Gay Memorials: Help/advice needed

[La Lioness Priyanka]

I know a lot of you have FAR more experience in this area then I do. Especially those of you who lived through the AIDS crisis.

As some of you know, a friend passed away on Saturday. Here is the news report http://www.newsday.com/news/local/suffolk/ny-lidrow2012984749jul19,0,5453400.story

Anyhow, as he is gay, his family has excluded his chosen family from the real funeral. Even though, he was far closer to us then them.

So we are doing a community memorial to him.

Here is the itinerary for the event. Since its informal, it is amenable to change

1. Introduction of current status regarding his body, funeral arrangements etc

2. Non-denominational prayer

3. Four of his best friends speak about him in any way they see fit (speech, poetry, prayer etc)

4. Open Mic Time

5. Poster/art making session (supplies provided)

6. Drinks/Appetizers etc

[hedgehog]

1. The poster part seems a little kindergarten, but hey, you know

your group better than I do. The rest is excellent. By the way, feel bad about being excluded. The family may have the corpse, but you folks are holding the real funeral. You knew and loved this man, his family loved something that wasn't real.

[xchrom]

2. i have no advice, your plans are good -- but i'll say this --

you are such a good friend.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. thanks sweetheart. i feel for those of you, who had to do this constantly

i dont know how your hearts could stand to be broken so many times

[xchrom]

5. they were very strange times -- and i know when my partner was dying

and everyone else was dying all around us -- every day was just very strange --

but enough of that -- you just keep loving your friends and move ahead. you're doing great.

[Smarmie Doofus]

10. You just get numb after a while.

But a 22 year old dying suddenly is always a catastrophe.

Condolences and good vibes headed your way.

[zipplewrath]

4. Latest trend

Not just in gay funerals, but at many "memorials" is some sort of running Power Point presentation on a screen or something where old photos and various other memories (videos, year book extracts, etc.) are played, often with some favorite music. It can be run as part of your #6 on any TV or if someone has a projector or something.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. yes, we have that as well. a slide show running on the tv.

:)

[MADem]

9. At a funeral I attended recently, they had that during the visiting hours.

It's a fine idea.

They also had assorted photos of the departed with friends and family members, arrayed on the tables around the room that were there for the taking.

It's a nice way to memorialize someone.

[Ohio Joe]

6. hmmm.

I have a friend Peg, out in MA., She had a long time boyfriend (20+ years) and his family never liked her... in fact, they hated her a lot. I won't go into the situation as to why but... He passed away about a year ago and she was devastated. The family did not want her at either the wake or the funeral and it just about killed her that she could not say her goodbye to him. Another friend of mine came up with an idea that both worked and did help a little. She went to the funeral parlor off hours (not during viewing time) and explained to the director there the situation, and that she did not want to cause a scene but really just say her goodbyes. They allowed six of us to go in for a few minutes and pay our respects and leave with no problems. I know this is not really what you asked for but I do not have any advice for your actual question... I hope it helps.

My sincerest condolences for your friend.

[MADem]

8. They won't let you attend the funeral? How cold.

I wonder what they'd do if you all just showed up?