|
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: To actualize its potential.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
GALEN: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
TORQUEMADA: Give me five minutes alone with him and I'll give you the answer.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
SIR ISAAC NEWTON: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
ADAM SMITH: By acting in accord with the chicken's own wishes, it is as if an invisible hand pulled the chicken across the road and increased total social utility.
KARL MARX: It was historically inevitable.
IMMANUEL KANT: It was acting upon the fully generalizable maxim that beings may cross roads.
JOHANN FRIEDRICH VON GOETHE: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road. It transcended it.
JOHN PAUL JONES: It has not yet begun to cross!
THOMAS PAINE: Out of common sense.
SALVADOR DALI: Giraffe.
ROBERT FROST: To cross the road less traveled by.
MARK TWAIN: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the Road was threatening its dominant position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, Capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
GEORGE BUSH I: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
BILL CLINTON: I did not have sex with that chicken... before or after it crossed the road.
GEORGE BUSH II: The chicken... it was crossinating the road because it was both compassionated and construitive. How true that is.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The white chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: It had a dream.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?
HOMER SIMPSON: Doh, why do they always ask me the hard questions?
GRANDPA SIMPSON: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
MR. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
MR. SCOTT: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
TONY SOPRANO: Enough wit da fuckin' chicken. Now get da fuck outta heah!
AGENT MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
STAN LAUREL: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
MAE WEST: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
LADY DIANA: Because papperazzi were chasing it.
REV. IAN PAISLEY: Members of the Orange Chicken Order must exercise their right to cross Catholic roads. If we are stopped by the authorities we will stay here until our eggs hatch.
OJ SIMPSON: I'm still looking for the real chicken that crossed the road. In every country club golf course I can find.
JESSIE JACKSON: Why is it every time I see this chicken story in a cartoon the chicken is white?
BILL MAHER: Call it what you want, but chickens crossing dangerous streets to possibly get run over is not cowardly.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it had a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(804 posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
