|
The local lie disperser had an offer yesterday afternoon: "Call us up and tell us why you're a Democrat, and I'll give you 30 uninterupted seconds to tell my audience who you are gonna vote for in next week's primary, and why.
I had about 20 seconds to compose my thoughts while I dialed my cell phone (stuck on the bridge in rush hour traffic). Even the screener was a smarmy jerk:
Smarmster: Yeah, who's this? Funbobby: _________. Smarmster: Where ya callin' from? Funbobby: Cell phone. Stuck on the bridge. Smarmster: Why ya callin' today? Funbobby: To explain why I'm voting for Wes Clark. Smarster: (snickers!) Yeah, okay...hold on...
30 seconds from Repug Host about how school lunches are some kinda forced Socialism, every kid forced to eat the State's food, etc (I shit you not), then
Repug Host: We've got ________ on the line. Why are you a Democrat? FB: That might be a misnomer. I don't think I would consider myself a dyed-in-the-wool Democrat, but they are certainly the only party for me in this election. I voted for the Libertarian candidate last time... Repug Host: So, you can't tell us why you're a Democrat? FB: Interesting interpretation, but I can tell you why I'm not a Republican. Repug: Well, this is what I'm saying, folks-- FB: I'm not a fundamentalist, a Halliburton exec, or a right wing talk show wacko, so what does the GOP have to offer me? Repug: (Ignores the question) Okaaaaaaay, then. Who are you voting for? FB: Wesley Clark. Repug: (giggles) Okay, here you go, thirty seconds, go! FB: General Wesley Clark is an immensely electable candidate, a decorated veteran with an actual reason to don military garb. With no father to pad his upbringing, he knows the plight of the common man. As a Rhodes scholar, he chose, admirably, to stick it out in the military, shaping communities and containing war rather than profiting from it. He's the smartest man in whatever room he is in and wouldn't choose a vice president who-- Repug: TIME'S UP! FB: --would wind up-- Repug: _______, that's IT! 30 seconds up! FB: --indicted by France.
(pause)
Repug: (makes the same grunting sound he's been making this entire segment, his routine being that getting Dems to tell you what they're voting FOR versus what they're voting against is like trying to give birth) Umm...yeah. Thanks for your call, __________. FB: I understand your pain, pal. The truth hurts. Continue lying...NOW!
And then I was cut off.
|