Alternatives in schooling question -

[haele]

Actually, this is an "oh shit, what can we do now to keep things from sliding even further down the hole..."

My now 17 year old stepdaughter is special needs - she has serious self-esteem, emotional(serious anger) and control based issues because of her mother's emotional rollercoaster of a life, previous physical and emotional abuse, and also has mild ADD and severe Rapid Cycle Bi-Polar syndrome. (Both biological parents also have these issues, as well as clinical depression under treatement) She is under treatment, but is often non-compliant, because, of course, she needs to be "in control" more than she needs to be in control. She has "fired" four therapists because as soon as they stop listening to her talk about her latest friends and everything she thinks she should be doing and start asking her about her past (other than her mother being a bitch or a whore - her words)or what she thinks her problems really are, she clams up and doesn't want to see them any more.
We got custody from her mom who had her out of state when she was 13, mid-way through 7th grade. Their school system was about two years behind ours.
Now for the crux -
She has been dropped out of her "last chance" school option before being sent to state school with the gang-bangers and dopers as she still not completed the 9th grade and has refused to go to class in a one-class-a-week charter/homeschool set up for the past three months. (Emotional issues with her friends problems)
She was "graduated" out of 8th grade, but dropped from regular high school in the middle of the 9th grade and subsequently listed as a special needs student.
Apparently, in her mind, she can't go to school if she has friends, or vice versa, so she's spent the last two years bouncing between various types of "friends" she meets when she does go to class, because she can fake being nice and calm for a couple months and she's still cute. Before we get jumped on, no, we try to be consistant with the parenting and don't spoil her, but there's a point she gets to before she's stuck pouting and locked up in her bare room with nothing but schoolwork for a month - we have let her out occasionally or she'll destroy the house and everything in it. And that's where she "meets her friends", and the cycle starts up all over again - just when she starts to show some progress.

Sorry, I digress, I'm still upset.

They just kicked her out of charter school today - came by and picked up the books. We will be contacted by the school district as to her options. :(

We had contacted Job Corps - and at this point, she's willing to give it a try because they would train her, pay her, have her get her GED and handle the "anger issues" and self esteem issues - and she'd be out of the house, but until she's 18 and "on her own", we "make too much money" for her to be enrolled. Not enough money to send her to a private school, and there is none around that would take her anyway without wanting so shove some sort of happy-sunshine-religion into her for her problems. Her mom has always been a whacked 'thumper of the Southern Bab'tist" flavor and she views religiosity as hypocracy.

Oy, this is a mess. We really have no idea what is going to happen now...

So what other options could there be for her? Right now, it's either gang-banger high, which will eat her alive even more because she's "got enemies" there already from when she was in a standard school setting, or getting the crap fined out of us (which might be happening already, we don't know yet) for her not going to school until she's eligible for Job Corps.

I don't know, perhaps this is just a vent and we've got no options. It's all up to the San Diego Unified School district. :(

Haele

[Kerrytravelers]

1. Have you looked into a Chartered Independent Study-Homeschool setting.

I am a teacher in such a school in California. (I don't know what state you're in.) Our program would allow your stepdaughter completed her education at her pace and in a comfortable setting.

Feel free to PM me with questions.

[haele]

8. That's similar to the type she was just kicked out of.

We are in California, she was going to a school associated with the district called "Audeo Charter", a modular lesson based year round school she just had to hand her assignments in on time to. She didn't even need to go to class if she wanted to, just turn in 20 lessons at the end of every grading period - which was about 5 weeks. There was a tutor available if she needed one, and the teachers were very sympathetic - they put up with her doing only 3 months worth of homework - 4 classes worth - for a regular student over the period of two years.
(If I had that option when I was in high school, I would have graduated by the time I turned 16...)

Luckily, we did get her identified as a special needs student with emotional learning problems when she started falling farther behind than one year's worth of intense schooling could make up, so this might be an option. I'd be happy if she just got her GED or passed the high school exit exams.
She's smart, just intellectually incurious and almost stubbornly fearful to an extreme when she comes across something she thinks she should know but doesn't. A "lazy perfectionist" in her words. She has convinced herself she's stupid, when she's primarily passive. (Thanks, mom...)

Right now, according to her dad, she's just lying in her bed sleeping as usual. (Depression again) The only thing she said when they came by was "I don't care".

Thanks for your kind concern.

Haele

[munyabuhoro]

14. feel free

i think it is better

[SheilaT]

2. If she were a "normal"

kid, meaning not bi-polar, but just one with ADD and anger issues and all that, I'd heartily suggest you tell her to find a job and get out.

I have a friend with a bi-polar daughter (25 now) who completed a very rigorous private high school with excellent grades but bombed out in college. Currently she lives at home and sometimes works very part time. So I have some clue what you might be going through.

Have you tried medication? Will she take it as she needs it? The young lady I've mentioned generally won't take her needed medication which exacerbates the problems.

If the Job Corps will take her, let her go in. But be prepared for them to bounce her out when she doesn't do what they expect of her.

Having her attend a high school, especially as a freshman and one that's filled with the kinds of kids you'd rather she not be around, doesn't sound like a very good option to me. The problem (as I see it) with somewhat like her is that she's disconnected from reality, witness her notion that she can't go to school if she has friends.

I wish I could offer more positive things. I know this is going to be a long, hard road, and it may never get much better. Hopefully someone else here has some good alternatives to suggest.

[proud2BlibKansan]

7. I have seen a lot of kids grow out of troubled lives.

It's amazing how they change once they are in their 20s.

[SheilaT]

9. Troubled lives are one thing.

Bipolar is another.

[proud2BlibKansan]

10. They can learn to live with it

It usually does get better as they get older.

[SheilaT]

11. Bipolar disorder does not get better.

It's a serious psychiatric illness. It is a world away from merely being troubled. I've watched the struggles of the young lady and her parents I mentioned above. These are people who are divorced from reality, often in a profound way. If medication is taken, it can improve enormously, but getting them to take the medication can be extremely difficult.

I have a son who went through the "troubled" stage: was arrested for possession of marijuana, did the whole court ordered thing, his grades dropped to the point where I honestly didn't think he'd graduate from high school. But he turned around, in no small part than because he was simply going through a stage, but both had no underlying disorder and had a stable family that hung in there. Not everyone is so lucky.

[Schema Thing]

3. Homeschool for a year and then Job Corp

I wish you all the best; I've been in a situation somewhat similar, where the options are few for anyone who isn't rich.


Obviously, she's probably not going to really do the homeschool thing seriously at this point in her life (though she might, cross your fingers and hope and cajole)... but it is a reasonable stop-gap till Job Corp. At 17, a person is pretty autonomous, like it or not, so parents may as well just acknowledge that and get on with making the best deals possible with this other adult who happens to be related and living rent free.

[OnceUponTimeOnTheNet]

4. Good luck to you guys. My son dropped out last month. I still

am in shock. He is incredibly bright, straight A's in his Senior classes, but failing 10th grade history for the 3rd time, Eng 11 twice. He has an easily bored syndrome thing. Going for a GED next year.
You are dealing with serious issues ADD, Bi-Polar, I can not imagine what this must be like for your family. She is just 17, same as my boy. I try to look at it and consider how important will this period in our lives be 10 years from now. Perhaps we are making mountains out of molehills. (I hope so)

Hang in there.

[proud2BlibKansan]

5. Job Corps has worked wonders for many kids

I teach special ed and I have seen many kids saved in Job Corps programs.

In the meantime, I would keep shopping for alternative schools. Or you could try homeschooling her until she is 18.

Good luck. I know this is hard. :hug:

[patrice]

6. She's not old enough yet, but: Goddard College in VT saved my neice's life.

Aside from that we need Mental Health parity from our Health Care providers and insurance.

[willing dwarf]

12. 17 is not too late!

Does she have an Individual Education Plan? If so, she is entitled to public school until she is 21. If she doesn't have an IEP yet, you need to write to the school district and request that testing for an IEP be done immediately. Based on PA Law, but I think it's the same state to state, they need to respond within 30 days. The school district must provide instruction for her that meets her needs.

Does she have a mental health case manager? You should call the county mental health office and ask for Children's Case Management, and then get them working with you to get the best placement for her. A school with kids with drug issues and behavior problems could be the worst placement for someone with rapid cycling BiPolar disorder.

Often it's hard to trust that the system will work, but if you hold fast to the idea that the system must work, then you can get what you want. Sometimes it's a good idea to get a child advocate involved early. Your local mental health association will help you find one if needed. They really hold the feet of school district to the fire and force them to meet their obligations.

[uallupinmykoolaid]

13. Have you tried a therapeutic day school? Also, a word about the 'gang-bangers and dopers'

you mentioned: remember that they, too, most likely come from messed-up families, much like your step-daughter! So it doesn't mean that they are no good...many have never had a positive adult model in their lives, I would imagine, and the gangs provide a family, albeit a toxic one...

If I had children, I would enroll them in Waldorf schools, but I don't know if students with emotional problems are allowed. I think that you should really research all types of education online and even if it's in a private setting and you don't have the money, there may be financial aid available. Job Corp. is fine, but if she has a mental disorder, she may not be able to get along with others and needs intensive therapy before being in such a close environment with others. Good luck.