lehrer/625DBDA1F04F231148256A7D0025A2FC

Oh, the white folks hate the black folks,
And the black folks hate the white folks.
To hate all but the right folks
Is an old established rule.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
Lena Horne and Sheriff Clarke are dancing cheek to cheek.
It's fun to eulogize
The people you despise,
As long as you don't let 'em in your school.

Oh, the poor folks hate the rich folks,
And the rich folks hate the poor folks.
All of my folks hate all of your folks,
It's American as apple pie.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
New Yorkers love the Puerto Ricans 'cause it's very chic.
Step up and shake the hand
Of someone you can't stand.
You can tolerate him if you try.

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics,
And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
And the Hindus hate the Moslems,
And everybody hates the Jews.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
It's National Everyone-smile-at-one-another-hood Week.
Be nice to people who
Are inferior to you.
It's only for a week, so have no fear.
Be grateful that it doesn't last all year!





(Yes, Lehrer does tinker with names he uses.)

[rurallib]

60. I will often break into that song in the car

when I hear something on the radio.
That & Vatican Rag and of course:
" Goodbye Mom, I'm off to drop the bomb
So don't wait up for me"

[Cabcere]

2. Do Monty Python songs count?

:shrug:

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4. sure

[Aristus]

41. Then I nominate "The Galaxy Song" The galactic measurements are roughly accurate.

THE GALAXY SONG:

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

[FloridaJudy]

56. There's a E-Card of this on Care2

Called "Galaxy Flash" : http://www.care2.com/ecards/build/1/6043

I just sent it to my sister for her birthday. Weird coincidence.

[Oeditpus Rex]

21. Bless you

:loveya:

[TOhioLiberal]

3. I voted for...

Masochism Tango. Have you ever heard 'Existential Blues' by Tom 'T-Bone' Stankus? I'm shocked that there's a YouTube vid...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nJ30dodvdc

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5. never heard of it, I'll check it out

[elshiva]

6. OT, but that is one sweet picture. Is that someone you

know? Thanks for the image.

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9. No, just found it somewhere the other day.

[unsavedtrash]

7. Monster Mash

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0thH3qnHTbI

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10. Oooh - good catch

There's always some answers that should obviously have been included in the poll.

[Cush]

11. Fish Heads

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn73Wtem0No

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14. Dr. Demento played that a lot.

[gmoney]

12. "Basketball Jones" by Cheech y Chong

Great song, and the way it was used in "Being There" was just inspired...

[ornotna]

13. Fish Heads

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn73Wtem0No






Eat them up, yum.

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15. That was a standard on the Dr. Demento show.

[wildhorses]

16. if you want to be happy for the rest of your life....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InVMP0tRF4c&mode=related&search=

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19. I love the dog.

Thanks

[kath]

24. Anyone remember "The Streak"?

Around here we still say "Don't look, Ethel" if someone is making a quick nekkid dash from bathroom to bedroom, or whatever...

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26. That was actually on my list.

I remember when that was played on the radio a lot when it first came out... it gave me shivers of ecstasy (I was just entering puberty). I had that on my list but this damn software only allows 10 choices so I had to cut some out and that was one of them.

[CBHagman]

33. Remember it! I saw Ray Stevens perform it.

No, not with visual aids (or aides, like Ethel). :blush: But he did concerts in the amusement park where I worked, and that's where I got the full effect of that song. It was much wilder in concert than it was on the radio -- extra double entrendres and that sort of thing.

[Tikki]

25. "Chug-A-Lug".....or just about any cool song by...

Roger Miller.



Tikki

[Oeditpus Rex]

27. 'Sit On My Face,' Monty Python

with the Fred Tomlinson Singers (whom we know and love from "The Lumberjack Song," "Spam," etc.).

•"Bruces' Philosophers Song," Monty Python.

•"All Things Dull and Ugly," some kids' choir under the auspices of Monty Python (set to a W-is-a-moran video here).

•"Take a Walk on the Kosher Side," Gefilte Joe and the Fish.



Oh — I wouldn't call "Valley Girl" a novelty song. It turned into that, I guess, but Zappa did it as satire, same as most of his stuff.

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31. Take a walk down Fairfax.

I had forgotten about that song. Dr. Demento used to play it too.

[Az]

29. Hardware Store

by Weird Al

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Chc9DwDkWn0

[Skittles]

30. Lily the Pink - Scaffold

We'll drink a drink a drink to
Lily the pink a pink a pink
The saviour of the human race
For she invented medicinal compound
Most efficacious in every case

Mr Frears had sticky out ears
And it made him awful shy
And so they give him medicinal compound
And now he's learning how to fly

Brother Tony was notably bony
He would never eat his meals
And so they give him medicinal compound
Now they move him round on wheels

We'll drink a drink a drink to
Lily the pink a pink a pink
The saviour of the human race
For she invented medicinal compound
Most efficacious in every case

Well Ebeneezer thought he was Juilius Ceasar
And so they put him in a home
Where they give him medicinal compound
And now his emperor of Rome

Johnny hammer had a terrible stammer
He could hardly say a word
And so they give him medicinal compound
And now his seen and never heard

We'll drink a drink a drink to
Lily the pink a pink a pink
The saviour of the human race
For she invented medicinal compound
Most efficacious in every case

Auntie Milly ran willy-nilly
When her legs they did recede
And so they hooked on medicinal compound
Now they call her Millipede

Jenifer Eccles had terrible freckles
And the boys all call her names
But she changed with medinical compound
And now he joins in all their games

We'll drink a drink a drink to
Lily the pink a pink a pink
The saviour of the human race
For she invented medicinal compound
Most efficacious in every case

Lily the pink she turned to drink she
Filled up with parafin inside
And dispite her medicinal compound
Sadly pickalily died

Up to heaven her soul ascended
For the church bells they did ring
She took with her medicinal compound
Hark the herald angels sing

[begin_within]

32. Very clever

[formerrepuke]

35. 'My Ding-A-Ling'...Chuck Berry

[Tikki]

36. And from the OP sig pix..."Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport"....Rolf Harris

Tikki

[NaturalHigh]

37. They're coming to take me away..

HA-HA!

For some reason, I was thinking of this song while I was outside smoking the other night.

[Fire Walk With Me]

38. "Blonde" from Earth Girls Are Easy

Or any Monty Python song. They're in a class of their own.

[TZ]

39. I voted for "Their coming to take me away..."

Just tooo appropriate to my life right now (I've always liked it though....:crazy: )

[johnnie]

40. A different Shel Silverstein song

They used to play this on the radio every Friday night when I was a teen. It cracked me up every time.



The Smoke Off

Now in the laid-back California town of sunny San Rafael
Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake - you probably knew her well
She was stoned 15 of her 18 years, and her story was widely told
That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll

Well, her legend finally reached New York, that Grove Street walk-up flat
Where dwelt the Calistoga Kid, a beatnik from the past
He'd been rollin' dope since time began, now he took a cultured toke
And said "Jim, I can roll 'em faster than any CHICK can smoke"

So a note gets sent to San Rafael for the championship of the world
The Kid demands a smoke-off; "Well bring him on!" says Pearl
"I'll grind his fingers off his hands! He'll roll until he drops!"
Says Calistog, "I'll smoke that chick till she blows up and pops".

So they rent out Yankee Stadium, and the word is quickly spread
Come one, come all, who walk or crawl, tickets just two lids a head
And from every town and hamlet, over land and sea they speed
The world's greatest dopers, with the world's greatest weed.

Hashishers from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru
And the Shashniks from Bagun (who smoke the deadly Pu-ga-ru)
And those who call it "light of life"
And those that call it "boo".

See the dealers and their ladies, wearing turquoise lace and leather
See the narcos and the closet smokers, puffing all together
From the teenies who smoke legal, to the ones who've done some time
To the old man who smoked "reefer", back before it was a crime.

And the grand old House That Ruth Built is filled with the smokes and cries
Of fifty thousand screaming heads, all stoned out of their minds
And they play the national anthem, and the crowd lets out a roar
As the spotlight hits the Kid and Pearl, ready for their smoking war.

At a table piled up high with grass, as high as a mountain peak
Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers, not one stem branch or seed
I mean, Maui Wowie, Panama Red, Acapulco Gold
Kif from East Afghanistan, and that rare Alaska Cold

And there's sticks from Thailand, ganj from the island,
And Bangkok's blooming best
(and some of that wet imported shit
That capsized off Key West).

There's Oaxacan tops and Kenya bhang, and Riviera fleurs
And that rare Manhattan Silver, that grows down in the New York sewers.
And there's bubblin' ice cold lemonade, and sweet grapes by the bunches
And there's Hershey bars and Oreos (in case anybody gets the munches)

And the Calistoga Kid he smiles, And Pearly she just grins :-)
And the drums roll low, and the crowd yells "GO GO GO!!"
And the world's first smoke-off begins.

Well, the Kid he flicks his fingers once, and ZAP that first joint's rolled
Pearl takes one toke with her famous lungs, and WHOOSH that roach is cold
Then the Kid he rolls his super-bomb, that would paralyze a moose
And Pearl takes one mighty hit, and ... that bomb's defused

And then he rolls three in just ten seconds, and she smokes them up in nine
And everybody sits back and says "Hey... this just might take some time"

See the blur of flying fingers, see the red coal burning bright
As the night turns into mornin', and the mornin' fades to night
And the autumn turns to summer, and a whole damn YEAR is gone
And the two still sit, on that roach-filled stage, smokin', and rollin' on

With tremblin' hands he rolls his jays, with fingers blue and stiff
She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze, and puffs through blistered lips
And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold
The Kid, he gasps, "Damn it, bitch! There's nothin' left to roll!"

"NOTHIN' LEFT TO ROLL!" screams Pearl. "IS THIS SOME TWISTED JOKE?"
"I DIDN'T COME HERE TO FUCK AROUND, MAN, I COME HERE TO SMOKE!"

And she reaches 'cross the table and grabs his bony sleeves
And crumbles his body between her hands, like dried and brittle leaves
Flicking out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds
And then she rolls him in a Zig-zag, and lights him like a roach
And the fastest man, with the fastest hands, goes up in a puff of smoke.

In the laid-back California town of sunny San Rafael
Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake - you probably know her well
She been stoned 21 of her 24 years, and her story is still widely told
How she still can smoke 'em faster than any dude can roll

While, off in New York City, on a street that has no name
There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid, in the Viper Hall of Fame
And underneath his fingers, there's a little golden scroll
That says

"Beware of bein' the roller
When there's nothin' left to roll".

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59. That was also regularly played on the Dr. Demento show. Along with

"Sara Cynthia Sylvia Stout" (would not take the garbage out) which is really a poem, not a song, but someone recorded it and it's also fun to listen to.

[bikebloke]

42. Stairway to Gilligan's Island

by Little Roger and the Goosebumps

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

44. "The Man Song" by Sean Morey

[MrSlayer]

45. "How's your hole.............family?" - Red Peters.

How's your dick......tation machine?

Take your pants down.......to the cleaners today.

Won't you do my ass..........trological chart?

Suck on a stiff cock...................tail with me.

Hilarious.

[Auggie]

47. "Whatever It Is, I'm Against It"

From "Horse Feathers" starring the Marx Brothers

I don't know what they have to say,
It makes no difference anyway --
Whatever it is, I'm against it!
No matter what it is or who commenced it,
I'm against it.

Your proposition may be good
But let's have one thing understood --
Whatever it is, I'm against it!
And even when you've changed it or condensed it,
I'm against it.

I'm opposed to it --
On general principles I'm opposed to it!

Chorus: He's opposed to it!
In fact, in word, in deed,
He's opposed to it!

For months before my son was born,
I used to yell from night till morn,
Whatever it is, I'm against it!
And I've kept yelling since I commenced it,
I'm against it!

[martymar64]

48. Deteriorata

Deteriorata

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right,
But that three lefts do.

Wherever possible put people on "HOLD".
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
Remember the Pueblo.

Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you;
That lemon on your left for instance.

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls,
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face.

Carefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan,
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
For a good time, call 606-4311.

Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog
Is finally getting enough cheese;
And reflect that whatever fortunes may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Sioux City.

You are a fluke of the Universe.
You have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not,
The Universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore make peace with your God whatever you conceive him to be,
Hairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up.

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62. Here's a version of it on YouTube!

I have the original "Deteriorata" on the album "National Lampoon's Greatest Hits." I found it on YouTube, where someone has set it to scenes from Red Dwarf:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP9rtKo5SS0

[KamaAina]

49. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

...but as for me and Grandpa, we believe!

[lost-in-nj]

50. Trout Fishing in America

Written by Grimwood/Idlet

My hair had a party last night,
It musta got into a terrible fight,
Cause when my head hit the pillow it was lookin' all right,
My hair had a party last night.
My hair had a party last night,
When I lay down everything was all right,
It started out friendly but there must have been a fight,
My hair had a party last night.

Early in the morning, I get out of my bed,
The birdies are singing outside.
There's waffles on the table and a cold glass of milk,
I got a warm, happy feeling inside.
I can't wait to go to school and I love myself,
I'm the captain of the football team.
The alarm goes off and I hear mom yelling,
And I realize it must have been a dream.

My hair had a party last night,
It musta got into a terrible fight,
< Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org >
Cause when my head hit the pillow it was lookin' alright,
My hair had a party last night.
My hair had a party last night,
When I lay down everything was all right,
It started out friendly but there must have been a fight,
My hair had a party last night.

I pick up a brush, pick up a comb,
I look at the scissors but I leave them alone.
There's a lizard that lives in the rocks by the sea,
This morning that lizard looks a lot like me.
I try to wet it down but it only makes it worse,
The cowlick in the back is a family curse.
I pick up a cap and I put it on my head,
And wish I was dreaming back in my warm bed.



lost

[SPKrazy]

55. OMG! I Was Thinking Of This Song

today!

wow!

my son loves this song and he was singing it to me this morning when he tried to give me a noogie and then said "Dad, you don't have enough hair anymore to have a party (got my hair cut short)" :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


:thumbsup:


:hug:

[HuffleClaw]

51. The Monster Mash (i can't believe you didn't include this)

its a graveyard smash!

[lost-in-nj]

52. ugh

:scared: :scared: :scared: :scared:
bad. bad. bad memories with this song...
not your fault




lost

[Throd]

53. "A Blind Man's Penis"

[grasswire]

57. Vatican Rag, Lydia the Tattooed Lady, Cocktails for Two

Geez! So many!

Thanks to you-tube, I have a concert of my liking every night.

[DFW]

58. A real rarity:

One my daughters turned me onto, and I liked it!
(Knowledge of German helpful)
Zehn Kleine Jägermeister


Ein kleiner Jägermeister war nicht gern allein
drum lud er sich zum Weihnachtsfest neun Jägermeister ein

Zehn kleine Jägermeister rauchten einen Joint
den einen hat es umgehaun, da warens nur noch neun

Neun kleine Jägermeister wollten gerne erben
damit es was zu erben gab, mußte einer sterben

Acht kleine Jägermeister fuhren gerne schnell
sieben fuhrn nach Düsseldorf, einer fuhr nach Köln

Einer für alle, alle für einen
wenn einer fort ist, wer wird denn gleich weinen
Einmal triffts jeden, ärger dich nicht
so gehts im Leben, du oder ich

Sieben kleine Jägermeister warn beim Rendezvous
bei einem kam ganz unverhofft der Ehemann hinzu

Sechs kleine Jägermeister wollten Steuern sparn
einer wurde eingelocht, fünf durften nachbezahln

Fünf kleine Jägermeister wurden kontrolliert
ein Polizist nahms zu genau, da warn sie noch zu viert

Einer für alle, alle für einen
wenn einer fort ist, wer wird denn gleich weinen
Einmal triffts jeden, ärger dich nicht
so gehts im Leben, du oder ich

Einmal muß jeder gehn
und wenn dein Herz zerbricht
davon wird die Welt nicht untergehn
Mensch ärger dich nicht

Vier kleine Jägermeister bei der Bundeswehr
sie tranken um die Wette, den besten gibts nicht mehr

Drei kleine Jägermeister gingen ins Lokal
dort gabs zwei Steaks mit Bohnen und eins mit Rinderwahn

Zwei kleine Jägermeister baten um Asyl
einer wurde angenommen, der andere war zu viel

Einer für alle, alle für einen
wenn einer fort ist, wer wird denn gleich weinen
Einmal triffts jeden, ärger dich nicht
so gehts im Leben, du oder ich

Einmal muß jeder gehn
und wenn dein Herz zerbricht
davon wird die Welt nicht untergehn
Mensch ärger dich nicht

Einer für alle, alle für einen
wenn einer fort ist, wer wird denn gleich weinen
einmal triffts jeden, ärger dich nicht
so gehts im Leben, du oder ich

Einmal muß jeder gehn
und wenn dein Herz zerbricht
davon wird die Welt nicht untergehn
Mensch ärger dich nicht
Ja, davon wird die Welt nicht untergehn
Mensch ärger dich nicht

Ein kleiner Jägermeister war nicht gern allein
'drum lud er sich zum Osterfest neun neue Meister ein

Here's the video (kinda cute!): www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pqp8WhieV0o

[begin_within]

61. Another good one I forgot was...

Shaving Cream
by Benny Bell

I have a sad story to tell you
It may hurt your feelings a bit
Last night as I walked into my bathroom
I stepped in a big pile of Shaving cream
be nice and clean
Shave every day and you'll always look keen

I think I'll break off with my girlfriend
Her antics are queer, I'll admit
Each time I say, "Darling, I love you"
She tells me that I'm full of Shaving cream
be nice and clean
Shave every day and you'll always look keen

Our baby fell out of the window
You'd think that her head would be split
But good luck was with her that morning
She fell in a barrel of Shaving cream
be nice and clean
Shave every day and you'll always look keen

My old lady died in a bathtub
She died from a terrible fit
In order to fulfill her wishes
She was buried in six feet of Shaving cream
be nice and clean
Shave every day and you'll always look keen

When I was in France with the army
One day I looked inside my kit
I thought i would find me a sandwich
But the darn thing was loaded with Shaving cream
be nice and clean
Shave every day and you'll always look keen

And now folks my story is ended
I think it is time I should quit
And if anyone of you feel offended
Push your head in a bucket of Shaving cream
be nice and clean
Shave every day and you'll always look keen

[MorningGlow]

63. Telephone Man

Oooh titillating lyrics and double entendres just as my friends and I were hitting puberty. What could be better?

Meri Wilson - Telephone man

I went to my apartment on a Monday at one
A-singin' do lolly, lolly shicky bum, shicky bum
Started movin' in it on a Tuesday at two
A-singin' do lolly, lolly shicky do, shicky do
Wednesday at three I called the phone company, singin':
"Hey baby, put a phone in for me"
Thursday at four he came a-knockin' at my door, singin':

"Hey, baby, I'm your telephone man
You just show me where you want it and I'll put it where I can
I can put it in the bedroom, I can put it in the hall
I can put it in the bathroom, I can hang it on the wall
You can have it with a buzz, you can have it with a ring
And if you really want it you can have a ding-a-ling
Because-a hey baby, I'm your telephone man"

Can you believe that? And then he says:

"Now when other fellas call ya tell 'em how it all began"

Well...can you imagine?

My heart began a-thumpin' and my mind began to fly
And I knew I wasn't dealin' with no ordinary guy
So while he was a-talking I was thinkin' up my plan
Then my fingers did the walkin' on the telephone man

Singin' hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Get it any way you can
Right? Ha ha ha, so...

I got it in the bedroom, and I got it in the hall
And I got it in the bathroom, and he hung it on the wall
I got it with a buzz, and I got it with a ring
And when he told me what my number was I got a ding-a-ling

A-singin' hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Just-a doin' my thing

Ha, ha...I've never done anything like this before!