I can't breathe

[lizziegrace]

:(

The nights are so hard. Waiting until another day comes to see if anything will work out. Night after night, day after day. I've lost my confidence in my ability to do a job. Any job now. I know that it isn't true, but I still feel as though I've failed on so many levels and in so many ways.

Tomorrow I hope to get a ruling on my unemployment. God I hope it's in my favor. Otherwise, the $160 I have won't pay the rent on the first. Or any other bill for that matter.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. ....

:hug:

[Ava]

2. i'm so sorry you're having such tough times

:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

3. Oh, sweetie.

All my best vibes to you, darlin'. :hug:

[IndianaJones]

4. can you move a little further south to Chicago? nt.

[lizziegrace]

6. I spent every dime I had and maxed out my credit cards to move here

and I have a one year lease. So no, I'm pretty much stuck here. I rolled the dice and lost.

[IndianaJones]

7. what kind of work do you do? I know a recruiter in the Chicago area...

he may have some contacts up that way.

[lizziegrace]

8. Accountant

mid-senior level. No CPA. Generalist. Any names of recruiters would be welcome. I'm working with Robert Half and a couple others right now.

PM if you think of anyone.

Thanks...

[IndianaJones]

9. I'll contact him tomorrow and PM if he has anything...good luck.nt.

[lizziegrace]

10. Thanks...

:)

[Starbucks Anarchist]

5. ...

:hug:

[Pushed To The Left]

11. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, lizziegrace

:hug: I have a feeling things will get better.

[In_The_Wind]

12. ~

I'm so sorry! :hug:
May the unemployment court and the universe smile in your favor ~~~~~~~~~

[lizziegrace]

13. The sun did come up

and the panic attacks remain. x(

[Aristus]

14. I wish there was something I could do besides pray for you and give you a hug.

:hug:

[In_The_Wind]

15. Darn!

What time today do you find out about the unemployment benifits?

[lizziegrace]

16. I looked on their website and no change

I'm no sure when I'll know.

[In_The_Wind]

19. It'll be okay!

There are cases (like if you don't have enough time worked to qualify or if your old boss states there is work but you don't want it) where claims are turned down but you can fight it if the decision is against you.

I have a new couch that folds out into a queen-sized bed if you want to relocate to NY. :hug::loveya: But that won't be necessary. I feel sure that the decision will be in your favor.

[TZ]

17. I'm going to PM you a link

To the staffing agency that got me my job. They are a pretty big company..I don't know if you've dealt with them, but they are on top of things.

[NJmaverick]

18. Lizzie, you need to tell yourself that you are an intelligent

skilled woman that has a great deal of value. These temporary set backs do not define you as a person. You know if you tried to take a pizza out of oven and before anyone sliced it they handed it and told you to eat it. You would look at them like they are nuts. The same is true of life's problems. You need to slice them up and deal with them one at a time. Take some paper write down each of your problems. Then go back and right a plan of action for each problem. Then start to follow the action plans dealing the most pressing problem and working down.

Good luck, you have the ability to succeed

:hi:

[johnnie]

20. I know things look shitty right now to you

Please don't take this the wrong way:

I will admit that I am one of the laziest people on this planet. I have always been a slacker and my failing of grades 7,8 and 10th are testament to the fact..lol. It wasn't that I was stupid, it was because everything was a joke and I had no other motivation besides that.

My late teens and early 20s were spent having fun and working here and there, but a lot of it was spending unemployment checks on partying. I got a job working in an electrical dept. of a company that made bindery machines because a lot of my friends worked there at the time and they got me in.

The company was eventually bought and I was out of work when they moved to Southern Ohio and wanted me to go there to help break a union. I wasn't interested.

So I decided I best get my shit together. I was 28 at the time and figured that the only one who will make it happen was me. I had basically fended for myself since I was a teen and knew that things aren't really just handed to you. So one day I walked into a technical school and said "I want to go here, what do I do?" The next thing you know, I was enrolled and starting classes.

After 15 months I was out and the school sent me to where I am now. That was 14 years ago. I started out as just a wireman and didn't really like it all that much. One day I heard that they were going to hire a CAD operator. I had just bought my first computer so I went to the front office and asked the engineering supervisor about the position. He asked if I knew AutoCAD and I said "no, give it to me to take home for the weekend" and he did. I went home and figured out the basics, did some drawings and took them in that Monday. I got the job.

Throughtout the time was doing drawings I would ask during my down time if there were any small jobs to engineer and I learned the engineering aspect of the job. When one engineer left, I moved over to his place because I told them that it's in their best interest to put me there..lol. So I became an electrical engineer without a degree by just doing what I needed to do.

I had a few goals when I was a kid. One was to have a recording studio, and everyone laughed. When my band was recording it's first cd in 1998 or so, the studio we were in was a home studio, but it was pretty cool. I asked the owner if he would mind if I can swing by after work here and there and sit in on some sessions. I did it for free. The next thing I knew, I was buying the house and studio. Goal accomplished. I had no outside help and it was intense to deal with, but I figured "what the hell?".

Another "goal" in my life was to work at NASA. My dad worked there since I was born and he retired 30 plus years later. Guess what? I am in the process of getting that job. No one here knows it yet, but I should be giving my two weeks very soon. I decided I wanted to work there finally, found the contractors and applied. My resume was all true, but I wrote it with confidence that I am worth them hiring.

I know this is long, and it probably sounds like I am pulling my own chain, but what it comes down to is this: If I can get to where I am anyone can. I always tell people "there has been nothing that I wanted to do that I couldn't do". There are many other things that I have done just because I felt like doing them.

Life isn't always peachy, but I don't think it is as hard as people think. I always say that all you really have to do is breathe, the rest of it is just another adventure. You can't get caught up in relationships, age, your past and other things that are just noise. Just hold your head high and kick life in the ass.

I know it's all cliche' and you probably haven't even read this far, but all I can say is "just do it".

Sorry for such a long post, but I truly believe that you can do whatever you want. I hope things get better lizziegrace.

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

21. Thanks for replying Johnnie.

I've worked since I was 15. 32 years now. Worked my ass off. Worked 40 hours a week and went to college full time. Worked my ex-husband's way through both a masters and PhD. All the while raising Lelapin. I finally finished my degree when she was five.

I've lived in 12 states, mostly because that's what happens when you're married to a college faculty member. I've taken on extra projects and worked my way up from bookkeeping to a senior accountant.

I took a chance when things tanked in Columbus and lost. In my last job, I worked late, worked weekends, studied the changes in the code and was told I wasn't a "good fit". Oh, and that I was too slow.

So now at the ripe old age of 47, I'm out there again. I've been told flat-out by recruiters that my age is a problem.

Lelapin has one more year of college. One. And *if* I get unemployment, the $325/week will pay rent and car insurance. All it does is delay the inevitable. If I got hired tomorrow, a paycheck wouldn't show up for at least two weeks. I'm so far behind that I'm in danger of having my utilities cut off, I'm in collection for medical bills (no insurance) and may ultimately lose my car.

If I was working, setting out a long-term plan is a terrific idea. Right now? It's survival. I'm at the mercy of HR departments and those who have time to interview. Companies aren't in a hurry but for me, it's urgent. I've politely tried to move things along, but walk a fine line between interested and desperate. (I can't let them see desperate...)

I have under $200 to my name. It took everything I had to move here.

I hope things work out for you and you can get that job at NASA. You deserve it.

[johnnie]

22. I'm sorry

I hope it didn't sound like I was trivializing your situation. I understand where you're coming from and I really do hope it works out.

I think that the recruiters telling you that 47 years old is a problem should find new jobs. And honestly, a little show of desperation isn't all that bad in my opinion.

Once again, I sure hope I didn't come across the wrong way here. I was really just trying to boost you're outlook a bit and not trying to make myself look good or anything like that.

When I start getting down, I think back to days when I was counting pennies to buy milk and think "well, I'm still here after this many years, so this too shall pass".

[lizziegrace]

26. Hey

we've known each other too long. I know what you meant. :hug:

You have two advantages I wish I did - stability in your location (a home) and having friends and family nearby. If I someone asked me where's home, I honest have no answer.

You're a sweetheart and I hope that someday (sooner than later), I can meet you in 3D. I'm expected to attend a wedding in Cleveland around the beginning of October if I can afford the drive. We'd need to have a meetup - definitely.

:hug:

[1gobluedem]

23. I wish I wish I WISH there was something I could do

Right now all I have are vibes and many :hug:

I've been in the situation and it's terrifying. I got a job the day after my unemployment ran out and had to borrow from my grandfather's estate to pay the bills before that first paycheck. It's hell and nothing anyone can say changes that right now.

But in time it will get better.

[Flaxbee]

24. Damn, lizzie, that sucks. And I know the feeling -

not able to sleep, but don't want to get up in the morning.

:hug:

Is borrowing $$ from family or friends an option? Give yourself a little breathing room to get a job, and just be able to sleep through a night or two?

[auntAgonist]

25. Please know

that if there was some way at all that I could help you with this I would in a heartbeat. I'll continue hoping and praying that things work out for you. Sending all my best wishes and good thoughts your way. :hug:

I'm glad the sun came up for you though, let it warm you and give you some energy. :loveya:

aA
kesha