Newsweek: Workplace pressures to be a 'good' girl

[Captain Hilts]

http://www.newsweek.com/id/214608?gt1=43002

I did a media-training session with a couple of colleagues a few weeks back, to hone our on-camera skills. There were seven of us—four men, three women—and each of us was interviewed, then critiqued, on a giant flat-screen television overhead. I spoke about a story I'd spent months working on, and gave what I thought was a confident interview. So did my other female colleagues.

But when we watched ourselves on the big screen, our apprehension became embarrassingly clear—especially in comparison to our male counterparts. The trainer described me as "sing-songy," my voice inflecting up, time and again, turning my statements into questions. We used self-defeating words like "sort of," and started our sentences with "I'm not sure, but"—doubting our opinions before we even expressed them. The irony, of course, is that we're accomplished journalists; we knew these topics well. So why did we sound so unsure of ourselves?

According to a new book about female self-esteem, being cautious and apologetic impacts just about every standard measure of success in the workplace: money, accomplishment, recognition. In The Curse of the Good Girl, author Rachel Simmons argues that women pressure themselves to fit the mold of modest, selfless, rule-following "good girl" for fear of being labeled a "bitch." But it's those bitchlike qualities that help us get ahead—which means we're left with imbalanced salaries, lower titles, and shorter professional trajectories. "In many ways the zeitgeist is that girls are excelling and boys are having trouble," says Simmons. "But it all depends on what you're measuring."

It's easy to look at today's women and think we've come a long way. On one hand, we've reaped the benefits our feminist mothers fought for, and we're encouraged, time and again, to "be whatever we want to be." We outnumber boys in graduation rates, college enrollment, and school leadership positions, and have proven ourselves professionally. Things look promising; to the point that even a beauty queen can climb on stage and declare "there are no longer any barriers against us," as did the winner of Miss Universe this month. (Though apparently she doesn't see the irony of announcing this while being judged and rated on her appearance and poise.)

[Manifestor_of_Light]

1. why are there so many whiny muffies on TV?

Muffies with whiny voices? Nerve-wracking nasal voices -- Sarah Palin is the WORST.

[Captain Hilts]

2. True. Women on TV speak differently than women I know. nt

[astral]

3. Why are we asking the question, "Why can't women

be more like men?"

Maybe it's OKAY that women have a different way of expressing themselves than men, less assertive-sounding.

It's good to be aware of, as there can be times when you NEED to be more assertive, but why should a grown woman have to completely re-examine every move she makes, every word she utters, to come across different than what comes naturally to her?

Women can dress like men and talk like men and act like men, or they can evolve into more perfectly expressing who they really are. Does it matter, for instance, whether you want to wear a business suit and pants or a pink dress with a pearl necklace? These are all expressions of self, and some women can be comfortable in either type of outfit.

I don't think women are afraid of being labeled a bitch. People can be labeled a bitch or be labeled as too meek and mousy, just because people are different with different personalities and different dispositions.

We are comparing the WOMEN to the MEN. On the flip-side, why aren't the men singled out for not being more like the women? Sounds ridiculous when you flip it around, doesn't it?

After browsing DU last night I picked up the You-Tube version of that movie, "Real women have curves," and really enjoyed it. I didn't even know who America Ferrera was nor that she is "Ugly Betty," although I saw a few partial scenes from that TV show somewhere or other.

I bring that up because this topic ties into the topic of women having to look GOOD, and THIN, which men don't have to. At least it all ties together in my mind.

I think we need to be able to be confident in who we are and how we are without being pressured to be different to fit more into the cookie-cutter mold, which, I will remind you all, comes from the media directly.