I am never leaving the goddamn house again.

[LeftyFingerPop]

I had to go get some stuff at the huge grocery store down the street. I'm standing in the express lane, and ahead of me is a father and his two teen-aged children, a boy and a girl. Both very beautiful kids...very striking...but that's neither here nor there.

The girl turns around and coughs right in my fucking face.

So then, I go to the gas station for a carton of cigarettes. The guy checking me out is coughing and snotting all over the place...I would not be surprised if he had pneumonia the way he sounded.

So then, I come home and pull into my driveway AT 430 IN THE FUCKING AFTERNOON and there are two males in THEIR TWENTIES, dressed up as zombies standing at my door.

I get out of my truck and say "kinda early fellas".

One of the guys tells me that they are out early because his little sister has the swine flu and he has to go home and take care of her tonight.

I say OK, c'mon on the porch and I'll get you some candy. I loaded them both up. Now here's the thing...I notice that my porch has an overwhelming smell of urine. I'm used to a urine smell, since I go to the nursing home a lot...but this was about 10 times worse.

I have a feeling that it was some kind of fake urine scent or something, but in case it wasn't, I refrained from asking them "Why do you guys fucking stink so bad".

I can't even leave the house for 5 fucking minutes without all this odd shit happening.

[Tobin S.]

1. Here's what you need

http://www.aulsuperstore.com/

And seeing as how you are rich, you can just pay with your no-limit American Express card and then pay that bill through online banking. You will never have to leave the house again.

[LeftyFingerPop]

2. Thanks Tobin...

I've bookmarked your site to view later.

Do they sell...er...

Ointment? I had to go get some "ointment".

:blush:

[Tobin S.]

3. How about body lotion?

http://www.aulsuperstore.com/productlist.aspx?cID=216

I find it interesting that they are sold out of the $150 and $200 cases of Cetaphil and Curel. They are also out of the bulk cases of other lotions. And I though I was a freak for buying two bottles at a time. :D

[nolabear]

4. The universe is tricking your treat, man. Mask up, now!