PSA: Time to Order Your Chick Tracts for Halloween!

[jmowreader]

Yes, evilDUers, YOU TOO can pass out Chick tracts to trick-or-treaters!

http://www.chick.com/seasonal/halloween/

[mzteris]

1. You shouldn't SCARE little kids so!

:spank:

Shame on you!!

[jmowreader]

2. Oh come on. Little kids love Chick Tracts as much as we do

Because, you know, Chick Tracts are just funny as shit.

Like, for instance, THE LAST GENERATION...http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0094/0094_01.asp

in which you find this soul-winning panel (the one to the right)...



I thought Little Bobby grew up and died in his sins because he was a little Nazi who had his fundie grandpa killed, but that's just me.

And then there's THIS panel (once again, the one to the right)...



in which we see just how well Chick understands his Bible.

Genesis 1:1..."In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth."

Matthew 1:18..."This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit."

Now...if God created the heaven and the earth back in Genesis 1:1, and in Matthew 1:19 Joseph was planning to kick Jesus' mother out of the house for screwing around on him, where does this "Jesus created the universe" shit come in? (This is, in fact, the REAL reason the Healers shot grandpa--because Grandpa never actually read the Bible!)

You ever get the feeling there are going to be a lot of fundies in hell for Biblical Illiteracy?

[mzteris]

3. cause they set fire to 'em

and stuff them in mailboxes?

Or paperbags full of - uh - you know. . .


WhenEVER I see those vile things, I trash the lot of them.

Same with "recruiters" literature. :evilgrin:

[Norrin Radd]

4. Pagan anti-tracts here:

http://www.aquatabch.org/afwe/antitracts.php

[MysticalChicken]

5. I think I linked this before, but...

http://enterthejabberwock.com

There are several "Chick Dissections" that are very funny.

[Norrin Radd]

6. You've probably seen this one as well:

MST3K vs. Dark Dungeons

http://www.rpglibrary.org/inspiration/darkdungeons/intro.html

[MysticalChicken]

7. Oh yes, many times.

I even printed it out. One of the funniest things on the internets ever.

[Norrin Radd]

8. This tract is hilarious:

Kid does a school killing after his parents tell him there is no Santa:

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1033/1033_01.asp

[jmowreader]

14. This is my favorite...

http://www.enterthejabberwock.com/?p=465#more-465



The comment: "Eye makeup? You sure he's not just emo?"

[XemaSab]

9. Awesome!

:rofl:

[DBoon]

17. I liked th Pagan (Viking) prayer in school

"classroom mead drinking and sword-fights in honor of the war god Tui on Tuesday"

Now that is how I should have prayed!

[Sabriel]

10. The "Who Is Allah?" tract is a laugh-a-minute.

I hope this company uses recycled paper, otherwise it's a serious waste of trees.

[WindRavenX]

15. oh lordy that one is so bad I thought it *had* to be satire

But imagine my horror when I found out it was not...

[Ilsa]

16. Of course, there has to be that real party-picker-upper, "Are Roman Catholics Christians?"

That could start a riot on this street. The Left Behind tracts should scare the kiddies into never having another Halloween.

[Initech]

11. Bwa ha ha ha...

I like this part on their website:

"Do you think you have room in your life for a blessing?

Who doesn’t, right? Well God’s blessing comes to those who choose to obey Him. Every time you put a comic tract in a child’s bag, you are obeying Jesus, who told us to “preach the gospel to every living creature.” It’s not just a good feeling. Obedience opens the door to God’s blessing in your life! Who doesn’t have room for that? "

If I were a kid and had got one of those instead of candy I would have torn that person a new A.

[mitchum]

12. My longtime favorite has always been "This Was Your Life"...

I ordered copies in 6 different languages

[jmowreader]

13. Jack is at his best when he's damning people

When the faceless Jeebus sends someone to the Deep South, the phrase he always uses is...

Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.

This is Matthew 25:41, part of the parable of the sheep and the goats:

When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory and before him shall be gathered all nations; and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats; and he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world, for I was ahungered, and ye gave me meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink; I was a stranger, and ye took me in; naked, and ye clothed me; I was sick, and ye visited me; I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee ahungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? Or naked, and clothed thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was ahungered, and ye gave me no meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink; I was a stranger, and ye took me not in; naked, and ye clothed me not; sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee ahungered, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or in prison, and did not minister to thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into life eternal.

This is important because it pokes a very large hole into the basis of Chick Theology: only faith is required to get you into heaven. This passage ties into Matthew 7:21--"not everyone who saith unto me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven." (We'll stick with the KJV because Jack says anyone who uses any other translation of the Bible is going straight to hell.) Obviously both the "sheep" and the "goats" are highly religious. But the sheep are faith-and-works guys, whereas the goats are faith-only. (The goats also invented glass so they could build massive edifices to The Lord in which they'd learn that works will not get you into heaven. But we won't get into that right now.)

[Initech]

18. OMG!!! Check out this one:

It's a Chick tract telling people that they will go to hell and not be saved if they do not buy Chick tracts and pass them out to everyone you know:

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0945/0945_01.asp

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: