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Four, uh, Three Days of Bad Road: GOP Convention '08, Tuesday

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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Sep-02-08 11:56 PM
Original message
Four, uh, Three Days of Bad Road: GOP Convention '08, Tuesday
8:00 PM:
I'd understood that the convention was being held in St. Paul, but the folks in the crowd shots confirm that it's actually being held in Squaresville.


8:04 PM:
David Brooks informs the PBS audience that it would be a mistake to skip over McCain's history as a POW. He needn't worry.


8:05 PM:
Bill Bennett reminds CNN viewers that James Madison never left the country, and that when Sarah Palin finally got a passport, she went not to Paris, but to Kuwait. No mention of her tarmac stop in Ireland, however.


8:12 PM:
From the podium, Norm Coleman threatens Republican Jihad on Middle America: "We're going to paint the entire Mississippi watershed John McCain red!" Yikes!

Then tells dodgy story about Jefferson as lead-in to the curious and creepy refrain: "John McCain has a face that says 'Yes'!"


8:20 PM:
Just saw an African American guy on the convention floor. Not sure why he was there.


8:26 PM:
Bill Bennett proclaims "the brooding omnipresence of Ronald Wilson Reagan." Time for a bathroom break.

CNN interviews 19 y/o mayor of Muskogee, OK. Poor kid believes John McCain will keep him safe, says meeting Giuliani would "make my dreams come true." These kids today.


8:28 PM:
Tucker Bounds tells Gwen Ifill Palin has been "fully vetted" and she will "electrify the place" on Wednesday. Then runs out of Xcel Center before mean old Campbell Brown can tease him again.


9:22 PM:
Video tribute to GHW Bush claims "he helped put the ghosts of Vietnam to rest". Not sure how this squares with the rest of the party doing their damnedest to achieve the opposite. Oh well.


9:24 PM:
Wolf Blitzer describes Barbara Bush as a "magnificent lady". Bathroom break.


9:32 PM:
David Brooks: "Rush Limbaugh is no idiot." What an idiot.


9:39 PM:
Former POW Orson Swindle introduces five Medal of Honor winners. First chants of "USA! USA!"


9:45 PM
It's Pickles!!

She's excited by the McCain/Palin ticket! She's proud that the first female VP will be a Republican woman!! I have no idea who she was talking about.

Speaking about W, she notes: "A lot has changed in the last eight years." Yeah, duh.

Pickles tells vets: "America honors your service and gives you our thanks." CNN cuts to a yawning military man on the convention floor.

And now it's time for Preznit Satellite. He says his duties have kept him in Washington tonight "overseeing hurricane relief". Great relief felt in both St. Paul and New Orleans, undoubtedly.

W praises "two people of character, decency and integrity" then goes into a complete non-sequitur about his parents.

Talks about McCain. Geez, apparently McCain was a POW! W says "his arms were broken, but not his honor". No mention of 2000 primary attempts to paint McCain as dishonorable.


9:57 PM:
Bush still talking...

Mentions the "angry left". Cindy McCain smiles. This leftist is now officially angry.

Surge is working. Dangerous world. Lessons of September 11. Man we need is John McCain.

Says 3 or 4 words about Sarah Palin. Something something something.

"Americans have always lived on the sunrise side of the mountain." Why does George Bush hate the Americans who live on the other side of the mountain?


10:03 PM:
Pickles up again, praising Cindy McCain's charitable work abroad. It's apparent that Cindy has 100 times more foreign policy experience than Palin. I'm getting really confused.


10:04 PM:
It's Gipper Time! Please, Gipper, don't hurt 'em!

Video tribute to Reagan discussing his early years in politics. "Some dared breathe the word 'maverick.'" Some dared breathe the word "jerk" too, but that doesn't get a mention.

Replaced Carter's indecision with "conviction politics". If only Iran-Contra had resulted in conviction politics, I muse sadly.

"Ronald Reagan saved our America, saved our century and changed the world." Hot damn, how come nobody ever told me about this before?


10:09 PM:
Fred Thompson is warmly applauded by the same people who ignored him back during the primaries.

Says Palin is a "breath of fresh air". She's "from a small town, with small town values" but the pundits have attacked her. Damn pundits! More: "Democrats and the media are in a state of panic!"

Reminds us that McCain was a POW! Very handy, since I'd just forgotten about that.

"If Roberta had been the McCain captured by the North Vietnamese, they would have surrendered!" In other words, John McCain isn't as tough as a 93 y/o woman...

Fred launches into a sort of oratorical sequel to "Passion of the Christ" by detailing every injury McCain suffered. No charts and diagrams for those of us with a less than perfect understanding of anatomy. Says McCain took 8 trips to Iraq "seeking truth, not publicity". A blatant attempt to discredit George W. Bush, who only took 2 trips there for publicity...

"McCain stood up, called for more troops, and now we're winning!" Chants of "USA! USA!"

Says Senate has its share of "smooth talkers and big talkers". Seems like a nasty reference to Orrin Hatch, but maybe I'm wrong.

Says McCain doesn't give "teleprompter speeches designed to appeal to America's critics abroad". Well, that's a relief, I guess.


10:29 PM:
Ignoring the warning beeps from his pacemaker, Fred continues.

Describes Obama as: "most inexperienced, most liberal nominee to ever run for President."

"We need a President who doesn't believe protecting an unborn child is above his pay grade!"

Rambles on some more then leaves amid more chants of "USA! USA!"


10:37 PM:
David Gergen says speech "brought convention to life". Not so fast, David! Next up: Joe Lieberman!


10:39 PM:
Lieberman takes the stage, with a mere 20 minutes to prove he's the biggest hosepail on the planet. Can he do it? Of course he can.

Minutes into his speech, Lieberman has smothered the newly awakened convention with a bipartisan pillow.


10:43
"What's a Democrat like me doing at a Republican convention like this?" I wished he'd contacted me directly. I have a detailed answer to that question.

"Country matters more than party!" He doesn't say which country, of course.


10:44 PM:
Chants of "USA! USA!" So Lieberman meant the USA, I guess.


10:46 PM:
TV camera picks up another African American in the crowd.


10:48 PM:
Lieberman implores audience: "Trust me!" Yeah, Republicans, go ahead and trust him. Go on, now.


10:49 PM:
"If John McCain is just another partisan Republican, then I'm Michael Moore's favorite Democrat!" Uh, Joe, yes he is, and no you're not.


10:51 PM"
Praises Bill Clinton for welfare reform, free trade and a balanced budget. Smirks from crowd.


10:56 PM:
"It was a pleasure traveling around the world with John McCain, even with Lindsay Graham along."

Wraps up with an exhortation to Dems, Independents and Republicans to vote for McCain. "He's no ordinary candidate!" Finally, something I can agree with Joe about.

Leaves to possibly the most enthusiastic applause Republicans have given a Jew since Sammy Davis Jr. was still alive.


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Elidor Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:06 AM
Response to Original message
1. That's a DUzy
:rofl:
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Hissyspit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:06 AM
Response to Original message
2. It's a horror show. n/t
Edited on Wed Sep-03-08 12:06 AM by Hissyspit
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NYC_SKP Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:07 AM
Response to Original message
3. That African American...
Was he holding a broom or one of those litter grabbing thingies?

:shrug:
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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:30 AM
Response to Reply #3
4. I think he was just lost.
:shrug:

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nxylas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 08:51 AM
Response to Reply #4
31. He could be the Republican party's black friend
Just there to show everyone that they don't see race.
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stevedeshazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:33 AM
Response to Original message
5. Excellent summary
That's precisely what happened.

Recommended.
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Gregorian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:35 AM
Response to Original message
6. By comparison Fox actually seems fair and balanced.
I'll bet they're proud.

Will Independents issue a statement? Like Joe, go away?

:)
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nsd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:36 AM
Response to Original message
7. Excellent. K&R. (nt)
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Ichingcarpenter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:41 AM
Response to Original message
8. Wow...... That was just ... Frightening and Funny at the same time
Normally all of your stuff is funny but
this sort of told me with a sense of humor what
a frightening nightmare you witnessed.

kick nominated.
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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:48 AM
Response to Reply #8
9. Thank you. It was tempting but unnecessary to make stuff up about it.
I've watched every one of their conventions since '68, and this one was grimmer and dumber than any I've seen. And the worst is still to come.

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Ichingcarpenter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 01:06 AM
Response to Reply #9
14. I think this is the first Republican one I've missed when I could have watched

I started with my mom watching the democratic convention in 56 and missed
a few of both because of travel.. but normally caught both when I could

I just can't watch the republicans anymore and hopefully
all of us will never again after this election.
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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 01:10 AM
Response to Reply #14
15. If tonight is any indication, your wish could come true.
If a convention is a TV commercial for a party, this one will not result in increased sales by a long shot.

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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:50 AM
Response to Original message
10. My dear JeffR!
You definitely deserve a DUzy for this one!

This is just freaking hilarious!

Thank you for the much-needed laughter!


K&R


:rofl: :rofl:
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bleever Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:55 AM
Response to Original message
11. Dammit!
I had finally signed off, but I read this and had to sign back in just to recommend it.

You magnificent bastard. I wish I could quit you.

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Usrename Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:58 AM
Response to Original message
12. Thanks for saving us all from the pain and horror of watching.
I don't feel like I've missed a thing. Great job!

:applause:
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FrenchieCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 12:59 AM
Response to Original message
13. Hey, you saw what I saw!
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msallied Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 01:19 AM
Response to Original message
16. My god... Thank you so much for making me nearly wake my children. LOL
Also, thanking you for making sure I never have to turn on my TV to this nonsense. lol
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QueenOfCalifornia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 02:19 AM
Response to Original message
17. U saw an AA (not alcoholic)
guy at the GOP convention?

It's crazy huh?

I had press creds at the GOP convention in '96 - I had dinner with some people there that would make you laugh right out loud....

People vote while sleeping AND DRUNK IS ALL I CAN SAY.

xoxo

Gilligan

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phrigndumass Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 03:54 AM
Response to Original message
18. This is way better than watching it!
:kick: :thumbsup:
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tavalon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 04:08 AM
Response to Original message
19. I demand that you give yourself a DUzy
It's as good as any Top Ten Idiots. I don't care if modesty requires that you not give yourself a DUzy. Tell them you deputized me and I gave it to you. I mean it! I will check up on this! (Of course, I never miss a DUzy announcement, so it won't be hard)
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qanda Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 04:16 AM
Response to Original message
20. If I had known you were going to do this
I wouldn't have watched. Nice work!
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Monk06 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 04:17 AM
Response to Original message
21. "John Mc Cain has a face that says ...."


YESSSSSSSSSSS

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DFW Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 04:19 AM
Response to Original message
22. Why, I almost feel as if I had been there
And that is far less of a snarky remark than it should have been! LOL
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symbolman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 04:25 AM
Response to Original message
23. Man, you've gotta share this
send this around, SALON, HUFFINGTON, all over, only cool places though, let it filter down.. it's brilliant!

Reminds me of a TV guide reporter, only one telling the truth.. sort of a Movie Channel Report from the old National Lampoon, the best mag in the 70's..

Maybe send it into The Onion, bet they're looking for stuff they can stick up fast on the site that's just damned funny.

Are you going to do ALL 3 uh, 4 days?
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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 11:20 AM
Response to Reply #23
33. If I can stomach it
I'll watch until the bitter end.
:crazy:

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corkhead Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 05:36 AM
Response to Original message
24. I literally dozed off on my couch at precisely 10:41 according to your records.
Also, I saw that same African American guy more than once.
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cali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 05:43 AM
Response to Original message
25. omg, fantastic, Jeff. Please, please, please do this again with tonight's
session. best thing I've read on DU for... like forever.
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saltpoint Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 06:15 AM
Response to Original message
26. If we got this writer we don't need Blitzer and the other
media mannequins.

This is the real stuff.

Just outstanding, JeffR.


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Coexist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 06:17 AM
Response to Original message
27. damn good stuff!
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barbtries Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 06:27 AM
Response to Original message
28. thank you for watching
i can't bear to. please keep the dispatches coming, this was great. is pickles gw's mother?
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sybylla Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 08:07 AM
Response to Original message
29. Wow, great minds think alike.
You said just about everything I shouted back at the speakers and then some. Only you said it way better.

I love it!
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Mad_Dem_X Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 08:23 AM
Response to Original message
30. Perfect synopsis!
I hope you do one for tonight, too.
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madrchsod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 10:12 AM
Response to Original message
32. i guess i did`t miss anything! nice summation
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Patsy Stone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 01:51 PM
Response to Original message
34. Excellent synopsis.
My favorite part was when they boldly proclaimed (missing the Alzheimer's fact and all), "Ronald Reagan never forgot who he was!"
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-03-08 07:25 PM
Response to Original message
35. They picked someone named SWINDLE?
You can't MAKE this shit up! Thanks, JeffR!
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