Seven Items You Won't Believe Are Actually Legal

[THUNDER HANDS]

via cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_17016_7-items-you-wont-believe-are-actually-legal.html



#7.Flamethrowers



Holy Shit, Really?

Yes. There are currently no federal laws governing or restricting the ownership of flame-throwing devices. Some states have laws restricting possession of flamethrowers, with violations only considered to be misdemeanors, but 40 states have absolutely no laws whatsoever concerning flamethrowers. Only in America would a device capable of launching rivers of fire at people be less regulated than marijuana.

Where Can I Get One?

You can sometimes find professionally made flamethrowers being sold by private buyers online, some for as little as $300. Also, if you're unsure on how to use your new device, but you want the source of your advice to be batshit insane, you could pick up Ragnar Benson's delightful read, Breath Of The Dragon: Homebuilt Flamethrowers, which we can only hope comes with a cellphone with the numbers 9 and 1 already dialed.

What Should I Do With it?

Actually using your flamethrower is somewhat more difficult than acquiring it. It seems that lawmen these days have rules about when and where you're allowed to shoot gallons of flaming fuel. We recommend making friends with someone who owns a few acres of land out in the country and then going hog wild. If you accidentally start a wildfire, don't fret: Flamethrowers are just as good at stopping fires as they are at starting them. Just burn everything around the fire to cinders, and it won't have anywhere to spread!

Holy Balls, Why is it Legal?

Cracked cannot overstate the importance of destroying the horrifying bee menace. As a potent combination of "deadly" and "too small to shoot," the Africanized Honey Bee is quite possibly mankind's most dangerous enemy. Enter the flamethrower: your first, last, and only line of defense against the black and yellow hordes. In 1968, Brazilian firefighters armed with flamethrowers defended a group of children from the onslaught of buzzing death. This is apparently not an uncommon happening in nations fighting off the advancing bee legions.



#2.The Mini-Gun



Holy Shit, Really?

Quite possibly the most deadly infantry weapon ever designed. The M134 General Electric Minigun is an incredibly badass-looking gun with the capacity of firing up to one-hundred-and-sixty-six times per second. In case you haven't fully realized the power of that statement, allow us to illustrate it.

Where Can I Get One?

Unfortunately, there are only something like eleven civilian-legal miniguns in the USA. Most of them are in private hands, but one occasionally comes back up on the market. The going rate for your average minigun is around $400,000. But that's not the only expense you'll have. The minigun will require an extensive mounting system. Contrary to what you have heard, firing one of these by yourself would lead to severe blunt trauma, and a huge machine gun shooting wildly into the air. It's also going to be expensive to feed: one second of firing the minigun will set you back about sixty bucks. That's $3600 for a full minute of shooting. On the plus side, Bill Gates won't have to worry about muggers.

What Should I Do With Them?

If you're asking us this question, then you are obviously retardedly wealthy. We recommend purchasing a fleet of golden limousines, coating them in tannerite and then shooting them into flames with golden bullets. Firing this weapon for any length of time is an act of such ridiculous decadence that no other behavior you engage in will seem even the least bit indulgent.

Holy Balls, Why is it Legal?

The National Firearms Act states that any fully automatic weapons constructed before 1986 are legal for a civilian possessing a Class 2 permit to own. The few miniguns that were on the market by then remained legal, and have been circulating around the country for years. No crimes have ever been reported committed by a minigun-wielding criminal, which might be because billionaires so rarely hold up 7-11's. So, until Ted Turner finally snaps, mounts a GE Minigun on his golden H2 and guns down a muffin kiosk, you can expect the 11 or so miniguns on the market to remain legal.



http://www.cracked.com/article_17016_7-items-you-wont-believe-are-actually-legal.html

[Deep13]

1. Flamethrowers, miniguns are felony offenses in Ohio.

FYI. Probably the explosive stuff too.