Somebody tried to cold read me.

[immoderate]

I posted this first in Skeptics group, but figured it would get more traffic here.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=247x16636

I go to a weekly drum circle, which is an attraction for woo types. I consider it their turf so I'm not confrontational there. But last Saturday a few of us stopped into Applebee's for a beer afterward. In the conversation, I mentioned that my father died when I was twenty four, a long time ago. A little later a young fellow starts to talk about his beliefs and mentions an acquaintance with Sylvia Browne. I mention James Randi, offer to take him to one of JREF meetings.

A little while later, out of the blue, he starts to tell me that my father loved me very much. He said, "I see that he didn't always show it, but he really loved you a lot." So I know what's coming. I am determined not to give him any feedback. I was surprised at how difficult this was. There is a strong tendency to nod and give cues. It made me very self aware. I remain motionless and silent. He starts to cast about.

He says, "I see a wooden box that contains items." He pauses. Nothing from me. "It could have been made of something else." I allow myself to say, "Go on."

He says, "It may not have been a box, but something that you put things in." I'm silent but he flails around, asking me if there was something that I put things in. Finally, I say, "It's hard to imagine anybody that doesn't have something that they put things in." At this point, others interrupt this conversation. So I don't know where it was going. I guess he's trying to develop his cold reading skills, and decided to try them out on me. I could see how this could be very effective on people who don't know what is happening.

I may see him again on Saturday. I think I'll ask what he was trying to do if I get the chance. The drum circle is about jamming with no mysticism, and not much time for conversation. The lady who facilitates it, self describes as a pagan atheist, starts off each session with rhythms for the four elements, the male and female deity, and then says, "Let's jam!" And that's what we do. How utterly weird that this guy is trying to tell me he is in touch with my dead father.

--IMM

[Deep13]

1. What a crass, presumptuous thing to do.

My late father is a bit of a touchy subject for me. My response would probably include the names of other deities taken in vain.

What the hell is a "pagan atheist?"

[immoderate]

5. I thought so too.

I was a little taken aback that he would try to play that game with me. Like in: do I look that stupid? I was not personally offended and I didn't want to make it an issue then. At some future time, I will let him know that was a mistake. I want to stay on friendly terms with people in the group.

As for "pagan atheist," she is a lovely woman that runs this drum circle. It attracts some good drummers, and we have some great jams. I should point out that I identify myself as a Jewish atheist(!?) (I'll attend any religious observance where the food is good.) I know very little about her religious activities. She does run various Wiccan rites at the local UU church, usually having to do with astronomical events like full moon, equinox, solstice. Sounds like music, dancing, food, and zealous application of happy talk. I don't get any "woo" from her, at least she never brings it to the drum circle, and I rate her as an excellent person. She's on top of politics too, would make a good DUer.

--IMM

[trotsky]

2. "It may not have been a box, but something that you put things in."

LOL - like his ass, where he obviously put his head?

Yeah, he's not too slick now but it doesn't take long for them to get a good feel for this racket. That feedback is the key, and volunteering info. You did good.

[immoderate]

8. Yeah, he was very unnerved when I didn't nod my head.

And it was hard to (not) do.

--IMM

[cosmik debris]

3. Another tip

When the cold reader pauses to get feed back, ask a question, especially the big five: who, what, where, when, and why. Single word questions provide no information.

You know that he wants you to answer those questions, so turn the tables and ask him first. It throws the reader off of his rhythm and makes him change directions. After about four or five questions, he will give up and start making excuses.

[immoderate]

6. I thought about that later.

But the silent stare really threw him off as it was. Hard to know if he had done this much. I'll ask when I get the chance.

--IMM

[roguevalley]

21. I was told not to say a single word when I had Laurie Campbell read

me. She never asked for a single thing and she told me if they ask you questions, get up and leave. a good genuine medium will not ask. they will stop you even. it taints their session. a fraud will ask you questions.

[YankeyMCC]

4. It would be difficult not to laugh

which would probably give a real pro at this something to work with still, but come on "something you put thing in...that may have been made of wood or something else..." LOL

Then again the minute a stranger would presume to tell me something about my Dad, particularly about how my Dad felt about me, that could likely piss me off if they caught me at the wrong time I might react pretty poorly to that sort of insensitive presumption.

[immoderate]

7. I'll admit to a "WTF" moment when he started.

But my dad's gone more than thirty five years, and I was more curious about what he was doing than offended. I did think "how presumptuous" to myself. But as I said above, I didn't want to make an enemy. At some time I will allude that it is bad manners to talk to people's dead relatives without a proper introduction.

--IMM

[Warpy]

9. You're a "crystal ball buster"

That's what these people call those of us who don't believe a word of their crapola and either don't give them any feedback or do our level best to goof on them and trip them up.

It was presumptuous as hell since you hadn't asked for the "service." I know when I've been confronted with it in the past, I've gone into dowager duchess mode and given a frosty "Excuse me?"

That usually stopped them.

[immoderate]

10. You're a treasure...

That made me LOL out loud!

--IMM

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

11. Ahem.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=263x32499

[immoderate]

12. Yes. I saw that when you posted it CPD.

That is a public service. :patriot:

--IMM

[Evoman]

13. I would have played along....I would strung him along until he made a positive statement

, with my encouragment, about my dad. Then afterwards, humiliate him by telling him nothing in his prediction was true. Either that or direct him to the fact that my dad did have a box, and that is were he kept the gun he used to commit multiple murders on local street walkers. That would be fun.

It's my DREAM to go on the John Edward Crossing Over show and string the guy along. After Edward talks to me about my dead father Joe, who left me an unopened box of pictures of himself, and wants me to know he is at peace and that he was right about the afterlife being glorious I can lay the smackdown.

I tell him that my dad is alive, he hates having pictures taken of him, he doesn't collect pictures, and he is an atheist who never believed in an afterlife.

And then I would spit in his face for being a fucking fraud.

[onager]

15. Richard Dawkins did that!

I can't remember where I read/saw it. But somewhere, Dawkins has an anecdote about one of these talk-to-the-dead frauds giving him a reading.

It was hilarious.

The fraud made an extremely unwise assumption about Dawkins, based on his age, and went into a standard spiel about "I saw your father..."

To which Dawkins replied something like: "So did I. He just popped in for a visit last weekend."

In the world of Amazing PsYkiK powers, it just doesn't get any better than that.

Once I went to a Randi lecture where he eviscerated John-Edward. Randi had tapes of a J-E TV appearance, where the host and J-E repeatedly said J-E had never spoken to any of the audience.

Randi had an unedited tape of the full show without commercials. During commercial breaks, J-E aggressively pumped the audience for information. Then, after the commercial, he only called on those people he had talked to during the break. To the Viewers At Home, it looked like he called on people at random. The tape proved exactly the opposite.

[Synnical]

14. Always the gentleman, you are, IMM

Interesting commentary. I look forward to your further comments, should you care to post them.

-Cindy

[immoderate]

17. Well, I know I'll see him again. And I'll have to bring it up.

I think that puts the lie to your gentleman charge. But I'll keep you folks filled in.

--IMM

[regularguy]

16. Talk about crossing some boundries, wow!

I go to a regular drum circle as well. I really love it, and I like the poeple who show up, but have to resist a little eye-rolling when the woo-talk starts. Joining with other people in creating some rhythms is enough magic for me.

[immoderate]

18. Yep, it's great.

Our group is weekly. Varies from about seven to up to twenty. Some really great drummers show up. All types of drums and rhythm instruments. I avoid the really big circles -- sometimes 100 people. You can't hear anything.

We have some really great drummers, a few are pros. And some folks just plod along. There is one seven year old girl who's parents occasionally bring her; she's going to be a star. Every once in a while a flute, an accordion, I sometimes bring my guitar. We even do 5/4 sometimes.

Yes, there are woos, but there's no time for that. The park where we play, Fern Forest Nature Preserve, closes at six, so we just go our ways.

--IMM

[Exultant Democracy]

19. It is your duty sir to string him along and report back here for our amusement.

There have been some good suggestions on this board. I would suggest that you approach him and say something like "Since last week when we talked I have kept having the same dream about my father, but I can't hear what he is trying to tell me."

Maybe you can set up a DU journal and get him to speak to a different made up relative or friend each week and recap it here. This guy wanted to string you along so turn the tables and string him along for as long as you can. You can even bring friends and tell him that you told them about his gift and they have a dead mother they want you to talk to. Make him think that he is getting really good.

[immoderate]

20. You've put some thought into this.

Actually I saw this person on Saturday. As I said above there was no chance to get into it.

--IMM

[pauliedangerously]

22. Dude, the guy is a musician

He's probably just working on his PUA skills.