Okay, so my drunk fiance smacked me a good one tonite...

[blueamy66]

we were driving home from the bar and the grocery store...he was going to change lanes and I saw a car right next to us, so I grabbed the steerig wheel...so he smacked me good in the side of the head. I was shocked. When we got home I started to pack a bag and go to a hotel....he was still drunk and didn't "get it". He came at me a few times and I threatened to call 911.

Any advice?

[flvegan]

1. Keep packing and leave.

If you've been drinking as well, call a cab or a friend.

My additional advice probably wouldn't be welcome. Good luck to you.

[chrisa]

79. +1

[Lex]

2. Here's what I know . . .

If he hit you once, he'll hit you again. Bank on it. And there will always be an excuse.

[Flaxbee]

3. Really? And he's still your fiance?

I don't mean to make light of this situation, but pack your bags and don't go back. Or pack HIS bags and call him a cab and tell him to leave.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

[blueamy66]

4. He's never behaved like this...ever...

but the nice black/blue mark on my face.t tomorrow morning might open his eyes....

I have already told in to get out by Monday.

He still claims that's it's my fault for grabbing the steering wheel.

Wait 'til he sees my eye and forehead tomorrow.

I have somewhere to go...he def doesn't.

asshole

I love him to death...I think he just drank too much and got enough sleep...do I slam get rid of him totally?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. Sounds to me as though he has a problem with alcohol.

He needs help. And you need to take care of yourself.

This is a wake-up call, for both of you...

Please be careful.

[A HERETIC I AM]

16. Spot-on, Peggy. Sounds like he is a reactionary, mean drunk.

Some people get more loving the more they drink (me!) and some get mean and/or take very little to get them to react violently.

I'll bet a donation to a woman's shelter that he will be as apologetic as can be tomorrow. Since the OP doesn't say he is being so tonight...well....goodnight, goodbye and good luck.

[Shell Beau]

8. Yes you do. Harsh answer. But it is the truth from an unbiased person

with no emotional ties.

[Aristus]

9. If he's blaming you for the fact that he hit you, that's a true sign of an abuser.

Leave him. Do it now...

[MorningGlow]

48. +1

[Common Sense Party]

17. Drop him like the sack of shit he showed himself to be.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

[MajorChode]

41. It WILL happen again

It is possible for people like that to change, but they have to want it pretty badly and it sounds as if all he wants to do is blame you. Even if he took full responsibility, there's no guarantee he would change, but at least that would be a step in the right direction.

I've been married almost 25 years and I've been drunk many times. Never have I laid a hand on my wife, nor would I ever even consider it. There's no excuse for that, or a wife laying a hand on her husband.

The saving grace here is at least you found out what he's like early. You could have been already married and had kids before you found out which would have made it much more complicated.

[Brickbat]

50. Reread your own post carefully.

He is blaming you for what he did. He hit you, and is blaming you for it.

You're also already making excuses for him.

Those are two huge, huge red flags.

[Kaleva]

6. Did you try to convince him not to drive?

This doesn't excuse his hitting you as your action might have prevented a wreck but he certainly shouldn't have been driving in the first place.

[Shell Beau]

7. Get out while the getting is good.

Seriously. Get out. This will only escalate. I am sorry. You didn't deserve to get hit. Why was he driving while drunk anyway? Sounds like a totally bad situation. Please don't take this lightly and make excuses. Get out while you can. I know you love him, but he needs help. Hitting once, he'll do it again. He will DO IT AGAIN. He will.

[seabeyond]

10. everything in this post from drunk driving, to grabbing wheel to him hitting you and coming after

you again...........

should have you reaccessing choices.

[LiberalAndProud]

11. Please get out.

If you don't, this is only the first of many bruises. You are at risk. I know you love him. Almost every abused woman in the world loves him and believes him when he says it will never happen again.

But he says it was your fault. And some part of you believes that. The bruises will fade, but what this does to your self esteem over time is damn near irreparable. Please make the hard choice now.

Zero tolerance.

[auntAgonist]

12. This time it's a bruise, next time

or the time after that it could be you in a casket.

get out while you still can.

best wishes.


aA.

[Dystopian]

13. Advice...

I'm so sorry, blueamy66~
I know what you're going through...
Please take the advice and words of the above posters...leave, and don't look back.
You're planning on marriage...
There will be someone else....

Please let go of him now...
The pain of loss hurts...but the pain of life is the only future with this person...

I'm so very sorry....but there is no such thing as 'only one time'....
My heart goes out to you~
Best wishes...stay safe.

peace & love to you~

[blueamy66]

35. Thank you.

Your post means ALOT to me.

[elehhhhna]

94. honey, you will never bring him up -- but he will surely drag you down

been there. yeah, he has great qualities, and he may be a wonderful man for someone, someday, if he grows up, but he is not worthy and if you stay, he'll know that this shit is acceptable and forgiveable.

RUN AWAY FAST.

[nolabear]

66. 1. Leave. 2. Get support and help. 3. Never, never let anyone treat you badly.

Look, this is personal and not professional advice, but I am a professional. You're an adult and can choose whatever you want, but ask yourself this: When I imagine the most precious, valuable person in my life, a person with dignity and purpose and the possibility of having a wonderful life and being a force for good in the world, would I want her to be endangered, injured and demeaned by someone? If you cannot see yourself as that person, then there's a part of you that needs help to do so. I don't care if he craps gold, he has the capacity to harm your body and your spirit and a willingness to do it, and you do NOT deserve that kind of treatment. Hopefully he'll wake up himself but doing that is NOT YOUR JOB.

[grasswire]

14. driving while drunk?

Why did you get in the car with him?

The guy's a danger to others.

[Kali]

15. don't be stupid

you know what you have to do

[pitohui]

18. wow get safe then aa or alanon (from someone who did similar stupid when young)

you are both doing dangerous things, he's drunk and you're letting him drive, and you know you're in danger, and you're trying to protect him, and then you're hyper vigilant and grab the wheel of the car which is fucking dangerous in and of itself and he hits you which is shitty but he was freaked and scared..do you see where i'm going here?

yes, he has a problem but YOU also have a problem, you need to get away, get a clear head and figure out why you're doing this to yourself -- he may be the "more evil" individual but you can't do the work on him you can only work on your self

oh and sure pack a bag, go to a hotel, all that "stuff" but in the morning when he doesn't remember what happened and when you're asking yourself why did i get in the car knowing that he's drunk...that's what you need...talk to some third parties, get some cool heads to help you

my offhand advice is to dump the dude, frankly, but you did something v. dangerous twice (got in the car, then jerked the wheel) and maybe he panicked...so i MIGHT give him one shot (but i was a multiple abuse victim so my advice is NOT good, i was always trying to give the dude a chance)...really you need a referee, someone from the outside to look at the dynamics

personally, i think you should run but i also think you want to look at why you got in that car from the bar in the first place

mom told you, always have cab money

always have cab money

seriously keep checked in w. us i want to know that you are ok...been there, done that, i can't tell you why, when you're young you think you can save him, you can't, SAVE YOURSELF

i thought i didn't deserve better, yet i made changes in my life and now for (embarrassing # of yrs to mention) i have a man who treats me like gold...you don't HAVE to buy a fixer upper

don't look for money, don't look for "flash" look for kindness

[Kaleva]

20. Excellent advice.

I beleive, as you have pointed out, that there are more problems here then just the man hitting the woman.

[blueamy66]

34. thx for the reality check

really...I needed this

[blueamy66]

36. Money????

That's a laugh.

He's a deadbeat Dad...and I am his "lawyer". He's got no money.

Why oh why did I get into this situation?

He really is a good guy....but I think I'm done.

He needs a good dose of reality. I'm about to give it to him. :-)

[Brickbat]

51. He's not a good guy.

He drives drunk, doesn't take care of his children, and hits women. There are a LOT of good guys out there who are good guys AND don't do ANY of those things! You'll find one!

[cherokeeprogressive]

19. Your fiance is less than a man.

I ride a Harley, and my wife is my co-pilot. She has, on occasion, done things that completely startled me while I was concentrating on navigating through traffic, obstacles, whatever. She's grabbed my shirt, grabbed my helmet, grabbed my shoulders... NEVER have I ever thought about hitting her. I give her a good lecture instead, about how one day, when she startles me so bad that I lose control of the bike and we both wind up on the asphalt, it's going to be HER fault because I don't panic and she panics at the drop of a hat.

A good lecture. Nothing more.

Dump the bastard and move on. ANY "man" who hits a woman is less than a man, under ANY circumstances.

My $.02

Edited to add:

Should the day come and we wind up on the asphalt, HER safety and well-being will be my foremost concern and all notions of whose "fault" it is that we ended up there would go out the window post haste. I would consider the incident 10,000% my fault if anything whatsoever happened to her. In fact, I'd probably never ride again.

[Biker13]

74. Good On You!

I'm a co-pilot too, and spent many an hour on the "puss pad". Biker13's a 1% and built his own Harley. I've pushed him "to the edge" many a times, (I'm no saint) but never in a million years would he raise a hand to me!

The driving drunk concerns me though. One beer, and we stay home. True, we're older, but it makes no sense to drive drunk. In the most loving way, I see a problem here. Get out, and stay away from this man.

Get some help for yourself. Your self esteem is low, and I suspect he did this to you. You're worth much more than this, I know, I've read your other posts. Take a long hard look at your life, and make some changes. Come here for support, it's a damn fine group of people here!

Biker's Old Lady

[Odin2005]

21. This guy says DUMP HIS ASS!

[CreekDog]

22. hitting while drunk is still hitting

no, for you it's a hitting problem first and it cannot continue.

i'm not an expert in these things, i freely admit, but i don't need to be an expert to say you shouldn't be near him if you may be hit.

and him saying it won't happen again and you believing it --that's not enough to know that you won't be hit.

get professional help and advice if you are even considering being around him in the future --and he needs the same.


like the others here, i'm flabberghasted that you so casually mentioned that he was "still drunk" after the drive. he must not hit you anywhere, but the danger you were subjected to by riding with a drunk driver is something you have to take more seriously than your OP indicates you did.

[OmahaBlueDog]

23. Blueamy

Never, ever, ever again get into a motorized vehicle with a drunk. It will get you dead.

Never drive drunk.

Leave. Your soon-to-be-former SO will plead; he will apologize; he will blame the booze; he will say he deserves one more chance; he will say this will never,ever, ever, ever happen again; he will say he's sorry a lot....all of this is BS. Respect and love yourself and move on. Wish him well, urge him to seek counseling, and get a restraining order --not in that order.

You asked for advice. That's mine.

[Jamastiene]

24. Get the fuck outta dodge and don't look back...

not even for a second. Hitting is never ok. Period.

[Starry Messenger]

25. What would you tell a good friend who came to you and asked this?

You saved you and your fiance' from injury. Why is his response to attack you?

[mcctatas]

26. I was where you are 17 years ago, I didn't leave him, I married him...

if you have seen any of my posts in the past year, you know it ended in heartbreak and death so get the fuck out now

[old mark]

27. Leave him before he kills you....nt

[Sweet Charming Dem]

28. Get the fuck out

I stayed after being hit the first time, and it just got worse from there. I'm finally free and happy.

[Inchworm]

29. What the hell was he drinkin' ?

toodles to him... and I drink(am drunk) right now!.

:hug:

[Drunken Irishman]

30. I'm sorry that happened. But why would you even allow him to drive if he was drunk?

Worse, why did you get in the car with him?

[Drunken Irishman]

31. And this coming from a professional drunk who NEVER drives drunk.

Ever. If I drink at all, I won't drive for a good few hours to be sure.

Scary stuff.

[Paladin]

64. You're Blaming The Victim. Piss Off. (n/t)

[Drunken Irishman]

71. Piss off yourself.

It's a serious question. The OP got hit and that's a bad thing. But you know what? Both are still alive. She can get out of the relationship.

Drunken driving is a serious issue. The OP glossed over it like it was no big deal.

That's not cool.

What if her fiance had wrapped the car around a tree and she was killed? Or what if he had hit an innocent person and killed a few other people along with both of them?

Getting in the car with someone you know has been drinking is stupid.

Allowing that person to drive is dangerous.

I feel bad that she was hit by her fiance. I think that is inexcusable. However, also inexcusable is allowing him to drive drunk with her in the car.

It seems this guy is a loser who doesn't value anything. She should have been tipped off by his attitude when he got behind the wheel of a car and put both their lives, and others, at risk. :eyes:

I think she should run and never look back. The fact he drinks and drives tells me he's a total douchebag.

The fact he hit her proves it.

[proteus_lives]

32. First off: Leave.

Second off: You let someone who was drunk drive? Were you drunk too?

[blueamy66]

37. Yes, I was drunk

and pissed off about a court ruling and an attorney's letter.

How does one get to this point in life? Really?

god...

[proteus_lives]

54. Well, then leave.

And thank god you two didn't drunkenly kill someone last night.

[seabeyond]

62. +1. nt

[DevonRex]

97. IMO you were driving drunk, too, then. You grabbed the steering wheel while you were drunk.

What did you think? That it was a good thing for 2 drunks to fight over control of the steering wheel? You BOTH could have killed someone last night - a car full of children for all you knew.

Okay, so he hit you. Leave him. But HE is not the source of your problems. You are.

[underseasurveyor]

102. Agreed a thousand percent plus

[TorchTheWitch]

99. by not thinking highly enough of yourself

You not only have been dating but plan to marry a guy who drives drunk, hits you, blames you for the fact that he hit you, is a deadbeat dad and uses you as his lawyer probably because he thinks it's more important to buy booze than it is to hire a real one. The reason you're with this turd is because you don't think well enough of yourself to believe you deserve better than this piece of shit. And honey, ANYBODY deserves better.

Dump him like a hot rock and start thinking better of yourself so you'll turn down shitheads like this slob the first time they show their true colors. It's FAR better to be without a boyfriend or girlfriend than to be with one that is an asshole.

[blueamy66]

33. Thanks to all of your replies.

I am still in shock.

I never thought that I would be at the receiving end of a drunk beating. And to have him berate me afterward was very eye opening.

I know that I shouldn't have gotten into the car with him....but when you've drank.....you don't think straight.

He still claims that "it's my fault for grabbing the steering wheel". Tomorrow morning will be very eye opening.

I have a sister in law that will take care of me.


Thx for the responses. I will def think about what you've all written.

Thanx much! I am still in shock right now.

[MrMickeysMom]

84. Have him read this thread, then examine how he reacts...

If he (in the sober state) refuses to read it, or is still angry, then you have a valuable lesson, which I think you've already heard from others-

Namely, don't continue this kind of behavior by even thinking it's okay to get into a car driven by anyone when they've been drinking. It's stupid, and if you're a young woman, I can sympathize, cause we've all been really stupid (we'll I'll speak for myself, okay?)

But also, this man is irresponsible, and there is NOTHING... I repeat N-O-T-H-I-N-G you are going to do to change that. HE might change at some point in his life, but it's not a relationship you should continue.

LEAVE and don't blame yourself, just turn the page. You know that's why you posted this. You need to turn the page and move on.

All the best to you because you deserve a good life. That's in the next chapter, starting with the next page.

:hug:

[sarge43]

38. Run, run like the wind.

If you don't put a lot of distance between you and him, excellent possibility you'll be hit again and harder.

[BlueIris]

39. Leave now, leave forever.

Also? Counseling. I'm concerned that you are asking for validation for this no-brainer decision on a public website, so I think you're self-esteem could use a tune up. But good for you for walking and hopefully ending up far far away from this asshole.

[LaurenG]

40. Do what it takes to extricate yourself from this relationship

and find a way to stay away from him.

If you accept a relationship that involves violence you have only pain to look forward to. Do this hard thing now for your own happy future.

[Monique1]

42. Don't usually give advice

but I would walk away from the relationship. If he did it once he will do it again, believe me.

You said you were drunk, I would walk away and seek counseling for alcoholism.

You may both might have a drinking problem and life will not get any better if you continue your relationship.

I would also take pictures of your injuries in case this goes further and he denies he hurt you.

Pictures are also a reminder that this did happen and you would not want to go through this again.

Dump him, run and get some help for yourself.

[Maine-ah]

43. wtf...driving drunk and you allowed it?

I'm sorry you got hit, and he got violent and you should leave....but the rest of the story pisses me off. I have (as I'm sure many here have too) family and friends that were killed or injured by drunk drivers. Not impressed.

[peacefreak]

44. Wait, wait, wait....

He has no money. Are you supporting him? Kick him to the fucking curb. DV only escalates with time. Don't buy his bullshit, that he'll change, it'll never happen again. Show him the door. You deserve better.

[Monique1]

46. I forgot your last sentence in your thread

he came after you again after returning home? Come on, wake up, get some help. Why do you need him?


Run, run as fast as you can. I know that is easy to say but if it is too difficult to do, find a support group that will give you strength to leave him.

Don't be afraid to ask AA for help.

[musette_sf]

75. and if she's paying his way now

she'll be paying it forever.

I don't believe in gender-based stereotypes about who should be the major breadwinner... but it's not fair to not do one's share.

Parasites tend to be abusive.

[blueamy66]

45. I just want to thank everyone for their responses...

whether they be harsh or mean or helpful.

You all are great people and I will take all of your advice to heart.

I'll let you know what happens...

[Pool Hall Ace]

85. People who are coming across as harsh or mean

probably do not intend to come across that way. There is just no way to sugar-coat how important it is to protect yourself. A black eye today can lead to broken bones later. "I'm sorry" and related sweet-talk will be forgotten with the next drinking binge.

Alcoholics are master manipulators. Whenever problems crop up in a relationship, they are never just one person's fault. Oh, but the alcoholic will blame you for everything.

And no one deserves the type of treatment you are receiving.

[Generic Brad]

47. No advice. It's clear you know what you must do

You have my deepest sympathy, however.

[Brickbat]

49. Get out now.

Make sure you have a support system and give yourself some time and space to ask yourself some hard questions. And don't get into cars with drunk drivers.

[m00nbeam]

52. Leave him

He is blaming you for his behavior. Blaming the victim is the abuser's MO and a hallmark of domestic violence.

[lunatica]

53. This is how all abusive behavior begins. With one smack

It escalates and can become so hazardous to your health that it may cause death.

Abusive spouses never start off with a bad beating. That one smack, followed by threatening more violence because you were packing to leave should be enough warning. If you don't go it will get worse because he'll feel more confident next time.

It will always be something you did or said or didn't do or didn't say or weren't fast enough to do or say that will get you beaten up again. It will be your fault for 'making' him angry.

He's a classic abuser.

I've been there. Having to escape to keep from being killed at some time in the future is much harder. Do you really even like this guy right now?

[zanana1]

55. Sounds like a shortened version of my first marriage.

GET OUT NOW!!! SAVE YOURSELF!!! If he hit you once, drunk or sober, he'll do it again. Believe me. I know it's hard to say goodbye to someone you thought you'd be sharing a life with, but please be kind to yourself and your future children; ESPECIALLY your future children. Get some counseling to get yourself over the hump, but please leave this man for someone who deserves you.

[Solly Mack]

56. Leave. Now. If you put it down to just being drunk then you're choosing to overlook

his behavior by minimizing it - and placing the blame on something else besides where the violence came from - him. Is that what you want? Is that how you want to live?

No yammering, stammering about how he's really a good guy. He hit you and then he came after you again.

Leave. Now. It's over and even if your mind doesn't know it your smacked head does...and sooner or later, it will be your life.

[frogmarch]

57. Leave and

never look back.

[Iggo]

58. You're lucky to be alive...twice over.

Dude's earned his walking papers without even a trip to jail. So he's lucky THREE times over.

Quit while you're ahead, kids.

[TroglodyteScholar]

59. Run, don't walk. n/t

[GoneOffShore]

60. As Dan Savage would say - DTMFA

[Callalily]

61. (((blueamy66)))

In your heart you truly know the answer to your question, otherwise you would not have asked it here . . . for confirmation.

You know what you have to do. You know it's going to be difficult. But because you respect yourself, you are going to do it.

:hug:

[Paladin]

63. Cut Your Losses And Leave Him Immediately. No Second Chances. (n/t)

[LisaL]

65. Don't get in the car with someone driving drunk.

[Iggo]

68. yeah, don't do that again either (n/t)

[mzteris]

67. LEAVE!! and don't look back.

He hit you once, he'll do it again and again and again - maybe not tomorrow- or next week or even next month, but eventually - he WILL. And if you have kids, he'll hit them, too.

RUN RUN RUN RUN as far away from this guy as you can.


(Not to mention the fact that he was drunk driving!!)

[Pool Hall Ace]

69. Your drunk fiance? Oh my gosh.

I have a drunk husband. He has never hit me; he is emotionally abusive instead. If I could leave him, I would. And I will someday, when I'm able.

I have been attending Alanon meetings since May, and that group has been a tremendous source of support for me. For your own good, you *need* to break off this relationship immediately; do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Nothing will improve on its own. You do him no favors by sticking with him. Well, except to act as his punching bag, but you know that is not healthy for you. He probably doesn't even think he has a problem! For your own sanity and safety, just leave. As painful as that thought may be, it is easier than enduring the stress of having your body bruised, your credit ruined, and your self-esteem shattered.

Sounds harsh, but it's true. And many :hug:s for you, blueamy66.

[grasswire]

82. emotional abuse is abuse

Why can't you leave your abusive husband? Emotional abuse leaves scars, too. I am a survivor of an emotionally abusive husband -- a real bitter angry man. It took many years to heal those wounds. Protect yourself, please.

[Pool Hall Ace]

86. I do not have any family who can take me in.

And unfortunately, I have allowed myself to become socially isolated. The people who I have met through Alanon have been a tremendous source of strength, and I am in the process of finding employment. I look forward to the day that I can walk away from my husband and not look back.

[grasswire]

88. once again, a womens shelter is a huge source of help

They can certify you as a victim of domestic violence, which will open all manner of doors to you for assistance, including employment assistance, housing assistance, etc. You don't have to do this alone. No one deserves to be abused. And we are here to listen.

[foxfeet]

70. How are you doing today, blueamy66?

Just checking in. Let us know what's up. :hug:

[blueamy66]

100. I'm okay

but sore.

He doesn't think he did anything wrong. He apologized, but still thinks I should not have grabbed the steering wheel.

Thanks for the concern.

Therapy is in our future.

[LiberalAndProud]

101. Good luck with the therapy.

I won't lecture. Best of luck, blueamy.

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

72. and change your locks on the house..

ASAP

[cwydro]

73. Very sad and disturbing post.

I do hope you are ok and have cut ties with this person.

[Ilsa]

76. I hope you're okay.

i'm glad this has happened now versus later. You needed to know this about him. Please get help to figure it all out.

[struggle4progress]

77. 1. Listen carefully to everybody who complained about allowing a drinker behind the wheel

2. If you're allowing him to derive drunk, and getting in the car yourself, you need to ask yourself whether you really love him, whether you really love yourself enough to really love somebody else, whether he has a problem with alcohol, and whether you yourself have a problem with alcohol
3. Denial and game-playing are standard for alcohol and other substance abusers. If you folk are lying to yourselves about it being OK to drive drunk, or it being OK to hit people, you should ask yourselves what else you're lying to yourselves about
4. Think hard about getting professional help

[seabeyond]

78. my brother and his wife were drinkers. you could see them revin' up the dance

to what was going to come once they started drinking. i lived below them in an apratment. i would get their baby and have her sleep with me while they went at it. i always knew, hours before it happened.

[laundry_queen]

80. It'll hurt like hell

but you need to leave NOW. If you have a good job and no kids, you are light years ahead of where I was. My ex was not abusive, but he was manipulative and I wish I'd have left years ago when the red flags were all over the place. Instead I trusted him and believed everything he said....now I get to start my life over, with 4 kids and no education or job. Thankfully he pays a good amount in child support so we can survive while I go to school, but I wish I'd have done it years and years ago. It just hurts more the longer you stay. Save yourself, you are an important person and deserve to be treated well. The abuse will only get worse.

[applegrove]

81. Go to the hotel and keep moving on from there. Sounds like he was drunk driving too. This is a bad

situation. Unless he goes into therapy I would kick him to the curb.

[grasswire]

83. If you are afraid to leave him, you can take refuge at a womens shelter for victims...

..of domestic violence. Sometimes the leaving process is dangerous and frightening. A center for domestic violence will protect you in many ways. You'll find many kinds of help and safety there. Be safe.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

87. I think you know what you have to do.

Dump him, now. He drives drunk and hits his girlfriend. You don't need a guy like that.

[TheManInTheMac]

89. Get away from him.

There is no situation in which his behavior is excusable. Drunk or sober, he has a rage issue and you cannot fix it. I'm sorry for being so blunt, but I've seen this situation enough to know it never gets better.

[Dora]

90. Get out. Get out. Get out.

It's one thing to ask or tell him to leave. It's another thing for you to actually leave the relationship yourself.

He's your fiance, you're marrying soon. He just hit you for the first time, and blames you.

From this we can gather that he's been on his best behavior for the duration of your relationship *until now*. It doesn't get better after this. It gets worse. If you forgive him and stay in the relationship, you're sending the message that you'll accept his abuse.

You can forgive him and leave too. But it's more important for you to leave. Forgiveness comes later. In order for people to have healthy relationships with others, we have to have healthy relationships with ourselves. And if you're telling yourself that it's *okay* for you to be hit by someone else because you *love* him, then how much are you loving yourself? Until you set some limits and boundaries for yourself, this man (and other people too) will continue to hit you, blame you, criticize you until you're questioning your sanity and creeping around in a world that seems unpredictable and unloving.

Love and protect yourself as you would love and protect a child. It is a beautiful world if we allow ourselves to live in it.

[stray cat]

91. Driving drunk and hitting people - not good traits

[underseasurveyor]

92. He was drunk and driving and you were a drunk passenger.

I know you both know better. Next time call a cab OR wait here's a better idea...... don't trouble yourself by grabbing the steering wheel and maybe you will cause a serious news-worthy crash (hey you might make the news.. sounds pretty cool huh... and hope to goddess you don't kill an innocent person in the process) and then pay the consequences of the stupidity of drinking and driving. Go to jail, pay large fines, attorney's fees, higher insurance rates and lose the privilege to drive. And we might as well add the possibility that you and/or he may die or worse, how does living the rest of your life as a para or quadriplegic sound? Now there's a way of life to look forward too.

And everybody knows that drinking is the greatest tool ever for bringing two people closer together in a loving, caring relationship :eyes:

What the Hell are you thinking? :banghead:

[DevonRex]

93. Honestly, you both need help. Apart.

1. Nobody in their right mind grabs a steering wheel like that.

2. Nobody in their right mind hits the person who was stupid enough to grab the steering wheel.

[elehhhhna]

95. from now on, when you meet a man, or even a new female friend,

ask yourself if this person is a partner or a project. There's a difference. Sounds like you (like me, 'til I wised up), are attracted to projects, maybe. So ask yourself -- partner or project? Then act accordingly.

Best Wishes,
Elena

[rurallib]

96. Please let us know what you do. We really do care here.

Seems like most everyone is in agreement, including you.
Sure wish school or something would have somehow prepared us for stuff like this.
Well, we can offer whatever help we can. Please take care of yourself.

[Bucky]

98. If this was truly out of context, then stand firm and make him fix what he did wrong.

But if this an act that lines up with other behaviors, don't fool yourself into thinking you can help him fix himself.