is there a more thankless job than mom?

[mopinko]

sheesh. my son is a grown man (23), living here for free while he goes to college, on our dime. he has a girlfriend who also lives here for free, who is supposed to be going to college, but is not. she does not lift a finger, nor contribute a dime.
they have decided that they don't like my cooking. we do not have all that many home cooked meals around here, but i do cook almost every tuesday. they have decided that not only are my meals unfit for their little lips, but that i should be treated as rudely as possible so as to disabuse me of the notion that i can cook.
dessert is exempt from this policy.

i'm gonna go make some art. just had to vent, so as to avoid piling their shit on the curb.

[Symarip]

1. ...

That's why I have a dog.

[Fleshdancer]

2. oh HELL no

I don't care how old a kid is, you don't treat mom like that. It's time to get bitchy with these two or else it'll just get worse. It's also time to decide who gets assigned what chores each week. This includes the cooking and the purchasing of groceries.

On edit: and the girlfriend can start paying rent or get the hell out.

[GirlAfire]

3. Emma Goldman...

...says "no."

I'm so sorry for your troubles, mopinko. Have you tried to talk to them? You really don't deserve that, and I'd challenge them to try and find a more comfortable, welcoming, and easy (as in, a place at which they have almost no responsibilities) home than the one you're offering to them. I doubt they'd come up with an answer.

But remember, we here at DU are thankful for you! :hug:

[Deep13]

4. defense lawyer nt

[Tobin S.]

5. Truckin' is nearly thankless, but I can smash the bastards if I ever get too pissed

FEEL THE POWER!!!!!!

I don't think I'd be able to contain myself if I were in your situation. That's probably why I'm 37 and don't have children.

[Blue Diadem]

6. There's a way to handle that.

Tell son and his friend to find/buy/make/cook their own meals and that means cleaning up after themselves.

and that means hands off your desserts too.

The curb is always an option as well.

[pink-o]

7. Dude, it's time for "Tough Love"

You're not doing your son any favours by putting up with that shit, Mo! Think of it from his POV: he's gonna continue to treat people like they're on this earth to serve him and his needs, because that's what his mother has always done. 23 is not too old to learn a bit of consideration, and a little less of the entitlement.

It sounds like the girl is influencing him against you, too. But you can't diss her to your son, he's gonna take her side and think that you're only putting your foot down because you don't like her. Young people love that drama, he'd become the instant martyr. You have to lay the responsibility fully on his broad shoulders, set limits and timetables.

You're still the mom. You still have the parental right to tell him to straighten up and fly right or pay the price. If you can't find it in your heart to do it, please speak to someone who can help you. You have to believe you don't deserve to be treated so shabbily, you're a good person and you're entitled to respect. Once you truly understand that, you can give your son what he needs to begin a productive life.

[Madrone]

13. +1

I wholeheartedly agree with this message. You are doing neither young person any favors by accepting their bullshit.

And there are few, if any, jobs more thankless than being a mom. :hug: Hang in there.

[Arugula Latte]

8. You know, my kids actually do thank me.

(They haven't hit the teen years yet, though.) My son (12) will sometimes say out of the blue "Mama, thank you for everything you do for us." My daughter chimes in, too.

I'll get back to you in 10 years, though.

[GirlAfire]

10. That is So Wonderful to Hear

I never hear of kids doing things like that. Congratulations on having seemingly awesome kids. :D

[Arugula Latte]

11. Thank you!

I think I just lucked out. :)

:hi:

[HERVEPA]

12. Likely not luck. Probably won't change.

You probably just raised them well.

[Taverner]

9. Tech Support

But on the other hand, Moms don't get paid. Tech Support does.

[grasswire]

14. does this girlfriend have a family?

Where does she get spending money?

And what do they do for food on the nights when you do not cook?

[rockymountaindem]

15. Not my mom!

My parents are great, I tell them that all the time, and I tell everybody who is willing to listen that I have the best parents ever. It's about the only way I can currently pay them back for everything they're doing for me.

[mopinko]

16. thanks to all

just popped in while i am waiting for my clay to dissolve into casting slip.

like all dramatic stories this one has a lot of twists, turns and corners. i always will feel inadequate and like a bad mom, because illness made it hard to be the one i wanted to be. my kids are all weirdos anyway. i see all the bad family genes popping out. they are connected to good ones, of course, like being too smart for ordinary humans. but it has been a long haul, and this is a weird kid. a one in a million kid.

they do get their asses chewed out. they will both be getting a good one later today, when dad gets home. in the meantime, i told him to take a hike and make himself scarce before i start throwing shit. he does do his choirs, although rarely enthusiastically. she, on the other hand, is due for an in your face moment.

i do have a big kid who lets me know that the do grow up. she is actually here right now also, after breaking up with a boyfriend. she is kicking people's asses for me.

thanks for the sympathy. next best thing to thanks.

[nini]

17. "my son is a grown man "

then he either acts like one or out the door.

Why are you allowing him and especially the girlfriend to dictate anything?


Get the girlfriend out NOW and lay the law down on your son. If he doesn't stop his crap he's out too.

Stand up for yourself.

[mopinko]

18. update. he apologized and is cleaning the kitchen. i did not

suck up the apology. i let him know it is just words if he doesn't put his ass behind. and her ass, too.

[quakerboy]

34. good to hear

[CreekDog]

19. your momma's?

:hide:

i kid. :hug:

you have my blessing to tell them to get out. :rofl:

[BlueIris]

20. Daughter. nt

[backwoodsbob]

21. what part of kick them the hell out

has been lost these days?

If my *we have one* grown adult treated me like that he would be looking for a new place to live that night

[MajorChode]

22. Dad

[Book Lover]

23. I know it's easy for me to say this,

but you are not doing him a favor by letting him and his girlfriend run roughshod in your household. Good luck to you.

[mnhtnbb]

24. It might be time to pile the shit on the curb. You can only be disrespected

with your consent.

[WinkyDink]

25. No, and I speak as a daughter, not a mother! P.S. Collect rent & don't cook for them again!

[blueamy66]

26. What self-respecting young lady....

would live rent-free and jobless in her boyfriend's parents' home?

I don't get younguns these days.

[mopinko]

31. right?

she says she doesn't want to, then she does. works at starbucks and doesn't even bring us home the free coffee. she doesn't drink it.
she was asked to pitch in however she sees fit. many things have been suggested.
yeah, cooking might be a good place to start.

[TK421]

27. Ummmm....let me get this straight here- your son ( 23) does not contribute

nor does his girlfriend ( a person outside of the family ) they don't like your cooking ( do they know how to cook? I suggest they learn to do so! ) You're being too nice here....don't make art, raise HELL!!!!!!!!!!

[mopinko]

28. no, he has daily chores, and pitches in when needed.

girlfriend, on the other hand....

[TK421]

29. Toss HER ass out...see if things change then! If not...take charge of YOUR home

and set things right....you're worth more than this

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

30. Toilet cleaners

we have foreign women here who sit outside of public toilets and take money (small change) and go in and scrub the shit off the toilets after people are done with them.

Maybe it's time for your son and his girlfriend to find other accommodations.

[foxfeet]

32. House elf.

[quakerboy]

33. So dont cook for them

that one small part of the greater problem solved.

[WildEyedLiberal]

35. It sounds like your son is at least trying - apologizing for his outburst, doing his chores

Girlfriend's ass needs to be OUT, though, and if son doesn't like it, too bad. It sounds like whenever he's being an ass to you, it's thanks to her influence. And she's not YOUR child; you have no parental obligation to put a roof over her head. She's mooching off you and gives NOTHING in return but a bad attitude? Dump her ass NOW. If sonny boy gets pissed, tell him this is YOUR house and he's welcome to stay but if he wants to live with her that damn bad they can find their own apartment and pay for it themselves.

[WCGreen]

36. Tell them you will start charging rent if she doesn't go to school...

[TheKentuckian]

37. Mom's get a day. Ever done telemarketing? That's thankless. I usually try to be cool I feel so bad

for them.

[BlooInBloo]

38. Whoa. I can't imagine being permitted to treat my mom like that.