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You didn't always feel this bad, lost, sad, broken, lonely.... Maybe, just maybe, you won't feel this way for the rest of your life.
You are on the right trail about this one! And your rambling has a point, and a revelation to share with others who may be hurting today too.
Most of us aren't conscious of it at the time, but remembering the self and one's mental state from before the tragedy, sadness, loss, is a way to set the brain (at least on a sub-conscious level) to survive by planting the seed that one will not always feel this bad. If you haven't always felt this bad, there is hope that things will change sometime and perhaps be more tolerable.
Just a theory I have had too, born of a lot of depression and a lot of work with others facilitating peer support groups.
Having crawled out of some really bad mental states after debilitating losses, one can offer a light to others still in a bad tunnel where vision and all senses are overwhelmed by the darkness of loss. I try to help others remember that "Today is NOT what forever feels like". I really do think that is part of why we do the six months ago, every thing was OK... thing. I think our own minds are trying to point out that how we feel right now is NOT permanent. Things WERE better. NOW is bad, but, if past was better, maybe there is a glimmer of hope that SOMEDAY will be better than now.
Just my half-baked take on it. If something is fairly universal, there is probably a reason for it. When one is in the throes of loss and grief, one needs coping mechanism. The human mind, heart, and SPIRIT can be truly amazing, if we make them our friends and let them help. There is innate wisdom in most of us, when we take the time to notice.
Peace to you and strength to you and your mom. Thank you for the work you do and the courage it takes to face each day and do it all.
You have the blessing of incredible grace. It is a treasure greater than any other.
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