Psychology & self-help book recs please

[Shallah Kali]

I am going through a lot of family issues lately and would like more understanding of how family systems work. I have caught myself going into overreaction mode when someone refused to acknowledge that some concerns I had were valid a few times recently and suddenly realized the only way I could get my parents to pay attention to something they considered a non-issue (ex. sibling verbal abuse) I had to cry and eventually basically have a panic attack. While I am doing therapy I can only get so much done in a session and I really like knowing the why and how of things especially when it comes to my own mind and emotions.

I just read The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner which was recomended by my therapist and was blown away by it, especially on the change/change back dynamic. I have put her other books on my To Read list but I want more! Input! Need more INPUT! I am probably co co-dependent with my Mom so I have Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie on the list. next I put The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans which had some good reviews. I already have of Homecoming and Healing the Shame that Binds you by John Bradshaw & Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. I tried asking about book recs in the mental health forum but no response so far so I hope you all can help me here.

Thanks!

[SheilaT]

1. Perhaps something about

birth order could help? That's if you're dealing with siblings. There are several of them out there. I've read one by Kevin Leman.

Just one small insight: whatever roles our families assigned to us when we were young are the roles they expect us to play all of our lives, no matter how much we change. Or they change. Or circumstances change. Sometimes just understanding that can help.

[Shallah Kali]

3. I know I can't change how my family reacts to me but I can change how *I* react to their reaction

Forewarned is forearmed. As I become more conscious of my unconscious and automatic reactions I can be on the lookout and hopefully rein myself in instead of repeating the same old cycle for the nth time. I will know that certain things I do will likely trigger certain behaviors in them so I can stay in the moment instead of regressing. I need to be like the Dog Whisperer says and stay calm and assertive even if I can't point and go SHHHH!!! to break the cycle :P

I will look for a birth order book at the library :)

[Why Syzygy]

2. Early on,

I was fortunate to find books that spoke to my mind. There are spiritual books, but I live mainly in my head. I don't think you have to in order to get something from these books. This method helps to detach from the emotional hooks.

Albert Ellis. Rational Emotive Therapy Behavior Therapy.
Amazon link for search page with his books. I read more than one of the older ones.

http://tinyurl.com/5gbl5k