Oh, dear god... the stress...

[Bertha Venation]

I am an atheist and I ask you to pray for me. I feel ready to break under the stress of my job. I feel like a feeble 2x4 stretched across two stacks of cinder blocks, and people keep sitting on it, more and more sitting on it. I am a feeble 2x4. Shore me up.

:(

[Richardo]

1. :hug:

Wishing you all the strength you can get, Bertha. :loveya: B & Mrs V :hug:

[Bertha Venation]

3. thank you so much, Richardo

:loveya:

[Rosie1223]

2. Hang in there, Bertha!

You are a strong woman! You can handle anything!

:yourock:

[Bertha Venation]

4. *ugh*

I certainly don't feel strong. I feel brittle.

Thanks, Rosie :)

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

5. You don't have to continue being an

atheist :)
Just ask for help :bounce:

[Bertha Venation]

7. but - but - but

I just watched "Religulous" last night. I'm so confused. ;)

Thanks, Dyed.

[Bertha Venation]

6. Am I just a whiney little bitch?

Christ, people have so much more horrible problems to deal with than I.

[suninvited]

8. I know just how you feel

and then I try to feel grateful to just have a job. It isn't easy, but it helps some.

[eyepaddle]

9. No you are not whiney.

Others may have worse problems--but that doesn't make your problems nonexistent. The analogy I use is that while an eight foot snow drift is bigger than a five foot snow drift--five feet is still a hell of a lot of snow!

:hug:

[hedgehog]

10. Just because we don't want other people's problems doesn't

mean we don't have problems!

Take a deep breath and just get through this 10 minutes at a time! Take comfort in knowing that so many people are sorry that you are facing these troubles.

[sarge43]

17. Absolutely not.

You have problems that have slammed you up against the wall.

Ask at your spouse's hospital about crisis counseling and support groups. It really helps to talk with someone who knows how to listen and give positive, realistic advice.

As for prayer, can't hurt, could help.

:hug: and blessed be.

[Frosty1]

23. You have had a lot on your plate lately.

What's happening on the job?
:hug:

[Bertha Venation]

31. the job

For starters, it is impossible to please my "big cheese" boss. I am a legal secretary and work for five attorneys; this one is the heavy hitter, a senior partner who takes 80% of my time. On my last review he used the phrase "less than perfect." WTF? A single error garners me the cold "you are a fucking idiot" glare and hours if not days of condescension.

I made such an error before Mrs. V. went into the hospital and didn't know it until I went back to work. Part of the stress is knowing how he will react once I get the problem worked out. (I was required to perform a task I had never done before and without guidance - everyone is too busy to answer the questions of a secretary - and I messed it up.)

On Thursday, the heavy hitter never called and never showed up. His wife even called looking for him. I got an email from him at around 4:00 saying "I'm not coming in" -- as if I hadn't figured it out by then. His absence Thursday gave me double the workload yesterday. I can't even begin to get into all the things I had to do yesterday to catch him up, but an hour into my day I had already had enough and was ready to melt down.

Add to all of this that my supervisor (administrative boss) goes by the strict letter of the law, and is cold as a deep-water fish, and refuses to listen to legitimate complaints about herself. Last year I was having serious migraines, and lost time from work both because of the headaches and because of doctor appointments. She told me two things I'll never forget: to find a doctor who works Saturdays, and to "stop playing around." When I immediately reacted to the latter, saying how dare she accuse me of playing around, she just stared at me, then went on with her next point.

I ought to quit. I wish I could find a job near home, but I wouldn't find anything that pays half as much as I am earning now, and we need every penny. I wouldn't stress about job hunting if I could look out here. But the thought of job hunting makes my brain bleed. I'd rather have multiple broken bones. My sister tells me to quit my bitching and make a move. She's not entirely wrong, but there's a helluva lot more to it than just finding another job. For starters, I need to keep my resume clean for when we move to CA in a few years, and I've already had four jobs in ten years. That doesn't look good.

You asked. Thanks. It's good to write about it.

Thanks, Frosty.

[Frosty1]

32. Sounds like your "big cheese" boss

Has an unrealistic expectation of perfection. Is it possible to object in writing to that remark and have it removed?
We used to have to sign our review and when things like that cropped up I would refuse to sign it until the offending remark was removed.

Never complain about your supervisor to your supervisor save it for your "big cheese" boss.

I don't think you need to quit. You are a good secretary and they will not fire you.

Take it easy on yourself. Sometime they do these things so they can get away with a less than deserved raise or promotion.

Last of all Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
:hug:

[stuntcat]

33. *karrrrma*

This atheist sends you personalized karma ;) :hug:

[hunter]

11. The universe beyond our understanding isn't empty.

It would be quite presumptuous for us to think we'd seen everything.

I believe our souls are the part of us that exist outside of time, and that time is not what we perceive it to be.

Okay, sorry to get all metaphysical on you, my point is that I don't think atheism excludes asking for prayers, nor is the asking any kind of hypocrisy.

:hug: ( the official DU smiley of prayer and/or support! )

May all the support you get here on DU be like a wall beneath your sagging 2X4.

And I'm sending out a :hug: for Mrs. V. too.

[Spacemom]

12. I'm sorry you're feeling like this

I wish you all the strength you need.

I have something taped up near my monitor that helps me.

"Let whatever you do today be enough."

I also get caught in the "gotta get it done" vicious circle. So I just try to remember that whatever I get done, whether one thing or a hundred, for today, it's enough.

:hug:

[dawg]

13. I offer you two things that might help.

1. I am a Christian, and I said a little prayer for you. If there is a God, and he is listening, it might help. Otherwise, I at least sent some kind feelings out into the universe for you.

2. In comparison to dawg - no one is a whiny little bitch. dawg is undeniably the champion at this - you are no comparison.

:hug:

[tigereye]

14. just take a deep breath and hang in there, lady.

Go take a break. Set some limits. You are only one person and can't do everything. :hug:

[texanwitch]

15. Fellow atheist here, and lots of hugs for you.

I know the stress you are under.

When I was dealing with my parents there were days I though I would die from the stress.

I made it but don't know how.

It will get better, but it will be hell until then.

Find a way to relax somehow, I took drives into the country.

Sometimes I would go fishing at the bayou just for few hours.

There are herbs to help you relax, check out the local health food store.

I will be thinking of you.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[PassingFair]

16. From one atheist to another: A Saying From My Auld Scottish Grannie:

"What canna be cured, must be endured."

:hug:

[bigwillq]

18. Thinking about you.

Hope things improve. :hug:

[redwitch]

19. You poor dear!

Stress is a truly awful thing and I am sorry you are having so much of it. :hug:

[marzipanni]

20. T?IF

I hope you have time this weekend, and Mrs. V is feeling better, so you can relax a bit.
Good vibes to get over the rough spots. :hug:

[KatyaR]

21. I've had a month like that, too, I totally know how you feel.

Prepping for a new board of directors with a new board president who is young and WAAAAAYYY too energetic. That plus my regular work, plus a new project that will last at least two months, and I have been absolutely exhausted. The stress of wanting to do my best, needing to get lots done, and being pulled in one direction or the other has been insane.

I hope you can get some rest this weekend and feel a bit better. Oh, and I hope Mrs. V is feeling better, too! :hug:

Me, I'm just hoping the weather forecast is correct and we get ice/snow next week--I could use another day off.

[Demoiselle]

22. Prayers on the way..

I'm happy to pray...even though I'm sort of an atheist. (Note the waffling phrase there.) You must also be feeling pretty vulnerable because Mrs. V has been so ill. Please know that this stranger who has always loved your DU name (for starters) sends you as much good feeling and vibes as she can..

[YellowRubberDuckie]

24. Good vibes coming your way!

I'm sorry. I understand. I was off for a month in October because my boss enjoyed playing mind games and stressing me out. My doc made me stop or I would have been certifiably insane. I hope you are able to get rid of the stress and not go through what I went through. I'll be pulling for you!
Duckie

[backwoodsbob]

25. wtf?

an athiest asking for prayers?

[Bertha Venation]

37. not literally

Something's gotta give, though, Bob. I need all the help I can get, and I believe prayer is a form of good energy spreading into the universe. I don't know much about the metaphysical (?) but I believe in good energy.

[quakerboy]

26. Done.

And in the mean time... whats the job worth?

That should always be a part of the calculation. What does the job provide you, what does the job cost you. And what are your alternatives.

For me this calculation provides the shoring up I need. If I know where I stand, and I can see its worth the trouble, I know I will not break. And if, knowing where I stand, I can see its going to break me, its not worth the trouble and I can step out from under the weight.

I don't know if that's helpful to anyone else, but it helps me. I hope it will help you as well, at least a little.

[Bertha Venation]

38. "What does the job provide you, what does the job cost you."

Provides:

1. good salary, absolutely necessary
2. good benefits, ditto necessary
3. my primary contact with other human beings (besides Mrs. V. of course) (I'm pretty isolated, need friends, don't know how to make 'em)

Costs:

1. 12 hours per day, 5 days per week (including commute)
2. lousy, often hellish, commute
3. almost daily anxiety
4. an anxiety attack (worse than the daily anxiety) at least once a week

A few years ago I quit a job under similar strain. I don't know what to do. We need the money I am making. I need to show some job stability on my resume. When you say "the job wasn't a good fit" over and over it kinda makes it clear that it's you that is the problem.

[applegrove]

27. You can do it. Mrs. v will just be getting better and better from hereon in.

[rbnyc]

28. Stay in the moment....

Try to let it go when you are away from there.

Breathe.

Work stress sucks.

I feel ya'.

[mulsh]

29. you got it Bertha

I am sacrificing to my personal pagan gods of stress relief and success. Vibes too, have I mentioned I'm sending vibes to you and your beloved. Take care.it's all Irish catholic mojo but it works.

[rurallib]

30. You Mrs. V have been in my thoughts a bunch lately

hope that is as good as prayer 'cause I ain't religious.

[hippywife]

34. Oh, sweetie! I feel for you.

I was feeling that way for so long and then found out I was diabetic and low on vitamin D. The doc fixed me right up and it's made such a huge difference in being able to deal with the assholes in my life. I now feel little stress at all.

Just try to keep telling yourself that you work to live, and not live to work. It's not who you are, it's what makes it possible to have the money to do the things you love. Lots of deep breathes and carry on, hon.

And do see your doc if you can, hopefully he/she can help you.

Wishing you and Mrs. V. all the best and a return to normal for both of you really soon. :hug:

[Odin2005]

35. (((HUGS)))

:hug:

[riderinthestorm]

36. A friend of mine sent me these suggestions.

I preface all of this with lots of hugs!! Take care of yourself!


1. Watch for the next instance in which you find yourself becoming annoyed or angry at something trivial or unimportant. Then practice letting go, making a conscious choice not to become angry or upset. Do not allow yourself to waste thought and energy where it isn't deserved. Effective anger management is a tried-and-true stress reducer.

2. Breathe slowly and deeply. Before reacting to the next stressful occurrence, take three deep breaths and release them slowly. If you have a few minutes, try out a relaxation technique such as meditation or guided imagery.

3. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by stress, practice speaking more slowly than usual. You'll find that you think more clearly and react more reasonably to stressful situations. Stressed people tend to speak fast and breathlessly; by slowing down your speech you'll also appear less anxious and more in control of any situation.

4. Jump-start an effective time management strategy. Choose one simple thing you have been putting off (e.g., returning a phone call, making a doctor's appointment), and do it immediately. Just taking care of one nagging responsibility can be energizing and can improve your attitude.

5. Get outdoors for a brief break. Our grandparents were right about the healing power of fresh air. Don't be deterred by foul weather or a full schedule. Even five minutes on a balcony or terrace can be rejuvenating.

6. Drink plenty of water and eat small, nutritious snacks. Hunger and dehydration, even before you're aware of them, can provoke aggressiveness and exacerbate feelings of anxiety and stress.

7. Do a quick posture check. Hold your head and shoulders upright and avoid stooping or slumping. Bad posture can lead to muscle tension, pain, and increased stress. If you're stuck at a desk most of the day, avoid repetitive strain injuries and sore muscles by making sure your workstation reflects good ergonomic design principles. There is information about ergonomics and healthy workstations to assure your station ismore ergonomically safe.

8. Plan something rewarding for the end of your stressful day, even if only a relaxing bath or half an hour with a good book. Put aside work, housekeeping or family concerns for a brief period before bedtime and allow yourself to fully relax. Don't spend this time planning tomorrow's schedule or doing chores you didn't get around to during the day. Remember that you need time to recharge and energize yourself. You'll be much better prepared to face another stressful day.