CNN Poll: Is it ever appropriate to SMACK a child?

[DarienComp]

Note the choice of words. Not spank. Not corporal punishment, or whatever. Smack. As in, say, "upside the head" or "across the face".

82% YES
18% NO

Am I reading too much into this, or are we really a nation of bullies that gets off on hitting kids?

[iconoclastNYC]

1. Depends

Am i trying to enjoy a meal or watch a movie? If so then yes it's appropriate for me to smack children.

(i'm kidding)

[DarienComp]

2. you're an evil man

:evilgrin:

[slackmaster]

3. Sometimes you need to get a child's attention immediately

When a child is doing something that poses a risk of serious injury or death, and isn't taking seriously your efforts to stop the behavior with words, it is occasionally appropriate to swat the child. I did it once when my then 5-year-old stepson kept climbing up on the safety rail at a view overlook in Hawaii. On the other side of the rail was a 2,000-foot sheer drop.

Am I reading too much into this, or are we really a nation of bullies that gets off on hitting kids?

State of mind is everything in this issue. If you are hitting a child to "get off" or out of anger, it's probably the wrong thing to do.

[iconoclastNYC]

4. If you properly discipline your children

You can get them to stop by changing the tone of your voice.

I think everyone who wants to raise children should watch Nanny 911. It's so f'in great.

[slackmaster]

9. Very young children don't have their ears connected to hands or feet

It's just the way they are, a reality of human development. No matter how well they have been raised or treated, SOME children do really stupid things on occasion, and telling them to stop may not work as quickly as physically making them stop.

Even the best kids don't always listen to you. Sometimes striking them firmly - enough to get their attention but not to cause injury - is the best way to get their attention.

[iconoclastNYC]

14. So you stop them, remove them from the danger

You dont have to strike them. If your child is in danger you grab them and remove them from danger. You don't strike them.

Only a lazy parent has to resort to striking thier child.

[slackmaster]

18. Nice personal attack

In 10 years I only struck him ONCE.

You weren't there. You don't have any business calling me lazy.

[iconoclastNYC]

19. Well that's very good

If you only did it one time then you aren't want i'm describing. I'm talking about people who do it as the primary method of discipline.

I'm sorry you took that as a personal attack. I meant in in the general sense.

[renie408]

27. Wow. Some people might think only a pious ass

would say something like "Onlyl a lazy parent has to resort to striking their child." But not me, I would never say that.

I would say you are being obnoxiously judgemental and question how many kids you have.

[iconoclastNYC]

36. Whatever.

Ask anyone skilled in child development how best to discipline a child, and i bet not even 1 in 20 suggest any sort of physical violence. Go ahead and call me names but it doesn't change anything.

Parents are moved to use violence on thier children from frustration and thiere are better ways to deal with frustration.

Keep on making excuses. This whole debate has an erry similarity to the people who are bitching about smoking bans. They refuse to acknowlege thier behavior and so do spankers.

[renie408]

41. I think you are missing the point

For somebody who doesn't believe in spanking either, I am not sure how I ended up where I am in this argument.

Judgement does not help. Understanding seems like it will go farther. People don't wind up on Nanny 911 because they either spank or don't spank. They wind up on Nanny 911 because they are raising their kids without ever taking into account how they think or work.

Being right is rarely enough. Knowing how to go about being right is the important part. You are right. I just think you are going about it the wrong way.

[DarienComp]

5. i don't know, it's the choice of words that troubles me

the word 'smack' seems much more severe than 'swat'. That's just my own gut feeling...

[PretzelWarrior]

25. probably?

I'm sure that last qualifier didn't need to be in your last sentence.

[slackmaster]

29. I was leaving open the possibility of multiple concurrent reasons

Presence of a bad reason (e.g. being really pissed off at the child) does not necessarily mean it's not appropriate to strike the child to get his or her attention.

:D

[bballny]

6. YES

I would love to smack W. I consider him a child

[mzteris]

8. ok ok

that's the ONLY exception though.

[Bike Punk]

7. After seeing how many

kids were raised by the 'Let them be' method, i think a good smack is completely OK, WHEN APPROPRIATE. You also need to explain to the child (later, after the wailing...) why he was punished and that you don't want to do that again. Sometimes kids can be reasoned with, sometimes not.

the wording is surely used to provoke a reaction as well. But for me a swift smack is better than a beatdown, shaking, thrashing, what-have-you.

[mzteris]

10. Uh - there are other alternatives

to either of those scenarios.

Treating a child with respect. Valuing them as a human being. Setting reasonable limits and allowing (non-life-threatening) natural consequences to occur. Imposing consequences based on the transgression.

You don't have to SMACK kids around in order to raise one that is well-behaved.

It is NEVER "appropriate" to Smack a child.

[Divernan]

11. When a kid misbehaves in public, I'd like to smack their parents.

You know - the kids screaming in a restaurant or at the grocery store.

[iconoclastNYC]

16. Publicly shaming them is much more effective

And saves you an assult charge ;)

"Are you deaf to your childrens screaming? Because none of us are. Why don't you do your job as a parent and regain control of your child? Thanks."

[Divernan]

26. Great statement - I will use it.

nt

[renie408]

28. Ummmm....do you have kids?

Look, I don't think smacking kids is the way to go. But I also don't think being obnoxious to their parents is either going to save the kid anything or teach the parents anything. What I usually do is offer sympathy to BOTH the worn out, wailing kid and their parents. Sometimes it works and an equally worn out mother will realize that her kid is simply done for the day and expressing it the only way they know how. Sometimes they don't. Believe it or not, it is not always easy to know what to do with your kids. We ALL make mistakes. I would be willing to bet even you will or have made mistakes with any kids you have now or may have in the future. I know,I know...you find that hard to believe. But NOBODY is the 'perfect' parent. Not even Dr. Phil. There is no such thing. Yeah, some people are not giving it the thought they could. But ridiculing them is unlikely to produce that effort.

[iconoclastNYC]

34. LOL.

First of all I doubt anyone else in the restaurant would be pointing to me as the obnoxious party.

If you can't control your kids or are too lazy or too tired to do anything about getting them under control, don't go out to a restaurant where everyone else wants to enjoy peace and quiet.

And your "done for the day" bit is ridiculous.

I have seen responsible parents in restruants immediately take thier children out to car to get them under control. Which is the responsible thing to do. It takes effort. I've also see parents just total ignoring it. That's called being lazy, or being a quitter. Which are qualities thier children will pick up eventually, which makes it bad for another reason.

We need to stop making excuses for lazy parents.

Any and all new parents should watch Nanny 911...you can learn so much about parenting from that show.

BTW I dont have kids but I helped my single mother raise my 7 year younger sister, and I baby sat 3 boys ages 12, 9, and 6. You don't have to be a parent to have an oppinion on bad parenting.

[renie408]

38. Thanks, that is what I thought. You don't have any kids, just judgements.

"Ridiculous"? Really? What do you suppose is motivating those kids? Just that they are spoiled monsters? My personal experience with my two kids is that they only acted in the manner you are describing when they were worn out. The answer was rarely discipline, but empathy. Pick them up, soothe them, remove them from the overstimulating situation. I don't think small children can even be 'bad'. They are maneuvering through their world using the tools available to them. They get tired and cranky and overstimulated. Then they become annoying as hell.

I have two kids and I cannot recall the oldest one ever throwing a fit in either a store or a restaurant. The youngest one is a little more easily geared up and she did it a few times. As I recall, picking her up and calming her down worked. I do remember either me or my husband taking her outside when we were at a restaurant and letting her calm down and starting over. It just never seemed like a 'discipline' problem to me. She wasn't throwing a fit to be 'bad'. She was either tired or excited or just couldn't control herself. It seems futile and cruel to discipline a little kid for that. She's nine now and is a polite and well-behaved kid.

I could write reams about my kids, but suffice it to say that they are both great kids, easy to be around, polite and well mannered. I do agree that Nanny 911 is a good show, BTW, and I don't 'believe' in spanking. That doesn't mean I haven't ever done it, just that I knew then and know now that I was resorting to spanking because I had run out of options in that moment. What I am saying is that parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is 24/7, 365. It is not amazing to me that people do things wrong. Your approach to this seems so judgemental to me. I don't disagree with you that much, really. I guess I just find your reaction overly harsh.

[AZBlue]

37. I second that!!

We have no-smoking rules - what about no-screaming-children-that-the-parents-won't-bother-to-control rules??

[Bjornsdotter]

12. No

I can't believe so many people think it's okay.

Cheers!

[Arkansas Granny]

13. I'm old enough to have raised my children at a time when a

swat on the behind was widely used and wasn't considered to be child abuse. While I admit that too many spankings are generally counter-productive (and should never be administered in anger), I found that an occasional swat on the behind would significantly improve a child's hearing.

[iconoclastNYC]

17. I don't think it's abuse

That is really going to far, however, I think it's unnecesary and counter-productive.

Tradition and frustration leads too many people to spanking. It's a tradition that needs to be ended, but I don't see it as abuse.

[renie408]

44. I think even a 'swat' can be abusive if it is out of context or without

explanation. The method that worked with both my kids was counting to 3. If they were doing something they knew they shouldn't be, they got told to stop. If they didn't stop, I would start counting. I have nearly never gotten to three.

I cannot stand to see somebody snatch up a little kid and spank them for something without giving them a chance to stop on their own first (barring dangerous behavior and then the child should be removed from the situation). I don't think they learn anything from that. The other one that drives me crazy is to hear a kid saying, "Mom...Mom...Mom...Mom...Mom.." and the mother is busy and ignoring them. The kid says "Mom" one time too many and she wigs out and smacks or yells at him. How is he supposed to know you heard him in the first place??

[iconoclastNYC]

49. You can defin make that argument.

But I think you have more apt to change behavior if you don't call people who spank abusive, most people see that as going to far with it, and then shut down to your point of view.

[Uncle Joe]

15. Only if you are George W. Bush's Daddy or Mama. n/t

[Zodiak]

20. My father went after me...

with a bullwhip when I was a kid (that's how I was spanked...with red cuts on my ass). I was sent to the hosital unconscious, had the orbital of my skull cracked, suffered many death threats for not performing up to par (fail to dive this time, kid, and I'm drowning you as soon as you hit the water). Yes, I was physically abused.

Because of my past, I am not qualified to offer my opinion on this matter (as I have been told). But I think a lot of you can guess how I would vote on this issue and what I think of adult hitting children to "teach them about morality".

It is so comforting to know that 80% of adults approve of striking children. I wish they did a survey of 80% of giants that think it is okay to squash humans when they get out of line. I find it to be about the equivalent.

[Debi]

39. You deserve this for being a survivor

:hug:

[ieoeja]

21. Of course it is sometimes appropriate.

I was sitting in a bar when a child, I'd guess 11 or 12, walked in asking people for money. And not a Dickensian, "please sir, my mother is sick and my baby sister is so very hungry". But more like, "hey, man, give me some money".

The brat was unbelievably rude, and the patrons replied in kind with a few rude comments. Then he said something threatening as he reached around under his shirt to his waistband in back.

You bet somebody smacked him. With a pool stick. And before he could recover one old man in the bar had his gun out and sticking in his face.

Turns out the kid was bluffing and didn't really have a gun. But I would say the smack *with a pool cue* was most definitely appropriate under those circumstances.

[onenote]

22. context: "smack" = "spank"

The context underlying the CNN poll is an interview given by Tony Blair where he indicated that he had "smacked" his older child, but had abandoned the practice with his younger child. In terms of terminology, to "smack" a child, as used by the Brits, is the equivalent of "spanking" a child here in the states.

onenote

[catabryna]

23. Smack is a highly inflamatory word...

and I take it as the OP does... smack equals slap. I don't slap my child and wouldn't even think of it. HOWEVER, I have an extremely impulsive special needs kid and when he runs in the street without looking, you can bet he's going to get his butt spanked!

I've tried books "Don't Ever Cross That Road: An Armadillo Story" and have even resorted to pulling over on the side of the road to show him dead armadillos (since I live in Texas) so I could give him a visual of what can happen when you cross the road without looking both ways; all to no avail. Right now, mom holds his hand tight, but mom isn't always going to be there to do that as he gets older.

I think most people equated smack with spank which would explain the high percentage of "yes" votes.

[onenote]

31. see previous post: in Britain, smack = spank

The poll was a response to Tony Blair acknowledging that he "smacked" --i.e., "spanked" one of his kids.

onenote

[renie408]

24. No, I don't think it is. It is the response of last resort when you feel

out of options. BUT, and I think this is a big 'but', I also don't think the occasional frustrated smack on a kid who is pushing is going to cause lasting damage and may teach a valuable lesson...that there are limits to everyone's tolerance. Everybody hits a wall now and then when there are external pressures and your kid just won't give you a break and you react. I have done it. I don't like it. When I have gone there, I ended up thinking to myself, "I bet there was a better way to do that." But honestly, that thought is usually followed by something along the lines of "at least they shut up". I don't think it is EVER appropriate to smack a child in the face and if it is your 'go to' discipline, you need to get some help. I also cannot stand to see people spanking, smacking or otherwise physically disciplining small children, under the ages of like 4 or 5. Little kids are usually doing the best they can under the given circumstances. And since you usually arranged those circumstances one way or the other, it doesn't seem fair to whack them for disintegrating.

edited for typos

[saltpoint]

30. I hope they do a similar poll about the appropriateness of

smacking GOP senators.

[DesertRat]

32. The answer is NO

I am a PreKindergarten teacher and can tell you that hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves.

[yodermon]

33. oh boy a spanking thread

:popcorn: :sarcasm: :eyes:

[noonwitch]

35. It's never acceptable, but sometimes it's understandable.

I can understand some parents losing it with their teens. It's not right, but like I said, I can understand why they lose it.

I don't really have a problem with parents who spank, if they don't injure the child while doing so. A swat with a hand to the butt will get a small child's attention. It's not a method I would use, but I don't think it damages the kid.

[Zynx]

40. This is one of those grey issues.

I remember when I was younger my parents were very patient with my nonsense, but verbal punishments just didn't phase me and neither did being sent to my room(I would just play with Legos) so my parents spanked me for a little while when I was out of control and it worked.

[Debi]

42. Nah, yell so loud it scares the crap out of em!

I did spank my son, once. We were in church (we're Catholic) and the priest motioned for us to stand up and said, "The Gospel according to Matthew." Matthew is my son's name, he starts yelling, "Hey, he said my name, that's my name, hey mister." I picked him up, patted him on the butt (he was in diapers) and ran out of the church. That's it, that's the only time I've hit my child. Unless you count the numerous times we've 'sparred' with boxing gloves or 'wrestled'.

I don't know the answer to this as I've been lucky enough to have a kid that jumps when I yell his name real loud. That's always been enough to get him to mind.

I don't believe you can reason with an unreasonable child and you cannot control a child that has hit 'tantrum' stage. At that point it's up to the parent to remove the child from the situation, be it dinner at a restaurant, a movie or a party. Yes, that stinks for the parent, but everyone around should not have to deal with a child who's had enough.

[catmother]

43. i don't really know. i'm 64 and back in my day you did hit your

children. i hit mine a few times. one time he spit at me. i gave him a smack and then sent him to his room.

yesterday in the grocery store there was a child screaming like crazy. it was shrill. it went right through me. i have to admit that i thought she should be slapped.

you're probably going to flame me, but the kids of today are compeletly out of control.

[auburngrad82]

45. Only if they're a Republican nt

[0007]

46. The element of surprise is overwhelming and junior also sez

that shock & awe is awesome.

[tenshi816]

47. I think you might be reading too much into the term.

In the UK, people say smack instead of spank but it means exactly the same thing. I'm kind of surprised to see it used in an American poll question.

[McCamy Taylor]

48. Stupid poll. Poorly worded. Unscientific. Created for "shock" news effect.