Why do some people treat kids like shit

[npk]

Do you remember when you were young, I know for some people you may have to go back a few decades, but for some people it wasn't that long ago> When I was a child I don't ever remember an adult, other than my mother or father, grabbing or shoving me to the side and yelling at the top of their voice at me. I also don't ever remember being embarrassed out in public by an adult. I mean kids have to worry about other kids embarrassing them, maybe their parents occasionally, but not a complete stranger. This world is changing, and not for the better. Anyway let me get to my point. Today I was out shopping for my 11 year old son and we were in a clothing store. It was back to school shopping so of course the store was packed with kids. My son was in the changing room doing his most favorite thing of all time, trying on clothes :sarcasm:, and when he was done we both went to check out counter to pay for the clothes. In front of me and my son was a lady, probably in her 40's and directly in front of that lady was a young boy, he looked to be my son's age, around 11 or 12. The young boy walks politely to the counter and places a shirt and pair of jeans onto the counter. He tells the cashier politely that his mother is own the way to pay for the clothing. The lady directly in front of me and my son to my complete astonishment tells the cashier that she is in a hurry and doesn't have time to wait for the boys mother. She places her purse on the counter and literally shoves the boy out of the way. I am not kidding here. She actually physically moved the boy out of the way. She tells the boy to get his thing off the counter since he doesn't have the money to pay for them. I am completely stunned by what is going on. The store is packed with other adults and kids, and by now everybody has turned their heads to see what is going on. The boy takes his clothes off the counter and moves beside my son. His head is slightly down, trying not to look at me or my son or the other people around him. He is not crying, but I could tell by looking at his face and being a father of 11 years myself, that he was completely humiliated. If he could have snapped his fingers to go somewhere else he would have.

My son, looks up at me as if to say dad aren't you going to say something. The cashier completes the ladies transaction, and when she starts to grab her bag and purse to leave, I confront her. This is exactly what I said to the lady. Excuse me Mam but I don't know if you noticed but that boy who was standing in line, you know the one you just humiliated by shoving him out of the way because you couldn't wait one minute, that is a child. You don't put your hands on a child, unless that is your son. I was very livid and animated. The lady started to try and defend her actions by saying she was in a hurry, and that just made me even more incensed. Finally she left and by that time the boys mother comes up to the counter, completely unaware of what just happened. The mother actually says to me I'm sorry I hope my son has not been holding you up. I said to her "your son has been very polite and hasn't kept me waiting at all." She takes the clothes from her son and pays for some more clothes she had brought to the counter with her. The lady tells me that she was trying to get a larger size shirt for her son and apologized again for the hold up. My son and this boy start having a conversation about soccer, as both my son and this boy play youth soccer. I wasn't sure what to do next. After all this woman had no idea what this lady had just done to her son. I didn't know if it was entirely my place or not to tell the woman, but I knew that her son was far too embarrassed by the whole deal that he more than likely wasn't going to say anything to his mother. Luckily while I paid for my sons clothing, my son and this boy continued to talk nd play around. Once I was done with my transaction I turned around and the lady shook my hand for being so patient. I hesitated for a brief moment and the lady and her son started to walk away. By that time I realized the moment to tell this lady what had happened with her son was long gone.

Me and my son talked about the incident on the way home and he asked me why the lady was so mean to "that kid." I didn't have a good answer for him and he knew it. The whole ride home I just kept thinking that could have been my son. I could have sent him to the counter while I looked for something on the rack that I was having trouble finding. I was thinking that if somebody did that to my son, I would have probably tracked them down and killed them. Then I would be sitting in jail instead of on my computer talking to you all. As it is this happened to a complete stranger. A boy I didn't even know, and I was this upset. I am a single father with a son and yes sometimes I don't like walking around a mall for hours either, but I find what this lady did today completely unacceptable.

Anyway I have calmed down since this afternoon. I took my son to see the Dark Knight with a few of his friends from the neighborhood. So I am now thoroughly exhausted. I was just wandering what some of you thought about this. Did I over react.

[Arugula Latte]

1. You did a good thing.

The nerve of that woman, pushing that boy like that. Jesus Christ.

So many Americans lately just think they are entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it, and they behave horribly to feed their own sense of entitlement.

I have an 11-year-old son, and if anyone had done that to him I would have been livid. I would have been grateful for someone to step in, like you did.

[npk]

2. Thanks.

I just know that I don't want my son growing up thinking it's ok to push kids out of the way, as long as you are in a hurry.

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. To me, it is the ruding up of America.

And sadly, that woman's children (if she has any) will have learned it from her and teach it to their own kids. When they were smaller (Well BabyG still does to some extent), my chldren would be embarassed because I call out bad behavior (whether by clerks or customers) all the time. I hope, in some small way, it keeps us all from spiraling downward into a pit where no one gives a damn about anyone anymore. You are a good daddy.

[Voice for Peace]

4. I hope the boy heard what you said to the woman, and what you said to his mother

about him. If so that was enough. Some people are just rude and unconscious all the time, with anybody. The main thing I think with kids is that they need validation, they need people who look in their eyes with respect, who see them. If you can get them to laugh, then the pain of the bad encounter, which normally a kid will stuff down, gets released.

[amitten]

5. My Dad used to embarrass us kids in public a lot.

If we misbehaved, he would yell and scream and say awful insulting things in front of anybody and everybody.

That was 20 years ago...:shrug:

I don't think it's anything new.

[Skittles]

6. technically that is an assault

she had no right to do that and I would have royally kicked her ass right then and there

[REP]

7. The mother was wrong put her child in that situation

Using a child as a place holder in a line at a busy store was bad parenting on the mother's part - of course people are not going to want to wait for her. She should not have put her child in that situation. If the child was truly pushed - which I doubt; people are scared to death of touching unrelated children for any reason lest they be hauled off as pedophiles - but if he was, that was uncalled for and his mother is to blame for putting him in that situation.

[yellowdogintexas]

9. mom probably truly thought she would get to the line before her son got to the

register and didn't tell him to just keep letting one more person in front of him until she joined him in line.

That is how we do it if we are all split up in a store and somebody has to go back and find something. If the one in line gets to the laying down on the counter part and the rest of us haven't caught up, just let folks in front of you until you are all together again.

I also let people in front of me who have only one or 2 items especially if they don't have a cart and I have a cart full of stuff.

Now that woman was way out of line. I would have had that kid back in line with me in a flash, told him the woman was not a very nice lady, and told her too and if I had to, applied the above strategy to the line until his mother arrived. And that would have been that.

[Lyric]

10. The mother is partially to blame, but

her mistake doesn't give another adult the right to lay hands on her child in an abusive manner. Unwanted and aggressive bodily contact is legal assault. It's a crime.

If I make a mistake and leave my purse unattended in my shopping cart, that doesn't mean that anybody is welcome to steal it without legal repercussions. Sure, I was partially at fault, but my mistake doesn't excuse the crime of theft, and it is still fully prosecutable if the thief is caught.

There is no excuse for aggressively manhandling ANY child, much less one that isn't even yours.

[Kali]

15. I agree with this reply.

[quakerboy]

8. In general

the lady was clearly out of line. On the otherhand, I am of the opinion that murdering someone over rudeness is a mite bit overkill.

[Blue Diadem]

11. The sales clerk didn't say anything?

If the woman pushed or shoved the child she should have been reported to the police. In my time, it was up to the cashier to handle any bad behavior by customers cutting in front of others or becoming abusive.

I'm glad you confronted the woman who did it. She needed to be told and it's good that you did.

I'm disappointed though that a Mother would put a child in that situation when a store is busy while she continues to shop. She left him to not only be humiliated but physically assaulted. The results could have been worse than it was.

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. Republicans are just getting angrier and angrier as their house of cards falls down

the promises made to them turn to vapor.

I wonder which mega-church that lady is going to tonight where she'll praise her faith as exemplary and tell everyone what a fucking incredible wonderful fantastic Christian she is.

[Dangerously Amused]

13. You did good.

The woman was rude and had no right to lay a hand on the child, much less in anger. She could have easily accomplished her objective in an appropriate manner via polite words, but chose negativity and hostility. Sadly, this is a telling reflection of her own life as her words and actions are what she learned from her own environment, and what she will pass on to her children.

However, by stepping in as you did you turned a negative situation into a positive one by validating the worth of the abused (a strong word for the situation, but accurate) child and set a good example not only for him but your own son, the rude woman and anyone else around you who observed it.

The world needs more people like you who are willing to speak out against injustice, immediately, wherever and whenever it happens.

Thanks for what you did.

[renie408]

14. No, you didn't overreact and kudos to you for saying something. What

a great example for your son.

You are a good father.

[HughBeaumont]

16. Welcome to my world in the 80s.

The way adults, relatives and teachers acted back then, and I don't know WHAT the fuck any of their problems were, made me hate people and hate them quickly. The impatient, pissed-off-at-all-things, anger management case you just described was the way at least 80% of the adults I grew up with acted. They didn't even have to KNOW you all that well, they were just straight assholes who needed to be socked with a cricket bat.

Witness my years in school, par example. Outside of school was just as bad, if not worse:

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/HughBeaumont/22

[Biscottiii]

17. So GLAD you spoke up, you handled it well IMO!! People get so caught up in their petty 'hurries'

they can't see the forest for the trees so often anymore. At the very least:

- the young boy understands he's been validated, that Adults aren't merely allowed such rude behavior without someone calling them on it. No doubt he will be discussing it with his Mom later. I don't think there's anything to 'blame' on his Mom or him. In the flurry of school shopping, things happen - they weren't deliberately cutting in line or being out of line. Silly things happen like that, all part of life.

- the rude woman may very likely (hopefully!) think twice before doing that again.

Speaking of people in a hurry:
Reminds me of a situation that happened just a few years ago. I was turning Right, had my blinker on. Crossing the crosswalk, coming towards me, was a little old man hobbling with his cane. Of course, I stopped and waited until he made it safely across & up onto the sidewalk.

In the meantime, behind me there was some jerk middle aged guy (also wanting to turn right) in his fancy new SUV. Honking behind at me impatiently. So was I supposed to run down that little old man because the jerk, who couldn't SEE the little old man, was in a hurry? Once the little old man was in the clear I started to make my turn. Whoosh, I almost nailed the jerk as he went swerving around me on my outside left to make his right turn, because he just couldn't wait anymore. Lucky for him he stopped quick. My beat up little old truck wouldn't have cost so much to replace as whatever damage he might have incurred, plus I expect HE would have gotten a ticket to boot. Jerk seemed almost shaken.

A few months before the same thing happened to somebody else. Fortunately, in that case, the two babies in the twin stroller and their mother in the crosswalk were just knocked down, bruised but not killed (by some miracle)!

So, again I think you did well to speak up. When people are allowed to believe their petty little 'hurries' mean that's all that matters in life - well there can be some serious potential ramifications.

ETA: Edited to fix my directions mentioned above. I'm ambidextrous so I can never remember my right from my left. Opps!

[jobycom]

18. I've heard people complain that they aren't allowed to discipline other people's kids anymore.

Apparently there's a conservative strain of "logic" that says that in the olden days all grown ups were responsible and could correct anyone's children. These folk grieve over the sorry state of affairs these days, where parents are afraid to beat their kids and, gasp, adults have to be afraid of lawsuits or arrest when disciplining someone else's kid.

The kid's parent was wrong for putting her son in that situation, and for expecting him to hold a busy line while she continued to shop. She should have waited until she was ready to check out, then gotten in line with him. But that doesn't excuse what the other customer did. The poor kid was a victim of his mother's rudeness and the other customer's anger management issues.

I remember adults treating me and other kids like that, when I grew up in the seventies (I was 11 in '76). I got thrown out of a restaurant about that age because my hair was too long (barely over my ears). I remember several adults I'd never met trying to "correct" me. It's nothing new, but now it's frowned upon more than it used to be, I think. Your incident wasn't something new, it was just something asshole-ish that's always existed.

And I agree with someone upthread: it's not worth killing someone over! :) Even if that was hyperbole, your statement was a bit startling. You wouldn't want to deprive your kid of a father just because someone was rude to him.

[yellowdogintexas]

24. the idea of all grown ups being able to correct anyone's kids is NOT exclusively conservative

My liberal friends all believe that is an idea that should never have left the planet.

the whole concept of "It Takes a Village" is right there.

I think it no longer exists because we don't "neighborhood" any more.

In my small town, all adults were your parents or grandparents and you better do what they said because if you didn't your own parents would hear about it before you actually did whatever wrong thing you were thinking about doing

Of course, if you had a problem any of those adults would take you in, give you cold sweet tea, call your parents or grandparents etc. bandage your knee. We loved them all.

So it was a two way street. You didn't embarrass your parents or yourself, and you sometimes got bonuses, like cold tea and cookies if you were lucky and a hug or a visit with the ancient parrot one of the old ladies had.

God forbid we ever did anything that caused another adult to tell my parents what we did because we would never hear the end of how we embarrassed our parents and grandparents in front of 'Miss Annie or Miss Elizabeth or Mr. Richard'. Which included being impeccably polite, so if we didn't say yes ma'am or yes sir in an appropriate fashion, we heard about it.

In the urban village neighborhood, it was much the same way. The kids were shepherded through the day by the invisible eyes peeking from behind the curtains as they roamed the sidewalks and sandlots, and the 'front-stoop' sitters in the cooler hours.

Now everybody is inside all the time, staying cool, or out working all day and we don't porch sit, or visit each other casually or any of the other things that went on. The mean woman in the line may be a product of the first or second generation of the lack of respect that is partly related to the fact that we just aren't around enough people of other generations any more, and we don't know our neighbors well and parents are so afraid to let their kids talk to anyone.

I am not THAT old, either. Old enough but still not THAT old.

Edited to add another profound thought.

[raccoon]

19. Some people have ALWAYS treated kids like shit, and IME and IMO

it was a hell of a lot worse a few decades ago than it is now.

Child abuse used to be one of our society's dirty little secrets. Thank goodness, it's not secret now.

Parents used to slap and beat their kids and nobody thought much about it, they were just "disciplining" the kid. (I know SOME people still think this way.)

Teachers (and others) used to get away with a lot of abuse too.

One of my teachers in grammar school was a pedophile. My mother, to her everlasting credit, and some other parents were instrumental in getting his ass fired. If that happened now, his teaching certificate would be yanked and you could look him up with the other sex offenders on the Internet.

Some things HAVE gotten better over the past few decades, take my word for it.

This woman was way out of line and sounds like a real witch with a capital B, as we used to say.

[LaraMN]

20. Some people treat EVERYONE else like shit.

Kids are easy targets.

I think your response was commendable; you set a good example for your son.

[old mark]

21. We saw a mother in a mall once

Out of control,screaming at her kid, who was maybe 6 years old, ending with ,"Come here so I can hit you!"
How will that kid grow up?

mark

[npk]

22. I appreciate everyone's input

Some things I see when I am out in public really amaze me. How some people treat other people can really be disappointing.

[Pierre.Suave]

25. I would have been unable to resist responding to her...

with a challenge of my own...

:mad:

[mreilly]

23. Congratulations to you

I really appreciate you speaking up to the rude lady - and so does anyone else who cares about decency and good manners. If my kids were shoved aside by some self-absorbed stranger I'd certainly want someone like you to speak up for them.

It's stuff like this that really, really, really makes it hard for me to believe in pure equality. I don't mean equality of races, gender, or anything like that - certainly I believe we're all equal, on the outside. I'm talking about equality of personalities, for lack of a better word. While I do believe 90% of the folks out there are decent enough, the fact remains (a fact which I struggle mightily with) that some people are just fucking assholes, excuse my language. And those are the people for which I simply can't come up with any molecule of compassion, tolerance or other positive outlook.

[BlueIris]

26. Here's what I'm stuck on—the cashier completed the transaction (of the rude lady)?

Not in any store I've ever worked in (even the one that made WalMart look like Ann Taylor).

[BlueIris]

27. Ever read a book called "The Sociopath Next Door"? A very large portion of our society

(1 in 26 Americans according to the author of "TSND") is made up of hard-core, dyed-in-the-wool sociopaths. No empathy. No boundaries. No remorse.

They are killing the world.