All the good going forward ~ today did you hit the WALL?

[FirstLight]

What is it, and how to heal it?

My self esteem is wavering, my worry about juggling kids, home and work has me terrified. I start this new gig in 2 days and though it is only for a couple weeks I am terrified...I'm worried I won't be able to do it, worried that my kids won't be taken care of at home by their brother or by daycare, worried that the house will fall down around us if i am not here to keep things going...

I hate doing this alone sometimes, because this is where i need a couple clones! One to be mom, housewife, maintenance, and breadwinner...

Maybe the energy is just scattered and i am getting tossed about...


Is this astrological, or is it just ME? :( :shrug:

[OneGrassRoot]

1. Worry is useless...a waste of energy

I hear you...I've been there. I'm STILL there. Having to do everything and being responsible for other human beings (and fur babies) can be absolutely overwhelming.

My advice is for you to stay in the moment. Take life hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to.

If I gave in to all the "what-ifs" or looked at my responsibilities in their totality, it would scare the shit out of me. ;)

So, I stay in the moment. I know that's always the advice from a spiritual perspective, but I've learned its practical applications in the last few years.

I know you don't like being alone and, in this moment you are alone. For this moment. Don't project into the future about it or you simply lose valuable energy which you need Now.

It's the best thing I've learned to do thus far in life: Live in the moment. And breathe.

Truly.

:hug:

You can do this.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[FirstLight]

2. the worst part is the feeling of loss of support system too

All my friends are flaking on me now too.

The oldest one works literally a block from the Boys & girls club and can;t committ to walking down the street to pick them up at 5:30 since I won;t be getting off till 6. And even when she has comitted in the past, she has flaked miserably.

Another friend just moved back into her house after messy divorce issues all summer and I showed up and loved and helped her through it, coioked dinner a few times when she was moving and painted and cleaned and raked, over several days. Never asking for anything in return - when she was paying helpers and friends for painting & such. it was all about community for me. ...now she won't even comitt to watching my kids for a half hour for me to drop off a resume...and when i mentioned the afternoon issues over the next two weeks and my angst, she makes a joke about my teen and him needing to do it, even though he doesn;t have a car...just tell h9im he has to ride his bike home, lol...

I feel like the people I was here for have left me in the lurch and don;t respect my anxiety over this. I have been THERE for my kids for 4 years, working my own hours and making sure someone was THERE for them ...

[Missy Vixen]

3. First Light and OGL, could we talk about people who flake out?

Ohhh, I could write a book on people who flake out on me, too, even after I've made it a priority to help them or be there for them repeatedly.

Why do people do this? I am not perfect. None of us are perfect. At the same time, this seems to happen over and over!

I hope that some reliable, responsible and caring people will present themselves in your life sooner than later.

:hug:

[FirstLight]

4. Of Flakes and Fears

well I know the friend that pissed me off, has been using her turmoil as the grounds to be a 'committmentphobe' (HER word!)

i think that was the last straw, actually, i just got tired of hearing that.

How strong do you have to be to SHOW the fuck UP...? for yourself and/or others?
I think that may be the key.

Cuz I never questioned my lot in life...while i may cry and worry, i still dig in at the end of the whining and fears and just fucking DO IT!

Far too many people right now are either being tossed for the first time and whining that they can't deal with it or have just decided to put their heads in the sand and not see others struggling.Mostly though I think it has to do with that innate ability to just knuckle under and trod through the shit and handle stuff...or not. Some people just aren't cut out for the heavy lifting of this kind of growth.

and I can't be mad at them for it, even though it is dissapointing.
It's upsetting, because as much as I want to have the tantrum and refuse to show up, I *still* end up heaving myself into motion, or trying to grow through stuff...because there IS no other way for me... it has to be done. Call me OCD :rofl:

so ya, the flake factor has to do with fear...
and maybe its a mirror for us that choose to do the 'heavy lifting,' about why we make the choice to show up afterall....

[OneGrassRoot]

6. Lot of good stuff in here, FL.....

And what a great title for a short story (or memoir!): "Of Flakes and Fears!"

:)

I hope you get a support system soon...it would help tremendously. Having not lived near friends or family, and truly feeling isolated, I can only imagine how wonderful a support system would feel.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[JanusAscending]

5. After reading all of the other posts....

this is the best thing I can contribute to add a little "levity"!! Before I became a Realtor, most of my life I was a waitress. (that's how I met my second, late husband who was a Chef) WITHOUT exception, every time I was starting a new job, and I've had MANY over the years, I would have nightmares for days before starting. I don't know if you , or anyone reading this has ever been a waitress, but in that profession, one's worst fear is of "getting stuck" This means, too many customers, too many orders, too many eyes watching you screw up, and making too many mistakes!!! I would wake up in cold sweats. LOL I was always a good waitress, and I could still do it if my legs and back would let me, and yet self doubt was my worst enemy, and if you let it, it'll kill ya! I guess this is not unusual going into any "unknown" situation. I'm certain it's the fear of the unknown that bothers us all. Then again, being a Cappy like you, I also have a tendency to PROJECT the worst out come, and hope for the best!!! Like I said in my last post to Rick.."this will pass!!!"

[FirstLight]

7. interesting...

ya, after my good dream of earlier this week, i had an actual nightmare last night too...nothing 'real' just stuf about monsters and zombies and such...

funny, those are nicknames i use towards my kids when they are being lazy and naughty...'video zombies' and 'little monsters'