"What do you expect? You're too smart."

[CornField]

This is what another woman told me yesterday after I had given a presentation to a board of directors. The woman (a friend) and I went out to grab a cup of coffee afterward. I told her I thought the meeting went well, but I was suprised at how stand-offish the board members were to my proposal. What I wrote in the subject line was her response. She went on to add that if I wanted to "play with the big boys" I needed to learn the rules.

I know I'm the best person for the proposal I was pitching yesterday. I've got over 10 years experience doing exactly what they need to have done. But, silly me, I thought the days of showing a little leg and giggling to get a job were over.

[Hello_Kitty]

1. Yah, you wouldn't want to be too smart, would ya?

Can't have have people being all brilliant and innovative and stuff.

Honestly....The egos are SOOOO fragile they'd rather the company make less money than lose face at a meeting. Dumbasses.

You should consider starting your own business and let those asshats and the foolish women who cater to them have their little sandbox. Women are doing this in droves, mostly for the reason you just illustrated. Why play a "game" you can't win anyway?

[CornField]

2. I have my own business

Currently I serve about 15 clients, mostly non-profits and government agencies. This was a pitch to a potential new client & turned out to be a very frustrating experience. The good news is that I found out now before I agreed to a contract with this group.

[Hello_Kitty]

3. Well that's totally their loss then.

Idiots.

[CornField]

4. Forgive the introspection, but I've been thinking about this

I don't think it's the attitude of the board that got me so upset, although I'll admit that's where I put my frustrations initially. What really bugs me about it is the attitude of my friend. It was flippant about the whole mess. I've always admired her for being able to achieve success in almost everything she touches. Knowing what I do now about her, I wonder if those victories were as sweet as I thought them to be.

[Hello_Kitty]

6. That would make you wonder, wouldn't it?

I think about it all the time. Like if maybe I "softened" my demeanor and flirted more like I see many (not all by any means) of female counterparts at work do. Not that I'm a hardass. Most of the guys think I'm the coolest. But I don't flatter them.

Things that make ya go hmmmmm......

[OldLeftieLawyer]

7. I don't think your friend was being flippant

Sounds to me like a simple statement of fact, and a most supportive one, at that. She was siding with you, and agreeing with you, and, in the process, reaffirming your intelligence.

Sometimes you just have to give people time to get used to what you've presented. Expecting instant gratification or even acknowledgment just isn't something that routinely happens - at least in my experience. I've always had to wait for a jury to return, or for partners in a controversy to consider settlement offers.

In fact, when a presentation is over, it's over, and the business goes on. Try not to take it personally, because business is business, and you get your personal jollies elsewhere.

But, truly, I think your friend's comment was really great.

[CornField]

8. You think it is great?

Doesn't surprise me at all.

[Finder]

9. I agree.

But I didn't dare pipe in with my opinion until someone else saw it for what it was.

On the list, ya know.lol

[Name removed]

10. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[bliss_eternal]

5. I'm sorry that your friend made you feel this way.

That's utter bullshit, as far as I'm concerned.

Having been on the recieving end of 'unsupportive comments' from those that I considered friends, I know it can come as a shock and doesn't feel good. It makes one feel like their experience is being diminished. That never feels good.

:hug:

I edited out my off the cuff response which was rather profane. I didn't want you to feel that I was insulting your friend. That was not my intent. I was just angry to see someone say something so archaic and unsupportive to you. Been there--it sucks.

[kalibex]

11. Hmmm...

"She went on to add that if I wanted to "play with the big boys" I needed to learn the rules."

Her first comment could have been a (sardonic) compliment...but with this bit it sounds to me as if she was indeed merely advocating going along with the status quo to avoid inconveniencing male egos - unless, of course, she was just in deep sarcasm mode. Only you know her style of delivery to judge if that was the case.

-B

[geniph]

12. I'm confused

"If you want to play with the big boys, you need to learn the rules"? Where, exactly, are these "rules" delineated? Do they include being dumb, or just acting dumb? What constitutes "too smart"?

I think that response is freakish, personally. I'd be very put off by it. What was your response when she said that? I'm pretty sure mine would have been to ask her what the hell she was talking about.