How to Win Support for YOUR Candidate ...

[NanceGreggs]

… And Influence Nobody.

· Instead of going to the bother of pointing out your candidate’s positive attributes, simply fill the board with negative comments about the other candidate.

· Never bother with facts when innuendo will do.

· Quote RWers when they say something derogatory about the other candidate. Remember to start your post with a statement like, “I never listened to this lyin’, warmongering POS before, but in this case …” (Extra points for quoting Bill Kristol predictions!)

· Don’t allow actual poll numbers to dissuade you. Why settle for being an amateur, when you can be a professional straw-grasper!

· Be sure to include solid facts and figures when speaking about your candidate’s chances in November – like how many times your brother-in-law’s cousin’s butcher said he’d never vote for so-and-so in the general election.

· Warn your fellow Democrats about the dire threat posed by Ralph Nader – after all, it’s not out of the question that he could wind up with .00000001 percent of the national vote.

· Don’t hesitate to say, “I’ll never vote for THAT man/woman,” because we all really want to know that your ‘core principles’ come before the good of the Party, and the nation. This election is, after all, all about you – don’t let anyone forget how important you are.

· Always provide a link to back-up whatever it is you’re regurgitating about the candidate you don’t like – because there isn’t a Democrat alive who won’t be impressed beyond all imagining with an op-ed piece in the East Bumfuck Times-Picayune.

· If the other candidate is accused of doing something under-handed by a RW blogger, don’t wait for the facts to come in – join the lynch mob right away!

· Leave no molehill unturned into a mountain – find an obscure factoid (unverified, of course) about the candidate you don’t like and post about it over, and over, and over again.

· Never hesitate to reply to a positive post about the other candidate without including the comment, “Welcome to President McCain”.

· Don’t forget the impact of the Nostradamus Factor – be sure to say things like, “I know for a fact we will lose in November” when discussing the possibility that your candidate may not be the nominee.

· Insult, insult, insult – questioning the reasoning, sanity, and ability to think for themselves of those who support the other candidate is a sure-fire way of winning their hearts and minds.

· Don’t let it be just about political differences of opinion! Be sure to ridicule, marginalize, dismiss out-of-hand, and totally humiliate anyone who disagrees with your choice of candidate – and get personal about it! Believe me, that tactic is guaranteed to get the nay-sayers on board with your choice!

Jeeze, it’s just so simple, people! I don’t understand why you rational, common-sense spewing idiots just can’t get with the program!

[Obamaman2008]

1. I am just following Hillary's lead

[onehandle]

11. Proving her point in the very first response.

Too perfect.

[rasputin1952]

17. That happened to me one time when I called for calm on DU...

when discussing candidates...:D

[NanceGreggs]

21. It is too perfect, isn't it? n/t

[AX10]

18. You just proved the point of OP the perfectly

[Nickster]

2. Common sense from you as usual. Good job.

[JohnnyLib2]

3. Thanks again, Nance. Very provocative thoughts.

Sadly, it seems even your sage words are to be targets in this time of
"agent orange" political tactics.

Recommended.

[Breeze54]

4. Well said!

:P

I love the reverse psychology too. Do you think they'll get it? :P

:kick: & Recommended

[NastyRiffraff]

5. You nailed it again, Nance!

You and I differ on our candidate of choice, but I love reading our stuff.

Here's another:

. On a post urging civility for both sides, be sure to insert a reply that insults the other candidate and his or her supporters.

[NanceGreggs]

33. Like Reply #1 on this thread?

You can always count on someone to jump right in and prove your point for you!

:hi:

[NastyRiffraff]

38. Exactly! LOL!

Hi back atcha! :hi:

[Yael]

6. K&R

[Mythsaje]

7. I've given up on the whole process at this point.

I don't really care which one wins. I just want to get it all over with and see a Dem in the White House and more Dems in Congress. And, if that happens, that they finally start getting around to doing the PEOPLE'S business for a change.

That'll make me happy.

[SeattleGirl]

8. Nance, you totally rock!

[rasputin1952]

9. As I have said time and again...we are our own worst enemies.

I used to use the "Herding Cats" analogy, but that is actually quite simple compared to riding herd on DU during the Primary Wars.

Funny thing is, bush has made this election a gift, and like spoiled kids at a B'Day party, we sit around and whine about not getting that "Special Toy" that Jimmy or Jane has.:cry: When reality tells us that we should be happy we got anything at all; after all, no one had to come to the party...and if they knew what brats we can be, they wouldn't come anyway!

I look around DU and see some of our best and brightest minds trying to hold down the fort, trying to bring unity among a group of people that have a hard time not arguing about what flavor bagel to bring to the coffee meet-up; bring 'em ALL we'll pick the ones we like, and do it w/o slapping each other silly over the last everything bagel!

As in each Primary War, and each election cycle I have seen here, there are always people that will never be happy. Win the Lottery? "Why do I have to wait 20 years to collect the full $123 million?!!!" As if any of us couldn't survive on say $5.5 million a year... and each year for the next 20...(after taxes, but that's another gripe isn't it)...:eyes:

Dealing w/trolls, incidental fools that find this place and the occasional bonehead is one thing...but to watch people act like rabid wolverines tearing at each other 24/7 shows me that some people are hung up on the notion that they, and their ideas, are the only ones worth being heard is pretty weird to say the least. Yes, rhubarb should be served w/every meal by federal mandate; yes, people should be forced to clean up their kitchens more than once a week, by federal mandate; and certainly, the federal government should ensure that people use plenty of soap when they wash their feet...and a host of other incredibly important issues must be addressed!!! But let's win this thing first...and we can't do that while people are running around as if they are on fire.

[JeffR]

25. Nicely said

This would make an excellent OP itself, though sadly, it would probably sink in the din that was once GDP.

Always nice to know that rational people have stuck it out here in spite of everything.

[rasputin1952]

26. I have to laugh...w/few exceptions, my OP's drop like rocks...

I guess I just don't have the "hate-gene"...:D

Thanks for the nice reply...:pals:

on edit...If I want to get read...I post in Nance's threads...:D

[JeffR]

28. You're reasonable, you have a cool avatar, and you're kind enough

to volunteer to moderate on a site that resembles the remake of "Dawn of the Dead" these days. You deserve a lot of praise.

[rasputin1952]

32. Hey...I'm just a D...kind of comes w/the territory...

:)

[JeffR]

35. Yeah, I guess

:spray:

[rasputin1952]

36. ...

:D

[NanceGreggs]

34. Totally agree with JeffR (upthread) on this one ...

... it should be an OP of its own.

Very well said, my friend!

:applause:

[rasputin1952]

37. Like I've said before...If I want to get read...

I post in your threads...:loveya:

[ladym55]

10. We are acting like a circular firing squad

I'm not happy with the scorched earth policy of campaigning among Democrats. We need to support our candidate for positive reasons AND recognize that we have the choice between two very qualified people. Early on, we had a GROUP of qualified candidates.

And the Rethugs?? They fielded a crazy old man (and HE'LL get the nomination!), a dude who thinks the world is flat, a life-size Ken doll, a mumbling antique actor, the maniac mayor of 9-11, another dude who thinks the world is flat, and a racist or two. Good times.

We need to think beyond our own whining and get real about our possibilities.

Thanks for being the voice of reason as we run in circles and try to hurt ourselves. :hi:

[nxylas]

46. Who's the other guy who thinks the Earth is flat?

Unless you meant Huckabee, in which case, who's the first guy?

[ladym55]

55. Brownbeck

I forget where that rocket scientist came from (but he's gone back, good news for us). He was one of the great minds at an early Republican debate who raised his hand when asked if he did not agree with evolution. If he, too, takes the bible literally, then he thinks we live on a flat earth under a big dome.

My favorite squirrel chef, Huckabee, is the other.

[FlyingSquirrel]

12. ABOVE ALL ELSE,

Lie in wait for new threads. Keep hitting refresh on the "Latest" page, and pounce instantly with a one-liner on anything that remotely looks like it's positive about the other candidate or negative about your own. Don't bother reading the entire post (or any of it, really) - just read the subject line and ATTACK! (perhaps chop it into at least 10 pieces with your AX?)

---

Time is of the essence.

[HCE SuiGeneris]

62. .

[onehandle]

13. Right on the money.

I cannot believe the state of this place. Idiots aplenty.

[madamesilverspurs]

14. Bandaids!

Our poor fingers are grievously wounded, horrible paper cuts. You know, from opening all those effusive "thank-you" notes from the gopers, expressing their joy in having a steady supply of invective handed to them. Why, they've hardly had to tap their tried-and-true (you know, just making stuff up),yet. Not that they won't, but it's there on the back burner cooking along. In the meantime, we're typing madly to mollify our squabbling teammates. My fingers would rather be typing letters in support of the next Democratic potus. So, the least you guys could do is send some bandaids, okay?

[badgerpup]

15. Bless you, Nance!

:applause::yourock:

I don't think I'm the only person here who's pretty much given up on GD and GD-P until after the election...
it's like a cross between a riot, a 12-shark feeding frenzy, and 'crack night in the weasel house'*
:hide::yoiks:

May I buy you a drink in the Lounge?


:kick:

* quote attributed to Dennis Miller...before he lost his marbles and was still funny.

[Adams Wulff]

16. K&R

Thanks Nance!

[Oldtimeralso]

19. Thanks Nance

Your writings are one of the few reasons that I look forward to logging in to DU

[Wetzelbill]

20. As a former op-ed columnist for the East Bumfuck Times-Picayune

I would take offense to this post, but I don't know any better. K&R.

[NanceGreggs]

22. I CLEARLY meant the EBTP ...

... after you resigned in disgust, and went on to a much better position with the West Bumfuck Times-Picayune.

:blush:

[Wetzelbill]

30. I did have a distinguished career at the WBTP

I won two Polks working on stories with Bill O'Reilly of all people.

[nxylas]

45. Splitter!

I prefer the West Bumfuck Picayune-Times. The original and best.

[Wetzelbill]

52. it is a fine publication

If I do say so myself. :)

[Harry Monroe]

56. Are you referring to the New Orleans "Times-Picayune"

Or is this just a satirical reference to another publication?? As a native New Orleanian, I am puzzled here; I've always considered the TP to be a good newspaper; I take offense at the reference to "East Bumfuck"

[FrenchieCat]

23. Aye!

:applause:

[Bongo Prophet]

24. Your post SICKENS ME! .....

Oh, I love me some Nance Greggs!

Thank you m'lady.
(deep bow of respect)

[Danger Mouse]

27. Nice post.

:hi:

[Catherine Vincent]

29. Kick and fucking recommend!

Excuse my language! :)

[avrdream]

31. Nice to see SOMEONE getting the big picture around here.

We Dems are shooting ourselves in the feet.

[NanceGreggs]

39. Let's hope we all remember how to reload ...

... and aim at the real enemy come November!

[nxylas]

54. Hopefully, only another week of this

Neither Clinton nor Obama was my candidate, but I find myself rooting for Obama next Tuesday simply because if Clinton wins Texas and Ohio by a sizeable margin (which doesn't look likely, but a week is a long time in politics), we'll have to put up with this shit for at least another month.

[bridgit]

40. Whomever they are your candidate sucks!! And Nadar blows chunk!!

I have no fear of reason...I just don't have any time for it :woohoo:

How dare you bring Nostradamus into this :rant: not to mention his "Factor" :blush: why, I'll bet Nostradamus would've been a great guy to have a beer with :beer:

"Insult, insult, insult"...what? You mean other people? I'm sorry dear, I'm far too busy *being* insulted to insult others :headbang:

Poll Numbers!?! Why do you hate America :patriot: Poll numbers are the most fungible commodity within our system of capital formation, see...


Is it OK if I turn a molehill into Yucca Mountain :shrug:

Haven't molehills been like: 'gentrified', anyhow? I sure hope so, cause I can still pick them up here fairly cheap, you know? The new 'loft spaces' for The New World Order :thumbsup:

[Lilith Velkor]

51. Your posts remind me of a time

when I did a lot of drugs.

That's what I like about you. :loveya:

[rpannier]

41. The East Bumfuck Times-Picayune... Isn't that owned by Rupert Murdoch

I think it's the flagship of News Corp

[Harry Monroe]

57. The "New Orleans" Times Picayune is in no way owned by Murdoch!!!

[rpannier]

60. I realize that

But the 'East Bumfuck Times Picayune'
Sounds like a Murdoch rag to me

[onehandle]

42. K&R. nt

[bluescribbler]

43. Have I told you lately that I love you?

Shhh. Don't tell Jeff. ;-) :hi:

:kick: and Recommend.

[Arkansas Granny]

44. Thanks, Nance. Kicking this for the morning crowd.

[The Wizard]

47. Thanks Nance

Some of the threads being posted here recently seem to be started by interloping right wingers intent on dividing us. It's so typically Machiavellian that I'm wondering if Karl Rove isn't posting here. Of course if we see the name Lying Scumbag that might be an indication.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for spreading false stories about those whose intent is to ruin the country for personal profit.

[NanceGreggs]

53. "Of course if we see the name Lying Scumbag ...

... that might be an indication."

:rofl:

[Scurrilous]

48. K & R

:thumbsup:

[onehandle]

49. kick. nt

[cbayer]

50. Nicely done.

I hope it has some impact.

[Harry Monroe]

58. Nance, I am a native of New Orleans

Not East Bumfuck. I take offense at the reference that you consider New Orleans backwards.

[NanceGreggs]

59. I have absolutely NO IDEA what you're talking about ...

Where did I mention New Orleans?

[Harry Monroe]

63. East Bumfuck Times-Picayune

The New Orleans paper is the "Times-Picayune". I don't really think there is another paper in the country with that name. By your inference, you mentioned New Orleans, and by extension, referred to New Orleans as "East Bumfuck". After what they have been through these past 2 1/2 years, did you not know what the New Orleans paper was called??? I am not sure what you meant by referring to "East Bumfuck Times-Picayune"??

[NanceGreggs]

64. No, I didn't know about the "Times-Picayune" being in NOLA ...

... and I have referred to "East Bumfuck" many times in my posts - it's a catch-all phrase I use to convey a small US town, e.g. Bumfuck, Montana, Bumfuck, Wyoming, etc.

I am sorry if you thought that this was an actual jab at New Orleans - but considering the content of the OP, it would seem obvious that a reference to NOLA would not have made any sense at all.

I did not 'infer' anything, nor refer to NOLA 'by extension', and my support of the citizens of New Orleans has been the topic of many of my pieces.

So please don't read something into my posts that is so obviously NOT THERE.

[Harry Monroe]

65. Sorry Nance

Since I know that the "Times-Picayune" is a pretty unique name for a paper I just found it curious that you'd use that particular city's newspaper's name in conjunction with the derogatory term "East Bumfuck".

BTW, Berke Breathed found the name of the newspaper so unique, that he used it in his classic comic "Bloom County", renaming the fictional newspaper "Bloom County Times" the "Bloom County Picayune".

FWIW, a Picayune is a Spanish coin circa early 1800's worth about 7-8 cents, which is how much was charged for the original paper in New Orleans (The Daily Picayune)

[NanceGreggs]

67. WOW!

I never knew the origin of the word 'Picayune' (so where were YOU when I spent fifteen years playing on a trivia league that asked just these kinds of questions? You would have made a great team-mate. We actually might have WON a game or two!)

I chose "Times-Picayune" because it's always struck me that the smaller the town, the longer the newspaper name. And 'Picayune' always comes to mind thanks to the 'Pixley Picayune' of Petticoat Junction fame (talk about giving your age away!)

I truly apologize if I offended you - even if it was inadvertent on my part. If I were a NOLA native, I just KNOW how sensitive I would be on the topic. You were much more gracious than I would have been, had our roles been reversed.

:hi:

[Harry Monroe]

66. And in my day...

...we'd use the term "East Jesus" for some hick place out in the sticks. I used to get my mouth washed out with soap for using the "F" word!!

What begins with "F" and ends with "UCK" you may ask?? Well, of course that would be "Fire Truck"!!

[HCE SuiGeneris]

61. Sure, just post my template why don't ya!?

:mad:

So much for the "Secret of my Success" I was to release later this year. Pffft.