The Onion: Addressing Climate Crisis, Bush Calls For Development Of National Air Conditioner

[Sparkly]

Addressing Climate Crisis, Bush Calls For Development Of National Air Conditioner

June 20, 2007 | Issue 43•25

WASHINGTON, DC—In a nationally televised address reminiscent of President Kennedy's historic 1961 speech pledging to put a man on the moon, President Bush responded to the global warming crisis Monday by calling for the construction of a giant national air conditioner by the year 2015.

"Climate change is real and it demands a real solution," Bush said. "Therefore, I am committed to dedicating all of the technology, all of the brainpower, and all of the resources we need in order to keep America cool and comfortable well into the 21st century."

The National Air Conditioner Initiative is expected to be the largest public works project in the nation's history. Because technology capable of creating an air conditioner that can fulfill the cooling needs of a continental land mass does not presently exist, the president estimated that research and development alone will require at least $100 trillion in both federal and private sector funds.

"The challenge of building an air conditioner for all Americans will be the greatest we have ever faced," Bush said. "But we must face it. We must act now to ensure that our children and our children's children can live in a world where they don't get sweaty and have to change their shirts all the time."

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/addressing_climate_crisis_bush

[kestrel91316]

1. Oy vey.

[Solon]

2. The guys at the Onion are geniuses...

Too bad satire is almost impossible to distinguish from reality nowadays.

[TygrBright]

3. This is creepily spot-on. That's exactly how * 'thinks'... n/t

[TygrBright]

4. And best gag of all...

"Speaking at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser Monday night, Al Gore said that now that Bush has taken up the cause of global warming, the former vice president and environmental activist will redirect his energies toward developing a personal spacecraft capable of transporting a family of four to a distant planet."

Dibs on beta testing that baby...

ironically,
Bright

[Sparkly]

5. I like the part about Canada's complaint

"The strongest opposition to the plan has come from Canada. Because the proposed National Air Conditioner would cover 90 percent of the state of North Dakota and face south, the U.S.'s northern neighbor would be directly in the path of superheated air expelled from the machine's back vents. Though Prime Minister Stephen Harper said this would create drought conditions and devastate their farmlands, most believe Canada lacks the clout to halt Bush's air-conditioning agenda."