Post a believable lie about yourself

[mainegreen]

My picture is in a Boards of Canada album, specifically 'The Campfire Headphase'. When I was younger I used to summer with my cousin in Scotland (my mother's sister married a Scottish barrister). The vinyl sleeve for the second record in the album is a mismash of pictures covered by blue blotches. If you look at the lower right hand corner on the back of the second sleeve you will see a picture of three kids, two in the foreground and one smaller kid in the background. The picture is at a park, and based on the clothing appears to be early eighties, 81 or 82. This park is Princes Street Gardens, and the two kids in the foreground are the brothers Michael and Marcus Eoin, who make up Boards of Canada. The kid in the background, sitting on the grass is me. I happened to be at the park that day with my aunt (who's leg is barely in the picture on the right hand side).

Cool, huh?

[MilesColtrane]

1. I nailed my 11th grade English teacher.

[KamaAina]

2. I nailed MilesColtrane's 11th grade English teacher.

:P

[MilesColtrane]

19. Sorry she never hooked up with you again after that Coach Durbin.

Once they've taken a ride on the Love Trane, regular mass transit won't do.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

39. I was your 11th grade English teacher

you weren't all that.

[DarkTirade]

3. I was born with a third nipple.

[MrCoffee]

4. I was MilesColtrane's 11th grade English teacher.

[mainegreen]

5. That's not believable because *I* was MilesColtrane's 11th grade English teacher

I was also MilesColtrane's 10th grade Math teacher and 12th grade Chemistry Teacher.

[MilesColtrane]

21. That was a tough six years, but memorable.

[MilesColtrane]

20. You promised that you'd call me.

[skygazer]

6. I am the daughter of Miles Coltrane and his 11th grade English teacher

[MilesColtrane]

17. Your natural talent for harmonic substitution and verb conjugation should have...

...set off alarm bells for me.

Whaddya say? I hear guests of Montel get a nice gift basket.

[LisaM]

7. I understood calculus after I passed it in college

I also liked my philosophy class.

[redwitch]

8. I AM NAUGAHYDE

or maybe NAUGAHIDE?

[Chan790]

9. I'm a virgin.

Nobody ever believes that lie though.

[MrScorpio]

10. This is a true story (really)

Back in 1995, I was visiting my cousin Rick's record store on Eight Mile in Detroit, when this young white boy came in the store. I was behind the counter at that time helping Rick with the customers. After looking around store for a while, the boy came up with a twenty dollar bill and a Michael Bolton CD. I asked him if he was buying this album for himself or for someone else. He said that his mom got him hooked on Bolton. I told him that there's a lot great music out there, but Bolton isn't part of it. There was a copy of Dr Dre's The Chronic in the CD player hooked up to the store's sound system, so I gave it a spin. You should have seen this kid's eyes light up as the CD played. After about four songs, the kid took back the Bolton CD and came back with a copy of The Chronic. I pointed to a Snoop Dogg CD as well and he got it too. When totaled up the cost of the CD it came to just over $20. I really wanted him to check out the CD's so I spotted him a buck. He said thanks and took his sack of CDs and practically ran out of the store.

I never saw the kid come in again during the other times I was visiting my Cousin Rick's store. But I did see him a few years later... On MTV! And who was that young boy who came into the store and whom I've helped discover Hip-Hop? I knew him as Marshall.

But he's better known a EMINEM!

[begin_within]

11. I was MilesColtrane's 11th grade English teacher, and I was a man all along.

[MilesColtrane]

18. You weren't fooling anybody.

[LostInAnomie]

12. In high school, I got a concussion in a car wreck....

... and wondered off. I ended up passing out in a woods about 4 miles from the wreck site. The police found me two days later, unconscious in a creek bed.

[MilesColtrane]

13. "creek bed"?

That's not a nice name for my 11th grade English teacher's vagina.

[LostInAnomie]

34. It's a fitting one though.

[Lil Missy]

14. I am a pervert, and I fuck small animals.

That's what being gay leads to, ya know.

:eyes:

[elshiva]

16. BWAHAHAHSHA! Great especially in combination with

that sig line. :rofl: Thanks.


buffy

[Lil Missy]

23. Yeah. That's why all my pets of 12 to 14 years fear me.

NOT!

They are all spoiled fucking rotten, and plot to kill me sometimes. Little bastids!

[elshiva]

25. Do you, seriously have a pet pig?

:hi:


buffy

[Lil Missy]

29. LOL! No pet pigs!

Although that might be safer!

Just a deaf black dog that I must keep nightlights on for now, and a couple cats. It's one of the cats that is constanly underfoot trying to kill me all the time. He sleeps on my head and face and butt all the time, and thinks I don't notice he's underfoot and trying to trip me when I get up to go biffy.

[elshiva]

30. "To go biffy?"

Did you come up with that phrase? :rofl:

:yourock:

buffy

[Lil Missy]

31. Oh, "biffy" is just my my polite speak about taking a piss.

It's been the bane of several coworkers and friends, but it's actually a proper term in England, London, or some damed place.

I've always had my own speak in such ways. Plus some blunt honesty. Gained me some friends, and cost me others. Oh well. I can tolerate and forgive a lot, but I don't suffer fools lightly.

Nuff said. I continue to "go to the biffy", rather than to take a piss.

:hi:

[elshiva]

32. That's great, hon.

:)


buffy

[MilesColtrane]

26. You mean S.P.C.A. doesn't stand for Society for Plooking Cute Animals?

[Lil Missy]

33. Nope. And be careful about how you refer to my furry four-legged friends.

:D

[elshiva]

15. I am Pope Benedict XVI.

;)



buffy

[MilesColtrane]

22. When you order a cocktail do you say, I'll have Brandy and Me?

[elshiva]

24. Yes, my son, but I prefer beer.

[MilesColtrane]

27. Mmmm... Ratz--The Pope of Beers™

[elshiva]

28. Yes, my son,

it is the Precious Blood of Our Lord.

[Throckmorton]

35. My Hovercraft is full of eels!

and my dog has got no nose.

[Throckmorton]

36. My Hovercraft is full of eels!

and my dog has got no nose.

[hobbit709]

37. I actually know what I'm doing.

[Serial Mom]

38. I am Serial Mom

[rug]

40. I can tie a cherry stem with my penis.

[Symarip]

41. Mainegreen promised me a pony

And it was delivered to my doorstep in perfect condition.

[mainegreen]

44. That's because I used the pony express.

[Dr. Strange]

42. I was MilesColtrane's 11th grade Math teacher.

And I always suspected something was going on during the Shakespeare readings.

[MsTryska]

43. I'm in love with you.

no really. I'm not just saying that to get some sex. It's your personality.