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I respect either choice, but I go out of my way to tell women who choose to not marry or remain childless that I fully and completely respect that choice. It is sad, our rituals, or should I say in our society families and friends don't come together with more joy, more often than to celebrate a marriage-- or mourn at a funeral.
It's interesting you bring this up. My oldest daughter, the one who was in the military for 9 years, is getting married. To make a long story short (all my stories are long) She got pregnant when stationed in Korea, decided to keep the baby, the father went out of her life, (much as hers did to her, she's never met her father, and I expect it will be a long time before my Grandson meets his biological father) Met a man while stationed in Afghanistan who became a rock solid friend. He wasn't in the military, he was sub-contracting for Halliburton (I forgave him and he promises he won't do it again) She, as an NCO, had developed a VERY hard core personality. Had to, as she's very attractive and no doubt considered great "ass" or whatever the idiots are calling it these days.
Anyway back to the marriage thing. Curtis, who became her best friend and her lover, was all about it. He's 6 years older, and wants a family. She was very reluctant for many reasons, not the least of her upbringing.(Part of what could make this a very long story. I never married 'til I was 33, not to either of the fathers of my 2 biological children, and my husband is the only man I will EVER marry) She had no intentions of ever getting married. I still don't know how he talked her into it. She may consider having another child. (As gramma, I'm SOOO down with that, but it's not me pushing out babies)
Curtis is adopting my grandson--as an interesting aside, he is a black man, so racism is frequently part of our discussions, how we will deal with it as a family etc. Nathan, my grandson, will have a Black Dad. He loves Curtis AS his father, but already is experiencing racist backlash at the age of 7.
My husband and I got married by a friend of his--an interesting man, but who could not be more opposite of me on any issue.(I'm agnostic)He is a fundamentalist young earther, thinks abortion is murder, became a bush supporter on single issues like abortion and stem cell research, believes in the rapture, although he knows his Scripture better than to try and predict the time--And is STILL a bush supporter (I can't wrap my mind around that one--I would go for the young earth thing first, seriously)
But the man Believes, you know what I mean? He tries so very hard to do what is right in his world. His church is one of those "Free Evangelical Sonrise" churches that hold services for different cultures in their languages. In a very poor neighborhood. He's worked with the lowest of the low, junkies, abusive parents, felons, -- adopts kids that no one else wants, tries to practice the teachings of Christ as he sees it, and never once has he pushed his ideology on me or my husband. His wife works as a nurse practitioner on a Indian reservation.
So guess where my daughter is getting married? Yup. The same church, by the same pastor--her choice. He's cool with it, even though he knows none of us share his beliefs. When my daughter was stationed in Afghanistan, I know the military pastors saved her sanity on more than one occasion. Quoth she: "If I'm getting married I'm getting married in a goddamed church" You can take the girl out of the army... So we're planning a wedding. In a word-- blech-- not my cup of tea. There are very few redeeming qualities I find in a wedding. Less than you find probably. BUT That father she never met? Well, recently MY father found half sisters, (he has been insisting on searching for years, it was a pain in my butt until it paid off) Evidently the father, whom I haven't seen since I was 17- is an abusive loser, but she's bonded with the sisters and the older one will be a bridesmaid. Hand of fate... (She still hasn't met her father and has no intention of doing so)
Her wedding will be unconventional on so many levels, but she'll use the basic rituals as a backdrop. My generation of women in my family have not gotten married very often for various reasons, but neither is there a large extended family like you have. So we don't really know "how" to get married. More fun probably. We make it up as we go along. Or just don't bother. Or can't, as in the case of my lesbian cousin and her partner.
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