Something strange happened today--need input

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

I've told you about getting an offer for a new job. I've been training for a week and a half. I didn't get any real "hits" to do it or not, so I was just checking it out--and then today, the boss took me aside and told me that she didn't like my hair and implied I wore dirty clothes and smelled! Now the first I can't do much about (other than shaving it all off and wearing a wig), and the latter two are simply not true. She told me to change these things. I've decided I really can't change my hair, and the words about my appearance really made me feel very uncomfortable, as I had been wearing my best clothes when working there.

I used a pendulum and checked. It said to stay at my present job. But then earlier it had said I'd work for this other person. So I'd appreciate any impressions you have.

[Grateful for Hope]

1. I am so sorry this happened to you, Ayesha

I can imagine how hurtful this had to have been for you. I don't have strong impressions on this situation, but, I urge you to listen to what your heart tells you. I do know my immediate reaction to reading your post was that this woman is not honest.

:hug:

[I Have A Dream]

2. Wow, that's just unbelievably rude.

x(

I don't have any hits, ayesha, but this certainly is a warning sign. Why would she be so rude? I wonder if this would be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Better to see it now than later.

I will pray for guidance for you, my friend. :hug:


(On edit: I seem to recall you saying that either your landlady or your doctor recommended you to this person. Would you feel comfortable discussing this with the person who recommended you to see if this is par for the course for this person?)

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

5. Dream, I did that very thing

and my landlady was very surprised. She said that the person used to be very interested in outward appearances, but thought she'd gotten over that. I thanked my landlady for getting me the introduction to the job, but said I'd decided to quit--and the landlady agreed because I wouldn't be comfortable.

You know what's really funny, though? When I was in college, these very same criticisms came up--and again when I first started working. They really bothered me then, and I cried and carried on. Not this time. It's like I'm finally comfortable with who I am and I don't need outside validation. And yes, I was starting to get a rather strange vibe from this lady, so I think it is best to go on to other things. And since I had a possible web client literally walk into the office today, I think things are looking up. It's like Karen Bishop said--what we want seems to manifest. And just the other day I was wishing I could have more web clients and simply work from home....

[I Have A Dream]

6. Yes, go on to other, better things!

I'm really glad that you've been able to clearly see the best approach to take, and I will pray that the perfect "way to pay the bills" becomes available to you easily and quickly. (This or something better for the highest good of all involved.)

:hug:

(I'm so glad that you were given this glimpse into the woman's true nature now rather than after you quit your current job.)

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

9. Me too!

And I can't help but think that if the economy tanks, I'd rather be working on salary, because that way I could get unemployment. And, like I said, a new web client came today, which is always a handy way to get extra income.

[BanzaiBonnie]

3. Hmmppphh! SHE does not smell right

This is a pretty uptight person. Is she looking for a clone of herself? Does she only approve of people who match her style? You don't need to be a clone.

Perhaps it's some OTHER other person you're going to work for. Or, there is something there that you're not seeing? Is there some value you don't see in working for this woman? Unfinished business? Another lifetime? I don't mean that you should allow yourself to be in a position with someone who has just belittled your appearance.

Is this a front office position? Or does this person need you for a life lesson? I only get answers when I ask questions. There seem to be a lot of questions here.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

7. From the little I know of her,

she is rather up tight. And I get the impression that, though she says differently, she is demanding and not supportive. If I'm to work for another person (and not just myself), I truly think I'll have what I call a "flash". When something is truly meant to be, in all areas, I get a flash of light around it. I saw that light when I first set eyes on my husband and when we found our land. I've had it at other times as well, and it has always been right. I didn't get any feelings like that about this job. In fact, the only light I sensed came from the woman whom I was to replace.

The position is data entry and phones--not front office at all. In fact, I can't see where I'd ever need to be seen by the general public at all.

I don't know if this person needs me for a life lesson or not. But she did help me out in that I realized how much I have grown over the years. In years past, I have had appearance issues with employers, mainly when I was young. I always felt like crying--a lot of very negative stuff came up. Not this time. Not even a twinge. I realized that the problem was with her, and that for some reason she isn't comfortable with me. That's fine. Because I like myself for what I am, something I couldn't have said years ago. So I can thank her for that, and hope that she finds what she is looking for.

[BanzaiBonnie]

26. Then I think you have the reason

you come into contact with her. It showed very clearly how far you've come. If you had still needed the lesson, you might have gone to work for her. Which, the earlier you might have done.

And she just lost a competent person to take the job. Now she'll be stuck with continuing to repeat the pattern she's in until she learns not to judge people on how they look to her. Lessons for you both. The grand thing here is that life experience lessons don't need to be long and drawn out <G>

[Matariki]

4. I'm not kidding when I say I've noticed a certain level of neurosis

in people who seem negatively hyper-sensitive to smell. They also seem to really hate the *slightest* hint of normal human smells and use *way* too much aerosol products. It's been a pretty consistent observation that everyone like that who I've met or worked with is a little bit neurotic and high strung. Definitely NOT someone I'd want to work with or around.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

8. Thanks for this information

I mean, when I left her, I was smelling myself, and there was nothing bad! But I did notice that her co-worker, with whom I've been spending most of my time, does wear perfume. I don't. Also realize that I was coming to her office straight from my full time job, with no time to "freshen up" as it were--and she knew this. So I wonder if she was really complaining about this or if she felt we were incompatible?

[MorningGlow]

10. Oh my goodness, Ayesha!

How awful! What a terrible thing for this woman to say!

That's an unusual situation--how you had no impressions about the job, and now this. My first thought was that you had to "visit" this new job to make contact with someone you would be working with or be friends with in the future, and that was ALL (that you wouldn't be taking this new job after all).

So you can stay at the job you have been working at, is that right? Had you given notice at your old job? Will you have to ask to stay, or can you just walk away from this new job and stay put at your old one?

What that woman said reminded me of something that happened to me many years ago: I was doing temp work, saving money to go to grad school. I had a two-week assignment answering phones at an advertising agency. The executive secretary to the owner was my boss, and she was pleased with my work. One day, when she wasn't there, one of the VPs asked to speak with me privately. She took me into the conference room and proceeded to tell me what a terrible job I was doing--that I was surly and rude and didn't have a pleasant telephone voice. And of course none of that was true. But I was young and impressionable, and, as you said in another post that you did earlier in your life, I cried and cried and cried (not to her face, but after she breezed away into the back offices, really pleased with herself). The executive secretary's second in command found out, and she told the exec secretary, who was FURIOUS. She reassured me that I was doing fine and not to pay attention to the VP.

Now, why did the VP say all that? She barely had any contact with me whatsoever. I was nothing to her. And I was temporary. What about me bothered her so much that she felt she had to tear me down? I never found out. But I never forgot that incident. And the memory of it served me well when I became a boss. I was WHOLE LOT nicer to my employees because of my bad experiences with terrible people like her.

Who knows why we have the passing experiences that we do? Could be karmic, could be a backhanded way of assisting us, could be a way of nudging us in a direction we're supposed to go. Could be a lot of things. What can you learn from your incident, and take with you, as you move on to something better? Just always know that YOU are FINE.

:hug: :hi:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

17. I still have my old job

Didn't give notice or anything. So that shouldn't be a problem. As for this experience--I really don't know. I'm oddly not devastated by it--feel I'm my own person and if she can't see that, fine. But I couldn't go to sleep last night--a lot of energy--and I woke up an hour early, with a feeling of peacefulness and again great energy and light playing around. Should be an interesting day, that's for sure.

[MorningGlow]

27. Then no harm, no foul

I was thinking about you last night and almost posted again--let's not forget that this might not be a lesson for you--it might be something that only has to do with her, and you happened to be someone strong enough to play a punching bag for a minute or two. Keep us posted--I want to hear what happens next! :evilgrin:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

29. I called her at 9:00 this morning

and told her I'd decided I'd rather stay at my current job. She sounded surprised. I've got some books she lent me to study that I will need to return to her after work, and my husband was trying to fix her laptop, which will also be returned today (hopefully repaired). It will be interesting to see what she says.

[MorningGlow]

33. Betcha anything she says nothing

I've run into these types before; they usually prefer to let a topic drop than say anything honest. But do share what happens! :)

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

34. She was polite

but stood in a very defensive position-hands folded in front of her. Her face was a mask, and it seemed as if her eyes looked frightened or troubled. You know what's really funny? After we went there, we went to the clinic at the Foundation to pay off a bill. Everyone there commented on how nice I looked! They were shocked when I told them what had happened. One said she'd never work for the woman, and the other said the woman was known to be very picky. Oh well, her loss.

[Grateful for Hope]

35. I feel sorry for her

that she has lost the remarkable woman that you are as an employee. I think the fear in her eyes is an indication that she knows this on some level.

[davsand]

11. She doesn't "like" your hair? Did she tell you to change it?

First off, I doubt that anyone can fire somebody because they dislike a hair style. I have to say that in my experience over the years as a manager I could never have legally done that to an employee. I dunno the laws in your state, but that is complete bullshit.

Second, if she told you to change stuff, I assume she gave you a deadline to get it all changed--right? I know this is totally not constructive but I gotta tell you I'd be sorely tempted to start going to work with my hair spray painted some funky ass color and a half a bottle of cheap nasty perfume on.

If you kept your old job anyhow, it isn't like you need a reference from that cow and I'd sure illustrate to her just how screwed up it can get. My next appearance would be made with lime green hair and the stench of cheap musk perfume (even better would be that old Hai Karate cologne they used to sell for men--THAT stuff reeked.!) I might decide to throw on a pink bow tie just to add to the fun--maybe even some clown shoes!

Like I said, I know it isn't constructive, but that kind of stuff just pisses me off beyond tolerance. (THIS is exactly why I am active in the Labor movement--this kind of stuff is just so wrong.) I just don't think I'd be able to shuffle off quietly.

Good on you for not letting her get you all worked up. You are WAY stronger than I would be if it was me in that situation.

:hug:

Laura

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

18. I'd have to forgo the perfume

as it blocks my sinuses. Hey, she was only offering me a contract labor situation anyway--and I know the regs on that--she really can't comment on appearance. Besides, I was to be in a back room, with no visual contact with customers! In the job I have now, I see customers all the time, and interact with the public as a representative of my company, and no one seems to ever comment on my appearance. I've been there 7 years, and other businessmen have told me that I'm the reason the company is still in existence! No, for some reason she didn't want me. I'm wondering if she found out my religious affiliation via the lady who recommended me. It has to be something like that. If I wasn't picking up on how to do the work, she could have simply told me that--instead, she said I was picking up the work quickly. I'm just glad I'm out of the situation.

And you go girl, standing up for labor! I'll always have your back (and will serenade you on the picket line with old Union songs).

[davsand]

28. The broom closet is no fun.

It is amazing to me that we live in a nation that began because people were dealing with religious intolerance--yet over 200 years later we still face it. I am "out" but I will tall you that it is still something I think about before I say much of anything in certain circles. Sad, but true, I still wonder sometimes if I am gonna go home one day and find a dead animal nailed to my front door or a cross burning on my front yard...

Stay strong, dear one. Seems like there is a lot of this stuff that isn't much fun at the time but it does pass and it does seem to open doors on down the road.



Laura

[Callie McAllie]

12. This woman is a bully

There was a nice article in the New York Times about bullies in the workplace. I have seen them, and can appreciate. You do not need to tolerate this woman's michigoss. Let it go, I say, shake the dust from your sandles and move on.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

20. Dust shaken

and I'm moving on. Thanks for the new word--"michigoss" Never heard it before, but I think I've figured out the meaning. :)

[demgrrrll]

40. I will second that thought. Sounds like she is trying to throw you off

your stride. From what I have read of your comments here she is barking up the wrong tree.

[Proud_Lefty]

13. This is awful and I'm so sorry it happened to you

You know, however, how advanced you've grown spiritually and part of me feels that you are getting hit by all the energies of your old world to make that decision whether to stay with them or not. All the things that used to be just a huge part of your life have step by step been eliminated. I asked my pendulum about your situation as well. It said you need to stay with the company, but this was a wake up call not to go with this new manager, with the new position.

Ayesha, you are such a beautiful and extremely sensitive soul. In order for you to advance, you need to learn to stand on your own divine self assurance, not letting these catty individuals pull you back.

Personally, I love you to pieces and know your worth. With that, I also know how threatening you might come across to some less enlightened individuals. Use your pillar of light for protection and stand solid on your path to ascension. Rude, nasty statements like you received today belong to this gal, NOT YOU!

:hug: :hug:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

19. Thanks for the verification

You know, I think you are right about me facing old fears and traumas--this issue was certainly one of them from way back. But I'm still amazed that her attack really didn't make me feel bad or even defensive. It was just like, "hey that's where you are coming from, but that's not where I'm at." Could very well be that I am leaving behind all those old energies. I know that last night I had trouble getting to sleep - and not from emotional issues--just the energy level was incredible! And I awoke an hour early with a feeling of complete serenity and a very powerful sense of energy and light in my heart chakra area.

[Bluestar]

14. Your instincts are correct, Ayesha

Stay away (run, do not walk) from this woman. Something wonderful will happen for you. Just think that phrase every time this horrible "incident" comes to mind.

What I get is that she senses that you are very powerful (as you are) and this is her attempt to control you by insulting you. This is difficult for you to understand as you would never, ever think to do this to another human being, but this is how this woman lives her life. She is to be pitied as she is filled with fear. You actually scare her to death. She is extremely shallow and would become a ridiculously demanding boss. It's so good that you found this out before you took the job permanently. I think your spirit guides are helping you out by bringing this to light and taking extremely good care of you.

Remember that one of the characteristics of the Ascension is that truth comes to light immediately? I think you have seen this in action.

Sending you love, light and blessings,
Bluestar

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

21. Wow

I think you may very well be right. I know that I have felt very comfortable with myself and within myself as I have worked there, which used to not be the case. It's more like this is a great adventure I'm playing, and whatever happens is fine--just don't take it too seriously.

As for my spirit guide--that dear soul HAS been very active in my life lately--three and possibly four dreams lately, after months of nothing. PLUS a nice "hello" manifesting physically, just as this all started--more of a "hey, give it a whirl just for fun" message.

[SeattleGirl]

15. Wow, ayesha! That woman was extremely rude!

I'm glad that you react differently to things like this than you used to; it's much better for you. :hug:

Your story reminds me of some things that have happened to me over the years. In particular, I'm reminded of a woman I used to work with (we were peers, not subordinate/superior). We got along very well, until one day, I came in and she would not talk to me. Not a word. Didn't acknowledge my presence, nothing. Now, I worked with her and two other women in a VERY small room at the hotel we were employed at, so her silence was deafening. Finally, a couple of days later, she and I were alone, and I asked her what was wrong.

Her response: "You even need to ASK? You KNOW what you did!" And she lapsed back into silence, despite my telling her I did NOT know what I did that she had taken offense to. To this day, I still don't know.

Maybe I did do something that she found offensive (though I've wracked my brain and can't think of what it could have been), but by not telling me, I think there really wasn't anything "there" there, or she was trying to use her behavior as a way of holding some sort of power over me. Had I actually done something wrong, and had she told me about it, I would have apologized and tried to make amends, but she wouldn't have any of it.

It bothered me at first; hurt, in fact. I can't stand the thought of hurting people, and if I know I did, I will apologize. But after thinking about it for a couple of days, and seeing her continuing to completely ignore me, I decided "Fuck it". I'm not a horrible person, so I think it was much more about her than it was about me.

Some folks, I just can't figure out. But in fairness, I'm sure some people can't figure me out either! :7

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

22. Well, the silence hurt her more than it did you

I put someone on the "silent treatment" for a while because she was trying to push off her dead-beat son onto me. I finally started talking to her again, because I realized my behavior was not resolving the issue. It was hard, as I had to figure out my own feelings--I wasn't dating, and was lonely, but didn't want to hook up with a self-absorbed child.

Anyway, dollars to donuts the problem was all in your co-worker's head, and if she didn't resolve it, then hey, she is stuck with it. I think you handled it the right way.

[Delphinus]

16. Ouch!

That was rude!

I'm disappointed for you Ayesha because you seemed soo excited (was it just last week?). I'm glad you found out now, though, instead of after you had quit your other job.

There must be something more to this.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

23. I'm sure there is something more

I don't think I'd really fit in well with this outfit, as I've never gone on cruises or traveled a lot. I can get really enthusiastic about things, but it only lasts if I feel, deep down inside,that it is something that is really beneficial and helpful. So I can talk about Future Visions Foundation at the drop of a hat (and often do). I still hope that the Foundation expands to the point where I can have a full time job there. And who knows? Maybe that will happen!

[rosesaylavee]

24. I bet no one has quoted this guy here before...

but one thing I always liked about Zig Ziglar was his assertion that you can't make a good deal with a bad guy. I have had to learn that lesson myself over and over again. If this woman is this way now, what will she be like in 6 months? A year? I wouldn't work for her.

And she very well said what she did on purpose to make you feel uncomfortable. Somehow you are threatening her - my guess is that you are more talented than she thinks she is and she has learned this behavior has worked with other people in the past. She's on a power trip and her position allows her to continue with this bad behavior.

Run away as Monty Python used to say. You deserve to be happy.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

31. Good old Zig

Hey, what he said is the truth. And I'm VERY glad to find this out now and not later.

[Silver Gaia]

25. What a horrible woman. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

In one of your replies, you said you wondered if she had found out something about your religious beliefs, and I feel there could be something to that. These are really lame complaints she laid on you, and seem to be covering up something else. That's my off-the-top impression. Religious discrimination is a real problem for those of us who aren't mainstream in our beliefs. It's a problem that's hard to pin down because people won't (of course) own up to it. It's so easy to just make something up to hide it, and they always feel justified because they are so convinced that they are right (hence, good) and you are wrong (hence, bad).

As for the pendulum, I'm thinking it said earlier that you'd work for this person because, at that time, this was true. You have. It didn't say how long you would work there; did it? But now, it's telling you to stay with your present job because that is also the truth of what you should and will do at this time.

The bottom line here is that this isn't your problem. It's hers. I think you already know that. I know how crappy it must have felt. :( But you can walk away knowing that you did nothing wrong. She has to live with what she did. It may not affect her at the conscious level--there she will probably be feeling self-righteous--but there's no doubt that her actions will affect her at the deeper soul levels.

I've had bizarre things like this happen to me, too. There was always a lesson in it for me. It took time and distance to see it, but it always became apparent to me in retrospect somewhere on down the road.

And as someone above pointed out, what a blessing to find this out about her now, before you've made any life-changing commitments, instead of later. That's a true blessing!

So, anyhow, I know it feels ucky, but shake it off. You shine with goodness. She is dulled by comparison, and she knows it. Somewhere in there, she has to.

Walk away. In beauty.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

30. Thank you

Your beauty shines in your posts, you know.

I phoned her this morning and told her I was quitting. She seemed surprised. I take back some study materials to her home tonight, so we'll see if anything else is said.

[Silver Gaia]

32. You're welcome, and thank you.

It's interesting that she seemed surprised when you told her you are quitting. She must be unused to people not giving in to her unreasonable demands. Maybe she's getting a lesson. ;) Yes, please let us know what happens when you see her again tonight.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

36. It was strange

in that she was, on the surface, simply polite and friendly, but her body language showed she was very defensive and fearful. Like I'm scary! But I got her things back to her, and got paid for my time. And I got another thing--an appreciation by myself for all that I do for the bug company. This past week I was going over what I'd have to do to train someone, and realized how much I really have to do in my job--at least as difficult, if not moreso, than the job at the travel agency. I listened to customers in a new way, and realized the comfort level, even affection, some have for me. I even had one call me to ask if I knew of a good painter they could hire to paint their house! So I realize that I have created a niche for myself and what I do is helpful to many folks. This has helped me disregard the often ridiculous things my boss does. So, all in all, a win win situation for me. I only hope the travel agent is able to find someone with whom she is comfortable, and that she learns her lessons, whatever they may be, in a good way.

[Why Syzygy]

37. Maybe she thinks

you're scary because she thought you would meekly comply with her irrational request, and seek her approval. She might be terrified that other people are going to find out how tacky she is. I know you are holding her in love.

[Silver Gaia]

38. I'm not surprised to hear this...

I agree with what votesomemore wrote. In my own experience, people who come on as controlling bullies tend to get freaked out when people won't play their game. You are scary, because you are outside her experience! LOL And it sounds like you're learning from the this already. You're right, sounds like a win-win for you. Great! As for her, I get the feeling she's learned some things, too. ;)

[Stevepol]

39. Maybe this was an experience you conjured up along with this woman's

higher self so that you'd stay in your present job.

Or maybe your guides were hard at work, setting up the whole thing.

If it hadn't happened, maybe you would have decided to take the new job and been very unhappy and unsuited for it.

Who knows? There's more to this world than is dreamt of in our philosophy.

[shadowknows69]

41. I'm sorry to hear this,

This is one of the reasons I can't be in the work force right now. I simply don't trust my restraint in situations like that anymore.

[Vadem]

42. OMG! We know that you do not smell! G_d bless and keep a...

happy heart with this person. She is not one of us!