Remembering 42 years ago today

[Control-Z]

In the late evening hours of June 8, 1964, my mother died in a Connecticut motel room from the complications of a self induced abortion. Her lover assisted her in the abortion attempt and then left her there to die alone when he realized things were not going well. My mom bled to death on the motel floor. They found her body there the next morning. She was 28 years old and the mother of 2.

In 1973 a crime scene photo of my mother’s bloody naked body was made public. Without volunteering my mom became the poster child for the pro-choice movement. The image has circulated throughout the country over the years and is still in use today.

I have spent the better part of the last 42 years trying to forget something too horrible for my mind to really grasp and in the process I've forgotten to remember - if that makes any sense.

I have never memorialized my mother. Until a few years ago I could not have told you the date of her death. I don't know that my mother even has a proper headstone. I’ve been to visit her grave only once back when I was around 11 years old. I don't know if this has been a form of denial or if it has more to do with the young age I was when she died but I know I’ve never wanted to face the emotional flood I imagine would take place if I did acknowledge her death in any of these ways.

The date no longer escapes me even if the courage to speak out about it still usually does. So today, this June 8th, 2006, I want to remember.

My mother never fought for women's rights. She was not a great feminist leader. The things she did in life did not make headlines. She was just my mom. She put her life on the line for my sister and me, and for herself – and she lost.

It was in death that she made headlines. It was in death that she became an icon. But it is her life I want to remember - before she was an icon to strangers. She was a hero to me. I miss her more today than yesterday and I am so sorry to have forgotten.

I love you Mom.

I will be making a donation to one of the women's organizations in my mother's honor today. I encourage everyone to honor the women they love. Please help keep them safe.

If you want, you can see the photo here:

(*warning - graphic* http://www.sapphireblue.com/25years)


edit: insert missing word

[kcass1954]

1. Who are you donating to? This is such a touching post, and I'd like

to reference this post in a donation of my own. If your mother had the right to end the pregnancy in a safe and legal manner, she would still be here. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Control-Z]

19. Thank you

My favorite organizations are: Planned Parenthood, NARAL, NOW, and Feminist Majority.

Planned Parenthood plays an active roll in our community and offers what I believe to be life saving services. They have a wonderful staff of women (and men) that I have had the pleasure of knowing and working with as a volunteer.

But all of these organizations stand up for women so you can't go wrong. Thank you so much for wanting to donate. I appreciate it more than I can say. Thank you.

[Jazz2006]

63. It takes great strength of character

to rise to the challenges that you had to have faced in light of your history, and to write what you have written here.

Your speaking out about this is a tremendous tribute to your Mom, and one that had to be painful along the way.

I have absolutely no doubt that your Mom would be proud of you.

I, too, will make a donation to my local Planned Parenthood group in your honor and in honor of your mother.


:hug:

[Control-Z]

121. ""

I'm not sure of much but I know my mom would want me to do everything in my power to prevent another needless death.
Planned Parenthood clinics are the sole providers of women's services in so many areas now. My mom would be proud to know you donated in her honor. Thank you.

[Cooley Hurd]

2. Jesus... I'm so very sorry...

What a horrible event. My sympathies to you.:cry:

[no_hypocrisy]

3. I'm so sorry about your mother. She was taken away by a

cruel system and fear and isolation.

I hope you find peace with your memories of her and with prospectively saving the lives of countless women with your donations.

(((HUGS)))

[RoseMead]

4. Your loss is heartbreaking

Thank you for speaking out. I can't imaging how painful it must be. Peace to you and your mother's memory.

[mntleo2]

5. Oh Hon...

How brave of you to speak up! I was moved beyond tears to know one of our own DU members is reliving such sadness today. Please know you are in my prayers and I believe she is with you and helping you come to terms with what you are going through. I also believe you carry a powerful message that I hoipe is being heard around the world today.

Hearts and grieving with you,

Cat In Seattle

[Control-Z]

34. It is you and

all the others here who are helping me through right now. I've never had a safe place to talk about my mom. I'm kind of at a loss for words right now - I just appreciate all of you so much.

[Patchuli]

82. dancingAlone,

I saw that picture when I was 16, in MS Magazine. It made me forever pro-choice. And the sad thing is that I found myself in a position of an unplanned pregnancy just a year later. I was able, thanks to Roe v. Wade to resolve my situation. That picture made me so sad and so angry. I can't give to all the organizations but I do a monthly contribution to NARAL because we must preserve the right to determine our own destiny. I am so sad that your mother had to pay such a price. I hope it brings you peace to know that her death brought about freedom for women. We must continue to fight against those who would place more value on the unborn than the living.

((((((((dA)))))))))

[Control-Z]

128. Patchuli

I was just about the same age as you when first I saw it myself. I'm not sure how old the issue of Ms was at the time. A few years, maybe. I was just finding out the truth about my mom. I knew a few girls who had had abortions - I had even arranged one for someone who had been too paralyzed by her fear to do it for herself. But I never connected the dots. I was sheltered by all the lies, I guess you could say. While my friends were having abortions I was not aware yet that my mom had died from one.

Since the photo was first published anonymously, I had room for denial. Even though she was recognizable I always secretly held onto the childish hope that maybe it had all been a mistake - that one morning I would wake up from the nightmare. Silly, I know. The proof I needed came along just 12 years ago.

I am so impressed that you make monthly contributions to NARAL - You have no idea how impressed. Thank you for telling me your story.

[Patchuli]

134. You are very brave

to make sure your Mom is not forgotten. I'm sure she would be proud of you. I'm happy I got to meet you. I wish we didn't have to keep battling for freedom of choice. You'd think people could have evolved a bit more than they have and here's the lunatic fringe that would like to take us back to the damn 50s! And we'll all just keep fighting them because we MUST.

[sutz12]

6. It is good that you are coming to grips with this tragedy

I have always strongly supported a woman's right to choose her own path in life. The right to a medically safe abortion is a big part of that.

If only she could have had the medical support she really needed, instead of having to make such a desperate move. My heart goes out to you.

[Control-Z]

130. Yes, if only

We were just a few years away from gaining the rights that would have saved her. Maybe it took her death and the ones that followed to win those rights. But what a horrible way to open eyes.

And they want us to do it again.

[BrklynLiberal]

7. I HAVE seen that photo in the pro-choice writings. I am so sorry that

was YOUR Mom who had to sacrifice her life to become the icon that helped save the lives of so many that followed.
I hope that you can feel some pride in what she did for her children in her life and what her death has done for all the lives that have been saved after her passing.
You are very courageous, and should be very proud of what she tried to do to defend her children from a father she knew would hurt them.

[Control-Z]

131. I am -

proud and so much more. I can't even fathom the courage it must have taken for her to walk into that motel room. That I could be so strong, I doubt.

Things haven't progressed as much as we'd like to think, though. Women are still taking desperate measures to protect their living children and to protect themselves. And our rights dwindle...

[lectrobyte]

8. So sorry for your loss. Please keep fighting the fight, no one should

be faced with that situation again.

[iverglas]

9. I have seen that photo of Gerri

many times over the years, and read about the daughters she left when she died. Your post was startling; I never expected to meet one of them by clicking randomly on an internet post.

And then of course to find myself at a loss for words ...

Thanks. To you, and to your mum for her courage. You're right that she never volunteered, and every time I have seen her picture -- always presented by someone honouring her memory -- I have thought that. This was not the memory she planned to leave, for her kids or the world. And I think that is a message that we need to receive; women whose rights are not protected are courageous because they have to be, but that is not the life or death they or their families or we deserve.

Thanks again.

[Control-Z]

132. iverglas

'women whose rights are not protected are courageous because they have to be, but that is not the life or death they or their families or we deserve.'

That is something I have never been able to articulate as you have.

'every time I have seen her picture -- always presented by someone honouring her memory -- I have thought that.'

There is no rule by which to measure the unknown thoughts of those who would see her picture. I will never forget your words and will call on them when I am faced with slandering anti-choice sentiments. Those are some of the hardest times.

Thank you, iverglas.

[sinkingfeeling]

10. I'm so sorry. I know I could have lost my own mother in the same way.

My mom was lucky and is today 86.

You are very brave to tell us your story. Peace.

[Control-Z]

35. I am so happy for you and your mom.

Hug her extra tight next time you see her.

[xxqqqzme]

11. powerful and touching post.

I volunteer at the OC Planned Parenthood when they call for assistance. The first time I was there, they were installing bulletproof glass in the reception area and no one went through any door without clearance. I was stunned when I realized why all that was so necessary. Your story reminds us all that women are still under attack and the people who support women and their choices are not safe.

[Control-Z]

38. OC CA?

That's where I volunteer. I wonder if we know each other? Did you work prop 73?

[AnOhioan]

12. May she rest in peace

Who she was lives within who you are. The world is better for her having been here. Thank you for your courage and your grace.

[Minnesota Libra]

13. I am so sorry - words escape me right now. I'm so sorry . nt

[progressoid]

14. ...

:grouphug:

[Rainbowreflect]

15. Thank you for being brave enough to share something

so painful & personal.

[The Witch]

16. Your courage in speaking today is unparalleled.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this, painful as it must have been to do. I am shedding tears for you and your family. We will fight for you and all women who don't ever want to see something like this again.

[katinmn]

17. dancingalone,

Your post is so moving.:-(
Many women had a choice because of the tragedy that happened to your mother.

We can't stop fighting to maintain that right.:hug:

[ThomCat]

18. This is a very moving post.

I'm very sorry you have had to live though this.

I don't know if you want a virtual hug, or if it offers any comfort, but I'd like to give you one anyway. :hug:

I've seen that picture before and wondered about her family, her friends, and her life.

[troubleinwinter]

20. Oh my.

Your post is so incredibly painful to read. Many posters note how shocking it is to "meet" an actual family member victimized by her death.

THAT, I think, IS the power of your post.... to know that it can effect us all personally, family and friends.

I am sorry that I have no words to comfort you. Words can never heal the loss. I can only thank you for reminding us that the loss of safe choice can have devastating cost.

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your mother. I thank you for your post.

[Patiod]

21. In contrast

My elementary-school girlfriend got off the track in life, and by high school, she was a drunken, druggie mess. One of her druggie boyfriends got her pregnant, and she did a lot of stuff before she realized she was "shooting for two".

Her mom took her to a clean, antiseptic hospital, and she had an abortion with her mom by her side. She later straightened up, married, and because it was a clean abortion performed by trained doctors, she was able to later have 2 kids without any problems. Instead of having a Fetal Alcohol/godknowswhatelse baby, or a botched abortion, she had a fresh start in life.

Thanks for reminding us about the Bad Old Days, Dancing Alone.

[wicket]

22. My god, I am so sorry

Thank-you for sharing. :hug:

I am incredibly sorry for your loss.

[Bunny]

23. Oh my, I'm so sorry that you went through that.

Thank you for sharing your story. :hug:

[OKNancy]

24. Words fail me

thank you for your post

Stand strong and together!

[xchrom]

25. my thoughts are with you.

i could go on about a culture and system that sacrifices women for irrational reasons -- but you've said and sacrificed what i will never have to.

[durrrty libby]

26. K & R

It truly breaks my heart that all women aren’t united for this cause.

You are to be commended. Wish I could hug and comfort you.
:pals:

[texastoast]

27. There are no words

I wish you peace. And I think it is admirable that you are donating money to make a difference in your mother's memory. You are strong to take this life-long grief that you live with every day and put the energy to good use. Please remind all young women who have a blessed sense of entitlement to the freedoms so hard won that those freedoms are fragile and never to be taken for granted.

[PlanetBev]

28. There was a great documentary on PBS about Gerri

In was on the show P.O.V. (Point of View) I believe it was called "From Leona, to my sister, Gerri", something like that.

Is your Aunt Leona still alive, dancingAlone? I really loved her narration, and I remember both you and your sister in the film.

If everyone could see this film, we wouldn't be fighting this battle all over again. I can't believe how close we are to returning to those days.

[Control-Z]

44. "Leona's Sister Gerri"

Yes, I will take it out and watch it myself, tonight. Did you see it when it first came out or has it aired recently? I've heard it has a powerful impact on people.

My Aunt Leona is great, last I heard! I haven't seen her since the March for Women's Lives in 2004 but I talk to her on the phone and exchange e-mail with her daughter, my cousin Toni. (Aunt Leona will drive 3000 miles by herself, still, but refuses to learn to use a computer.)


My older daughter Tara and Aunt Leona at the March in DC. - caught in a rain storm.
(We had a great time together. Her daughter and granddaughter
and two groups of their friends all met up with us.)

I'm going to tell her you asked about her. She'll be tickled pink.

[PlanetBev]

75. I saw it when it first came out

I don't think they've aired the film recently. I saw it in 1998, I think.

I'm so glad that your Aunt Leona is well and still fighting the good fight!

By the way, Tara is adorable!

[Suich]

29. dancingAlone, I'm so sorry for the pain

you've endured for so long.

I also saw the story on POV and was deeply moved. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

:hug:

[DoYouEverWonder]

30. Your mother should be very proud of you

You honor her memory well.

:hug:

[Theres-a]

31. Thank you for posting this

Very brave.

[Solly Mack]

32. Good to see you again

Thank you for your words and your inspiration.

[Control-Z]

37. Solly

There you are. I haven't seen you for a while. I tried to pm you a while back but wasn't able. I had wanted to tell you that
I saw your post "I am Geraldine Santoro". You wrote that before I came here.

I'm glad I found it.

I met Becky Bell's father and brother a few years ago. I think they would feel the same.

Thank you.

[Solly Mack]

98. Thank you for telling me that. It means a lot to me.

I've been away for most of the last 2 months. Sorry I was unable to get a PM from you. Your courage is inspiring. Your words teach...with love we remember. Thank you again.

[ismnotwasm]

33. Thank you

:grouphug:
On edit, I will be making a donation as well, in your mother's memory.

[atommom]

36. I'm so sorry that happened ... but happy that you are making

a difference in women's lives now with your donation. Such a sad and unnecessary death for any woman. :(

[robinlynne]

39. lots of love to you. thank-you. sort of put things into perspective.

[Skinner]

40. Thank you for sharing.

How terribly sad. My heart goes out to you.

[ikojo]

41. Words escape me at this time

but it sure must have been hard for you.

:hug: :grouphug:

[NativeTexan]

42. Dancing, you just accomplished something that few have ever......

.....been able to.

You left me SPEECHLESS. You, your sister and your Mother's memory shall be in my prayers and my heart.......

GOD BLESS YOU.

Tex

[mnhtnbb]

43. I am so sorry for your horrible loss.

And sorry that your Mom had to give her life in such a way. What a tragedy.

Thanks for sharing with us.

[bonito]

45. Your mom is something very special

I can see, through you. :hug: Peace

[bloom]

46. ((((((hugs))))))

Such a tragic loss. We forget how people today are still affected by the past criminalization of abortion. We should never forget.


Hugs to you. :hug:

Peace.

[Doohickie]

47. I cried reading this

God bless you for sharing this. It must be hard.

[brer cat]

48. dancingAlone, Your mother WAS a feminist leader...she just didn't

volunteer. It took great courage for her to take matters into her own hands when she desperately needed help and none was offered. Nothing can give back to you the life that was so needlessly taken, but I do pray that you find solace and peace in the sure knowledge that your mother inspired the movement for choice. You have my deepest sympathy for your loss, and admiration for your courage in speaking out.

[proud patriot]

49. In remembrance

:cry:

[femrap]

50. Your post brought tears to my eyes....I'm so

sorry for your loss. I, too, will make a donation in your mother's name.

We won't go back.

[latebloomer]

51. I am so very sorry!

What a horrible and tragic event. I am so sad you had to go through that, and that your mother, along with so many others, was martyred in that way.

We all have to work so this will never happen again.

Thank you so much for sharing this-- it took courage.

:hug:

[Miss Chybil]

52. I am crying. nt

[SunDrop23]

53. God bless you and your mom.

[McCamy Taylor]

54. Thank you for posting. My sympathies for you. (Posting this thru tears)

[jdadd]

55. I'm Speechless....

:cry: :hug:

[jbm]

56. thank you for sharing her story with us...

and know that my heart is with you today.

[motocicleta]

57. Your mother would be proud, I am certain

What a lovely memorial. Thank you for reminding us of the bad old days and why they need to stay away forever.

And I am crying both for your loss and out of awe at your strength. I have a new hero.

[Imalittleteapot]

58. Shame

on all who prefer the tragic and unnecessary ending of a desperate woman's valuable life the sake of religion.



I am so sorry that you lost your Mom. You are a soldier.

[pookieblue]

59. Thank You for Sharing your story with us.

(((huggs)))

[Lithos]

60. A very sorry turn of events

I am sad for your loss.

W-

[DesertRat]

61. I'm really sorry

:cry: :grouphug:

[burrowowl]

62. Thank you

for your beautiful tribute to your mother.
You must be a beautiful person too.

[Kadie]

64. Thank you for sharing your story.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Tess49]

65. I feel like I should write something, but I am at a loss as to

what it should be. I was riveted by your post. Thank you for your bravery. I remember the bad days, and we must never, ever go back.

[justice1]

66. I am sorry but I couldn't bring myself to look at the picture.

You brought tears to my eyes, I hope the day will never come that we need another woman as a symbol for reproductive rights.

[ninkasi]

67. There are no words, Dancing Alone

To tell you how truly sorry I am for your loss. Because of your mother's tragedy, by the late 1970s, I was able to have a safe, legal abortion, and live to raise the three children I already had. I was able to leave an abusive marriage, and start a new life. I am so sorry that the rights I had then were due in part to the terrible injustice of what happened to your mother.

I can tell you, though, from the bottom of my heart, that if your mother were alive, she would be proud of you for speaking out. We must never, never let men with a political agenda strip of us our rights to make our own decisions, and lead our own lives. Again, from the bottom of my heart, I think you for your courage. God bless your mother's memory.

[Control-Z]

122. ""

I am glad that you had those rights, ninkasi.

It is stories like yours that bring balance to my life. It helps make sense out of the senseless. This I need.

[Festivito]

68. Bless you, and be at well deserved peace.

The truth of heartbreak in that photo brings heartfelt clarity to our opposing parties.

What else does that in these days.

[Control-Z]

126. Without a doubt

July, 2005:

'in a moment of absolute clarity, I finally, for the first time in my life, came to terms with the use of my mother’s photograph. Faced with protesters and their images on both sides of the path it became crystal clear to me that this photograph had the power of no other to speak the truth and be heard even above deafening anti-choice deceptions.'

[Festivito]

133. The deeper the truth, the greater the clarity the closer we dance with you

You might be alone.
But, do not feel alone.
We dance your dance.
And, have, through your whole life.
Love,
-Fes

[me b zola]

69. (((((((((( dancingAlone ))))))))))

Words cannot express how very sorry I am for your loss, for everything that you have been through, and for the emotional pain that you still carry with you.

This is why we fight. This is why we must never go back to the way it was. Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us.


I wish you peace. :hug:

[Name removed]

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[Name removed]

72. Deleted message

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[virgdem]

71. I am so sorry for your loss...

thank you for such a touching and heartbreaking post. I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling at this anniversary of your Mom's horrible and senseless death. I'm sure she would be very proud of you and all that you have accomplished. Incidentally, I just found out a few years back that my paternal grandmother had died of a botched abortion in 1929, leaving 3 young children. It made me very sad when I heard that, as I had heard that she was a wonderful and caring woman. I will be making a donation to a woman's organization in your Mom's memory.

[madrchsod]

73. i`m kind`a speechless......

i haven`t read anything in this forum so heart wrenching since i`ve been here..
your loss is one of the many that happened in those days...my mother-in-law almost died from a illegal abortion.
i`m humbled that you shared this with me...

[Tsiyu]

74. This is the most intense post I've ever read on DU

I think so few young women know what it was like before Roe v. Wade.

When I was a small child, growing up near Syracuse University, a neighbor died the same way. She left a daughter the same age as you as well as her husband. I think it deeply affected my parents because they instilled in me that abortion should be safe and legal. They didn't so much talk about it (til much later) but it was what they DIDN'T say when the issue came up that made me notice.

It's the loss of your mother, that manner of death, that made so many take notice.

Thank you for your bravery here, for reminding us all of the hideous past. I hope everyone looks at the picture - as distressing as it is to see - and realizes why some of us grow outraged over the thought of revisiting that past.

[mdmc]

76. Oh my God

take...care,...and...give...care

[xultar]

77. NEVER AGAIN MY SISTA! NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!

:cry::grr:

[PlanetBev]

78. My grandfather's first wife died of an illegal abortion

I saw a picture of her grave recently. Her name was Rose, and she died on
June 29th, 1919 at the age of 25. My grandfather was left with four young children to raise alone. The kids were farmed out to foster homes. One of them, my uncle Leo, was almost snuck out of this country by his foster mother who wanted to keep him. My grandfather married a widow with two children in 1920. It was an unhappy, loveless marriage, for convenience sake. Only silver lining was that my dad came along in 1921.

[Swamp Rat]

79. .

:hug:

[JackDragna]

80. I pray the horrible nature of your mother's death..

..helped others avoid such a terrible fate. You have my condolences.

[blue neen]

83. You inherited your mother's strength of courage.

You are a shining light, dancingAlone, and your mom clearly loved you.

I wish that there words to say to comfort you...just know that your story touched me in such a powerful way. :hug:

[progdonkey]

84. wow...

just wow... that's all I can really muster reading that and seeing the link...

:cry:

[man4allcats]

85. Your love for your mom is a tribute.

I lost my own mother almost a year ago, and I still miss her everyday. The difference is that my mom was 80 years old when she died, and I had only just recently turned 57 at the time. I cannot begin to imagine the circumstances you describe, but my admiration for the love and respect you express for your mom could only be surpassed by the regard she herself would have for you. My condolences to you for what happened and my deepest respect to you for the love you have expressed for your mother. Although her life was tragically cut short, in the few years that she had she clearly raised a remarkable daughter.

[murielm99]

86. I am so sorry.

Thank you for having the courage and strength to post this here. We all need to be reminded once in awhile what it was like before Roe v. Wade.

:hug:

[NoSheep]

87. I thought I was ready for that. Typing through tears. My story emerges:

hang on...i can't offer any words to help. all I can say is, I escaped the doom childbirth would have brought me at age 18. I was abused by a brother and 2 step brothers. I had a horrible father and I was an intelligent, creative young woman who just happened to be brought up in a small narrow minded town by parents who had very little to offer me but a sense of working class fear. I couldn't stay there and have "their" children. I refused to have "their" children. And the child would have been "theirs". The child would have inherited the bullshit I'd been exposed to. I didn't want that for anyone I brought into the world. I wouldn't have owned it. My past would have owned it. I chose to save myself and the potential life that would have been doomed from the start. I did the right thing and I'd do it again in the same circumstance. I was fortunate enough to have a legal abortion. I felt no regret whatsoever. I was intelligent enough to make the right choice for myself and for any life that may arise as a result of my sexual activity. DAMN anyone who feels they should take this right from a woman. Damn Anyone who feels they know better than I do about my circumstances. Damn anyone who feels because of their particular neurosis and beliefs in some crazy death cult, that I should have to bring a life into the world, only to have it starve under the influence of mental illness, dysfunction and a society whose dominate paradigm is a fascist form of survival of the fittest! Damn it: If you make me Have it, I demand you feed it!

This may be a really inappropriate response to your post. I am so incredibly sorry that you have to remember your mother this way. I'm practically ill at the thought of it all. But it's up here now for all of us to see. Let's hope someone, anyone, sees it that needs to have their head jerked out of the sand into the reality of what it can be like to be a woman oppressed by the bullshit of hypocrites.

[IsIt1984Yet]

106. FWIW, I read this post and was touched by it.

And, I made a choice, too.

http://journals.democraticunderground.com/IsIt1984Yet/1

:hug:

[Control-Z]

138. We need to listen to every story

and learn.

Thank you for sharing this with all of us.

[Patchuli]

135. Thank you for your courage to tell us...

:hug:

[MAX 1]

88. Tears

Your post made me cry.

It is such an unfortunate thing to be left without a mother at a young age.
So many things to have been shared, missed.

Often, people say that we are remembered by the things we have done in life, after our life.
This is especially true of your mom.

Her final moments of life HAVE affected hundreds, thousands, and have influenced millions.

My prayers go out to you, today.

Peace.

[classof56]

104. MAX 1, just want to welcome you to DU.

This is an amazing place to learn, grow, expand our consciousness and practice true compassion.

Blessings.

Tired Old Cynic

[Hekate]

89. I only saw the photo once, and never knew the rest of the story

It's an indelible image. Somehow I knew exactly what it was before clicking to the site.

In June 1964 I'd just finished my junior year of high school, and all I knew of unwanted pregnancies was that they resulted in adopted babies (two of my cousins and several family friends are adoptees). At that age I had not a clue about the depths of human tragedy that were the other side of the story.

When I was in college two books decided it for me: "The Autobiography of Margaret Sanger" and "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex (but were afraid to ask)". I have been a faithful supporter of Planned Parenthood ever since. Always.

People need to be reminded that as far as we think we have come since then, the road back to the bad old days is a very short one.

Thank you, dancingAlone, for having the courage to share your story with us tonight. Love and peace to you; peaceful rest to your mother's spirit.
:grouphug:

Hekate

[Hekate]

91. More politically: Perhaps Gov Kathleen Blanco of Louisiana needs to see...

Remember this post?

"Louisiana Governer Kathleen Blanco, a Democrat, says she'll sign the state's abortion ban, which was recently passed by both the House and Senate. ...says she believes an exception for rape and incest victims to get an abortion, a proposal rejected by both the House and Senate, would have "been reasonable," but she said she wouldn't reject the bill for that reason."
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1373919

Women of privileged status won't be unduly affected by returning to pre-Roe laws -- but they need to be forcibly reminded that everyone else will be hurt. The sapphireblue website is powerful, heartbreaking stuff. :cry:

Hekate

[Dem2theMax]

92. dancingAlone - it had to take a tremendous amount of courage to write

your post. Thank you for doing so. You have shared a side of the abortion story that we don't often hear - the very human side, the personal side, and how it affects so many people. I am so sorry for the loss of your Mother. May she be at peace. I pray she knows the difference her life and death have made for so many women in this country. Hugs and love to you and your family. :hug:

[Voltaire99]

93. How do you feel when a Hillary or Howard bemoans abortion...

...in order to court sanctimonious NASCAR voters who'd let any number of women bleed to death?

Betrayed?

I, for one, do.

Your essay was wise and moving. I can't resist asking the political question since that is what, after all, we're here for: trying to reform this wayward party so that we can preserve our rights, and not offer them up on the altar of Democratic Party success.

[Luminous Animal]

94. My dear danceAlone

Your post is a beautiful memorial for your mom. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal loss in order that others might be spared. This is one of the most tragic srory I'v ever witnessed. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for reminding us what we stand to lose.

[dddem]

95. God bless you.

You are so brave to share your painful story. Please know that you (and your mother) have helped so very many people by sharing. I know that's little consolation when you are missing your mom, but as a person of faith, I believe that you are not, in fact, 'dancing alone'. I think she is with you, and helped you write this beautiful tribute to her and her sacrifice.
Peace.

[DemExpat]

96. Thank you, dancingAlone.... I have seen this shocking photo....

and now it lives even more in my mind and heart after hearing from her daughter.

Thank you for sharing here,

DemEx

[Gman]

97. wow.

theres nothing I can say. I'm sorry for your loss and remember she is still with you.

[foreverdem]

99. dancingAlone,

There are no words to describe how moved I was by your post and how sorry I am for your loss. You are a strong and brave person and show us a clear reminder of what we can never, ever return to. We have to keep up the fight.

[IsIt1984Yet]

100. This post gave me the chills.

And brought tears to my eyes and fear in my heart.

My thoughts and heart go out to you today and every day. May peace and love be with you. Thank you for sharing this horrible and touching account of the reality we face when the government tries to make choices in our "best interest".

May your mother rest in peace. I'm sure she'd be very proud of her daughter for taking a stand and trying to make a difference :hug: .

[raccoon]

101. Thank you for sharing that. I'm sorry you lost your mother.

It took a great deal of courage for you to share that with us here on the Internet.

[myrna minx]

102. I am so sorry.

Your post made my heart break. :hug: Thank you for telling your family's story. Unfortunately, it's a cautionary tale for us all. Your mother is me. Your mother is my sister. Your mother is my mother. Your mother is all of us. I am so sorry. Thank you for your courage to bring to light what happened to your mother. :cry: :hug:

[shugah]

103. thank you dancingAlone, for sharing your story about your mother

it is so heartbreaking.

i don't know what to say to you except to thank you again for sharing - it is a story full of importance and meaning.

i will also make a donation in honor of your mother.

[smartvoter]

105. What a sad, sad story. nt

[Maat]

107. This was a very profound post.

I've been a DU member for a couple of years now, but this post is one of the most touching ones.

Thank you for your story. I remember fighting for reproductive rights since the late 70's, and your mom's story has always served as motivation for me to keep on fighting.

I'm praying (affirmative prayer, sending positive energy) for the best for you, and may your heroine-mom's protective energy surround you always!

Thank you again.

:hug:

[TygrBright]

108. Thanks, dancingalone

Through the sharing of stories like this we might, just might, rediscover the power that rose up and demanded something better. My family was Catholic, but my mother was turfed out of the Church in the early 60s for getting a divorce (gasp!) and she was a smart, determined woman who never completely guzzled the communion koolaid. So I was lucky enough to grow up asking questions, making up my own mind, and deciding that women were not some higher order of domestic livestock, but human beings with the same right to self-determination that men enjoyed.

However, I was always very wary of discussing any controversial issues with my father's mother, who seemed very much a full metal jacket Catholic. My father's family was very much the conventional blue-collar Democrat model family: pro-Civil Rights, pro-War on Poverty, would rather have cut off their hands than vote Republican, but very leery of the whole anti-war thing, the feminism thing, etc. Very disapproving of the whole hippie counterculture free love drugs and hedonism trend.

I naturally assumed that my grandmother would be a staunch anti-choice Catholic, and was I blown away when visiting her around the time of RvW, and she looked at a newspaper headline about the case, and nodded her head. "Good. Good thing." "But... but... Grandma... you *approve*?" I was going to add some snotty remark about what the Church would think, but I noticed that her eyes were filled with tears. And she told me a story very much like your mother's, except that it was a friend of hers in rural Wisconsin. AND a relation (cousin? I can't remember) in Milwaukee. Two. Died of botched illegal (in one case self-induced, hard to imagine the desperation...) abortions in the 1950s.

I'd already heard from my mother, who'd been a nurse and had encountered a good many women suffering the consequences of unsafe, illegal abortions, and my mind was made up. But to hear those stories from my grandmother had the same powerful jolt your post gave me. We tend to forget, I think, in our complacency over the last 30 years, what it was like when abortion was illegal and safe abortion was unavailable to any but the wealthy.

We forget the power of desperation and the determination of human nature. Any fool who thinks that making abortion illegal is going to keep abortion from happening is living in fairyland. They have forgotten the horror. They gloss over the pain in warm self-congratulatory anticipation about all the "innocent lives" they will be "saving" and ignore the lives and innocence they will extract in payment.

somberly,
Bright

[Swede]

109. Powerful stuff,dancingAlone.

I hope you find peace.

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

110. that's a wonderful post. thanks for sharing it.

good thoughts and prayers for you and your mom.

[tbyg52]

111. Thank you for sharing this

I wish the small-minded people who think *they* have the right to control a woman's body (and everything else, the way it's going) had the ability to listen.

[El Fuego]

112. Oh my god, that made me cry

I'm so sorry, thank you for sharing.

[redwitch]

113. I don't even have words.

:cry:

[nonconformist]

114. I am so terribly sorry

I, like many others, have seen that photo before. Thank you for your bravery in telling your story.

[IsIt1984Yet]

115. Kick, because everyone should read this.

:kick:

[miss_american_pie]

116. I am so sorry

Thank you for sharing your family's story.

[winga222]

117. I am so very sorry for your loss

and thank you for the courage it took to share that with all of us here. You're in my thoughts. :hug:

[BlueStorm]

118. This brought tears to my eyes...

very sad indeed. As I was born in 1980, well after Roe vs. Wade I don't know much about the horrors of botched abortions. Seeing your post dancingAlone, and that pic of your mom brought it all too close to home for me.

I will have you in my thoughts.

Blue

[Sarah Ibarruri]

119. Tears are my only response... and a story about someone on the other side

No words can express the heart the sadness I feel over this.

I'd like to tell the true story of a very prominent anti-abortion woman (I'll call her "Maureen"), as told to me by someone who knew her very well. (I'll call this someone, "Cindy}."

Maureen was an evangelical, a mother of three, married to a strongly evangelical husband, both active in Republican politics in Florida, and very heavily involved in church. She read no newspapers, but voraciously devoured every Republican and Christian evangelical book and material she could find. She led an anti-group at her church, which met weekly at an ob-gyn's office where abortions were done, and there they yelled insults at the clinic employees, calling them murderers, waving signs at them and embarrassing patients that walked in or out.

One day a new pro-choice clinic opened near their church and the anti-abortion group set about planning how to attack this new clinic. The anti-abortion group discussed it, planned to send a "spy" pretending to be pregnant, be examined, get a tour of the place, and hopefully find something illegal or objectionable they could report to the authorities. At around the same time, Maureen found that she was pregnant. She was overjoyed. In any case, one Maureen arrived at the meeting of the anti-abortion group stating that she would be the one to enter the new pro-choice clinic and pose as a potential client. Some people objected, given that she was pregnant, but she insisted and they agreed.

The next Sunday, Cindy noticed that Maureen looked a little pale and sad, and asked her during Sunday school teaching how she was feeling. Maureen burst out crying, so they went outside to talk. Her feelings came pouring out to Cindy, as she begged her to tell no one. Evidently, her obstetrician had run tests, and the child she was carrying had a genetic syndrome that would cause it to be born with only the primitive brain and no eyes at all. She had gone to the clinic as a spy, but ended up returning to the clinic the next day to abort her genetically defective fetus. Cindy asked how she could possibly do such a thing after working so hard against abortion. Maureen responded that she couldn't stand the idea of a child of hers being blind and helpless, and that it would ruin the good marriage she had with her husband. She asked Cindy to keep it a secret and to please forgive her. Cindy told her she had nothing to forgive, that it was between her and God.

That was the last Sunday Cindy saw Maureen. Maureen ceased attending church altogether after having the abortion. The anti-abortion group fell apart without her. The clinics continued in service.

[Control-Z]

120. To everyone here

Since it is going to take me probably an inexcusable amount of time to properly respond to your messages I wanted to leave a note here, now, that hopefully some of you will see.

I have read every word on this thread at least twice and I'm just blown away. I came close to deleting this post yesterday when I couldn’t find a way to move it to a women’s forum where I had intended it to be. I didn’t trust the general population to understand. I don't know what to say. There's much. I just don't know how.

Thank you. Thank you all.

[Lux]

123. Remembering 42 Years Ago Today

I first saw that picture in MS Magazine. It made me feel so sad I wanted to cry. Later, in the '90s, when I started doing clinic defense, several clinic support people suggested we enlarge that photo, put it on a poster, and use it to counter the graphic, bloody fetus pictures that the antis use. Some of us thought that was a bad idea for several reasons. Doing so would put us on the same level as the antis, but more importantly, it would have been an exploitation of this woman who had already paid the ultimate price for not having a legal choice. Further, I knew many of our local antis thought that women deserved to die if they got an abortion. That's how awful and unfeeling they are.

My heart goes out to you, dancingAlone. I hope you can find some peace from the support you will get from pro-choice people.

[Control-Z]

141. Welcome, Lux

Thank you for your considerations with regard to the use of the picture and for your thoughtful words.

'enlarge that photo, put it on a poster, and use it to counter the graphic, bloody fetus pictures that the antis use.'

That is exactly what people did. You probably know that. But I don't think most of them even thought about exploitation. I think they probably just looked at the picture as a powerful statement.

I hope one day the need to use that picture no longer exists.

[Spazito]

124. Very powerful OP

Thank you for your courage in sharing your mother, your life with us. I am in tears.

[mwooldri]

125. What a testimony.

As hard as it must have been for you to write this, it's hard to write a response. You've moved me close to tears. As someone who is against abortion morally but for it legally (taking the "I don't agree with you but heck I am going to defend your right to disagree with me" stance) your family story is as you say, a shocking and stomach-turning advertisement as to why abortion must remain legal - in order to keep it safe. There will always be women who will seek to abort unwanted children (the link on that referred page was a report on abortion in Latin America - those figures speak for themselves). Killing is never right but... if it has to be mother vs an unviable unborn child (early pregnancy is unviable IMO) it's definitely mother IMO.

God bless you and your sister. May you be at peace.

Mark.

[beltanefauve]

127. Thank you for your courageous post

And hugs and condolences to you.:grouphug:

My story: in the '80's, I had an unintended pregnancy as a result of a birth control failure, with a man who was an abusive alcoholic. The clinic I went to in Boston was first-rate, and I received the utmost of care. But then I had rare and unusual complications with the procedure, through no one's fault, just fate, I guess. I had lab tests, a re-evacuation procedure, and excellent follow-up and aftercare. It took a long time for my body to get back to normal, but eventually it did. My point is this: although my story is unusual, problems can occur even when the procedure is done legally. Had I had this done illegally, there would have been no tests, follow-up and aftercare and I would not be alive today. Two or three weeks later, William Rehnquist became the Chief Justice. I became an activist for choice, and still am today.

[The Stranger]

129. Thank you for your incomparable courage.

Know that there are so many out there that need for you to continue. (The photo hit me very, very hard.)

Please -- keep keepin' on.

[Zhade]

136. She would be proud of you.

I am.

[ulysses]

137. nothing to add but agreement with this.

Peace, dancingAlone.

[Kailassa]

139. Crying with you, Dancing.

And so many people are so willing to sell out our rights all over again.

If we women don't fight, we will lose everything.

Congrats on the brave stand you have taken.



:hug:

[IsIt1984Yet]

140. Kick for women's rights. NEVER AGAIN.

:kick:

This touched me so very deeply. It's important to remember that, not too very long ago, woman DIDN'T have a choice. And, unless we keep stories like this on the forefront, we could lose those choices again quite easily. People are trying ot take these rights away from us us all once again.

We must continue to fight and understand the impact of what these people are trying to do to us.

We have a very special woman among us in dancingAlone. Her family's sacrifice should serve as a very important reminder for us all.

NEVER AGAIN!

[Iris]

142. kick

because I don't know what else to do.

[IsIt1984Yet]

143. .

:hug: