A 15 year old was raped walking to the sister HS of my daughter's

[cally]

This HS is within 3 miles of my house but not the one my 15 year old attends. My elder daughter just graduated from the HS where the girl was raped. The girl was walking alone to school and was pulled into the bushes and raped just before she reached the campus. The rapist then tried to take her to a motel but a passerby saw and called police. He was caught.

I told my daughter last night and I was rather surprised she hadn't heard yet. Any suggestions on conversations I should have with my daughter about this other than just telling her what happened and that the best thing she can do is to not go places alone. I am in no way blaming the victim. A young girl should be able to walk to school alone safely.

[Warpy]

1. 15 is too young to learn that some men are scum and predators

and get their sick jollies out of hurting women. It doesn't matter how young or old a woman is, if she's female, they want to hurt her.

This is a MEN'S problem, not our problem, and they're the ones who are going to have to deal with their predatory brothers. I have a feeling they know who a lot of them are and simply shrug off a lot of sick locker room conversation. They're the ones who need to police their brothers, tell them it's not OK to talk about their mothers, sisters and daughters that way and that it's never OK to act on that shit. As of now, they just give a nudge and a wink and don't think about it in those terms.

Any woman who is raped was in the right place at the right time, it's the rapist who is the criminal. She has nothing to be ashamed of because she survived.

Personally, I think any guy who is a violent rapist needs to be disarmed. It's the only way to stop his rapes, although he'll always be a violent SOB.

[cally]

3. I've had some of these conversations before with my kids

but this rape victim could be someone they know. Thankfully, the victim's name is being kept very confidential so we don't know who it was, yet. I think I'm going to use this to reinforce that some people are just evil and that you do your best to protect yourself. I'll emphasize that three passerby (new information is in this mornings paper) called police and were willing to go to her rescue. I'll also emphasize that this is not the girl's fault and that it's time for empathy and compassion. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the girl transfers into my daughter's school. Unfortuately, teen victims often feel ostracized from their peers.

[bleedingheart]

2. be honest about what she needs to know...

facts are friendly.

my kids got the entire "don't take candy from strangers" spiel at school (they are in elementary school)... so my daughter one day says..."why would a stranger offer me candy"...and then the light went on in my head....the school wasn't really following through with why kids need to know to stay away from strangers...

So I was very honest with my kids. I told them both that some adults are crazy. That some adults (mostly men but also some women) are the kind of people who will offer candy to children so that they can lure them away and then do awful stuff to the kids. (now I didn't go into detail) but I told them that these adults will hurt children and in many cases murder them... I was worried that perhaps I was being a bit to honest but my kids were able to handle it...

[Hello_Kitty]

4. I hate how they put too much emphasis on the "stranger" aspect

I remember years ago, I was about 18 at the time, standing outside the building where we lived. There was a dentist's office downstairs and a mom was there with her two kids. For whatever reason, they were outside playing unattended and I lingered to kind of keep an eye on them. The boy was about 7 and the girl was probably 3 or 4. She was a friendly little thing and started chatting with me. She asked my name and I told her. She said something like "Oh, my cousin is named that too so you're not a stranger. Mommy says not to talk to people I don't know." So there you had it. I was now familiar to her due to sharing a name with someone! Her brother was nearby and he seemed to concur with that sentiment.

I've never forgotten that incident and it really drove home to me how kids don't necessarily process things the way we want them to. You can't give them vague warnings about 'stranger danger' and expect them to understand that Uncle George also isn't supposed to touch them in a funny way. I think discussions about predators should focus on BEHAVIORS that are inappropriate and not on a certain type of individual.

* Edit to add that of course kids should be cautioned to be careful around strange adults who approach them for any reason, even if they are benign-seeming.

[MountainLaurel]

5. You're absolutely right

I think discussions about predators should focus on BEHAVIORS that are inappropriate and not on a certain type of individual.

The vast majority of rape victims under the age of 18 are victimized by people they know: family members, Sunday school teachers, their dad's buddy, their sister's boyfriend, their own boyfriend, the classmate who slips a roofie into their drink at a party, etc.

[bleedingheart]

6. you are correct...

typically the predator is someone who knows the victim...with kids it is either a relative, a coach, a minister....

in the case of rape...many women are raped by men they know not strangers..

in all cases people have to understand the dangers and also know what kind of behavior can not be tolerated...

[benevolent dictator]

7. Have you thought of self-defense classes?

Not necessarily so that your daughter would be able to fight them off, but there are plenty of self-defense classes that focus on preventative measures as well as some quick and dirty ways to get away from assailants. You could take the class together. I recently completed a 5-week course in self-defense that had a grandmother, mother, and three daughters in it. It was a course specifically designed for women with only women in attendance, and we focused on not just physical techniques but also staying aware, having safety strategies, and how to handle difficult verbal situations.

Just a thought.

[cally]

8. Thanks for the suggestion

They do have self defense at school. She's talked about Karate before so maybe I'll suggest it again. My older daughter took a few years of Karate and I think it's great.