Don't hate.

[MrsMatt]

This is what my mother told me once, as s a sullen teen, in response to some trivial hate-filled declaration (something along the lines of "I hate my hair" or "I hate my shirt"). At the time I dismissed her plea - I was 15 after all.

Oh, over the years I'd reply "don't hate" in the same pain-filled tone, when my college roommates would give utter a similar proclamation of hatred over some insignificant incident. It would just pop out, and it always got a laugh. I never stopped to consider why those two simple words stayed with me.

My mom died five years after I graduated from college. In the grief of her passing, I found comfort in that small phrase. Don't hate - it comes to me almost every time I use the word hate in a sentence. It has become my still small voice in the fury of the storm. A legacy more lasting than the brown hair and brown eyes I inherited from her.

There have been so many hate-filled postings on this site lately, it is literally making me ill. I don't post very often (I read, however, quite a bit) but I felt compelled to share my mother's wisdom. Perhaps you will find it as much as a comfort as I have.

Don't hate.

[proud2BlibKansan]

1. Nice post - thank you

[hatrack]

2. Sometimes, hate is justified

Don't hate Hitler?

Don't hate Stalin?

Don't hate Pol Pot?

Don't hate James Inhofe for his cretinous contempt for the future of life on this planet?

Don't hate the leaders of the Global Climate Coalition for lying and lying and lying about the realities of science and the observable world for the sake of money?

Don't hate the Seven Dwarves who stood up and lied through their teeth to Congress that nicotine was (A) not a drug and (B) not addictive, again for money?

Sorry, there are some people for whom you have to get out the Big H, and that's just how the world is, unfortunately.

[varkam]

4. I respectfully disagree.

Hatred doesn't damage the recipient, it damages the owner.

[Cerridwen]

7. "Hatred doesn't damage the recipient, it damages the owner."

Thank you. Perfect.

[hatrack]

17. Well, ya'll are probably just better people than I am

My compliments! :toast:

[lildreamer316]

19. No, we are not.

I can understand that hate may be what you need to feel now. I don't find it constructive for me, but if it enables you to do/be what/who you need to in this day and time, to resist the dark that we are dealing with, I can understand that is part of your journey. Just remember to use IT, don't let it use YOU. Don't let it steal your soul.
If this is the way it functions in your life, then I have hope that one day you will find no more use for it. But I will not judge you personally for having it,as I have no experience in your shoes.
Please, we are asking, do not take the hate out on those who do not deserve it. That is all...
It can be such a dangerous and destructive emotion for the hater as well as those he hates. We do not want to see you lost to that.

Peace between us..

[varkam]

20. I wouldn't say that.

I'm also a convicted felon and an addict - so I have my moments.

[Cerridwen]

27. Coming from a different perspective, maybe. Better? I'm not ready

to make that kind of value judgment.

I do keep in the back of my mind that we should be "careful that we don't *become* that which we fight". I'm not sure, right this moment, where that sentiment comes from. But, I have seen it to be true.

I do know, if we accuse repubs or neo-cons of hating, then we ourselves hate in return, it becomes hard to see the difference between the two. Because we "hate" them for all the "right" reasons and they "hate" us for all the "wrong"? Who decides what is "right" versus what is "wrong"? Those of us who are "morally superior"? Isn't that "their" argument? Who is "morally superior"? Based on what standards as defined by whom?

Until I become God/Goddess/a god, I don't think I have those answers.

So, in the interim, I'll "not let the bastards win" by becoming "one of them."

[Blashyrkh]

37. Thank you for disciminating against all angry hate-filled gents like myself.

If only I was naive enough to believe in silver linings and happy endings.

[varkam]

38. I'm not discriminating against anyone. You are free to hate whom you wish.

I am advocating neither silver linings nor happy endings.

[bumblebee1]

39. Has anyone ever seen a happy Klansmen or Neo Nazi?

Every time I've ever seen any of them on a talk show, they always looked like they're p*ssed at the world. It may be a good acting job, but I always noticed this about them. They also looked like they were afraid of something.

[GeorgeGist]

46. Tell that to the recipients of hitler's hate.

I hate lies; even noble ones.

[varkam]

48. You confuse hatred with violence. eom

[MrsMatt]

10. Love the sinner, loathe the sin

that was another of Mom's philosophies - that was part of her faith in humankind.

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

25. oh, that phrase has been used and abused to the point at which it

is loathsome to my ears. MKJ

[MrsMatt]

29. sorry to hear that

it was always very true to my mom. She was the most forgiving person I have ever known.

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

34. Your mother's phrase is close to "Hate the sin, not the sinner" yet it substitutes "loathe" for hate

How about not calling it sin, but a human flaw, mistake, or whatever.

Sin implies some kind of outside influence, which is kept away by righteousness.

Mistake means one fucked up and better learn quickly not to make the same mistakes, if one wants to coexist peacefully (like Jesus said) with one's fellow human beings.

MKJ

[parasim]

12. Nah, sorry, I can't hate anyone.

I can hate what they do, perhaps, or what they stand for. But I've always drawn the line at hating someone.

In my opinion, when you hate someone, it implies that ridding society of that person will stop the harm they have caused. But there will always be another to take their place. No, I believe we must try to rid ourselves of those things that cause some of us to be hated as human beings in the first place.

Rampant capitalism, fundamentalist religious thought, greed, arrogance, war mongering... those are the kind of things I hate.

[FloridaJudy]

41. Great post.

I find that hating someone blinds me to the societal ill that makes it possible for him/her to do evil. The "if only so and so would just go away every thing would be hunky-dory" frame of mind is easy to fall in to, but rarely is accurate. Hitler, Pol Pot and Stalin were symptoms of a sick society. A symptom can kill you, but it's not the disease: unless you defeat the disease itself, another deadly symptom is ready to take its place.

George Bush and his cronies are dangerous as hell, but getting rid of them is just the first step. Until we fix the broken system that allowed them to gain power and trash the constitution, there's no guarantee some one equally vile won't gain power.

[parasim]

3. The only thing I hate is the word "hate".

Thanks for the post. I totally agree with you (as well as your mother).

on edit: after writing my other post above, I realized that I really don't hate the word, only when it is applied to co-inhabitants of this world, fellow human beings.

However, thoughts, deeds, concepts, schemes... I do hate those things sometimes. and so, I guess, the word can be effective at times.

[mmonk]

5. Nice sentiments and I will take them as I can.

However, I look at my sons and see what has happened and continues to happen and I find it too hard now.

[MrsMatt]

13. I have two young children myself

so I understand your viewpoint.

I hope that you can overcome it.

Peace. for all.

[babylonsister]

6. My mom taught me the same thing; I don't write it often, or say it,

but I do feel it sometimes with our current creeps.
Thanks for reminding me.

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

8. I have supported such sentiments for a while. There will invariably be those that disagree

[varkam]

9. As the buddhists say, everything is perfect.

In the philosophy of nature, there are no built in value judgments - things are just the way that they are and no different. Something like that is perhaps impossible for us, being comprised of flesh and blood and bone, to be able to live every moment. We get angry and indignant, we become hostile and move towards hatred directed at who we perceive - in all our infallibility :sarcasm: - to be the enemy.

Even the "worst" among us are still human beings. As another poster mentioned, people like Hitler, Pol Pot, Stalin, and bin Laden have done terrible things, but there is a method to the madness. Understanding that method is not akin to excusing it, but once you are no longer ignorant of such forces at work in the lives of such individuals, and no longer fear them, then you can no longer hate them for hatred requires equal parts ignorance and fear.

[lildreamer316]

18. As to those you mentioned...

..look at what they taught us! About ourselves, our passions, our capeablities for both good and evil (in resisting them). About the depth of our humanity and compassion in the face of such.
Everything IS perfect.

[Guaranteed]

11. Totally agreed. It ain't healthy. nt

[galileo3000]

14. I love your mom and her complete wisdom.

I agree "Don't Hate!" It is the path of most resistance in my heart and mind. Hate is easier. It is easier to hate the dumb people, the angry people, the naive people, the unenlightened people, the Christians, Republicans, Nazi's, Communist, Imperialists, Osama, George Bush, Dick Cheney, Reagon, The Self-Rightieous, Athiest, Muslims, or the guy who just cut me off in traffic, the list just doesn't stop. It is so easy to hate. Maybe we are addicted to it like a drug. I'm going to try to go Cold Turkey. But I need to start small so tonight I'm going to try to not hate my wife's cooking...I probably should have picked something easier, like Hitler.

[MrsMatt]

15. Thanks - I'm sure your wife

will appreciate it.

God knows my mom sure could have used such tolerance from dad in regards to cooking! He HATED hotdish (casserole, for those of you unversed in upper Midwest cooking terms).

[lildreamer316]

16. Hate only leads to hurt - for everyone. Good post. n/t

[gnvresident]

21. Thank you

Thank you for your post. So often you read terrible stuff on forums and people get so passionate about things and currently with the war and the economy, taxes and the price of gas, etc... spilling out hatred seems like an easy option. Your post was an excellent reminder of some simple, good and pure advice that is often missing in times like these... Don't hate... Thank you.

[Jed Dilligan]

22. For me, hate is just a list of people, places, and things

about whom or which I find nothing positive.

[motocicleta]

33. Hate is not relative.

I think your list is a list of irritants, or things you dislike, or whatnot. Hate is that which consumes you. If you can sleep at night without dreaming of choking the life out of it, you don't hate it.

[Jed Dilligan]

40. It's just a semantic difference

I can say "I hate Bush" and not lose sleep over it... Unless it's December 2000... Or March 2003.

[proud patriot]

23. Wonderful post

:)

[MrMickeysMom]

24. All you need is love!

... the Beatles sang... and so, I agree with you.

Anger, now THAT's one I'd have a hard time supressing, so I don't try to do that here. I'd say that I've seen name calling and anger, but not really much hate expressed here.

Another expression my dear husband's mother said, "better out than in!"

:hi:

[porphyrian]

26. The best advice is asked for.

Otherwise, you're just telling people what to do, and that pisses a lot of people off.

[MrsMatt]

32. I never felt it was unasked for advice

but rather it was a heartfelt request.

A plea is always rather than a command.

[porphyrian]

42. It's a two word directive you choose to interpret as a request.

Say, think and do whatever you want. I'm simply adding another angle you apparently hadn't considered.

[TheBaldyMan]

28. If I can't hate someone can I still pity the fool ?

[MrsMatt]

31. Of course Mr T.,

I'd never deny you that.

[TheBaldyMan]

45. dang, you found out my real identity

:rofl:

[Lint Head]

30. I hate lying SOB's that kill people like

the criminals in the White House that were installed by the US Supreme Cowards. Actually that is very therapeutic. I'm telling the truth and I'm a Democrat. These people cannot be forgiven except by God. The people they are responsible for killing can't forgive anyone. They are dead. This is not the PTL Club blog, the Oral Roberts love fest or Benny Hinn curing Terry Schiavo of her coma it is a free speech forum. I hate people that try to limit my or anyone else's free speech. (And of course you can't yell 'Fire!' in a cromded theatre.) Lies do not exist on their own. It takes a person to use it. :dem:

[LWolf]

35. I'm with you. I don't hate. On principle.

It's easily possible to stand in opposition to harmful agendas, to act to change what's bad, without hating.

Hate hurts the hater more than the hatee.

[nolabels]

36. I feel that the word "hate" just like many words that try to put descriptors on emotions that....

are unique and personal in nature to the one experiencing them. The Eskimo's many hundred or so words for different kinds of snow tells us a lot a lot about things known as words.

I am skeptical of locking down any these so called specific things known as "words" on things that well up from inside of ourselves (also known in other circles as spirit). One could never capture spirit yet to describe and quantify it almost sounds counter productive. Yea, conversing with others about how one feels in the need to relate is there but does one need the crutch of these things known as "words" for our own selves to understand our own selves

To use that word "hate" to describe how i should or might feel would mostly be (it seems to me anyway) telling me about myself in partiality at that time but never in the whole. Trying to tell our own selves about the multiple things we focus on in any given moment is folly.

Yea, don't hate yourself into a shoe-box, just try the shoes on to see how they feel :shrug:

[U4ikLefty]

43. Please elaborate with some actual examples.

I often hear the word "hate" bandied about this forum, which implies to me the most putird of all human emotions.

I want to know what defines "hate" to you & then to see if I actually agree.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

44. knr

[terip64]

47. K & R Thank you for sharing this. It is so wise and important... n/t