I envy those young women who already have their children.

[Writer]

I spent time this evening with an old friend from college and his wife. They have a lovely little seven month-old girl. His wife is 31 years-old. I'm 33, married, and now face at least four to five years more of schooling before I can really consider children. It's sort of a tough deal, as I never wanted to push having kids late in life, but I've now located a better path for me.

So to all of you young women who already have your kids in tow, cheers to you. :toast: I wish I could be there with you, but it looks like I'm in it for the long haul.

~Writer~

[vard28]

1. It can be fun

having children when you're a little older. I was 35 when I had our son and for many reasons being older has worked out well for us. We're established in our careers, we have more patience, we did the fun "kidless" activities before he got here. Lots of advantages for you to look forward to. :hi:

[Writer]

2. I heard it's harder for older women to heal/bounce back afterward...

I'm going to be more like 38 when I have mine.

[vard28]

5. I'm sure it's different

for everyone. I sailed through my emergency c-section recovery. I've had a bunch of other surgeries from an auto accident, so I'm probably not the best to tell you... LOL! Your general health has a lot to do with it I'd think. Heading into it with a positive attitude and not listening to all the horror stories people will ALWAYS tell you about pregnancy/childbirth is also a big help. :rofl:

Look at the stickies at the top of the page. My kid is now 13, the one standing alone with the cows and in the other photo of cows with one of his cousins. Trust me, you'll need the extra patience once your kid is in middle school!

[Writer]

6. That's exactly what I hope to do: use a positive attitude.

Take care of myself and treat myself right and hope for the best.

Middle school: I'll bet! ;)

[Darth_Kitten]

30. Women who have babies LATER are 4 more times likely to live to be 100......

than women who don't. No shit.

Don't know WHY, but they do. :)

My 22 year old niece had a hard time with her baby, so age is only ONE factor. :)

[Breeze54]

36. My Mom had me at age 44 and my brother 11 months later and she was fine.

I had my youngest at age 34 and I was back in my 'skinny' jeans 2 weeks later and raring to go.
Being an 'older' Mom is great and you are much more confident, imho. I had 2 in my early twenties
and I'd never do that again, given the chance to do it over. I was a wreck. You'll be fine... ;)

[Maine-ah]

15. I agree with you there.

I am 34, and my little one is 21 months old now. She was a surprise, we honestly didn't think we could have kids. I'm rather glad it happened in my 30's and not my 20's. Much more patience and understanding. My life in my 20's was "me me me me". Totally different outlook on life now.

[Darth_Kitten]

32. I want a cute baby like yours.

:D Gimme.

[Indi Guy]

3. Are you considering paying down a student loan before you have kids?...

?

[Writer]

4. I'm not sure if I understand your question...

without getting too particular, I'm going for my PhD and will get paid to go to school. In the process I will be using those resources to pay my student loans... is this what you're referring to?

[Indi Guy]

8. I didn't mean to offend...

You aren't caught up in the scam where women often live beyond their child bearing years before their student loans are paid off.

It's hard to consider having a kid when one is already heavily in debt.

[Writer]

10. You didn't offend me at all.

RE: Having paid-off loans... My loans were accumulated during the 1990's when school was expensive but not ridiculous... so I expect to have them paid off by the time I finish my doctorate. At least that's the plan...

I CANNOT imagine some of these young women graduating today with anywhere from $70K to $100K in loans right off the bat. What in the hell are they supposed to do by the time they're 40? They are indebted for life, and their ability to save for their own children's college is seriously curtailed.

[madeline_con]

7. Why can't you have kids now?

Why wait till you finish school? :shrug:

[Writer]

9. I'm starting my doctoral work and can't for at least the first year...

[madeline_con]

14. Why? The question was asked if toxins are involved.

If you don't feel ready, you're probably not, though. You're the only one who knows how much you can deal with at one time.

[Writer]

25. It's a PhD in Communications.

No toxins are involved... unless one considers the amount of ink I'll be pilfering through.

[noamnety]

11. I had the same question

I am in grad school and it's very normal for some of my fellow students to be pregnant or dealing with newborns at home. I think it's kind of an American thing to "wait til the timing is right." If you have a child, you just make it work.

Disclaimer - I'm not pushing having kids. But if you are expressing regrets because you "can't" right now - I'd say you probably can. (unless there's some specific aspect of the phd that prohibits it, like working with toxic substances or something.)

[Writer]

12. Are you in a Master's or Doc program?

[noamnety]

13. I'm working on my masters

and my ex's current wife was working on her PhD when my kid was younger - she was driving 16 hours round trip to pick her up for vacations, being the fake mom during large chunks of time.

I traveled around various parts of the world though when my kid was small - went to Russia when she was 8 months old during perestroika, was at the Berlin wall, was doing a graduate program in Russian studies back when she was two, and took her along to classes with me. I always did the things people seem to think you are supposed to do before you have a kid, or after they are grown and in school. I just shoved her in a sling and off we went.

People do it: http://www.bio.net/bionet/mm/womenbio/1995-June/002684.html

What are you getting your degree in?

[LeftyMom]

16. I would NOT want to do it the other way around.

I'm REALLY looking to having a quiet, kid-free house when I'm all of 40.

[vard28]

17. I had to laugh

at your response this morning because I can CERTAINLY understand your happy goal as I try to drag my kid out of bed as we speak! :rofl:

[SarahB]

18. Usually it's a good thing.

I had my children in my 20's (as did my husband) and he's 40 and I'm 36 and the kids are 7-16. No diapers, everyone's in school, built in babysitters and a lot of independence now. HOWEVER (and this is a big however), I divorced my ex at 32 (the one I had my kids with) and being the kind of person he is, would I have picked him to be the dad if I had them now? No. I'd rather have started in my 30's with my current husband. I went through a lot of changes in my early 30's (a lot of women do) and sometimes it kind of sucks there's something I will unlikely ever get to fully share with the man I love.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

19. I understand how you feel.

I figured I'd have at least two by now, but I have none, and I am getting mommy pangs all over the place. I turned 29 in June, and I don't know if I'm ever going to get to have a baby. Not to mention the price of day care is terrifying.
Duckie

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. you will be a better mother when you are older. mine was, by leaps and bounds

[yellowdogintexas]

21. My daughter was born when I was 36, and I have many friends who waited even

older than that

I had a fairly easy birth and recovery ....worst thing was those damn stitches, but that is not age related.

I am very glad I did not have a child in my 20s ...wrong husband for starters. I realized after I started dating my current husband of 26 years that at least 60% of the reason I thought I never wanted to have children was the first husband. Not an abuser or drinker or anything like that, I just instinctively knew I didn't want to raise children with him.

Also, I was emotionally in the frame of mind for it, infinitely more patient,too.

I think she kept me young, which is what my mom said about my baby sister who was born when my mother was 36, and my mother in law, whose youngest was born when she was 38 (he is 19 years younger than my husband, his oldest brother)

however, your medical records WILL say you are an elderly primagravida, :rofl: unless they have push the age line for that up to over 40! In my time, the age line was set at over 34, having first pregnancy. :rofl:

[Nikia]

22. Not to encourage you to have children if you feel that it would not be workable

But I am considering going for a graduate degree after I have my baby (just entering my third trimester). In investigating the programs that I could attend, they could be compatible with having small children. The assistantships offered good medical coverage, which includes family coverage. The university also offers subsidized child care on campus.
There probably would be incovient times to actually have the baby during your program. I don't know if it would be considered bad to take a semester off from your program or if you could take a few weeks offer from research/assistantship if you had the baby during the summer or other time when classes were not in session. I suppose it depends on the the university and program.

[Writer]

24. I can take a semester off, etc. if need be...

I've heard that it's not a good idea to do school while pregnant because of what tends to happen to mental function... although I don't know how much that would impact me. I'm back and forth on this, actually, because sometimes I see an opening and think it's possible, and sometimes I think it would be better to wait. I absolutely do NOT want to go ABD, and I fear that if I do have children that something will happen to my psyche/goals and I'll skip out on the rest of the program. Again, I don't know, as I'm only just beginning my course work and don't have a feel for the program yet.

[DebJ]

26. 'because of what happens to mental function' as a parent of 2

(now adult) children: true you won't be sleeping regularly for many years....

[Writer]

27. That's okay. Mr. Writer's giving me a good primer on how this will work. n/t

[redqueen]

23. Ah but the bright side is you'll be a much more laid -back parent...

at least that's what I've heard from people I know who had them early AND late.

The main difference... they were much more tolerant / patient with the ones they had later. :)

[Darth_Kitten]

28. I'm 40 and I would like one........

Actual the trend is for women to have babies later. I've heard that 1 in 5 babies are now born to women over 35.

I know several close people who've had babies later in life. Check out the baby news with the current string of celebrites who are now having babies. Babies to "older" mothers galore. Yes, there are some complications that are more common, but most babies are born pretty healthy. :)

My great-grandmom had her 10th at 43. One of my best friends had her 2nd at nearly 44.

I was walking through a cemetery the other day, and was reading some of the headstones. Back at the turn of the 20th century women seemed to have babies at later ages. One woman had a baby at 53!

I'm a late bloomer so I'm hopeful. :)

Writer, I'm so envious of you. You WRITE which is what I aim to do. :)

[Writer]

35. I don't write... at least anything non-academic, I'm afraid.

That's a part of my life I will call a failure. I really, really need to change my user name.

[Taverner]

29. We feel the same way - we're glad we had kids in our early 30's

Right now, I don't think I could take the midnight feedings again

[Arugula Latte]

31. I had my kids at ages 31 and 34.

For some reason, I always told myself that I'd ideally like to have two kids before the age of 35. I'm lucky it happened that way, but not everyone has a life conducive to that. There are trade-offs for everything. Good luck with your pursuits... :toast:

[Shine]

33. My sister had her first kid at 38...after she got her PhD, and her second kid at 41

happens all the time these days.

One of my good friends had her first kid at 45! She had to get a donor egg, but it worked out fine.

She stopped nursing and basically went right into menopause. :D

Yeah, there's that.

[Writer]

34. That's likely going to be me...

((sigh))... but I am a very healthy woman and hope to remain that way... did she recover okay from having her kids?

[Shine]

39. Well......I will say this: She is basically tired ALL the time, but she's very happy.

She's 42, has 1 yr old baby boy and a 4 yr old girl.

She hasn't used her PhD in Psych at all, either.

Maybe someday....nowadays, she's rather preoccupied raising her kids. :D

[mnhtnbb]

37. Had my first at 35 and last at 39. The baby is going off to college

this year--which means I'm 57.

I wouldn't have done it the other way, because if I'd had kids with my first husband, I'd have either
been a single mother or stayed in a crappy marriage.

It's not too late to start mid to late 30's, but I am glad I quit at 39. I have a friend who
finally got pregnant mid-40's and had complications with the delivery and ended up with a son
with brain damage. They successfully sued and have a big settlement to help with their son's care, but
it sure is a challenge given all his special needs. The risks really go up in your 40's.

Having kids really does change your life. Get your advanced degrees now. You may even decide
that you don't want to have kids and that being a godparent or aunt to friends or siblings kids
may be enough.

Enjoy your freedom.

:hi:

[Dora]

38. I went to my 20-year high school reunion last year.

At the time, my son was two years old. Most of my classmates had kids who were out of high school.

Can you imagine being 40 and having all that child-raisin' behind you? Not that I regret waiting, but there's certainly something to be said for starting off young.