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Edited on Tue Feb-21-06 03:08 PM by sfexpat2000
into an action. I've stolen lines from GuvWorld, from the Jean Schmidt thread, from everywhere because I feel SO not funny about this. Guv, if you want, I'll credit the 12 yr old bit.
Feedback of any stripe appreciated.
From Bruce: Be Mine. The Friday after St. Valentine’s Day, Secretary of State Bruce McPherson decided to certify Diebold voting machines in California. They don’t meet state standards or federal standards and your twelve year old sister can hack them. We love you too, Bruce!
I heard over the weekend that Congressional Republicans awarded the Marie Antoinette Award to Jean Schmidt. The Marie Antoinette Award is a big cake and if you are the lucky winner, your face is presented on the cake that is then eaten by your Republican buddies. Schmidt is not honored and she is demanding an apology. This is so wrong in so many ways. First, who could EAT a cake with Jean Schmidt’s mug on it? Do you remember her – she was the Congress critter who called out John Murtha last November because the burly, purple heart veteran wasn’t patriotic enough for her. Google her if you need to but agree with me, they went too far when they dropped a house on her sister.
Next, isn’t that the whole philosophy in a nutshell: Let them eat cake! Hurricane? Eat cake! Lost $80 billion dollars some where in Iraq? Eat cake! Special Agent Mike reading your email? Forget bin Laden -- eat cake and like it.
Capitol Hill Democrats have been talking up the Republican “Culture of Corruption” but they have it wrong. It’s the Culture of Confection. Do you remember a single sentence of the State of the Union Address? I don’t. I only remember that two women got kicked out of the audience for wearing t-shirts. They were not decorative enough, they did not confect.
Just like all those messy Katrina survivors. ‘Member them? 11 thousand trailers rot in Hope, Arkansas while all those messy people are being evicted from their hotel rooms. FEMA – the Feckless Emergency Metastasizing Agency – in its greater wisdom has decided those people don’t need hotel rooms and can’t have trailers. There must be truckloads of desserts headed down to Mardi Gras RIGHT NOW. They will all end up in Maryland. Bet me.
Life is a cakewalk, even if (Shhh!) Bill Frist is investigated for insider trading, or (Shhh!) Tom Delay is indicted for laundering money. Did you know (Shhh!) Denny Hastert has been “lobbied” by Turkey? Do not hold your breathe for the perp walk ‘cause we’re in Shhuugarland, a sweet reality where the vice president can shoot a man in the face, give him a heart attack and expect an apology. We heart you too, Dick, really we do.
We should have seen this coming when W.’s cousin called the 2000 election for him on Faux News. (Was that sweet or what?) Maybe we could have laid in some insulin or something. You know, if Gore or Kerry were president right now, there would be no Jean Schmidt on a cake for us. We’d be all caught up in peace talks at Camp David or some really serious meat and potatoes stuff like trying to manage global warming before the polar bears all drown. Cindy Sheehan might be a grandmother by now and Crawford, Texas wouldn’t even exist as a PR set, its brush safe from the most dangerous chainsaw that ever left Sear’s showroom. (I don’t know about you, but every time I see that baby fired up, I want to dial 911.)
We should see it coming to California, too, right about now, as we’re about to be hearted by Diebold just in time for the 2006 elections. Those printers that Bruce wants us to use to record our votes have a 30% failure rate. Sweet! Somehow the word leaked out despite all those public hearings with no public and no Bruce. (Activists circulated flyers with his face, “Have you seen this man?”)
Welcome to the New Ohio. In Fooled Again, Mark Crispin Miler calls the Bush victory in Ohio “the miracle” because there is no constituency that can account for said victory. A similar Ohio “miracle” gave Paul Hackett’s victory to the (now very pissed off) Jean Schmidt. Yet another miracle defeated four out of four very popular election reform measures. It was the Miracle of the Ohio Diebold Voters. But, don’t worry, have some cake and take a big bite in memory of Kevin Shelley who was wacky enough to think that California elections should be as clean and as transparent as the one that elected Hamas. We sure showed him.
When you go vote in November, don’t ask yourself which Republican your vote will default to. Just don’t. It could ruin your whole experience. My friends, we have lived to see a world where the Twinkie Defense actually makes sense. Before you go there, try calling Bruce’s Voter Fraud Hotline: (800) 345-8683. Ask them if they’re taking reservations -- because we have plenty of them.
EF
In memory of Andy Stephenson, clean elections, reality
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