so fucking frustrated

[SwampG8r]

hi all
i have not been posting much lately but i still try to get in at least once a day to lurk.it is frankly the high point of my day.
in the middle of february my wife of 33 years was rear ended on her way to work.she is my sweety since she was in high school and a better person you wont find.she is my only good quality.
she was smacked full speed at a red light by a 17 year old girl whose first statement was "i swear i wasnt on my cell phone"
while she has survived the crash,she has what we are being told is a permanent back injury. she is a nurse/midwife and until this ran her own clinic and delivered at a local hospital.all she ever has wanted to be is a midwife,my wife and the mother of our children.we dont know if the midwife part is still on the table now as she is very limited on her ability to move.
our life now revolves around drs visits and spinal injections (she refuses pain meds as she has seen the result)and every day she does her best to deal(she is the type who wouldnt complain about the heat if you set her on fire)and her own bravery in the face of the possible destruction of all her dreams and hard work is likely the only thing keeping me brave for her.
i cannot hug her as it hurts too much.
i love her so.
if anyone ever hurt her i have always stood ready to shake the little bastard out.
i am by nature not known as a peaceful person (i was raised by the human equivalant of wolves) and in my youth struck down many who offended my darling one
but all i can do now is flail
there is no one to smack to make it right and while the driver that hit her was overinsured (thank god)all the money in the world wont fix it
i am not looking for sympathy
for her or for myself, we have each other and thats all we really need
i needed to rant and so here it is
thanks for listening and go hug someone you love
while you still can

[MilesColtrane]

1. I don't know how hard it is to watch the love of your life in constant pain.

But, I imagine that it would make me want to punch something or someone.

Please try not to let it eat away at you, for her sake.

Peace, brother.

[Skittles]

2. so sorry SwampG8r

that has to be extremely difficult

may I ask what this means: "she refuses pain meds as she has seen the result" ?

[SwampG8r]

4. the first thing the doc wanted

was to put her on xanex and oxicontin
every day in her work she sees the result of this is people shopping for meds to feed an addiction
as a health care pro she knows these drugs only mask a symptom and cure nothing
she has had some sucesses with alternative medicine like accupuncture
she does physicl therapy twice a week that sometimes includes traction devices
the pain is not overwhelming but it is constant
she cant lay down for more than a few hours at a time and was going to move into a different room so i could sleep and i had to tell her i would rather be awake with her than sleep alone.

skittles i dont "know" you except for what i see here on DU but you have a "reputation" as an "asskicker"
me too
but what do you kick when there is no ass?

[Skittles]

19. well we need to kick some pain ass, SwampG8r

I guess all you can do is be there for her but seriously if the pain really interferes with her life, surely there's ways to take pain meds responsibly....I know the few times I have had constant pain, it was never anything serious yet I remember thinking how it really, really wears you down - even a dull ache :(

[bluesbassman]

3. Sorry to hear that.

As someone who lives with chronic pain, I feel your frustration. Hang in there brother. :pals:

[SwampG8r]

5. i wish it were my pain

i would not bear it as stoicly but i would prefer that to this

[SwampG8r]

6. i am going back to bed now

thanks to any who reply and i will get back to you
thank you for listening
and again
go
go now
go now and find those you love
hug them
squeeze them tight
life turns on a dime and you wont know how much that hug means until you cant give it anymore

[Suich]

7. I'm so sorry, SwampG8r!

I remember the pics you posted when your wife opened her clinic.

I wish the very best for both of you!

:hug:

[SwampG8r]

12. thank you

right now her clinic is in limbo
she hasnt been able to go in for the last month and a half
sadly it may close

[kimi]

8. I am so very sorry

I remember very well hearing about your wife's midwifery practice. As a former OB nurse, I value this highly.

I can't imagine your and your wife's frustration and pain, physical and otherwise.

Thinking about you both. Her gifts are needed, seriously. And your support, as well, and I do hope so much, that this comes about. Healthcare in this country needs both of your gifts.

Peace, to both of ya.

[SwampG8r]

11. thank you i hope you are right

[kimi]

13. Your wife deserves the best that this country can give her

I truly mean that. Bringing life into the world -- it's something that cannot be expressed by words, really.

I hope and pray (if you are of that type - some aren't, and that's cool, but I always say that) that she gets better and is able to go out and deliver babies again. We need her out here.

Best wishes to ya both.

[raccoon]

9. Sorry to hear that about your wife.

Get yourself a good lawyer. I'm sure there is some way it can be verified whether the other driver was on the cell phone or not.

[SwampG8r]

10. we did

thank you

[CaliforniaPeggy]

14. My dear SwampG8r...

My heart is just breaking for you both...

I hear you about hugs...I give them all the time to those I love.

How much I wish your wife could get well, and have the pain vanish!

My very best vibes for you both...


:hug: :cry:

[seabeyond]

15. another so sorry, for your wife and you

the bright side... wow, look at all you two share. inspiration.

[Kali]

16. oh SwampG8r

I'm so sorry your lives have been turned upside down by this, just when things were looking good.

I understand your wife's fear of pain meds but you know, they are just like any tool - they can be used for good or destruction. As somebody who has some familiarity with both recreational use and pain, I would urge her to try a cautious approach with a clear plan to manage the pain. Getting a good night's sleep could make all the difference in the next days work and mental condition - which in turn helps the body heal (not to mention how important sleep is to that as well!)

the stress of chronic pain can be just as debilitating as any drug addiction. pain relief with awareness of the substance's risks and attention to the situation is unlikely to result in addiction. I urge her to use the tools available to help her body heal itself.

[redwitch]

17. So very sorry to hear this.

I hope that time takes care of the worst of the pain and that she can continue doing what she loves to do. I am a total wuss when it comes to physical pain and wouldn't be able to turn down the pain meds. It is so very hard to watch someone you love suffer!

[grasswire]

18. is there any hope that her condition will improve with time?

I'm so sorry to hear about this. You're right. Our lives can be changed in an instant. Somehow it seems the change is rarely for the better, eh. Dame Fortune doesn't come 'round as often as bad luck, dammit.

[Maine-ah]

20. ugh, I'm so sorry Swamp

I have a permanant neck injury, c3 from a car accident I was in almost 20 years ago. Constant headaches, neck pain and migraines. I don't want pain meds either...I smoke pot and it helps...in combo with advil or if it's really bad, I'll bum a pain med from someone.

It's so frustrating. :hug:

[mentalsolstice]

21. I'm so sorry!

I've been in your wife's position. Situations beyond my control have led me to give up on my dreams. My parents are disappointed in me, they think I should work through it so we can avoid the big elephant in the room. I'm now on SSDI, and got it on my first application. My husband is supportive, yet I can see the pain he goes through knowing I can no longer live up to my potential, which I was doing when we met 20+ years ago when we met.

Hopefully, she can get back to full force and do what she loves doing. If she doesn't, she'll need support while she tries to find satisfying interests that she can physically do.

[elleng]

22. Thanks. He's napping. Will do so, when he awakens.

:hi:
:hug:

[applegrove]

23. vibes.

[Angry Dragon]

24. ...........

:hug:

[rbnyc]

25. fuck

That sucks. I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to watch someone you love suffer. And I know what it's like to be suffering and have a husband who loves me. It's a horrible situation.

The driver will never fully understand what she did. That was the hardest thing to let go of.

I hope things get better.

[murielm99]

26. I am so sorry you two have to go through this. n/t

[WildEyedLiberal]

27. I'm so sorry SwampG8r

Your sweet wife doesn't deserve this. I wish there were something I could do. You're a great husband and you being there for her will mean more than just about anything else. I hope she recovers soon and fully.