I'm a single 29-year-old with no kids - I'm here to anwer your questions on parenting...

[HEyHEY]

Tell me what the little bastards are up to and I'll use my ignorance of child rearing and liqour soaked brain to help you through it.
So, fire away!

[loveable liberal]

1. my boys are maturing...

at different rates. They are both prone to say inappropriate things and use inappropriate humor. How can I make them better understand what they are doing aside from the usual "sit down, this is what you did" talk.

[HEyHEY]

2. Start making such jokes back at them - to show them how stupid they look!

Do it in front of their teachers, parents friends...etc. EMbarrass the shit out of them.

[loveable liberal]

3. Well, thats not really what child psychologists recommend....

but I think I'm willing to give it a try!!!! Thanks HeyHey!!!

[HEyHEY]

4. Good luck, should that not work find something they love and break it

[JVS]

12. PLAGIARIST!!!!! Asshole! Don't ever steal my ideas without giving credit!

[HEyHEY]

15. What?! How dare you impune my parenting creativity!

Actually, didn't you suggest breaking their toys?

[JVS]

16. Yes. I developed the destruction of children's property school of parenting...

and because I took so much heat, I expect some fucking credit when people use my techniques!

[HEyHEY]

17. How the fuck was I supposed to remember that?

I don't think it was as great as you like to pretend :P

[JVS]

19. Cite your sources or I'll rip your dick off and shove it up your ass covered with hot sauce, punk.

[HEyHEY]

20. In all honesty, that popped into my head and I forgot from where

[JVS]

22. Don't fuck with me, fellow! This isn't my first time at the rodeo!

;-)

[HEyHEY]

23. I know, you're usually the clown!

Ha!

[two gun sid]

5. Earlier this year I had a talk with my 12YO about drugs

last week he found my stash. I'm afraid he's gonna turn me in to the cops. What the fuck do I do now? I think they may already have me under surviellance.

[HEyHEY]

6. You're going to have to dig some dirt up on the kid

Pehaps plant some drugs on him and find them. Then you have something on him too. Best part is because he is 12 he'll believe anything you say about having his hands cut off for having drugs.

[two gun sid]

7. Good idea!

I didn't want to have to kill him over a 1/4 OZ.

[CreekDog]

8. i would tell him that his fingerprints are all over it

and that you have a car and can tell the cops it's his sooner than he can tell on you.

:think:

[two gun sid]

14. I took your advice. He tried to call my bluff...

long story short: he's on the way to juvie lockup as I type.

I hope he realizes how much he's hurt his mother and he takes advantage of the treatment options offered at Juvenile Hall. At least it won't be on his adult record. He can still turn his life around if he really wants to.

[CreekDog]

21. my advice should not be taken internally

:shrug:

[JVS]

13. What did you tell him before? Maybe it's time to revise the talk

[two gun sid]

18. Too late.

I think his incarceration may actually be a good thing for him. The juvenile justice system has a great GED program.

[Arugula Latte]

9. Despite our best efforts, one of our two kids won't eat vegetables.

Okay, maybe an occasional cucumber slice or a piece of red pepper, but that's about it. Please tell me, HEyHEY, what should I do? :shrug:

[HEyHEY]

10. Don't give them ANY food until they start eating vegetables

[Arugula Latte]

11. Sounds reasonable. Thanks.

[npk]

25. It's not good to starve children.

Unless their fat. Then it's ok.

[Breeze54]

27. Do what I did.... give them

small portions of everything you are serving on a very large plate, including dessert!
Say absolutely nothing about what they eat but do talk about how delicious you think
the food is and let them have at it. My kids started eating everything when they knew
the pressure to eat everything/vegetables was off! Try adding sauces and cheese to the
veggies too. I added the dessert, so as not to glorify fattening food. None of them have
a weight problem to this day. ;)

[Tektonik]

24. If I shave my head, what sunglasses should I buy?

[HEyHEY]

29. Old school terminator ones

[Breeze54]

26. How do I get my teenage son to help clean the house and take out the trash?

Taking out the trash has been his "job" since he was old enough to start helping
But now he seems to think that because he's working FT that he doesn't have to do
any housework. Where he got that feeble notion, I have no idea but I'm tired of it!

Should I get a beer or a mixed drink to read your advice? :P

[HEyHEY]

28. Tell him girls like boys who help out around the house

You can get a teenaged boy to do anything by saying that.

[Breeze54]

30. I tried that and it didn't help. Even his girlfriend came over

and helped or tried to help him clean his room and they got
very little accomplished (and yes, the door was open!) :P

She broke up with him a week later.

His B-Day is coming up soon, but he may not make it! :rofl:

Thanks though... You'll make a good parent if you ever decide to have children! ;)

[leeroysphitz]

31. My 3 1/2 year old is, at this very moment, kicking and singing in his bed

when he is supposed to be taking a nap. How do I let my child know how important his naps are for his parents sanity at this stage of his life?

[HEyHEY]

33. Tell him if he doesn't stop it, you will let the monster out of his closet

[Faygo Kid]

32. When they get to be 31 and hit you up for money, what do you recommend?

I can't think of anyone more qualified to answer this than someone two years younger than my daughter.

Gen X. Geez.

:eyes:

[HEyHEY]

34. I reccomend giving them twice the amount they ask for!

[Faygo Kid]

36. Ya pitch softballs, they're gonna knock 'em out of the park every time.

OK, now get off my damned lawn!

[Midlodemocrat]

35. My 16yo son got a 40yo neighbor pregnant and wants to marry her.

My question. Should they register at Wal Mart or Target?

[Faygo Kid]

37. Neither. Have them contact Greta Van Susteren's producer.

I just had to weigh in here.

But if I had to choose, I would say Wal-Mart. Sam's Club would work, too.

[HEyHEY]

38. Uh...uh...uh... I have no idea

[EstimatedProphet]

39. It depends

Will they live in an apartment or a trailer?

[Midlodemocrat]

40. His bedroom.

And, therein lies the dilemma. I mean, it's not like I need another mixer, ya know?

:rofl:

[EstimatedProphet]

41. Mixer like blender, or mixer like margarita?

[Midlodemocrat]

42. Ooh, I like the way you think, EP.

Margaritas!!!!!

:woohoo:

:beer: