The more elaborate the wedding, the greater the likelihood of divorce:

[MrScorpio]

Poll question: The more elaborate the wedding, the greater the likelihood of divorce:

Yea, nay or maybe?

[Brickbat]

1. All I know is anyone who works to make it the "happiest day of his/her life" isn't exactly

aiming high.

[fishwax]

27. agreed -- I've never understood it -- doesn't that mean the marriage is all downhill after that?

:bounce:

[alphafemale]

2. Anyone who spends 5 figures for a one day event may not have good judgement to pick a life partner.

just sayin'

:shrug:

[blueamy66]

5. I agree.

It's all about keeping up with the Joneses these days.

Engagement photo albums, guest books with pictures of the lovely couple and lyrics and photo booths. And what the eff is a venue anyway? :-)

I am buying all of my stuff at Party City and Wal Mart (sorry). I'm printing my own invites. I'm getting married in my backyard. My sister in law's bro is gonna DJ for free. My dress cost $230. If we do decide to have anyone stand up for us, a suit and a dress will suffice...I don't care what color either is. My friend's friend is going to make my cake...she does awesome work. I'm gonna buy appetizer trays and sandwich trays and veggie and shrimp trays from my local grocer. Gonna tap a keg and have a freaking low-key, non-stressful BLAST with the love of my life.

Anyway, it's not all about how much you spend on your wedding...it's how much fun you have and the memories of that day that count.

[LibDemAlways]

6. I like your way of thinking. I know a woman

who appeared on the tv show "Say Yes to the Dress." Her parents sprang for a $7500 gown. This was two years ago. The marriage lasted 6 months and she's now engaged to someone else. Have no idea whether this union will be more low key, but hope she's figured out that it's not all about the bling and show, but rather the long-term commitment!

[blueamy66]

9. Well, I hope to gosh that she's wearing the same freaking dress.

Holy moly.

[BlueIris]

8. As I wrote below, I think these kinds of couples are overcompensating.

I futher think anyone who spends a massive amount on a wedding or is totally obsessed with making an elaborate affair of a one day event...has an inappropriate attitude about luxury, the concept of budgeting, and what life is like in the economy of the 21st century. Those marriages are largely doomed to failure, I think, because at least one half of the couple has no concept of what it's going to take, financially, to keep the marriage financially functional.

[blueamy66]

22. My co-worker is doing the big wedding thing....

because her brothers got them and she says she's entitled to one as well.

Her fiance is about done with her. :-)

[LibDemAlways]

3. I'm sure there are many long lasting unions that started out elaborately,

but it's been my experience that weddings that took place simply and quietly have lead to the best result. It would be interesting to see a statistical analysis of this.

[Bucky]

4. I don't think that's the critical factor. It's really about how well the couple communicates

You can be lavish or cheap and I don't see how that will correllate with being willing to grow together.

[BlueIris]

7. That is so true.

If there's anything I learned during my Study of American Wedding Trends over the winter, it's that the most obviously non-fuctional couples have the most extravagant weddings. My theory--spending a lot of money or making the wedding huge and complex is overcompensation for what's not in the relationship.

[TheCanadianLiberal]

10. I know someone who...

Maxxed out at least 5 credit cards and spent 5000 more of their savings on a wedding. It lasted about 10 months and she had to declare bankruptcy. Her parents spent near the same amount a year later and the same thing happened. :/

[seabeyond]

11. our wedding cost 200, including rings and lunch.... we are doing good. nt

[davsand]

12. Depends on if they both want that elaborate wedding.

If they both want that big show, then it may turn out ok. If it is just one of them that wants the extravaganza, then it is more likely to be a predictor of an equally expensive divorce. My wedding day was a complete blast, and we did not spend a huge amount of money. The dress was something like $250, and the flowers were equally thrifty. The big extravagance was we hired a stretch VW to haul us from the church to dinner. We wanted that tricked out VW because we got married on April Fool's Day and we thought the car was funny (so did the guests--it is 16 years later and people still comment on that car along with our music both at the wedding and at the party later...)

Music for the wedding was played by the church organist who, evidently, had never heard of either dynamics or organ stops. The Vivaldi that I had always dreamed of for my wedding ended up sounding like a calliope, and by the time we discovered the problem at the rehearsal the night before there was NO time to change it without breaking the poor woman's heart. Every photo of me going down the aisle shows me laughing like a hyena because my dad (in true form) asked me just before he led me into the church, "What on earth motivated you to choose carnival music for your wedding?"

We hired a local band at the 11th hour to play at the party because the band we'd planned to have had to cancel at the last minute. They were delighted to get the job because they were a fairly new band and I paid them in cash ahead of the gig and promised them a bar tab if they'd let our friends sit in with them. What the band did not realize was that many of our friends were local musicians they already either knew or had heard of. It was a series of guys sitting in and jamming, with much consumption in most cases. I laugh now, because that band is still around and our daughter took drum lessons from the drummer, who owns a local drum shop where most of the local drummers go to buy their equipment.

The most memorable bits of our wedding are the things that were peculiar to us, and the things that were just too funny to allow to slip away. Truth be told, I begged him to elope with me to Nevada, and he was determined that we should at least have a traditional ceremony with the families in attendance. We did that, but we also did it in our own way without breaking the bank...





Laura

[KittyWampus]

15. cute idea about the stretch VW on April Fools Day. You must both have a good sense of humor.

[davsand]

16. The poor driver they sent with the car did not know how to drive a stick.

He kept on popping the clutch. It got to the point my husband asked him if he wanted to let us drive the car because our car at the time was a standard shift. Poor guy was mortified and he sat there blushing under the chauffeur's hat they had dressed him in. We sat in the back of the car jerking/lurching away from the church with champagne splashing out of our glasses--the entire time. We got away from the church and made the guy park the car and have a glass of champagne with us.

When I think about our wedding it really was just an entire day of laughing and having fun. No real drama, no big fuss or anything--just way more fun than any human oughtta have. Come to think of it, our married life is pretty much that same way...


Laura

[KittyWampus]

24. Haha. That makes it even funnier.

[hobbit709]

20. Donna and I got married on April Fool's Day too.

We always said we had to be fools to get married. Our other choice was Halloween.
We had the ceremony at the JP's and the reception at a friend of mine's restaurant.
Everyone had to wear tie-dye, we called it the Jerry Garcia Memorial Wedding. I designed and printed out the invitations which had Donna's immortal words on the front "YOU CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT THAT OBEY PART"
Here's the gang at the reception

[blueamy66]

23. Awesome story!

:-)

[Skittles]

13. yes

right off the bat it is obvious she doesn't give a fuck what he thinks

[trof]

14. nay. But cheap works well, too. My story:

I think 'we', the bride's parents, spent about $10,000 on the actual wedding and reception.
Not sure if that included the bridal gown.
This was in 1997 in La Jolla, Ca.
The reception was a sit-down dinner at LaValencia hotel with open bar.
Google LaValencia and you'll get an idea about the venue.
$$$$$$$$$

I think it's admirable that, now, some couples foot the bills themselves.
Back then, in the prevailing 'cultural acceptance', the bride's parents were on the hook for the whole enchilada.
:-(

On the other hand...Miz t. and I were married in 1969 in St. Margaret's Episcopal Church in Crystal lake, IL for practically zip.
I think I gave the priest an 'honorarium' of a hundred bucks.
It might have been $50.
I (we) don't remember any fee for the church itself.
We hosted the small reception at our small apartment.

So...I don't think it really matters how much you spend on the wedding as to how it might affect of the durability of the marriage.

We're still happily married and so is our daughter.
Go figure.
:-)

[crim son]

17. Nah. Low-key wedding here, reception at home, only very close friends.

Who knew the groom would beat the bride and their kids? It's tempting to imagine that the participants knew ahead of time but it's also bullshit. IMHO of course.

[KT2000]

18. Know someone who had

heather flown in from Scotland for her wedding. It lasted less than 6 months.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

19. One of the most fun weddings I ever attended was of a graduate student couple

Since we were all students, the reception was potluck.

On another occasion, also during my grad school years, I was at church when the (Episcopal) priest announced that a couple from South Africa had decided to get married during that Sunday's service. They had no family members in the country, so they decided to invite the whole congregation for cake and goodies after the service.

I wonder if Reality TV isn't prompting this obsession with lavish weddings.

The most lavish wedding I attended as a young person was of someone from a very affluent family. As far as I could tell, the most opulent parts of it were a sitdown dinner with lobster Newberg and an open bar. Otherwise, the cake, the dance band, and the dress seemed quite ordinary.

[last_texas_dem]

21. I'll go with "maybe."

From what I've seen, I haven't noticed any correlation in the fanciness of a wedding and whether or not the marriage lasted.

I'd tend to agree with Bucky above, regarding the most important factor. Hey, maybe it's a good sign if the members of the union are both in agreement that they want an elaborate wedding; it has to be better than having a low-key one when half the couple wanted an elaborate one, or vice- versa...

(Though, on a personal note, thinking about even attending an elaborate wedding stresses me out. I'm just on a different wavelength than most people, I guess.)

[Pacifist Patriot]

25. As someone who has officiated almost 300 weddings from...

private elopements to the social event of the decade, teaches marriage education and provides pastoral care to couples I have to go with absolutely no correlation whatsoever.

[elleng]

26. Good to hear, as we've got a fairly elaborate one cooking here.

We attended several family weddings outside of Dayton, Ohio, some years ago, rather large, imo, considering the location, so my daughters thought that's the way it should be for them. (We lived in DC at the time.) Daughter marrying in Philly in September, and hers is growing like Topsy!

[Pacifist Patriot]

28. I agree with what several people have mentioned above.

It really isn't the scale of the event, but the compatibility of the bride and groom in terms of planning the event...and preparing for the marriage. I have seen small intimate affairs where the bride and groom have still put more thought into that day than their marriage and wasteful (in my opinion) society events where the bride and groom have got their heads well wrapped around preparing for their marriage as well as for their wedding. It's not really so much a matter of scale as perspective.

[JustAnotherGen]

29. No correlation

We are having 80 people next April in Central NJ for a budget of no more than 15K. However - I will be 39, he will be 43, it's a first marriage for us both (whew), no kids/stepkids, etc. etc. We both waited. We didn't jump on the first wagon to come along. We have the cash to pay for it. We are both 'set in our ways' - but we are Set The Same Way! :rofl: We are huge foodies, love jazz and blues, love rich fabrics, settings, etc. etc.

We are sharing our love for the sensual with those whom we have accumulated in these past 40 years or so for a joyous celebration.

And no: We aren't doing a venetian table, favors, or any of that crap. It's about the west coast oysters, champagne, prime rib, chocolate truffle torte, appies, premium bar.

Life is short.
Have fun.
That's all our 15K says about us. ;-)