i REALLY, REALLY fucking hate those fuckroidal CSI shows

[datasuspect]

1. cops are NOT that smart, any good lawyer makes a decent living because of this

2. ANY municipal, county, state, or federal police agency derives its budget from taxes and asset forfeiture laws. they buy more scary vehicles and anti-citizenry tools than anything. i've NEVER been in any governmental agency's offices that looked like the bridge from the fucking star track enterprise.

3. did i mention, that generally speaking, cops are some stupid motherfuckers? they get convictions from coercion, lying, racism, and obtaining evidence illegally.

4. MOTHERFUCKING GENERIC "SCIENTICIAN WORKING" MONTAGE SEQUENCES WITH HIP MUSICAL BACKGROUNDS. no. no. no.

5. JERRY BRUCKHEIMER MUST GO AWAY.

[rug]

1. Amen.

Testilying always trumps forensics.

[Demoiselle]

2. I find the lady forensic experts on CSI Miami to be particularly unreal.

Push up/push out bras, heavy duty makeup, stilleto heels, skin tight skirts/tops/pants.
All that and l those inevitable David Caruso meaningful pauses have kept me from noticing the Enterprise bridge.
I usually take the time slot to walk my dogs.

[MrScorpio]

3. Why do all the corridors lean to one side...

And no one is caught off balance?

[Demoiselle]

8. Do you remember the original Miami Vice, Scorpio?

The first time I saw the Miami version of CSI, I thought..but of course, they're doing "Vice" again...the jazzy camera angles, the speeding helicopter shots.
All that's missing is pastel jackets and pleated pants with t shirts, and artfully preserved 3-day-old beards..

[MrScorpio]

10. And Michael Mann did it right

Vice had much better music

[Demoiselle]

17. Yeah. I have to admit I loved that show.

[kimi]

7. Yes, and the hair

flopping around all over the darn place. Talk about contamination of specimens!! A defense lawyer would have a field day in those labs IMO.

[Demoiselle]

9. Yes yes!

I forgot all that flowing hair....Certainly they must wear those chic hair nets in REAL labs!

[pokerfan]

23. The Caruso Method

[Kutjara]

4. I also love how DNA tests take about fifteen minutes...

...to complete and the computer prints them out, complete with the name, address and current whereabouts of the perp.

Particularly galling is how the forensics labs are all lit like an upscale mid-90s tequila bar, all moody shadows and polychrome highlights. I'm amazed the "investigators" can even find the samples they're supposed to be testing in that gloom, let along get any results from them.

[hippywife]

5. Or how about the info

they pull out of their computers. Anyone who knows anything about databases knows they're really pulling it out their asses. Not just on CSI but on all of those cop shows.

Just another one of the reasons I don't watch TV anymore.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

14. That's exactly right

I'm a database administrator, and I do a lot of work for law enforcement agencies. I WISH it was as easy as on the boob-tube. Doing searches for information like they do on the TV takes weeks or even months, and usually requires lots of subpoena power.

And, in the years of doing this, I've NEVER heard of a case being solved or a defendant prosecuted solely on the fingerprint evidence. It just doesn't happen all that often.

[blueamy66]

6. Yeah, I quit watching

a while ago.

It's just way too far-fetched.

[MrScorpio]

11. Even today, Barney Miller is still the realest cop show that's ever been on TV

Today's shows might as well be passed off as Sci Fi

[WCGreen]

26. Check out the Good Guys on Fox tonight....

It's a little different. Also, Justified on FX is pretty cool as is Burn Notice over on USA...

Numbers is cool because it deals with a totally different angle and Castle is fun because it's kind of like murder she wrote...

[tigereye]

38. exactly!

All those CSI shows make me miss the X-Files.

[baldguy]

12. .

[SeattleGirl]

13. ROLF! I love your pictoral essay there!

I love the shows myself, but I have to say you pretty much captured the essence of them right there! :rofl:

[EvolveOrConvolve]

15. Holy shit that's funny

Where did you get that?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[krispos42]

19. !

:spray:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[woo me with science]

22. Brilliant!!!!!!!!!

Spot on, and the most entertaining post I've seen in ages!

[Art_from_Ark]

27. Hilarious

Yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh! :rofl:

[Mad_Dem_X]

37. LMAO!

Perfect! :applause:

[kimi]

39. Hilarious, and too true!!

:rofl:
Thanks!! I haven't laughed that much in a long time!!

[Initech]

16. I stopped watching when they went from interesting cases to finding the most bizarre fetishes.

[davidinalameda]

18. I like the CSI Las Vegas one

Miami and New York-not so much

[GreenPartyVoter]

20. Same here

[sakabatou]

35. .

[merh]

21. Prosecutors will tell you that they hate the shows too.

Jurors are expecting the cops to have all these tools at their disposal and prosecutors have to spend a good part of their voir dire and opening statements and closing statements asking jurors to not penalize them for not being able to investigate like the cops and prosecutors on television.

[Skittles]

24. they are ridiculous

their popularity speaks to the mass stupidity of the people

[KT2000]

25. Why don't they turn on the lights?

All of those shows have everyone sitting around in the dark.
You can't even watch them when it is light outside.

[bookworm65t]

33. Second that!

When I was in junior high, I had to interview someone about his/her job for school. My mom was in the records dept. of our city's police division, so she arranged to have me meet with the forensic expert there. Very nice man, but his lab looked nothing like the CSI shows, in fact, it was closer to Hoarders than CSI. With florescent (sp?)lights too. Not this I'm-gonna-screw-someone-after-I used-a-microscope lighting.

[sakabatou]

36. Because, from what I hear, the sets are badly made.

[jobycom]

28. I love them. Jerry Bruckheimer is God. And name any fiction that isn't complete fiction.

[old mark]

29. Our local police "Forensic Unit" has a 15 year old Ford van and about 4 people...

Hell, our entire Vice unit is 3 detectives...and they seem to be the only detectives we have.

The Miami version is particularly nauseating - all the beach beauties with glocks and David Caruso's "acting"...at least the NYC and Vegas versions have some good actors in their fantasy police departments....


mark

[Blue_Tires]

30. For whatever reason, I always hated NYPD Blue more

But I understand your CSI gripes...Having once covered a large police department as a newspaper reporter (and this was when CSI was *really* big and even I was a regular watcher), I knew that NO police department in America has the budget, resources, time and competent manpower to dump into a single case as the CSI shows -- The fact that they based one in Miami is even more laughable...

Only the FBI can be as detail-oriented, and that's when they REALLY want somebody...

[CBGLuthier]

31. soft core torture porn

Look at how many cool ways people can be killed. Are you haaarrrdd yet?

Homicide was the last truly good cop show. NYPD Blue became the torture Andy show and most of the rest just plain suck.

[Tailormyst]

32. It's television, it's entertainment- It's not suppossed to be "real"

[Seneca]

34. Bring back Quincy!

His lab was at least somewhat realistic looking, and sometimes, the cops were dishonest hacks.