So much for finding the good in people...

[Javaman]

Okay, that's a little over blown, but I just got let down by a simple act of selfishness.

And I admit, I'm probably wrong but, I never the less felt suckered.

The guy across the street from me is having his house renovated. Generally a nice guy, we don't talk a whole lot but we do greet each other when we see one another.

So as part of his renovation, he has a huge dumpster in his drive way. I had about 5 pieces of old wood shelving. 5' x 1.5' that I needed to get rid of. Bulk collection is months away, and taking them to the dump would have cost time, gas and money. And I could have just dumped them in the middle of the night into the dumpster and he wouldn't have been the wiser. But I'm not like that.

So I go over and ask him if I can throw the wood in the dumpster and I would give him 30 bucks for his troubles. (knowing full well that those dumpsters are expensive to rent). No problem he says, but first he checked out the dumpster. tons of room.

so I proceed to throw the stuff in. No problem. I walk back over with the money. Now here is the rub. If it were me, I would have said, don't worry about the money, we are neighbors.

not this guy, out comes his hand and literally snatches the money out of my hand. I thought that very odd. Damn, dude, you could have at least said, just give me ten. But alas, I did offer, but somehow, it didn't seem right on his part to take the money.

But, like I said, this is probably all me, since I did offer to pay.

Should I still feel my faith in humanity has been shaken or am I over reacting a bit?

Thanks for the DU therapy session :)

Javaman

[vadawg]

1. you did offer him the 30 bucks, cant blame him for taking you up on the offer.

[Mike 03]

2. Thirty bucks? That sounds ridiculously high for tossing a few planks of wood

into a dumpster.

I don't know where you live, but here I could get my own dumpster for a week for thirty bucks, and when I live in Los Angeles, I was able to get two huge dumpsters in the same day for fifty dollars.

That is really cruel, but it is an indication that we are in hard times.

Amazing and sad.

[Left Is Write]

3. Yes, I think you're overreacting a little.

He might not have asked for money, but you offered it. It can feel funny to do something like that between neighbors, and like you, I wouldn't have accepted any money for the favor, but as long as you offered, I don't think he was out of line to take it.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. You did make the offer, and maybe he badly needs the money.

It does seem a bit un-neighborly, but a deal's a deal.

[BlueJazz]

22. I don't Fuck People just because I know how or because my Fire burns brighter.

My parents taught me not to be a Sleezy Mother-Fucker.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

28. ??

[Tangerine LaBamba]

32. Just a thought -

I have no idea what that response to your post meant, either.

:toast:

[Fleshdancer]

5. FWIW....

If I was your neighbor, I wouldn't have taken your $30 offer. Maybe he really needed the cash though or perhaps he was taught that refusing an offer is insulting to the person making it. We'll never know, but it doesn't hurt assuming the best out of him.

[Javaman]

6. Good point about the "refusing might insult me", never thought of that. thanks. :) nt

[zanne]

68. I call BS. The guy's a jackass. nt

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. Needs help paying for the renovation? --

Sorry if that sounds snarky but, dang!! That was a high dollar offer and if I were your neighbor, I would have said: "forget about it -- what are neighbors for"

[DS1]

8. But you put your wood in his dumpster, without even a first date

not even a nice tossed salad for dinner

/rimshot

[Tangerine LaBamba]

10. YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!

RIGHT NOW!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------->

I'll be up to beat you later.......................

[applegrove]

9. You didn't make it clear what you wanted. You said $30. He may have been feeling

"hot dam I get $30 dollars for beer". Doesn't mean he is unkind or thoughtless.

[S n o w b a l l]

11. No, I don't think you're overreacting...

I would have felt exactly like you.

I've begun to realize that I have way too high expectations of people and expect them to do what I would do. I would've never accepted money from my neighbor even if he offered, but I've learned the hard way that people are out for themselves most of the time and you can't expect more or you'll consistently be disappointed.

No, I don't have much faith in humanity at all and that makes me very very sad. And I don't blame you a bit for how you're feeling.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

12. Bullshit...........

Don't let the asshole blow your belief in people. He's an asshole. Any neighbor - you don't have to be the best of friends - would have said, "Hell, no, just toss them, and don't worry about asking if you've got any other crap to go. Please don't fill up my dumpster, though, OK?

That's what a good neighbor does. The idea that you offered was nothing more than you being polite. He should have refused it.

You did good. You got had. Screw 'em.

From now on, sneak over in the middle of the night and ditch your stuff..................... :bounce:

[vadawg]

13. hate to disagree but sometimes you offer to let someone put stuff in your dumpster

and they take advantage of it.

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=&imgrefurl=http://flickr.com/photos/biotron/35691385/&usg=__UzT8RLUZnug05PLt2kZpEb8SYzQ=&h=375&w=500&sz=57&hl=en&start=1&um=1&tbnid=ter9qS77JUpC8M:&tbnh=98&tbnw=130&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcar%2Bin%2Bskip%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Dactive%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1

[Tangerine LaBamba]

14. Good point........

I stand corrected, but HOW DID THEY DO THAT???

[sammythecat]

17. .

:thumbsup:

[LisaL]

15. You offered money.

The guy isn't a mind reader to figure out you really didn't want him to take it. He isn't your relative or friend, sounds like you just barely know each other. Why shouldn't he take the money?

[LeftyFingerPop]

18. Because the neighbor would have bought himself...

a heck of a lot of goodwill by NOT taking the money.

I've filled up my truck apx. 5 times for my neighbor and brought his construction debris to the dump for free. He didn't offer money, and I didn't ask for it. I did not ask for the landfill fees, nor my gas for each 20 mile round trip.

In return, he snow blowed my large driveway, each time it snowed this winter, when I had a bad arm.

This is how neighbors operate, whether you know them well or not.

It's all about establishing goodwill with someone who lives next to you.

Just my opinion.

[driver8]

25. You are right -- that is what neighbors should do for each other. However,

the OP offered this guy thirty bucks. The neighbor accepted the offer and now the OP is pissed?

If it was me, I wouldn't have taken the money. But, maybe the neighbor needs the money -- who knows??

[LeftyFingerPop]

27. My point is...

The neighbor would have bought himself a thousand dollars worth of goodwill by not accepting the $30.

[driver8]

30. I'm with you -- I guess all people don't get the big picture.

My parents live in upstate NY and get a shit load of snow, and they pay one of our neighbors to plow their driveway.

My father passed away last winter, and their neighbor informed my Mom that he would not be taking any money from her -- he kept her plowed out all winter and would not take a cent.

I wouldn't have taken the money and you wouldn't have taken the money, but some people just don't get it. Let's be thankful for those who do!

[LeftyFingerPop]

31. Exactly right, driver8

I'm glad you mentioned the "big picture". Your point is well taken and right on.

[Javaman]

48. never said I was pissed. don't put works in my mouth. nt

[driver8]

54. Oh, sorry about that! n/t

[sammythecat]

16. You have a right to be disappointed.

I've had similar situations. I'm sure you would have felt better if he just acknowledged your offer was generous and then maybe said something about really being able to use that money.

The way he acted was not friendly and was not neighborly. My estimation of him would have gone down several notches.

[SPKrazy]

19. The good is often overshadowed

by the self centeredness in people

[BlueJazz]

20. My opinion ? He's an Asshole. I've offered casual friends money...

...to do certain things. (Bob..My car needs a starter..can you drive me down to the store to pick one up?)

Actually I have "Set-up" people in the past by offering much more than the "Job" was actually worth.

You learn who the Greedy Mother-Fuckers are and who are the People with Breeding and taste are... :)

PS. Please..don't be a sucker...if your shit neighbor ever wants a favor//...sure...30 bucks. :)

[S n o w b a l l]

29. Thumbs up...

Greedy is right. This black and white thinking of "well you offered it" is quite telling. The lack of generosity of these people doesn't really surprise me.

[BlueJazz]

34. Boy..Some of the Answers in this post are quite Telling.

:) :) :)

[S n o w b a l l]

36. Isn't that the truth...

who says you can't learn a lot about a person from a message board.

:)

[Left Is Write]

39. Hmmm.

So some people here are willing to give the neighbor the benefit of the doubt because he is not a mind reader, perhaps is preoccupied, or even that he needs the money, and that means you can "tell" something about us; i.e., that we are greedy?

[S n o w b a l l]

40. Like I said...

I realize I have too high expectations of people.

[Left Is Write]

41. Okay. Well, I find it "telling" that you think you know other people

based on willingness to give this neighbor the benefit of the doubt. Even though many of us have said that we, personally, would not have taken the money.

[S n o w b a l l]

42. I form my opinions...

you can form yours.

Am I judgmental about people and how they conduct their lives in treating their neighbors & people in general? Yes, I am. And that's a fault of mine. I admitted my fault way up in the thread...I have way too many expectations of people to be kind and generous.

And that applies in this situation. I have a real problem with greedy people and that's just the way I saw this situation. But, that's my opinion. You're entitled to yours. The way I'm seeing it is that anyone that would agree to this person snatching the money out of his neighbor's hand just because he offered it is a pretty greedy, selfish person and is really lacking in any social skills or graces.

I'm sorry you took it personally.

[skygazer]

21. Personally, I think you're totally overreacting

You offered 30 bucks, he took 30 bucks. Just because he didn't respond the way you might have doesn't make him a bad person.

Now if he'd told you to fuck off and die, I'd say you had a legitimate grievance.

[noamnety]

23. Try to see it from his point of view

"A neighbor came to me, asked a favor and offered to pay me for it. I didn't go asking for it - they came to me. And now they are acting pissed that I did what they asked."

I'm feeling a little WTFish at your predicament; if you thought that was an unreasonable offer, why on earth did you make it?

[LeftyFingerPop]

26. It is generally considered good manners to offer money for...

things that should, in reality, be done as a favor. Just because the money was offered does not mean that it had to be accepted.

I frequently say things like "Hey, can I give you a few bucks to pick me up something at Home Depot as long as you are going there"?

The typical response might be "hey, tell me what you need, you don't have to pay me".

Offering money is sometimes just a polite way of doing things...doesn't mean the money needs to be accepted.

I'd rather have a neighbor that would remember that I did him a favor.

[noamnety]

33. It's not polite though

to offer money and then get pissy if they take it.

-- Miss Manners

[LeftyFingerPop]

35. I doubt that he got pissy to the neighbor.

He is merely expressing his disappointment here.

Also, if the guy wanted to take his money, he could have done it without snatching it out of his hand, and maybe, just maybe, his neighbor could have said....

"I hate to take the money, but I will because i need it now. I'll do you a favor sometime".

[Javaman]

49. did I ever say I was pissy? nope. don't put words in my mouth. nt

[alphafemale]

24. If you didn't want him to take it you shouldn't have offered.

You don't know his situation. You may have been given the opportunity to be his "angel" where he had to have $30 for something and he had no idea where it was going to come from.

I do think $30 was a pretty high offer, but you did offer it.

I have been in situations where I've needed rides from friends and co-workers. I always offer them money for gas, usually a good bit more than what it is going to cost them. If they refuse I usually find a way to sneak it into a cup well or other hidey-hole in the car. They'll find it in a day or two or week and probably never make the connection. they'll just be "Hmmm...when did I leave that there? Oh, goody! Found money!"

[Gormy Cuss]

37. You offered the money, threw your stuff in the dumpster, and gave him the money. What's the problem?

Seriously, the guy's biggest problem is that he's clueless to how much neighborly goodwill he could buy by not taking your money, but there most certainly is no expectation that he would permit you to use the dumpster space without payment.

My next door neighbor is the most neighborly sort on the planet but after a few years I realized that he really gets annoyed by a certain few neighbors who expect him to do them favors every time. There's no exact ritual on this but offering to pay shows that you have some consideration for your neighbor. That he took the money may mean any of a number of things.

[Metta]

38. You were offering a connection, some comraderie and he was ungracious.

He didn't meet your expectations. ... hurts. tough break.

[arcadian]

43. If you were truly an anarchist

you would have put the scrap wood on his front porch then set fire to it.

[LisaL]

47. You are truly suggesting arson because he is pissed at his neighbor?

How ridiculous is that? Never mind extremely dangerous.

[arcadian]

61. Lighten up... It's called "a joke".

Ha ha?

[Javaman]

51. LOL good point LOL nt

[Orrex]

44. Each night for as the dumpster's there, take a dump in it

And encourage your other neighbors to do the same.



You're kind of stuck; if you wanted him to take $10, you should have offered $10. But his brusque snatching of the cash is still sort of rude.

[Doremus]

45. No one can take advantage of you without your permission.

I buy and sell for a living. When I first started I really sucked at it in many ways, but mostly because my tendency was to offer people what I thought they wanted for their widget, as opposed to a price that left me enough room for profit. Yikes, did I make some bad buys, lol.

Fortunately, it didn't take long to learn that I wasn't there to please the other person but to pay an amount that we could BOTH live with.

You ought not have offered an amount you actually thought was too high. The guy probably thought he lucked out to have a rich neighbor. :)

[marzipanni]

46. You could have put the wood at the end of your driveway with a "free" sign on it.

Or if that's unacceptable in your neighborhood, maybe the dump recycles usable stuff. The dump in my mom's town has a place to put stuff someone else might be able to use, and people give and take.

[AirmensMom]

50. It works better if you put it in the driveway with a price tag on it.

People figure that if it's free, it's not worth having. If it has a price tag on it, it's worth stealing. :shrug:

[rurallib]

52. Finally a chance to write about my brother and SIL

My oldest daughter is 10 years younger than his daughter. When ours was about 9 my brother was having a garage sale. We stopped by to say hi, that was all. As we were talking I commented that one of my niece's dresses was 'cute' and would look nice on our daughter. No offer to buy or anything, just a comment. My SIL took it down from the rack and charged me $10. I was so stunned, so stunned I didn't want to cause an incident so I paid and left immediately.
Were the situation reversed I would have told them to take whatever they wanted.
And it's not like they needed money. They spent weekends in a motorhome that cost more than my house.

[Chan790]

57. No offense...

I've have charged you too. You don't go to other people's, especially family's, garage sales and do that sort of thing. It's tacky...it's one thing to do it when you're helping cleaning out the attic or some-such, it's entirely different to show up to a function designed for the purpose of getting rid of crap for money and expecting to be given things for free just for commenting on it.

[rurallib]

63. Sorry - I was not trying to get anything. I stopped by to say hello

I merely commented on the dress and my SIL took that to mean I wanted it and expected me to pay for it. I was caught so unexpectedly that I went ahead and paid for it. I did not want it, it was merely a comment. Even at that it was way overpriced at $10. But I did not want to make waves so I kowtowed and paid the 10 bucks and left.
This brother and SIL keep track of every favor they have ever done and calculate whether it had ever been paid back in full or not. Before I knew this I asked him to come down and run some wire in our house. That favor was thrown in my face every holiday for years. "When are you gonna pay us back for helping with that wiring?" That despite helping them move twice and helping build their new house.
I don't know why but I did take offense here.
We seldom see this brother any more. When we do talk immediately turns to possessions and money.
As I said, I never wanted the damn dress. I only paid to not start a fight. If any of my family or friends ever asked me for something I am not using they can have it simply because they are friends.
Maybe I didn't write so good this morning.

[Chan790]

64. They sound horrible...

the situation you present is one different from my initial perception. My apologies.

I perceived it as you went to her garage sale to browse and asked for the dress thinking you should get it for nothing. I have a great-aunt that does that...she shows up at estate sales and the such and asks for things. You know, a memento...except that months later when she thinks nobody will notice she takes them in to the antique shop she owns and she sells them. Gets my hackles up...she asked my mother for Grandma's silver set. She scammed some 200 year old books which were to be mine (I'm a collector) when an old family friend died.

She too keeps track of favors and what she's owed and she too is very ungenerous. She once gave me $5 for watching her grand-kids on a spur of the moment for over 12 hours when her other child (i.e. the one who isn't a parent to these kids) was hospitalized unexpectedly. Normally I wouldn't care except that I'm a strict vegetarian and there is nothing in my house these kids would have eaten...so I ordered pizza for them, a fact she knew because she had 2 pieces ("Famished, I tell you...I haven't eaten all day.") and asked for the leftovers ("I've got to feed Frannie (her husband) still. I'm sooo tired, such a long day."). To not even reimburse someone doing you a huge favor for out-of-pocket expenses and then to impose further. :eyes: What am I going to do, she's family.

[rurallib]

73. The topper was when they did not show for my daughter's

HS graduation, choosing instead to spend the weekend in their $80,000 rec vehicle w/tv etc. at a 'campground' about 5 miles from my house. He told me that wheeling the RV around was 'too much trouble.' I told him I could have easily picked them up.
They also skipped both college graduations for our kids. They treat my other brother's kids like kings. I know not what I ever did to them.
After my mother died my dad remarried after about 4 years. My dad gave his fiance the ring that he had given my mother for their engagement. My brother freaked out and quit speaking to them for 5 years, including skipping their wedding. They started talking again when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Things and money just seem to mean so much to them.
They just bought a new house. I still haven't seen it. Haven't really invited out yet.
Always tell my wife that we must be having a fued, but I have not been told about what yet.

ETA - before my mother died she gave me a specific piece of furniture (an old organ. She wanted to make sure I got it. She told my father also that it was to go to me. As I was in college and had a small trailer, I had no place to put it, so they kept it. So about six months later, I went to visit my brother and lo and behold in their front room sat my organ. That was probably 35 years ago. They still have it. They apparently just took it one day when my mother was at the doctor.

[fizzgig]

53. i think you might be overreacting a bit because you did offer the money, BUT

i was raised to help your neighbors. i would not accept any money if you had asked me to use my dumpster to toss a few pieces of wood. nor would i if you needed help with lawn work, snow shoveling, moving or anything of the like. i would, however, accept any refreshments that were offered :)

don't let this shake your faith in humanity, though. there are plenty of good people around.

[Xipe Totec]

55. Actually, he did find the good in people

Don't spoil it.

[ZombieHorde]

56. Why did you offer something you did not want to give?

Seems dishonest to me. Seems like you set him up. Try making an honest offer next time and see if you like the results.

[petronius]

58. It was a pretty high offer, and I personally wouldn't have taken it, but people

in the middle of a renovation are often a bit irrational about money. They're watching so much cash flow out that the chance to bring some in is like crack to them.

I wouldn't let it shake your faith in humanity, but I'd remember in the future that this guy will accept what's offered - so next time, don't offer cash, just ask for a favor...

[BlueIris]

59. Overreacting a little. In my life, neighbor doesn't mean "obligated to help," unless we're friends.

Which...most of my neighbors are just the folks who live near me. I don't even know their names. However, the guy just snatching the money from you was rude. And I'm with those who've said thirty was more than he deserved.

[Zavulon]

60. You're overreacting.

In this sort of economic climate, if you expect offers of cash to be refused, the joke's on you. Sorry, bud. :)

[WinkyDink]

62. You, -$30: "My neighbor is a greed-head!" Him, +$30: "My neighbor is an idiot!"

[quakerboy]

65. I guess I differ from the majority

Were I the neighbor, I would have happily let you toss in the wood, no worries. I would never have asked for money. He did not. Were I you, I would have asked how much he wanted to toss in a few ends. And then were I him, I would have said "no worries". But given that you chose the price and had the cash out and counted, I would have taken it. Granted, I would plan to buy some beers to share with you the next time I noticed you doing yard work at the same time, or something of that nature. But I would have taken it, given the situation.

I don't think this is any reason to have any faith in humanity shaken. There are plenty of perfectly good reasons for that to have occurred, but this is not one.

[Phentex]

71. I agree here...

This whole thing could have gone down a different way. I think offering a set amount is what caused the issue here. As others have pointed out, he might have thought taking the $30 is what was expected since it was the offer and the money was counted out and ready to go.

Whole different story if the OP asked about using the dumpster first and seeing what the neighbor said BEFORE mentioning money at all.

[LibDemAlways]

66. I think it was very generous of you to offer

$30.00 in exchange for putting a few pieces of old wood shelving into a large dumpster. I would have said, "Go ahead. There's plenty of room and I absolutely won't take a dime." That's what a good neighbor would do.

Obviously your neighbor sees things differently. I think he was greedy to take the money, and I hope if he ever needs a favor from you, you'll remember this and charge him accordingly.

[Javaman]

72. Yeah, 30 bucks. LOL nt

[Lucian]

67. You offered the money.

He took it. If you thought he only should have taken $10, then you should have only offered him $10.

[stewartcolbert08]

69. LOL

I see where you are coming from but I dont know if I would go so far as there is no good left in people. LOL I would have told you just to clean the dog poop in my back yard hehe! :D

[cherish44]

70. I ran into a guy who needed to jump start his car

Let him leech some of my car's power with his jumper cables. He offered me $20. Even though I'm broke I didn't accept it. Sometimes you should just do something to help out another person and not expect compensation you know. Your neighbor = jerk. I'm sure karma will bite him in the butt someday.

[bluedeminredstate]

74. Agree.

Sometimes you should just do it because it's no skin off your back to do so. My next door neighbor and I borrow cans of cream of mushroom soup, cups of sugar, a teaspoon of vanilla, etc. back and forth when needed. She tried to pay me two bucks one day for a can of tomatoes and I wouldn't take it. I told her I thought it would all even out in the end if we didn't pay each other for every little thing and it would save us unexpected, emergency trips to the store when the need arose. It's worked for 20 years and I don't think either one of us has ever taken advantage of the situation. That's not to say I'd ask her for 5 pounds of flour or ask her to let me borrow her car, but sometimes a little favor can generate a lot of good will. Your dickish neighbor missed that lessson at his mama's knee.