***DUzy Awards for weeks ending August 17 & 24, 2007.***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Aug-24-07 04:31 PM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring pungent patter, pointed punchlines and pithy paronomasia from the past two weeks on DU. Congratulations to this fortnight's winners!

The unsafe-at-any-speed DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to Wetzelbill, FLDem5, AZDemDist6, Lars39, stellanoir, dicksteele, eridani, unhappycamper, Buzz Clik, idgiehkt, jazzjunkysue, Peake, hootinholler, wildhorses, HawkeyeX, havocmom, BleedingHeartPatriot, TahitiNut, babylonsister, krispos42, badgerpup, Yael, MelissaB, Kurovski, madokie, wryter2000 and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

On a thread by Kadie:

      WP: Bush's 'Muse' Stands Accused - Speeches Weren't His, Colleague Says
"He has been hailed as the best White House speechwriter since Kennedy's Theodore Sorensen, the muse behind President Bush's most famous phrases, the moral conscience of the West Wing. But now Michael J. Gerson is accused by a former colleague of taking credit for words he did not write.

According to Matthew Scully, who worked with him for five years, Gerson is not the bard of Bushworld but rather a 'self-publicizing' glory hog guilty of 'foolish vanity,' 'sheer pettiness' and 'credit hounding.' In Scully's account, Gerson did not come up with the language that made him famous. 'Few lines of note were written by Mike,' Scully says, 'and none at all that come to mind from the post-9/11 addresses -- not even "axis of evil..."'"

response #2 by dflprincess:

      Who in their right mind would take credit for Bush's most "famous phrases"?
And how clever do you have to be to come ups with "terra" and "9/11"?

response #22 by sfexpat2000:

      This just gets funnier every time you think about it.
In the annals of public speech, this guy would have to go between Carrot Top and Arnold. And I wish someone would learn him 25 more words.

:rofl:

GD, August 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1563885

On a thread by Omaha Steve:

      Iowa moves way of �Mitt the Mormon�
"WHEN the annual Iowa state fair opened in Des Moines last week the summer celebrations of America�s rich rural traditions included an 'ugliest cake' contest. It may prove the only Iowa competition that is not won this year by Mitt Romney, the eye-catching former Massachusetts governor who is threatening to shake up the Republican race for the White House in 2008.

'I love everything that comes out of your mouth,' one adoring Iowa Republican cooed to Romney at an 'Ask Mitt anything' fundraising dinner in Cedar Rapids. 'I just think he�s such a smart man,' said Walter Willett after a breakfast meeting in Tama..."

response #1 by wienerdoggie:

      "I love everything that comes out of your mouth"--this person must love bullshit in a big way, then.

response #4 by PurityOfEssence:

      Pretty Boy Droid
(I was positing on a different thread how the various Republican candidates looked like villain characters from Dick Tracy, and this one came to mind.)

Slick, rich, cute and on every side of every issue; it's a tiresome combination.

GDP, August 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3444297

On a thread by jgraz:

      Anybody else experiencing DU slowness?

response #1 by Wetzelbill:

      yeah, but eventually I think other DUers come around to my ingenious POV
:)

response #2 by jobycom:

      Hell, no! IMHO, our posters are the sharpest on the web!

response #10 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Just my typing. n/t

GD, August 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1568364

On a thread by Kadie:

      * hosts Sarkozy, sans 'freedom fries'-"We're going to give him a hamburger or a hot dog, his choice"
"KENNEBUNKPORT, Maine: The tricolor flag of France flapped in the wind over the craggy seaside promontory known here as Walker's Point. President George Walker Bush greeted his French counterpart, Nicolas Sarkozy, with a hearty clap on the shoulder. Sarkozy, looking relaxed in a blazer and jeans, kissed Barbara Bush's hand.

The menu, for what the White House billed 'a casual family lunch,' most certainly did not include freedom fries.

'We're going to give him a hamburger or a hot dog, his choice,' Bush said Saturday as he waited for Sarkozy to arrive. He was flanked by the first lady, Laura Bush, his parents and members of the extended Bush clan, including grandchildren who had made welcome signs - 'Bienvenue Monsieur Le President' - with pictures of lobsters.

Bush went on with the menu, occasionally interrupted by his wife:

'He's got some baked beans,' Bush said. 'If he likes baked beans he can have that as well.' ('Native Maine corn,' Laura Bush interjected.) 'There's corn on the cob, real fresh this time of year,' he continued. ('Salad, fresh tomatoes,' the first lady added.) 'If he feels like it, he can have him a piece of blueberry pie, fresh blueberries up here in Maine...'"

response #1 by Bluebear:

      Because we can't afford to give him a hamburger AND a hot dog.
:crazy:

response #7 by terrya:

      No kidding.
I'm surprised they didn't whip up some Manwiches for him. :eyes:

response #11 by smokey nj:

      And Tater Tots.

response #14 by Poiuyt:

      I'd like to have me a new president

response #15 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      "We're outta roadkill, or he coulda had that as well"
"Possum or Native Maine skunk, his choice!"

GD, August 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1570469

On a thread by Lobster Martini:

Got the hell kicked out of me doing community service...

Still can't grasp what's going on here. If you posted in the thread, you get a DUzy. I guess. Or maybe not. I just don't know.

GD, August 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1570096

OP by Wetzelbill:

      This is the most controversial post ever on DU....
I know I'm going to get horribly flamed for this. I'll be lucky if I don't get Granite Cookied. In fact, I'm probably just going to leave DU because this post is so bad. I'll even REQUEST to get Tombstoned.

That's how bad this post is.

response #1 by Rabrrrrrr:

      I thought it was DEMOCRATIC underground, not NAZI PINHEAD PEDOPHILIC GUN-NUT ASSHOLE underground
:mad:

response #5 by DS1:

      What. Having problems diversifying your interests?
Talk about a narrow scope, who says you can't be all six ?

response #2 by Droopy:

      I thought you might say something like
"You know, them Republicans do have a point sometimes."

Or maybe,

"I could never vote for a woman to be president."

Or possibly,

"I think an invasion of Iran would be good foreign policy. Let's throw in North Korea as well."

response #11 by Peake:

      IBGC
in before granite cookie'ing

The Lounge, August 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6825114

OP by Catshrink:

      Haikus for KKKarl
Wretched little man
Sowed hatred and division
Goodbye, Turd Blossom

response #2 by ocelot:

      Sweaty, porcine: pale
blubbery lips and man-boobs;
Soft, banal evil.

response #5 by Xipe Totec:

      Ok, my contribution...
This is the best I can do under pressure :hurts:

the tightly coiled pile,
that once laid on a chimp's crown,
now circles the drain.

the steaming remains,
that thought themselves to be brains,
return whence they came.

Texans mourn their fate,
to be the last resting place,
of the turd blossom.

response #20 by Drum:

      K & R may mean
Karl Rove, but might also mean
Simply K & R

response #22 by jazzjunkysue:

      Whither the primate
Attorneys with sharp switch blades
Circle the white house.

Thank you.

No, really. Thank you.

response #35 by ih8thegop:

      Ass ass ass ass ass.
Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass.
Ass ass ass ass ass.

response #42 by eridani:

      Five million emails?
Fuck the U.S. Archivist!
Hey, my dog ate them.

response #46 by bleever:

      Though the dog ate them,
The emails were pooped out on
Multiple servers.

Still more responses,
Clever, witty, poetic:
So go to the thread.

GD, August 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1580133

On a thread by unhappycamper:

Bush would vacation in France, if he can go mountain biking
"President George W. Bush, who has never vacationed outside the United States since taking office, on Saturday said he would take time off in France, as long as he can go mountain biking..."

response #7 by Buzz Clik:

"I've always wanted to leave a chunk of skin from my face on a trail in the Alps."

GD, August 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1575060

OP by MonkeyFunk:

Drew Carey injured on set of Price is Right
"Drew Carey hurt his arm while hosting 'The Price is Right.'

Comedian Drew Carey injured himself while on the set of his new gig at 'The Price is Right' on Friday. The 49-year-old host was rehearsing for the 'Grocery Game' when he got his arm caught on the spinning turntable..."

Geez, Bob Barker was 128 years old and managed not to hurt himself on the equipment.

The Lounge, August 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6827745

OP by Philosoraptor:

I see Biff, Brick, Buff, Brad & Boink Romney avoided roadside bombs in Iowa.
These brave, fighting romney boys Stick, Chad, Snapper, Chip and Skip! How awful it must have been in the oppressive Iowa heat, the vast dunes of wheat, the improperly armored Winnebago standing out like a target to any Iowan insurgents that might have wanted to attain glory for jihad and 72 virgins in heaven, oh the drama!

These brave romney boys, Zack, Hack, Brack, Jack and Crack deserve Purple Hearts at least for their call to duty, above and beyond, their devil may care stick to it attitude, serving their nation from the dank and sweaty bowels of a Winnebago, along with their families, dodging the Iowan taliban's bullets!

Could there EVER be a finer example of five brave American youths such as these kill em' all and let God sort em' out romney boys, Hunk, Chunk, Lunk, Stunk and Monk?

They volunteered, they risked everything, they served their country proudly, they didn't question the war, they just picked up their keys and they joined in the fight to conquer America and the globe with their father and his employers, they put their very lives on the line in a Winnebago of death, so that we, the people can remain free to consume and vote and live in the greatest nation the world has ever suffered.

May God bless and keep you romney boys, and God willing, there will be SIX President Romney's to take us all blissfully into the 22nd century!!!111

GD, August 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1574656

On a thread by Wetzelbill:

      Will you read Bush's memoirs?

response #8 by OPERATIONMINDCRIME:

      Ehhhhh, Maybe To My Kid. He Likes The 'See Dick. See Dick Run' Books.
'See Dick. See Dick run. See Dick run everything.'

The End.

response #10 by shain from kane:

      "I remember my first bottle of Lone Star beer like it was yesterday. Sometimes I start the morning
with a beer. Beer is good for you. Of course, it makes me fart, but that's good for you. too. Good for a couple of laughs, anyway. I like to eat pretzels, when I'm drinking. Especially, if there's a ball game on TV. Next to catching that there perch, my most memorable times in life were spent at the ballpark. Of course, there was that period of time when I was your president. But, like you, I'm hoping that memories of that time are fading away."

response #16 by Feeney2:

      I don't read much fiction so probably not.

response #23 by porphyrian:

      Nope, and neither will he. - n/t

response #47 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Only after he shakes the Etch-A-Sketch
:)

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GD, August 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1575456

On a thread by NormaR:

You better run, fat boy.

response #2 by Wetzelbill:

that's what my brother's been telling me, but still, I sit here eating cookies nt

GD, August 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1575458

OP by krispos42:

Wow, the Dow is down 160 points
and down a fair amount in the last half-hour or so.

I don't have TV right now; did Bush start talking about the economy on national TV at about 1:30 eastern today?

GD, August 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1584833

On a thread by Catchawave:

A peek into an Edwards Administration......
"At a stop on his 'Fighting for One America' bus tour Monday, Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards was asked whether, if chosen to be the nominee, he would consider tapping Democratic opponent Barack Obama as his vice presidential running mate.

'I am open minded about it, to answer your question,' said the former senator from North Carolina. 'I have made what, at least for now, would be a short list for me of people to consider, just as I've done the same thing for each cabinet position...'"

response #1 by Old Crusoe:

I frankly don't see how John Edwards can be as wise in Cabinet picks as
George W. Bush.

Edwards wouldn't even consider Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court, for example. He'd likely fall back on the old paradigm of choosing highly qualified nominees for the bench. A huge disappointment.

And a trial lawyer himself, you could expect an equally disappointing pick to run the justice department, and frankly there just isn't anybody out there with the creds of Alberto Gonzales. Again, Edwards would predictably and disappointingly choose the old school type of DoJ person -- qualified, experienced, fair-minded, just. The same ol' bullcrap, and a sharp regression from the pristine insights of the Bush administration.

I've also heard -- and this can't be confirmed of course -- that Edwards plans to use complete sentences -- in ENGLISH -- if he becomes president. Don't ask me to sit through a press conference with a U.S. president dishing out coherent, well-formed sentences in my native language. That's too much to ask.

Damn that John Edwards, anyway.

GDP, August 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3449294

On a thread by RL3AO:

      Tropical Storm Dean forms in Eastern Atlantic--Erin could be forming in Gulf of Mexico

response #8 by Maddy McCall:

      I predict that Dean's going to South Carolina and Arizona and North Dakota...
and New Mexico, and he's going to California and Texas and New York, and then he'll go to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan and then he's going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House! Yeeeaaaagh!

response #17 by paparush:

      This Just In: Bush Prepares to Declare State of Emergency
Washington - President Bush, itching to try out his new exclusive constitutional authority as head of the unitary executive branch and as Commander in Chief outlined in H.R. 5441, is busy preparing commemorative t-shirts. "We've just got the first batch back from the printers and they look great.", glowed Presidential Spokesdweeb Tony Snow.

GD, August 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1583467

OP by Mythsaje:

Saying Goodbye
Since the Muddle East has yet again exploded into its own particular version of insanity, it seems all too likely that the time of the Rapture is almost upon us, and all those godly folks will be taking their leave of this mortal coil by being sucked up into heaven to leave us sinners in the foulness of the time of Tribulation.

This being the case, I thought I'd provide a handy guide for the heretics, pagans, and other non-believers to say goodbye to their soon-to-be-departing loved ones.

1. Pack warm clothing. It gets cold up there on the clouds, and your loved ones will need extra sweaters and a good winter coat.

2. Include no worldly entertainment. The rest of their eternal existence will be spent groveling before God, so they will no longer need their favorite novels (probably written by unrepentant sinners who won't be in heaven anyway) or DVDs. And, yes, this does include their extensive porn collections.

3. Include extra underwear. The process of being sucked into heaven will most likely cause some people to release their bladders and/or bowels, and therefore it's a good idea to include as many pairs of underwear as physically possible, considering the room required by winter clothing.

4. Pictures of loved ones. A group photo of all members of the family NOT considered likely candidates for Rapture would be a wonderful going away present.

5. A satellite map of Earth, so when they're looking down upon high, observing the carnage, they are more easily able to locate their loved ones' locale.

6. Sunscreen and sunglasses. Above the clouds there is far less protection from the scorching ultraviolet radiation of the sun, so it behooves those who will be left behind to provide these things for the one to be raptured.

7. Do NOT include MP3 or portable music players. All modern and popular music is OF THE DEVIL and is therefore banned from heaven. The heavenly host will provide all musical accompaniment for the rest of eternity.

8. For the safety of those who will NOT be raptured, it is important to keep all potential Rapturees from operating motor vehicles or heavy equipment of any kind for the rest of their time on Earth. This includes cars, buses, trains, airplanes, ships, and smaller boats, as well as forklifts or earth-moving equipment. Licenses should be revoked and keys confiscated until further notice.

9. Since it may be the case that the Rapturee will be allowed one Holy Smiting per day, a high-powered sniper rifle is an ideal parting gift to be included in the departing person's luggage, particularly if they plan to travel outside the United States--where they themselves cannot purchase such an item--in the brief span of time before the rapture comes.

10. Photo ID will be required in order to ensure that the Holy Host does not accidentally Rapture the wrong people and accidentally infect heaven with their evilness.

response #1 by Heaven and Earth:

Dibs on the leftover porn.
:evilgrin:

GD, August 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1582482

On a thread by derby378:

Stewart, 1: Murdoch, 0: FOX News' HALF-HOUR NEWS HOUR cancelled, scheduled for "retooling"

response #9 by Buzz Clik:

This is a sad day. Now Stephanopoulos will have NOTHING for his "Sunday Funnies" segment.
(telephone rings at ABC studios)

George: Yeah. This is Stephanopoulos.

Receptionist: George -- Rupert Murdoch on line 1.

George: Murdoch? Oh, geez. I should have stayed in bed. Alright. (hits button for line 1)

George: Rupert! How the hell are you?

Murdoch: Not good, George. Not good.

George: I'm sorry to hear that. What happened -- did they actually hold free elections in Venezuela? I know that pisses you off.

Murdoch: Not funny. I'll have that snarky Hugo's balls bronzed and hanging on my wall someday. But that's not it. What's with your Sunday Funnies?

George: Don't follow you, Rupert.

Murdoch: Every week -- John Stewart, Stephan Colbert, David Letterman, that Scottish sonofabitch.

George: Yeah, ok. So... what's the problem.

Murdoch: What's the problem? Dammit, man! What about the Half Hour News Hour? You never show anything from that show.

George: That's not true, Rupert. After you called my boss and his boss and finally the President of ABC, they told me I had to put on at least one segment from the Half Hour every week. And we do.

Murdoch: I shouldn't have had to call, and there should be more than one segment.

George: Rupert, that show sucks. It blows. It blows and sucks. It is the least funny show on cable other than the horrible thing where they operate on fat people to make them skinny.

Murdoch: Yes, I know. Actually, that's why I called. I'm pulling it. But just temporarily. Until I get new anchors.

George: Well, Rupert, that's a great idea.

Murdoch: I want you.

George: What?!!!

Murdoch: Yes. I want you to host it.

George: No.

Murdoch: George, don't make me call your boss again...

George: No! Now leave me alone. (slams down phone. yells to outer office) Becky! I am taking NO MORE CALLS. And if that asshole Murdoch calls again, tell him I died!

GD, August 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1588126

OP by LynneSin:

Damnit - I just typo'd my damn sticky
quick - someone post 8 stickies so mine scroll off

The Lounge, August 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6829767

On a thread by lynyrd_skynyrd:

      Can people please stop complaining about the stickys?

response #1 by Common Sense Party:

      Be prepared: someone will soon come and say:
Can people stop complaining about people complaining about the stickys?

You know they will.

response #5 by TechBear_Seattle:

      I want...
People to stop whining about the people complaining about people complaining about the stickies. :silly:

response #3 by Bornaginhooligan:

      I'm offended by your grovelbot avatar.
Grovelbot went back to the past and killed my mom. It's not funny. My mom died that way.

response #4 by The Straight Story:

      You should make a sticky saying that :) (nt)

GD, August 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1594562

On a thread by sabra:

      USNews: Sources say Karen Hughes might be coming back to the White House

response #1 by Shine:

      I guess she got bored with her own family.
:eyes:

response #6 by wienerdoggie:

      The White House is going green--they're recycling their trash.

GD, August 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1591601

On a thread by sabra:

      Rove defends Bush: "This is one of the best-read people I�ve ever met. This is a Harvard MBA"

response #10 by cui bono:

      So Rove resigned to become a stand up comic? eom

response #16 by Mz Pip:

      Best read
as in reads the backs of every single cereal box he's had since he's been in office. He's got the Frosted Flakes boxes down. He'll start on the Wheaties next week.

response #23 by sfexpat2000:

      The rhetoric is so over the top, soon we'll be hearing he invented
the cathode ray tube and the condom.

response #80 by Ghost in the Machine:

      In this case, MBA = Monkey Brained Asshole
and yes KKKarl, we already *know* that...

response #84 by BlooInBloo:

      And with that remark, Harvard re-thinks its legacy policies.

GD, August 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1593155

On a thread by bigtree:

      Rove calls critics of Bush "elite, effete snobs who can't hold a candle to this guy"

response #1 by CatWoman:

      yeah
if you hold the candle too close, you'd be able to see right thru his ears.

response #6 by Xipe Totec:

      Moby Dick defends Lamo Duck
:eyes:

response #9 by bluestateguy:

      I would respond to this accusation..
but I have to go and meet Tish and the kids at the club.

GD, August 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1594089

On a thread by Yael:

      Exactly WHY are we continuing to boycott Cuba?

response #24 by DiktatrW:

      Because conservatives
lost a beautiful place to congregate and have sex with children while they were wined and dined by United Fruit.

They are still pissed off that they now have to go to the Dominican Republic for fun, and on their own dollar to boot.

response #36 by warren pease:

      A communist country a mere 90 miles from our shores...
...just a quick trip for soviet-trained commandos in plush power launches, invading our sacred homeland, kidnapping our women and children and subjecting them to secret godless socialist rituals such as equal opportunity and gender equality, taking them back to a place that embraces the horrors of a state-sponsored universal health care system, the anti-christian sounds of hip-shakin' heathen salsa, ... So many awful, unamerican influences await the unwary traveler or kidnap victim.

Either that or it's the sugar industry thing, but that's so much less interesting.

GD, August 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1594731

OP by jobycom:

Word for today-- Roveanoia
n. The constant fear that Karl Rove is one step ahead of you and devoting every word he utters to defeating you. Usage: Call me Rove-anoid, but I believe Rove is attacking candidate X because he really wants to promote candidate X and beat me.

Antonyms: logic, reason, common sense, and the basic realization that Rove is a piece of shit whose opinions shouldn't matter to any decent person. (Yeah, it's not a word, so sue me).

Used in a song:

Rove-anoia strikes deep.
Into your life it will creep.
It starts when you're always afraid.
You step out of line, the man come, and push your favorite candidate into a deep ravine where he or she will never be found.

GD, August 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1599460

On a thread by DeSwiss:

      Pentagon Paid $999,798 to Ship Two 19-Cent Washers to Texas
"A small South Carolina parts supplier collected about $20.5 million over six years from the Pentagon for fraudulent shipping costs, including $998,798 for sending two 19-cent washers to a Texas base, U.S. officials said..."

response #2 by KansDem:

      KYRIIIST!!! I would have done it for half that price...
...and I would have delivered them personally--assuming I could get them through the airport metal detectators...

response #26 by DeSwiss:

      Well I.....
...would have done it for half that price -- less $1. So there. :P

response #30 by KansDem:

      You see? YOU SEE??? Capitalism *does* work!!!
Due to our bidding war, the Pentagon would have saved not just $499,899 but $499,900! :party:

response #21 by tridim:

      How ironic, I just bought 25 of those exact washers on Monday at Lowes
Total cost: $1.97 . I only needed 12, but 12 of them cost $2.50. Maybe 2 would have cost almost a million bucks?

response #22 by Larry Ogg:

      I�m sure you have it all wrong...
These were obviously the special type of washers that are used on the "Chromium plated fully eliminated hexagon rotational surface compression devices", similar to the ones that the pentagon was buying for seven thousand dollars in 1980.

If you would just take the time to consider that, "The angle of the dangle is proportional to the heat of the meat times the mass of the taxpayer�s ass combined with 27 years of inflation," that price is right within the ballpark of what was once called the fleecing of America.

So yes we are getting screwed, but at least the screwing is within the lines of inflation, therefore some people, like republicans, might conceder that we are not being overly screwed.

Just a little something to think about before you get all upset�

:shrug: :banghead: :wtf:

Now you can get upset... :grr:

GD, August 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1600683

On a thread by Philosoraptor:

      What does romney mean when he talks about 'strengthening marriage'?

response #4 by H2O Man:

      Well, I think
it's a "Morning in America" type of thing. We need to have "Strengthening of Marriage" as kind of the flip side of the coin. You know: "Family Values." Some of this is hard to really explain, but you can get the true feeling by watching red, white and blue balloons at republican rallies.

response #7 by Tesha:

      Every marriage should have at least four wives to prop it up. (NT)

response #10 by Philosoraptor:

      Around these parts, the punishment for bigamy is having TWO WIVES.

response #26 by Clark2008:

      Having two husbands would be worse.
You'd have double the underwear on the floor, double the hair clogging the drains and double the garbage that isn't being taken out.

:evilgrin:

response #12 by SpiralHawk:

      He means that it is OK to have diaper sex with a hooker if your a married republicon
but that such an activity is unseemly if you are not a Sworn HoMelanDer Boy-O

response #16 by ByTheRiver:

      Maybe he plans to ban divorce?
Mitt's known for his brilliant ideas...oh wait :eyes:

GD, August 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1598067

OP by NYC Liberal:

      I admit. I can't wait for Jenna's wedding.
A huge royal wedding with endless coverage by breathless reporters on every aspect. What dress will she wear? (Laura, no doubt, will sew her one herself, from one of the White House's finest tablecloths.)

What earrings, jewelry? How bout the ring? Who's the best man? Who'll be attending...and not attending? Where will the honeymoon be?

And that's just in the 2-3 weeks before the actual wedding (forget about other news then...who cares about Americans dying in Iraq?)!

Then the wedding day. We get to see all the rich, influential Republican rats donning their tuxes as they gather to watch the Spawn of George get hitched. We get to see what curtain Laura has decided to wear. We get to see King George beaming (and not just doing shots of Jim Beam...) as he walks down the aisle to give away his beautiful young daughter's hand in marriage, to another proud little Republican chicken-hawk, who is no doubt hoping to someday follow in his father-in-law's footsteps.

And then all the coverage will be over at last.

Wait, wait, no it won't! There's still a honeymoon! Where are Jenna and her new hubby going? What restaurants did they go to...and exactly what did they eat? What did they do? Did they go to the beach...or did they stick to the hotel pool? Just how drunk DID she get? She didn't go running down the hotel hallway nude again, did she?

Boy oh boy, I cannot wait!

response #2 by rzemanfl:

      I am waiting for the display of the bloody sheets. n/t

response #32 by Jack Rabbit:

      Highlights from Jenna's wedding
As Jenna and her father march up the isle, the Marine band plays How Dry I Am.

Rev. Pat Robertson solemnly asks Jenna, "Do you, Jenna, take Henry to be you lawfully wedded husband?"

Jenna replies, "I do" and hicks.

At the reception, the Marine band gently plays such standards as Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall, Pink Elephants on Parade and the old classic by the late John Lee Hooker, One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer.

When Jenna is finished opening her presents, she says, "Is this junk all I'm getting for my wedding?"

Before cutting the cake, there is the traditional toast to the bride. Jenna downs her champagne in one gulp and cries, "More, more."

Jenna cuts the cake. It's a traditional white wedding cake except for being shaped and decked out like a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Jenna doesn't really like the cake until she's shown the recipe. It took three bottles of congac to make it. After that, she is seen nipping at the cake for the rest of the evening.

Jenna and her father enjoy the traditional dance as the band play I Am the Great Pretender in honor of Mr. Bush. Neither of them can stand up straight.

GD, August 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1602228

On a poll by Boojatta:

      Who Was The Messiah Whose Coming Was Foretold By The Ancient Israelites?

response #1 by Richardo:

      Shaft?
:D

response #2 by whoisalhedges:

      Damn right.
:thumbsup:

response #3 by Donnachaidh:

      shut your mouth!
;-)

response #5 by Sock Puppet:

      can you dig it?

response #10 by soothsayer:

      Right on.

Religion/Theology, August 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=214x143227

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Athletic Hastert to "hang up his spikes"; Democrats set sights on his vacant seat
"A coach knows when to take a player out of the game. Wrestling coach-turned-congressman Dennis Hastert thinks it's time...

'I'm disappointed, but you know what? Very few people know when to hang up their spikes, and Denny has always had an understanding of that,' said Illinois House Republican leader Tom Cross..."

response #1 by IndianaJones:

      When I think Hastert...I think athlete, first and foremost. nt.

response #3 by Opposite Reaction:

      Like a Greek god.

response #6 by shain from kane:

      After a gyro sandwich binge. n/t

GD, August 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1606256

On a thread by meegbear:

      What's better for the environment, electric hand dryers or paper towels?

response #6 by BOSSHOG:

      If ya don't piss on your hands its not an issue

response #16 by TheBorealAvenger:

      "Just like shaking hands with a dick"
One of my coworkers was all PO'ed about guys who don't wash their hands after using the urinal. He said "if you shake hands with him, it's just like shaking hands with a dick!". So I told him: "You shook hands with a dick the first day you started working here".

response #17 by madokie:

      I just make sure to wash my part so when I grab it to piss
it's all squeaky clean, it's the door knobs that worry me, otoh

Environment/Energy, August 17, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=115x109046

On a thread by draft_mario_cuomo:

Ghouliani thinks Edwards is the most left-wing on health care among the "big 3" candidates

response #10 by Old Crusoe:

I happened to have the first draft of Giuliani's remarks on Edwards and health
care right here.

Before editing for public consumption, that passage read:

____

"My campaign is accusing the Democrats generally and John Edwards particularly of socialized medicine, of converting the private-profit, pay-out-your-ass, can't-afford-insurance-at-all system. Edwards and the others want a health care system that covers as many American citizens as humanly possible and -- craven liberals that they are -- they want it to be humane, effective, and affordable across all income brackets.

"Under my plan, we'd accelerate the practiced neglect and unconscionable severity of the Bush posture toward public health and well-being -- namely, Ignore Poor People and Screw the Working Class -- and focus more on giving gigantic healthcare HMOs etc whatever they want, and we'd use tax money to fly them in to the White House to actually draft the legislation. It's the least we can do, frankly, after asking them for fat campaign donation checks.

"In essence, Edwards' proposal shifts the focus of public health to the people it's supposed to benefit in the first place in effective and affordable ways, which my campaign rejects categorically in favor of the for-profit model, which serves the interests of an easily-pleased, well-connected minority elite in this nation, many of whom have already written generous contribution checks to my campaign.

"Thank you, and God Bless America."

--Rudy Giuliani

GDP, August 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3458408

On a thread by CatWoman:

      Rove: My �Worst� Mistake Was �Saying Something Unkind� To A Colleague
"Today, Karl Rove gave a media interview at an IHOP in Waco, Texas. During that interview, he says that now is not the �time for regrets.� The one instance he concedes was a mistake was when he said 'something unkind' to a co-worker..."

response #3 by Lobster Martini:

      Why is the Deputy WH Chief of Staff doing interviews in an IHOP?
What, was the Kwik-E-Mart booked, or does Rove start to mutate without a constant supply of pancake batter? Who does interviews in an IHOP?

response #12 by Junkdrawer:

      That..oh, and having all those people killed....but mostly, it was....
saying something unkind to a colleague.

GD, August 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1614608

On a thread by The Count:

      Bill Nye booed in Texas for saying the Moon reflects the Sun's light
"Bill Nye, the harmless children's edu-tainer known as 'The Science Guy,' managed to offend a select group of adults in Waco, Texas at a presentation, when he suggested that the moon does not emit light, but instead reflects the light of the sun...

At this point, several people in the audience stormed out in fury. One woman yelled 'We believe in God!' and left with three children, thus ensuring that people across America would read about the incident and conclude that Waco is as nutty as they'd always suspected..."

response #5 by eShirl:

      lunatics

response #10 by karlrschneider:

      You didn't get the memo...albedo is a Librul plot?
:eyes: :grr: :puke:

response #211 by Tesha:

      Al Baedo? (NT)

response #77 by Lone_Star_Dem:

      And there you have it
This is the intellect that I have to deal with daily.

Is it any wonder I don't know how ignorant I actually am?

response #125 by uppityperson:

      well, good for them. Good for someone standing up for what they believe in!
After all, if God had wanted them to think, they would've been given the ability to critically think and reason things out, right?

response #194 by Philosoraptor:

      At least they didn't lynch him.

GD, August 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1611568

OP by SoCalDem:

      Have they ever had a hurricane "Jesus".. ?
Several hispanic names have been used,,but no Jesus..

Elena
Maria
Eduardo
Humberto
Paloma
Pablo
etc..

but no Jesus :evilgrin:

and Jesus is a VERY popular hispanic name

response #1 by XemaSab:

      Jesus is coming!
:o

response #16 by HawkerHurricane:

      All male names from the Bible...
Abel -
Baez
Cain - this one's a killer
David
Elijah
Felix
Gideon -
Herod - watch the kids!
Immanuel
Jesus
Kenan
Lazarus - this one keeps coming back
Mary
Noah - brings his own rescue boat
Onan - spilling
Paul
Q - no q!
Rueban
Stephen
Thomas - doubt this one will hit land
Uriah
Vashti
W - none
X - none
Yochanan
Zion

response #19 by SoCalDem:

      Q.. Que'.. as in "forgive us our que pasas"
:rofl:

response #20 by Colorado Progressive:

      obviously Jesus was ALREADY here, DUH

response #21 by LostInAnomie:

      That's what the ladies call me after a night of lovin'
;-)

response #23 by SoCalDem:

      A disastrous windbag?

GD, August 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1615245

On a thread by The Straight Story:

      Cannibal tribe apologises for eating Methodists
"A tribe in Papua New Guinea has apologised for killing and eating four 19th century missionaries under the command of a doughty British clergyman.

The four Fijian missionaries were on a proselytising mission on the island of New Britain when they were massacred by Tolai tribesmen in 1878...

The Fijians - a minister and three teachers - were under the leadership of the Reverend George Brown, an adventurous Wesleyan missionary who was born in Durham but spent most of his life spreading the word of God in the South Seas..."

response #2 by flvegan:

      Which is why all 19th century Fijians should have had concealed carry permits
This would've never happened.

response #3 by ThomWV:

      I'm not familiar with the various Protestant sects, do they taste differently?

response #4 by The Straight Story:

      My X wife was lutheran, my wife is non-denominational
So I would say yes :)

response #8 by TahitiNut:

      I dated a Methodist "preacher's kid" and was married to two Lutherans.
Yup. Methodists taste better. Ubetcha. Like chicken.

Catholics ... well ... like fish, I guess. (I like sushi.)

response #13 by Solly Mack:

      but thanked them for the jello mold

response #24 by Ezlivin:

      Cannibal tribe switching to Fundamentalists - they like the nutty flavor
Do you want fries with that?

response #28 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Was the Reverend's nickname "Golden?" n/t

Other delicious responses in the thread...

GD, August 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1619773

On a thread by DeSwiss:

      Another Good Reason To Ban Ownership Of Exotic Pets: Being Humped To Death By A Camel
"An Australian woman was killed by a pet camel given to her as a 60th birthday present after the animal apparently tried to have sex, police said Sunday...

Camel expert Chris Hill said he had no doubt the camel's behavior was sexual. Hill, who has offered camel rides to tourists for 20 years, said young camels are not aggressive, but can be dangerous if treated as pets without discipline. The fate of the camel was not known..."

response #5 by wildhorses:

      talk about a camel toe
:wow:

response #6 by krispos42:

      Soooo.... what was the cause of death?
The article didn't say, which raises all SORTS of interesting questions!

I have a comment which I dare not speak, even in the Lounge... :hide:

response #7 by billyoc:

      Why is my cat staring at me like that?
:scared:

response #10 by Oregonian:

      Gives a new meaning to camel humps ...
:scared:

The Lounge, August 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6848750

On a thread by habitual:

      White House: Iraq progress report could be Sept 11
"U.S. Ambassador to Iraq Ryan Crocker and the top U.S. commander in Iraq, Gen. David Petraeus, will likely testify to Congress about progress in the war on September 11 or September 12, the White House said on Monday..."

response #1 by BOSSHOG:

      Preceded by a parade of captured WMD's down Pennsylvania Avenue
republicans are just too fucking much.

response #2 by antifaschits:

      spoon? meet Gag.
of course, they would, with all the pomp and circumstance they can muster, mister.

LBN, August 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2960750

On a thread by babylonsister:

       Bears eat man at beer festival
"A 23-year old Serb was found dead and half-eaten in the bear cage of Belgrade Zoo at the weekend during the annual beer festival.

The man was found naked, with his clothes lying intact inside the cage. Two adult bears, Masha and Misha, had dragged the body to their feeding corner and reacted angrily when keepers tried to recover it.

'There's a good chance he was drunk or drugged. Only an idiot would jump into the bear cage,' zoo director Vuk Bojovic told Reuters.

Local media reported that police found several mobile phones inside the cage, as well as bricks, stones and beer cans..."

response #2 by spindoctor:

      Sounds like we missed one hell of a party. n/t

response #8 by unpossibles:

      "oh, I thought the sign said 'BEER cage'..." n/t

response #11 by Philosoraptor:

      Serbian marinated in beer is part of a well balanced diet for bears.

response #23 by Hardhead:

      "Hey, Yogi, check it out! This human tastes like a beer brat!"
"Buffet time, Boo-boo, boy!"

response #21 by karlrschneider:

      Manger a trois?
:silly:

The Lounge (moved from GD), August 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6851186

On a thread by GRLMGC:

Is anybody freaked out by ordinary things that don't bother others?

response #5 by SteppingRazor:

I'm violently repulsed by origami n/t

The Lounge, August 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6855123

On a thread by sicksicksick_N_tired:

      TESTING. Can I post a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g on DU?
testing

response #1 by Buzz Clik:

      apparently not. Your post is not showing.

response #3 by mmonk:

      Did you post something?

response #9 by Robb:

      Real Democrats would never ask such a question
Also, your candidate is a weenie. :D

response #10 by OPERATIONMINDCRIME:

      You Can, But Ya Probably Shouldn't.

GD, August 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1632956

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

The quiet campaign against birth control (Romney says code words)
"Mr. Romney... implied an opposition to the birth control pill and a willingness to join in their efforts to scale back access to contraception. There are code phrases to listen for - and for those keeping score, Mr. Romney nailed each one..."

response #1 by BleedingHeartPatriot:

Vote GOP. Working to insure sex is only between a married man and woman, in the missionary position,
with no birth control.

Now, there's some kick ass family values right there!

GDP, August 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3466803

OP by Vexatious Ape:

      News flash: Conservatives read less.
It's about as surprising as finding cold beer in my fridge.
Here's the story:

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8R5J3RG0&show_article=1

response #1 by faygokid:

      They read? What, the Limbaugh Letter?
Great science there.

response #4 by sfexpat2000:

      Someday we need to edit a copy of the Compassionate Conservative
King James - with those chapters on abortion and gay marriage and stem cell research and brown people, public health care and schools, women's rights and the Miracle of the Disappearing Pensions. The Ascension of Big Oil.

Just spell it out, once and for all. :evilgrin:

response #13 by MisterP:

      I term them "sandwich-bread Christians," focusing only on creationism
and some warped version of Revelations involving us nuking Tehran--the first and last books, like the bread of a sandwich that misses the condiments, meat, lettuce, onions, etc.

response #7 by Buzz Clik:

      You have beer in the fridge? I'll be over in 20 minutes.

GD, August 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1634283

On a thread by babylonsister:

Iraqi PM: We don't need your timetables
"Iraq's prime minister lashed out Wednesday at U.S. criticism, saying no one has the right to impose timetables on his elected government and that his country 'can find friends elsewhere.'

Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki blamed the U.S. presidential campaign for the recent tough words about his government, from President Bush and from other U.S. politicians..."

response #2 by gratuitous:

That's gratitude for ya, huh George?
Go to all that trouble, spend all that tax money, kill all those civilians and soldiers, and subvert your own constitution, and your puppet doesn't much care for your string-pulling. At least al-Maliki didn't call you a fashion victim. THAT would have called for nukes.

GD, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1638653

OP by mwb970:

Bush and Cheney are like the troops in Iraq....
They should never have been put in there in the first place, and now we're stuck finding a way to get them out!

GD, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1640515

Poll question by RGBolen:

      The pulse of GD. What will come after the porn threads?

:bluebox: Smoking threads! always good for 300 to 500 replies

:bluebox: Circumcision. The circumcision wars were cut off too short

:bluebox: Guns! If you are going to have some flame wars some talk about killing is needed

:bluebox: Celebs. You know Hollywood's twenty something ladies are going to come through for us

:bluebox: The number of kids people have. Some has to be able to dig up another 17 member family

:bluebox: What? We are going to stop talking about porn? NO! NO! Porn! Porn! Porn!

:bluebox: Late entry. How could I have forgotten ------ Breast feeding (added after response #2 below!)

response #2 by TahitiNut:

      Let's hear it for breast-feeding in public.
:woohoo:

response #5 by The Straight Story:

      Smoking while shooting guns in a porn movie about Circumcision, or billy graham
When he dies....it will be like a bomb going off here with posts exploding every minutes about how evil he was or how good he was or how no one cares :)

response #6 by Fierce:

      Women: Sensitive cry-wads or hard-ass bitches who don't want men to have any fun?
Discuss.

response #10 by Ikonoklast:

      Killer Donuts
The Next Menace.

response #11 by fishnfla:

      Thou shalt notice thine crotch, and thou shalt be filled with shame
Naked, and chilly, man and woman shalt be woefully cast from the garden of delights into the heathenistic garden of olives. Man shall eat from the tree of Viagra and a plague of boners shall be set upon the face of the earth. No naughty parts shall be safe, nor left unvanquished. Hence, the angel of syphyllis will be unleashed upon mankind, and insanity shall prevail. Kind of like 'the gong show' on steroids.

Stock up on antibiotics

response #17 by Fozzledick:

      Candidates' mothers' sleepware
:tinfoilhat: The 'publicans are using this to set up their next sleazy attack on candidates' personal backrounds; their big issue will be:

OBAMA'S MAMA'S PAJAMAS !!

(You read it here first! :evilgrin: )

response #19 by junkiebrewster:

      What comes after porn threads...
A cigarette and a kleenex

unnumbered response by junkiebrewster:

      What comes after porn threads...
A cigarette and a kleenex

response #20 by junkiebrewster:

      What comes after porn threads...
A cigarette and a kleenex

response #21 by TransitJohn:

      Have you finished yet
Mr. click-fap-click? :hi:

response #22 by junkiebrewster:

      Sorry,
All these porn threads have me acting a bit, er....premature

Poll results at press time: "What? We are going to stop talking about porn? NO! NO! Porn! Porn! Porn!" winning with 44% of the votes.

GD, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1638958

OP by trof:

      SCARE! SCARE! SCARE! BREAKING - LOU DOBBS! Reused chopsticks!
Chinese are 'recycling' used chopsticks WITHOUT disinfecting them
IT IS NOT KNOWN IF ANY OF THESE CHOPSTICKS WERE IMPORTED TO THE U.S.

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT

response #1 by chimpsrsmarter:

      but are they from "Communist China"?

response #2 by trof:

      Well you just bet your baby pink ASS they are!
feckin' commies

response #3 by katty:

      holy fortune cookie, robin!!

response #4 by The Straight Story:

      Chopsticks of mass destruction
:)

response #6 by Mojambo:

      Everybody better start using "freedom forks" n/t

response #11 by mr_hat:

      Don't even ask about Chinese rectal thermometers.

response #20 by GTRMAN:

      rectal hell
it's the oral ones I'd worry about! :wow:

response #22 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      And Mexicans used them as nail files!
:scared:

The Academy is pleased to extend belated birthday greetings to trof. Ya krazy kid, ya.

GD, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1642298

On a thread by babylonsister:

      DNI Mike McConnell: FISA Debate Will Kill Americans
"With a heavy heart, Director of National Intelligence Michael McConnell told a Texas newspaper last week that due to the public debate over revising the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, Americans will die..."

response #2 by wryter2000:

      Will they ever collapse under the weight of their own ridiculousness?
Is ridiculousness a word?

response #3 by babylonsister:

      It is now.
:evilgrin:

GD, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1642222

On a poll by Boojatta:

      Why did the Grinch (who lived just North of Who-ville) hate the whole Christmas season?

response #5 by sasquatch:

      He worked in the bottom rung of retail

response #16 by krispos42:

      He listens to Kool 108 in Minneapolis/St. Paul
I'm dead serious. Last year, they started playing Christmas music 24 hours a day the DAY AFTER Thanksgiving. Or it might have been the Monday before Thanksgiving, but it was fuckin' EARLY.

Did I mention it was 24 hours a day?

Do you realize how deep down in the Christmas music warehouse they have to DIG to find enough Christmas music to fill the 840 hours or so between Thanksgiving and Christmas?!?!?!?

Things like Jon Bon Jovi singing "O Christmas Tree". Da Yoopers singing "Rusty Chevrolet" (which is funny the first two times you hear it. Then it wears thin). Sting sings "Little Drummer Boy". Devo sings "The 12 Days of Christmas".

You get the idea.

Oh, and that dorky Paul McCartney song!

I mean, I have earplugs and loud machinery to help me out when my boss (who loves it) reaches for that volume knob. It's a wonder that the Grinch is not out planting explosives on Whoville's broadcast antenna!

response #18 by flvegan:

      Roast Beastine Spongiform Encephalopathy (RBSE)

The Lounge, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6859762

On a thread by Perky:

Report: Hastert to resign, not retire

response #4 by Buzz Clik:

He's not going anywhere until he finds his car keys.
He accidentally dropped them in his jowls and they simply disappeared. He'll be contacting the search and rescue team as soon as they're done in Utah.

GD, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1643023

On a thread by Wiley50:

      Less People Should Be making DU Porn Threads
Anyone got a current obituary list from the latest orgy?

Too many tombstones already IMHO

response #1 by The Straight Story:

      These threads brought to you by viagra
:rofl:

response #5 by Rick Myers:

      If a thread lasts longer than four hours, seek medical attention...
:silly:

response #8 by wildhorses:

      pizza and porn --
its an american tradition :yoiks:

:hide:

GD, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1643485

OP by SalmonChantedEvening:

Inspired by a SoCalDem post. please enjoy :)
All The Evil People
(To the tune of Ah, look at all the lonely people/Eleanor Rigby � The Beatles)

Melanie Morgan, collagen innertubes
Flapping all over her face, Fatwa in place
Romney the Haircrow, father of chickenhawks
Claiming campaigning is brave, a pox on the knave

(ch)
All the evil people
No pond would wear this scum
All the evil people
The beaters of the drum

BlahBlah O�Reilly, makes the whole deeper
With every mouthful of dirt, six foot five squirt
Reverend Wiley, praying for death
To a god who he�s constantly slurred, know�s he�s not heard

(ch)

Ah, look at all the evil people
Ah, look at all the evil people

President AWOL, safe in his bubble
Reality runs from his cave, legacy slave
Straight talkin� John Boy, deals with the devil
Will place you again in a cage, each sin has a wage

(ch)

GD, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1642294

OP by lwcon:

      Fuck Dennis Kucinich
Fuck Dennis Kucinch for taking up space (not much space, but still).

Fuck him for wanting to restore law and order.

Fuck him for wanting to put an end to America's greatest policy blunder.

Fuck him for wanting every American to have health care.

Fuck him for promoting the values held by the majority of Americans.

He's short, I tell ya. And he's an idealist.

Do you want to have a beer with a twerp like that? Hell, no!

So, fuck him!

response #40 by kcass1954:

      Yeah, fuck him. Maybe if we all give him some money, he'll go away. n/t

response #66 by Seabiscuit:

      Yeah - just one look at him and you know he's got an eating disorder
as well as toe jam, belly-button lint, dandruff and halitosis and doesn't use underarm deoderant who gives solace to our enemies.

Fuckin' subversive trying to draft our young voters into an army of no-good anti-American insurgents, I tell 'ya!

Someone feed that creepazoid a Big Mac!

response #82 by lwcon:

      Imagine an American president shagging a Brit in the White House
... for the first time since Tony Blair's last visit.

GDP, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3467878

On a thread by bklyncowgirl:

      Just when I thought I couldn't hate George W. Bush any more...
Just when I thought I couldn't hate George W. Bush any more, he, of all people, gives this speech about how our experience in Vietnam shows that we cannot give up the fight in Iraq and that if we had only fought harder and longer in Vietnam the world would be a better place today...

response #1 by jgraz:

      This asswipe needs to be impeached out of sheer embarrassment
How the hell can we allow that chunk of dogshit to represent our country?

response #5 by liberalmuse:

      I have to pipe up and say...
that I resent your comparing this moronic fuckwad to the gentle, non-violent, unassuming piles of dog shit everywhere.

GD, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1644024

On a thread by cynatnite:

      Woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis
"A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday...

The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

'It was monstrously painful,' the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. 'I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this...'"

response #2 by ohiosmith:

      "burning like a torch" Great balls afire.

response #3 by skygazer:

      How can you not notice something like that?
You just sit there and let the woman set fire to your penis? Time to lay off the vodka, there, Sport.

response #7 by HypnoToad:

      Well, if she was looking for a Roman candle, she aimed for the wrong wick...
:hide:

response #9 by Oeditpus Rex:

      In Soviet Union, weenie roasts YOU!

response #12 by FloridaJudy:

      Maybe she should have just bought him a camel for his birthday.
I mean how did she do this? The last time I checked, penises weren't inherently flammable (inflatable yes, but not inflammable). She must have doused him with the vodka first, and that should have been his first clue she didn't have his continuing welfare at heart...

response #13 by MrScorpio:

      Talk about a hot dog
Grilled to perfection

response #15 by Crabby Appleton:

      Doctor, I have this burning sensation in my penis.....

response #24 by ih8thegop:

      I'm doing much better; thanks for everyone's concern.
it still hurts, but the vodka helps lessen the pain.

response #25 by krispos42:

      "Hey, baby, do you smoke after sex?"
"No, before!!! Aaaaaah!"

The Lounge, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6858603

On a thread by RGBolen:

      Students to be fined for using cell phone outside of class
"Students heading back to school in Duncanville should leave their cellphones in their backpacks or at home.

Changes in the district's policy this year will fine violators $15 for using any electronic device during the instructional day, which is basically defined as from the opening bell to the closing bell..."

response #1 by bryant69:

      Kids today have it so soft.
When I was a kid if I had a little plastic box I used to talk to people in, I would have been burnt at the stake as a witch! or warlock I guess. And I would have been happy to have it!

response #3 by TlalocW:

      You had it lucky!
Our little plastic box that we had to use was actually quite large and made of wood, and if you wanted to look cool, you had to have one, but we had to drag ours to school and back home through the snow and uphill (both ways). Then if your large, wooden box was cooler than someone else's, they might try to kill you for it, but all we had were sticks and rocks, and it took a long time to either get killed or defend yourself and your property. My large, wooden box was stolen while I was killing a bear with my slide rule for lunch one day.

But that's the way it was, and we liked it. God, how we loved it!

response #7 by TechBear_Seattle:

      Feh!
Our little plastic box had to be hand-carved from a granite boulder every morning, and if you did not bring it to school, you would get beaten to a bloody pulp by the in-crowd. We had to drag it to school and back home again through five feet of snow, up hill both ways. And you had slide rules? Goodness, but you had it easy! We had to make our abacus during home room.

That's the way we had it, and we loved it!

response #11 by TlalocW:

      Well, by slide rule I meant
A crude device made out of 500 pound mammoth tusks that we had to drag to school in 10 feet of snow with a pack of rabid wolverines chasing us. It was a slide rule to us!

response #14 by TechBear_Seattle:

      We had to hunt the mammoths ourselves
We weren't allowed to start carving the granite boulder for our little plastic box until we had taken down a mammoth by ourselves and then dragged all three tons of it up hill both ways to school five miles away in 12 feet of snow on bare feet with two packs of very hungry dire wolves chasing us. And if the mammoth wasn't big enough, the school administrators would beat us half to death then send us back out to get another. That was to build character!

response #19 by TlalocW:

      And you try to tell the young people of today stuff like this
And they just won't believe you. Shame.

response #27 by proud2Blib:

      Makes me wonder how my parents managed to raise 4 kids
and had no contact with any of us during the school day. And we all graduated from college and are productive adults now.

Must have been a miracle. How did we ever survive without that phone call at lunch from Mommy?

GD, August 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1646416

On a thread by rodeodance:

      Belching moose add to global warming
"A grown moose belches out methane gas equivalent to 2,100 kilograms (4,630 pounds) of carbon dioxide a year, contributing to global warming, Norwegian researchers said Wednesday.

That is more than twice the amount of CO2 emitted on a round-trip flight across the Atlantic Ocean from Oslo to the Chilean capital Santiago, according to Scandinavian Airlines..."

response #4 by Jim__:

      And the flight from Oslo to Santiago takes how long?
So, in a six or seven hour flight, one airplane puts out as much CO2 as a grown moose does in a year. And this tells us what? We should only allow 1 airline flight from Oslo to Santiago per year?

response #6 by Dr.Phool:

      I hate meeses to pieces!
Time to build a better moose trap!

response #8 by rox63:

      So what's their answer to global warming - Maalox for moose? n/t

GD, August 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1646696

OP by Skidmore:

So I come home to this. Warner, the Republic, sez "get the troops out" and
Levin, the Dem, sez the Surge is "working." Alice, Alice, where's that damned Cheshire Cat.

Cup o' tea, anyone.

GD, August 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1650622

On a thread by WI_DEM:

      Another Tweety Man Crush
First there was McCain, then there was the chimp with his cod piece, and then Rudy. Now it's Fred (Grandpa) Thompson...

response #1 by eleny:

      thompson is as sexy as a mop

response #9 by Skidmore:

      And twice as dirty.

response #12 by valerief:

      LOL! Sexy as a mop and twice as dirty. Should be his campaign slogan. nt

GD, August 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1655044

On a thread by CatWoman:

Ted Nugent Threatens to Kill Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton During Vicious Onstage Rant
"Renegade right-winger Ted Nugent recently went on a vicious onstage rant in which he threatened the lives of Democratic presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Decked out in full-on camouflage hunting gear, Nugent wielded two machine guns while raging, 'Obama, he�s a piece of shit. I told him to suck on my machine gun. Hey Hillary,' he continued. 'You might want to ride one of these into the sunset, you worthless bitch.' Nugent summed up his eloquent speech by screaming 'freedom!'..."

response #8 by swag:

These conservative intellectuals are really starting to bore me.

GD, August 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1656421

On a thread by sabra:

      State Deptartment: "you can buy an ice cream cone" on the street of Ramadi, Iraq
"State Department official Kristin Hagerstrom reported that she is now able to walk on the streets and, for example, 'you can buy an ice cream cone...'"

response #1 by Ezlivin:

      You can "buy it" alright

response #2 by wienerdoggie:

      Ramadi = DQ. Blizzards, Braziers, Dilly bars...the occasional bomb...Freedom is on the march!

LBN, August 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1657035

On a thread by GoPsUx:

      I don't believe people are bouncing them

response #3 by DS1

The Lounge, August 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6818054

OP by Sparkly:

      Name the GOP Ten Dwarfs

response #5 by Totally Committed

response #7 by zbdent

GDP, August 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3446163

On a thread by Wetzelbill:

      Will you read Bush's memoirs?

response #36 by sofa king

GD, August 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1575456

OP by GoPsUx:

      GrovelBabe sez

The Lounge, August 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6831985

OP by helderheid:

      Grovel Bot - ya got company!!!

GD, August 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1585895

OP by SoCalDem:

      Scoop!!! Jenna's wedding plans revealed..

response #3 by faygokid

response #6 by chimpsrsmarter

response #21 by citizen_jane

response #28 by baldguy

response #35 by NotGonnaTakeIt

response #65 by Kurovski

GD, August 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1602673

OP by Ghost in the Machine:

      New & Improved Grovelbot!

GD, August 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1601087

OP by Poiuyt:

      Ask your doctor about Prisonall!

GD, August 19, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1618813

On a thread by Kadie:

      Caption *

response #2 by CT_Progressive

response #7 by shain from kane

response #8 by Mr_Jefferson_24

response #9 by Rick Myers

response #10 by skip fox

GD, August 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1640071

OP by SoCalDem:

      The Beatles, they ain't

GD, August 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1636899

On a thread by Nomad559:

      Male Anti-Masturbation Device

response #1 by DS1

The Lounge, August 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6864248