Married/partnered DU'ers

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

Back story: my husband works for a small publishing company as the Network Administrator with about 100 employees. His company was recently bought by one of the largest publishing houses in the world and his company is moving to a new office which houses another branch of their publishing interests. They are two separate "companies" and will be on different floors but there is talk of my husband being promoted to do the network administration for both companies which will involve approximately 500 employees.

My question/dilemma is this: hubby has the fashion sense of a rutabaga and since I've known him I've basically taken over and redone his wardrobe. Everything he wears now comes from the US (we live in Germany) and he is happy with this because he recognizes that he was never a member of the fashion club. But now, with the new work circumstances, I think he should bump it up a notch and start wearing more formal business attire. He currently wears jeans and button down shirts. He's kind of balking at the idea (mainly because he's cheap and doesn't want to buy new clothes) and I don't want to overstep my boundaries and insist on anything but am I wrong to think that such a promotion would warrant such a fashion change?

DU wives/partners, do you help your mate's with their fashion choices? Am I being a control freak here? I must note that German women tend to rule the roost with an iron fist and I am especially keen on NOT doing that.

[mnhtnbb]

1. Hubby has limited fashion sense and HATES to shop. I often advise him

on shirt colors and ties. I have a horrible time getting him into business casual--he either wants to wear
jeans or he dresses up with slacks/button shirt/tie.

In my experience, do some scouting of best shops and connect with a salesperson you think hubby would
like. Then make an appointment to take hubby in for some shopping and do something fun afterwards.

Good luck!

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

7. Thank you for your suggestions

If I promise him we will go to KFC (UGH) after wards, he'll do just about anything!

[vadawg]

2. rofl, you could be my wife, luckily i wear a uniform to work so she cant interfere

though she sure as hell would if she could, leave the guy alone, i have no idea why wifes always believe that by changing us they are going to make us happier. :)

[Callalily]

3. Does his new position

require him to "bump up" his wardrobe? If so, then I would suggest purchasing a few good quality classic style suits/shirts/ties. They will last a long time. I'm still wearing suits I purchased 10 years ago.

Good luck. Sometimes it's not fun shopping with guys. ;)

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

8. That is part of my question

does going from the IT guy in a small company to one overseeing a company of 500 employees warrant a bump up in the business attire. I think it does, he's not so sure/doesn't like shopping/is a cheap bastard.

Thanks for the tips on suits too. :hi:

[vadawg]

23. you want cheap suits, this is not for some people but obituaries are a good place to look

estate sales as well, i know someone who recently got a job by spotting an obituary and applying to the mans workplace that same day, ive also go tmany clothes in the past from the family's of the deceased..

[trof]

4. Kinda depends on what his peers wear?

I know Europeans used to dress more formally for business than we sometimes do.

[annabanana]

6. Agreed. Is there any way you can check out the sartorial habits

of those in similar positions?

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

9. His boss wears a suit

as do all other male employees and women wear formal business attire as well.

[trof]

24. That would pretty much settle it for me.

When in Rome...

[NewJeffCT]

11. I would agree with this

If the new employer is more formal than the current employer, then an upgrade might be necessary. However, it would also not hurt for him to dress in some of his nicer current clothes the first week or three just to make a good impression - and then judge from there.

[taterguy]

5. As a male, commands about workplace issues can be a little annoying

I work at my job.

My wife doesn't.

Sometimes she'll provide helpful input but I always feel I have the right to ignore any of her suggestions.

As far as clothing is concerned. You're right. Men hate buying clothes. I have no objection to my wife picking out stuff for me.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

15. I hear ya taterguy

I'm not trying to make any commands, I'm just trying to look out for his best interests and career. I don't involve myself in what he does at work in any way. I just want the guy to wear some nicer clothes!

[av8rdave]

10. I guess it depends on the personality

I am a fashion moron, and welcome my spouse's input.

[Haole Girl]

12. Sometimes I try to help my husband dress...

usually I'm not much help. I, unfortunately, have little fashion sense myself!

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

13. You could get a fashion advisor for the both of you

:rofl:

[Haole Girl]

14. Probably not a bad idea

:P

[lildreamer316]

30. When in doubt; always go basic.

First; go basic on colors: black; white; brown; and blue. At this point don't worry about what colors flatter you; just get some basics. If/when you finally figure out what colors/shades look good on you; you can always add pieces later to your basics (scarfs; blouses/shirts; etc.)

For women I always recommend New York & Company. They always carry suit basics that are still fashionable but not ever really out of fashion; but do not look or feel too matronly. I have several suit pieces by them and they have held up well (admittedly I do not have many places to wear a suit; however) and I bought them between 6-9 years ago and they still look in fashion.

In pants; long and straight is always workable and almost always in fashion. Don't go for either end of the spectrum: really close to the leg (legging/major-ly tapered) styles; and don't have really hugely large-legged styles either. If you're short or/and pear-shaped; the long and straight makes you look slimmer and taller. If you are already slim and tall; it just streamlines you. Don't go for either high-waisted or low-waisted for obvious reasons(although I have to admit loving the high-waisted mid-thigh skirts that are now in fashion; but they could and probably will fall right back out of fashion soon!).

In jackets; I am tempted to say the same (almost): longer is better than shorter because shorter tends to visually 'cut you off'; and most people don't look good like that. Get something that at least covers the top of your hip area; if not longer.

For casual; again darker and straight-legged jeans are almost never really out of style (except in the 80s; lol!). They are like black - they really go with everything; and can be easily dressed up with a nice top.

Shoes - try not to go to extremes here either. Neither really pointy toes or really rounded/square ones (exception: men's square-toed dress shoes are still really good-looking!!). For women: don't go for major-ly chunky 90's style (think Doc Martins) heels on shoes. Get a nice pair of heels in either a skinny or mid-chunky style in black or brown (whatever your wardrobe calls for in majority color) and a nice pair of calf-to-knee high boots with a mid-chunky heel (not a really skinny one; looks hooker-ish..and this is coming from an exotic entertainer! :) ) The newest style in shoes is the ankle boot (think re-vamped 80s)with a mid-chunky heel. If you like this style or think you can wear it; it's a great alternative to wearing all heels or all boots; and it goes well with both suits (pants) and jeans. If you want to wear it with a skirt you might want to look up some pictures of ppl doing so; I don't have advice for that.

I don't try to challenge the fashion world very much. You will find me out partying in my dark jeans; a cute pair of heels (this is where I splurge personally when I have the money) and a black nice top. I don't take risks with the colors; so therefore I can take some risks with the styles (I will buy a cute top in a newer style). Does that make sense? It's a safe bet to only take a fashion 'risk' with one piece at a time.

I dress my husband in basic black/brown stylish shoes; nice black or dark blue jeans; and a fashionable shirt (he's a dj). He has two suits; fairly well tailored to him in black and white; single-button. We both like double-breasted suits; but it is really easy to go wrong with those and look dated unless they are really tailored to the individual person. He picks out the color shirts he likes and that's how we compromise. He also has great taste in ties :)

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

36. You my friend

are a great source of information. Have you thought about becoming a consultant in the fashion and beauty industry? Thank you for your wonderful post! I will bookmark it for my next shopping expedition.

:hug:

[hippywife]

16. Many higher IT positions still require

quite a bit of physical labor, do they not? Maybe consider upgrading him to khaki's from the jeans and polos, maybe?

And, yes, I do buy all of my husband's clothes but only because he won't shop for them, or I'll be out and see something that I know will look good on him.

:hi:

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

18. You are right about the physical labor

he has to get down on the floor a lot to work with people's towers so that is a factor. Slacks/khakis would be a nice improvement.

The weird thing about my husband is he hates shopping here in Germany but when we come back to the US and we go to the outlet places, he's a fiend. I think it's the saving of so much money that makes him go crazy.
:hi:

[hippywife]

20. Not to mention

having large cabling projects on occasion. He still has a need to be comfortable because of all of this so maybe that would be a good compromise.

[Richardo]

21. I agree with the slacks/khakis

And if they're literally khaki (or tan) in color, a sportcoat, dress shirt and tie almost any color would look good, without going all the way to 'suit'. Also, loafers are still comfortable/casual, but have enough shine to pass as busness attire. :thumbsup:

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

22. Thanks Richardo

great ideas. :hi:

[PassingFair]

17. The rule of thumb is that you should dress for the job you want.

If his bosses wear suits, then so should he.
He can take the jacket off while he works.

I don't think you have the right to "insist"
though.

How would you like it if he ordered YOU to
dress a certain way.

Suggesting is OK.
Insisting is not cool.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

19. Good advice about the jacket

As far as your other comments, I thought I made it clear that I am not insisting on anything and I respect his boundaries. I don't order him what to wear either. :hi:

[dysfunctional press]

26. what if your job requires manual labor, and you want one that doesn't?

a guy on the back of a garbage truck would look pretty silly in a suit & tie.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

35. Network Administrator

or garbage guy. Hmm, I think you might be in the dark about some things.

[dysfunctional press]

39. was i responding to you?

no.

my post was in response to this:

"The rule of thumb is that you should dress for the job you want."

don't worry- eventually you'll probably catch on to how these message boards work. :hi:

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

43. I just might

thanks for being a good sport in your rebuke. I apologize. :hi:

[RubyDuby in GA]

25. Well you could take pictures of his particular fashion ..um..choices

and post them on websites and let the public decide. Then show him the comments.

Case in point - meet my hubby, DUer Bezerko:
Here we are on our honeymoon in the Bahamas -


Here is one of his vacation looks -


He also likes to wear this on vacation to let everyone know we aren't from around there -


Or there are times when he manages to slip out of the house without me seeing what he is wearing, like when we went to the grocery store the other day -


Close-up in case you didn't notice what was wrong with that pic -


Funny enough, I dress our 3 year old son after the one time that daddy was watching him and dressed him to come meet me at a store on the way home. A stranger walked up to me and whispered "his daddy dressed him, didn't he?" All I could do was laugh and tell her yes.

I'm all for letting my dear hubby express himself, that's why I always take the camera.

btw, he's sitting beside me laughing at this.


On edit: hubby is looking at pictures and says of the top one "that is a good look"

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

27. Oh my!

You've got a real character on your hands (I mean that in a good way Bezerko). He'd fit right in over here with the socks and sandals thing. Great pics!

[hunter]

33. Your husband could've taken those clothes out of my closet...

... even the hat in the first photo. But I'm not a sandals person.

Yes, my wife does tell me what to wear when it's important, but it's got to be overwhelmingly important before I'll wear a tie, itchy pants, or shoes I couldn't run two or three miles in. You never know who or what might be chasing you.

[AngryAmish]

28. LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE

I did. Dressing well is not an area of competence for me. Business attire (suits etc) I do and do it well. Otherwise, listen to someone who knows what they are doing.

[MrsBrady]

29. find out what German men in his new position are wearing...

first.

[grace0418]

31. My husband is a FAR pickier person than I am, and that extends to his fashion sense.

I don't buy him clothes ever because, even if I thought it would be perfect, he'd later reveal (after not wearing it for years) that the buttons were "weird" or the cut was all wrong.

So I guess I'm not much help. But if you have any idea what other people in the office wear, that gives you a good starting point. He could try switching to nice pants instead of jeans with his button down shirts. Doesn't have to be khakis, it could be nice corduroy, or wool trousers.

[woofless]

32. Suits suck.

Period.

[fizzgig]

34. my husband and i often look like we dressed in the dark

neither of us are particularly keen on fashion, although i have battled with him about buying at least one nice pair of slacks and one nice shirt for when we have a more formal outing. as long as my husband wears clean clothes, i don't really care what he wears.

as far as your husband's situation, my dad is a network administrator (or some such thing that i don't understand) for a very large company and he wears slacks and a button down shirt. as hippywife said, it does require physical labor at times, and i don't know that a suit would be practical for that type of work.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

37. Yeah, I think the consensus

is nice slacks, button down shirt. Maybe a tie and jacket (not a suit!) for more formal business meetings. I hope with his promotion he will be able to hire a small staff of "grunts" to do all the physical stuff though.

P.S. don't you just love saying "my husband" now that you are married? :hug:

[Flaxbee]

38. you are not being controlling at all. You're not some random person

talking to him about this, you're his wife. And your husband has admitted he has no sense of or interest in clothes ... so sometimes a person needs to help their spouse.

He wants to keep this job, and it is a promotion. It's very important that he look like he's trying to make an effort to fit into the new situation.

Now, he's the IT/network admin guy, he's not out meeting clients regularly, so I don't think he needs strict suits and ties. But he most definitely SHOULD add some pants to his wardrobe aside from jeans (nice khakis - and they don't have to be 'khaki' - my husband's favorite pair of chinos is dark army green) and if he doesn't have one, he needs a good quality sport coat - a three-season one (fall-winter-spring) and a lightweight summer one (maybe a heavier tweed and then a summer silk tweed). All neutral, nothing flashy. But appropriate for work.

And honestly, men just look nice in well-fitting sport coats

This can all look very casual, but it steps it up a bit. He can wear his jeans and button down but make sure he has a sport coat.

He can wear chinos with a button down and look a step up from the jeans he's got.

Buying a few quality pieces shouldn't worry him, even if he doesn't like to spend money on clothes. Especially if it helps a person keep his/her job. As someone else said, he needs to dress for the job/position he wants. He's been promoted, and needs to act and look like he has.

I don't think, if he's never worn or liked ties, that he needs to start wearing them, but that's ONLY if he has a sport coat.

The librarian at my former very large law firm wears a uniform of black jeans, dark dress shirt and a tie. Many of the network/IT guys did, too. He acknowledged the atmosphere of his workplace (formal) but realized he wasn't the frontline with the clients.

Also, what kind of shoes does your husband wear? He should not wear tennis shoes, but dark-in-color, comfortable (casual) dress shoes.

If he is going to be overseeing any staff, or more staff than before, he needs to dress appropriately as a supervisor. Is he going to be considered a 'department head'? If so, he does need to step it up a notch or two. You are not off base at all. You can be gentle, and helpful, but he really needs to look the part. And maybe once he's seen what the new corporate culture is like, he can go back to mostly jeans and button downs. But it is never, ever a misstep for a man to have a nice jacket or two, a few non-jeans pants, and a good pair or two of shoes. This will NOT be money wasted if you can buy good quality. It's worth it to invest a bit in clothing that will look good and last years, if not decades -- and it is much easier for men to buy clothes that last a long time (traditionally cut) than it is for women.

It is superficial, perhaps, but attire is important in the workplace.


(edited for clarity)

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

42. I'm printing this out for hubby to read in the morning

He's officially said tonight after reading this thread that I'm large marge in charge with the wardrobe but you make some very good points regarding having a staff and dressing the part.

It is superficial but getting ahead in the workplace sometimes involves making those kinds of decisions. And with the move to the new building and being in charge of all IT issues, he is having meetings on a daily basis with his boss, the head of the company and outside businesses that are helping with the technical aspects of moving. He's also booked for a three day conference in Nürnberg next week and I polished off his suit and bought him new shirts and shoes. He drew the line at a new tie though cause we couldn't find the clip on ones.

Thanks for your input!:hug:

[tigereye]

40. IT folks aren't usually into suits - at least that's what my software devel.

husband says- I suppose it depends on how conservative the new company is - although I understand that German businesses are more "serious" and formal than those in the US



Dressing up for IT (even at some high levels) means a clean t-shirt or something from the Gap! :rofl: On edit, even for interviews, software company people think somethings wrong with you if you wear a suit!

[seabeyond]

41. i dont do that with my husband. and works for us. he doesnt do it with me. there are

times both us ask the other opinion with the understanding we just want to hear what the other thinks, doesnt mean we will do. no one gets feelings hurt.

i trust him to do self. and he will reap reward, or repercussion all on his own. vice versa of course