What would you be willing to do to be with your true love?

[BeachBaby]

You found your true love, but he/she lives across the country, or maybe in another country. Due to circumstances beyond their control, your true love cannot come to you.

Meanwhile, you have established roots in your community; your family and friends are nearby; everything you've come to know and love up until this point is within your reach.

Would you be willing to leave it all behind to be with the person who gives you a level of happiness you had never experienced until now? Would it be worth the risk to say goodbye to your creature comforts, the familiarity, and the place you've always called "home"?

Why or why not?

[Deja Q]

1. Eat a Klondike(tm) bar?

:yoiks:

[SallyMander]

2. The hopeless romantic in me says

You both move. A new start, somewhere you've always wanted to go. An adventure of epic proportions!

Why? Because you can always go *back* if you have to. The hard thing is going forward.

:hug:

[BeachBaby]

10. Hey babe....

Moving out of this state is something I've been wanting to do for a long time - but until my kids are grown, I gotta stay put.

:) :hug:

[TZ]

3. Yes.

If I was sure it was my true love. A risk I know, to some extent..but I know I could come back to my roots if I had to.
If I didn't try..it would kill me for the rest of my life to wonder "what might have been.."

[BeachBaby]

16. "What might have been."

I hear ya. Long story, but an old WWII vet got talking to me one night a few years ago. He told me that if there was one piece of advice he could give a young person, it would be to not live your life to please everybody else....because the same people you're trying to please are living their OWN lives and not living their lives for YOU. He told me to take that advice from someone who learned the hard way. The poor guy. :(

TZ - :hug:

[NJmaverick]

4. Yes I would give up everything in a heart beat

true love is a rare and precious gift. One doesn't refuse that gift, even if it means making sacrifices.

[BeachBaby]

17. Well will you look at that!

The Giants/Mets fan has a heart! :P

I'm kidding, sweetie. :hug:

Seriously, though....leaving everything behind - your friends, family, everything you know, just for one person....wouldn't you miss those aspects of your life? Doesn't a person need fulfillment in other areas to be completely happy?

[NJmaverick]

38. Admittedly family can't be replaced

but you can make new friends. Even with family, in the internet age you have email and video conference. You can still visit as well. So realistically I don't think you are giving up everything. However even if I did have to, I still would sacrifice everything. To me true love is worth that much.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

5. I'd do whatever I could to join them...

Especially if they were in a different country.
Duckie

[BeachBaby]

18. LOL!

I like your style. :)

[RadiationTherapy]

6. I am very cynical about the term 'true love'

Why do you use that expression?

[BeachBaby]

20. ....

I guess my definition of "true love" is finding that person you always dreamed of finding one day, but never thought it to be possible. That perfect, ideal match - where everything just clicks. Where the traits of one person compliment the other's traits perfectly.

[Evoman]

36. That never happens....is self-delusionary.

If two people mesh completely, then one person is faking it.

Don't get me wrong...me and my girl are a pretty good fit, and over the past four years have rarely ever fought. But strong emotion can lead you astray, and make you see things that aren't true.

Clear your mind, young jedi. See the world as it truly is. If after you've meditated on it, you still want to go...then by all means, do it.

[BeachBaby]

46. Young jedi?

LOL!!! Can't say I'm all that young, Evoman. Forty is looming before me. Bleck.

What I mean by "meshing" is when two people have personality traits that blend; interests that blend; and desires, needs and goals that blend.

I'm sorry that you think that one person is "faking it", and I respectfully disagree with you. I personally know of 3 couples who are truly that wrapped up in each other, and have been for decades. :)

I'm not an impulsive person by nature; I'm more cautious and methodical. But I'm also willing to take a risk when I think it's worth it.

[Evoman]

64. FINE. Old jedi with wrinkles, weak bones, and a hump.

;)

The thing is, very few of us know what is going on in another couples homes. A couple who looks perfectly happy on the surface, may be brewing underneath. How often do we hear the acquantences of couples who go nuts and kill each other say "They looked perfectly happy and had a real good marriage"?

I'm not completely disagreeing with you, however. I do think some people fit very well together, as my gf and I do (and I say that honestly...as you can probably guess, I'm really not a person who would stick with someone if I'm unhappy.) My point is that whenever I feel a strong emotion like "true love", I immediately withdraw and analyze to make sure that the decision is as based in reason as it is in emotion. What my family and friends advise at these times is crucial...if they tell me it's a bad idea, I listen.

So listen to your family and friends. Weigh it carefully. If you still decide to jump, do it. I just don't want to see you back on DU in 6 months, telling us how much you regret leaving your job and your family.

[skygazer]

7. I've left all that for myself - I would surely do it for someone I loved

My home isn't going anywhere, familiarity is highly overrated and creature comforts aren't very comfortable without someone to share them with.

[BeachBaby]

21. I do know someone who's done that.

And I totally agree with you. Thanks. :)

[SPKrazy]

8. If I Knew It Were All That

and I had no responsibilities to be where I was now, I would have done it already once.

So I cannot tell you with certainty that you should or shouldn't do something. However, finding out if you really have found all that you believe you have found, is certainly worth figuring out.

If I had no son to take care of, and I am totally in love with my son so that isn't even an issues, but if that were true, and I had found and felt what I found and felt this last year with someone who does indeed live far, far away, I would like to believe that I would have gone to find out if it would work.

See that is the other thing, just because you love someone dearly doesn't mean that things can always work between two people.

The internets, and the phone, etc, are in fact no substitution for spending time and getting to know the person and finding out if the compatibility that seems to be there is in fact real.

I think that if you feel it strongly enough, and you weigh out the pros and cons of trying to find out and it comes out that it is worth finding out, then go for it.

I know that I believe I would have done that myself.

I hope above all that you find happiness my friend

xoxo

SPK

[BeachBaby]

22. Wise words from a wise man.

You're always good to me that way.

Thanks, sweetie. :loveya:

[bicentennial_baby]

26. Isn't that the truth...

"just because you love someone dearly doesn't mean that things can always work between two people."

I'm picking that person up tomorrow to come stay here for a week. He's my best friend in the world. It wasn't just us, it was the situation, it was a lot of things. We're good now. And it's ok.

:)

[BeachBaby]

47. That's so cool!

You and your guy friend sound like me and my ex-husband. He and I never should have gotten married - we were good friends and should have left it that way.
Lucky for us we found our way back to that friendship - and we're both better people for it, and our kids are thrilled. :)
Have fun with your friend this week! :hi: :hug:

[grasswire]

9. I made that choice about 15 years ago.

I chose to move 3,000 miles back home for reasons of family responsibilities. I haven't seen him since then, but I think about him every day. The time has long gone by when it could be reversed. I'll never get over it.

[BeachBaby]

24. ....

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Thank you for posting.

[hippywife]

11. I already did that eleven years ago.

All of my family is back in Ohio. I had a terrific job, all my friends. Met a wonderful man in Oklahoma. He left it to me to decide where we would live. I moved down to OK and we be kinda poor, but we be very happy. Basically, I'm getting ready to turn 50 and I'm now living the life I dreamed about when I was in my 20's.

I'd do it all over again in a minute! :hi:

[BeachBaby]

25. Congratulations!

Sounds like you were my age when it happened for you (I'm 39).

Thanks for sharing - and enjoy! :hi:

[Redstone]

12. Walk ten miles in the snow, barefoot, just to be able to stand where she'd sat.

But to answer more specifically, we did that, but kind of in reverse. She left everything on four hours' notice to fly across the country and live with me. And I paid for her airline ticket with - literally - the last $600.00 I had to my name.

Redstone

[BeachBaby]

28. Wow!

A true love story - and you spent your last dime to make it happen.

Thanks for posting. :hug:

[Redstone]

29. Sometimes, you have to put everything on that one roll of the dice.

Redstone

[BeachBaby]

49. And it sounds like you have zero regrets.

I'm happy for you babe. :hug:

[yewberry]

13. Did it. We're very happy.

But I do miss my family, and New England.

We tried moving back there, but after a few years, it was clear that it wouldn't work.

[WhollyHeretic]

31. Wow. You moved about as far as you could have in the continental US.

Are you able get back to New England for visits?

[yewberry]

65. Yes, we visit.

We only make it out once a year or so, but it's great that we can get there.

And yes, it is really far!

[BeachBaby]

50. Sounds like you're good with your decision.

You made quite the move! A literal coast to coast?

Thanks for posting, and I'm happy for you! :hug:

[yewberry]

66. It was right for us, and I'm okay with it, mostly.

I do miss it, but what can you do?

(And thanks!)

[lizziegrace]

14. Since I've lived in 12 states, I'd probably move

Where I'm now isn't home. My daughter's grown and I am free to go if there was ever an opportunity.

If my daughter was still young - no way. I'd never dream of taking her away from her father and friends.

[BeachBaby]

51. Twelve states!

Wow - are you a military brat?

What you mentioned about your daughter is the situation I'm in right now. I have two boys who need to be near their dad - and even if he allowed me to move, I wouldn't do that to them. But if they were grown, I'd hit the trails! I'm more than ready for a change of scenery - I've been here my whole life. :)

Thanks for posting, lizzie! Hope things are starting to look up for you these days. :hug:

[lizziegrace]

60. and 21 addresses

Dad was in the military until I was 3. After that he moved us around for better jobs and clawed his way up the corporate ladder to become a VP of a major corporation. I married a musician and worked his way through grad school twice (master's and PhD) and we moved for better teaching jobs.

When he and I divorced I was prepared to stay in the state where he was teaching (jobs in his field are hard to find) but we decided that the best thing for Lelapin was to go back to our old neighborhood in Columbus and get her back into a really good school district. I've seen firsthand what living without your father around (when the child has a good relationship with him) can do. She was old enough to understand why, but still went through her teenage and college years without her dad. I'm grateful she was 15 when all this happened and not 5.

I stayed in Columbus 7 years after the divorce but the job market stinks and Lelapin's starting her senior year at Ohio State.

Not that she wouldn't encourage me if I met someone... Like you, I wanted her to be old enough to be supportive rather than just dragged along.

:hug:

I hope good things continue to come your way.

:)

[Rhythm]

15. I already did this...

Oktoberain and i originally met online almost 10 years ago... I was in a bad relationship and living in upstate NY (though i had lived most of my life in NC), and she was in a bad relationship and living in VA (she grew up in WV).

A few months after we started talking, she moved in with me up there... then we moved down to VA to take care of her ailing mom.

We've now been back in her hometown in WV for over 6 years. I haven't been back to NC in over 2 years, and have only gone there twice in that 10 year span. Aside from a handful of her relatives up here, i don't really know anyone. Doesn't matter... i have the girl of my dreams, and that's all i really need to be happy.

[BeachBaby]

57. I always thought you two met here at DU.

LOL!

I'm happy for you both. :) :hi:

[Rhythm]

69. Nope... we've been an RL living-together couple for over 9 years...

:Hi:

DU is just what keeps us sane and up-to-date with the news and such.

[crim son]

19. I would leave everything but my children however

I don't know how to identify "true love" and have learned to be averse to taking risks. Too many soulmates have changed their mind. Then again, if I ever felt absolutely confident who knows what I'd be willing to do? Moot point.

[SPKrazy]

32. You'd move to Arkansas

and we'd stay indoors in the summer and you'd have a garden though.

:hi:

[crim son]

37. Three's a crowd, lover!

:P

[BeachBaby]

59. ....

"Soulmate". Can't say that I've experienced that level of attachment to someone very often. That may be a good term to define the meaning of a "true" love.

And like you, my life experiences have made me quite a bit wary of getting too close to people - I've been in "proceed with caution" mode for a long time. It took an extraordinary person to get through that wall I had built around myself a long time ago.

:hug: to you, crimmie.

[Skittles]

23. never had a place I called "home" so it would always be easy for me n/t

[lizziegrace]

61. I can relate to that...

:hug:

[BeachBaby]

62. You're in the military, right?

So you've been all over the country, I assume? Or I could be totally wrong. :P

But you're right - if you don't have attachments or obligations that require you to stay where you are, you can go wherever you need to to be happy. :)

:hi:

[elshiva]

27. Yes, I would leave it all, but I would have to be

100 percent sure that he or she was trustworthy and was my true love.

[Redstone]

33. No, elshiva, trust me on this: If you wait until you're "100 percent sure," the opportunity will be

gone while you're making your decision.

Remember, "faint heart ne'er won fair maid."

Life, REAL life, consists of chances taken. And also of chances NOT taken, and wondered about for years ad years thereafter.

Redstone

[elshiva]

34. Ok, Redstone, I understand. What I meant to say

is that I've been in some DU relationships that started out as romantic, but soon fizzled out. What I meant to say is don't take off on a mere whim.

Yes, I would take a chance as long as the other person loved me. I would definitely take a chance.

[WhollyHeretic]

30. I had the opposite situation. My amazing wife moved from her home state

to mine. It was not across the county, the next state over, but she is very close to her family. It's only a couple of hours away but it is still a complete uprooting from her family, friends and job. It was not possible for me to move out to her.

[Evoman]

35. Lol...I would find it to be too much work and would find someone else.

Unless they lived somewhere cool...then fuck my family, here I come!

I'm infinitely practical and never make decisions based on strong emotions. Brains are for thinking...hearts are for pumping blood.

[billyoc]

39. I left Jersey for a true love to be named later.

I was afraid I might find one there if I stayed...

:rofl:

[WinkyDink]

40. No. I LIKE to think of myself as one of those "Cleopatra" types, but....no.

I crave security above all else. I know this about myself.

[Connonym]

41. not until my kids are 18

my custody agreement says I can't move more than an hour away. I won't leave my kids for anything or anyone. After they're grown and able to make their own decisions, I'd go in a heartbeat.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. depends. are you sure its your true love? long distance romance often seems far better

than it actually is

[LaurenG]

43. I did that, I don't regret it for a second. It was the best thing I ever did

for myself. I have had the opportunity to really see what happens when a life changing event comes about.

We did move to a new community as well.

[LostinVA]

44. I left a job, a home, and friends to move back to New Jersey

After I "found" my now-wife on DU.

There were also alot of miles put on cars for about nine months.

[JVS]

45. Unspeakably crude acts!

:D

[SmokingJacket]

48. Of course.

Comfort and security are over-rated.

[Iggo]

52. Not enough, evidently.

:rofl:

[mdmc]

53. go

you can always go back.

[HERVEPA]

54. May have met her last week.

Would move, even though I would be a lot further from my (grown) children and 3 month old granddaughter, all of whom I dearly love.
Haven't spent enough time together to know well enough yet, and not sure how fully mutual it is.
After having spent many long years with the wrong person, I would not hesitate for the right one.

[av8rdave]

55. My SO did it for me....

It wouldn't be unreasonable for me to do the same.

[soleft]

56. Hell, I moved to Jersey

Actually I put up with a lot more than living in Jersey to be with the one I love. And you can always come back, can't you? Unless, it's like, travelling in time or something.

[zingaro]

58. Not all that long ago

I'd have said "very nearly anything" and meant it.

Now, though, I'd answer differently. But if you know what you have is love, I can't imagine putting a limit on it.

[redqueen]

63. Yes, I would. Yes, it would.

Because I'd want to be as close as I could to that person, and spend as much time as possible with them, that's why.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

67. Yes almost certainly

Because otherwise the choice would be living my life in retrospect, regretting the lost opportunity of true love and a potentially fulfilling relationship -something which for me I think would be quite hard to find. I am already in a position in my life -even at a young age -where I am regretting the consequences of missed opportunities I had in the past which may have led me to a better life.

For my family, leaving a particular community or country for a lover is nothing new. My maternal grandparents both left their family and village lives behind them to settle in a new country and raise a family there. My paternal grandmother left her beloved family and lifestyle behind to follow my grandfather halfway around the world to a country where she knew no-one and had to start again from nothing. My father left his family and country behind and moved to another part of the world where he met my mother and stayed in that part of the world for the next fifteen years. My mother in turn then left her family, community and lifestyle behind to join my father in his home country

For me, I've been forced to countries and subsequently between cities in the twenty years of my life. I'm sure lots of people on here have. It has been painful for me each time. But I'd prefer to experience the short-term pain and loss if it meant long term happiness and fulfilment with the person who I was deeply in love with rather than sitting where I am now and lamenting what would never have been. Of course I'd weigh the pros and cons of the relationship and the implications of the move very carefully before moving but I wouldn't hesitate in making the choice to move if I believed in the relationship.

[Lorien]

68. I'd move, but then I really love a change of pace

and I know that my friendships wouldn't change just because I lived someplace else (most of my close friends live out of state as is). I think it's important to experience new places and people when offered the chance. You can always go home if it doesn't work out, and you'll appreciate home even more if that happens.

[LisaM]

70. Yep.

I did just that.

[u4ic]

71. Yes, I would

Anyway, every place I've lived has never felt 'like home'. Just a place to live.

[lizziegrace]

73. Hey sweetheart!

I can relate to that one. :(

:hug:

[Inchworm]

72. touch her hand over coffee

x(

[DaydreaminHippie68]

74. I've already found her.

:)

[WannaBeGrumpy]

75. i hope the hell so.....

i'm not putting this kinda effort into anyone else...so you better be The One Mister...jk i know you are....<3
all fluttery