Leading Democratic Candidates for the Presidency Have Taken a Surprising New Turn

[T.Ruth2power]

Leading Democrats: “Expropriate the Expropriators”
by Paul Street
November 10, 2007


“Let’s Get Real”

“Listen,” Hillary Clinton told a stunned collection of reporters yesterday in Des Moines, Iowa. “If the Republicans and the right wing noise-machine are going to just constantly call us socialists, let’s show them what the word means. And let’s quit running from who we actually are. I’ve been doing it for too long. It’s time to say what we really think. No more hiding behind reformist bourgeois labels and agendas. Listen up Fox News, because you’re going to love this. We’re Marxist-Lenninists, and we always have been. Deal with it.”




Wearing a red bandana and a Che Guevera T-Shirt autographed by Hugo Chavez, Clinton introduced her “fellow-travelers on the road to American and world socialism.” Her new “comrades” and fellow Democratic presidential candidates Barack Obama (sporting a new black beret and dashiki), John Edwards (wearing a vintage Soviet Red Army jacket purchased from a Russian clothier), Bill Richardson (dressed as Fidel Castro and sporting a Cuban cigar), Joe Biden, and Chris Dodd joined her on the stage of a high school auditorium to unveil a new 10-point plan “to overthrow private ownership in the means of production and distribution” and to establish “workers’ control.”



Edwards quoted Marx and Engels with approval: “You are horrified at our intending to do away with private property. But in your existing society, private property is already abolished for nine-tenths of the population; its existence for the few is solely due to its non-existence in the hands of those nine-tenths.”

“Working with Capitalist Scumbags”



Clinton confessed that a desire to “hide my Marxism” led her to undermine universal health care by advancing an incomprehensible, neoliberal and corporate-friendly health-care friendly health care reform package during the early 1990s. “‘Managed competition,’ we called it – what a terrible and reactionary joke! Our slogan should have been “All Power to the Big Six Insurance Companies!’”

Fear of “being outed as a radical socialist” has induced Clinton to oppose elementary increases in the taxation of privileged households’ exorbitant incomes to bolster the funding of Social Security and to hire Mark Penn as her main political advisor. Penn runs a corporate public relations firm that specialize in spin for union-busters, Shell Oil, and big tobacco companies.

“It makes it tougher for your guys to detect my Marxism,” Hillary told reporters, “when I’m working with capitalist scumbags like Penn.”

http://www.zmag.org/content/showarticle.cfm?SectionID=90&ItemID=14243

[Sanity Claws]

1. Please note this is satire

Why discuss some RW idiot's satire?
I would appreciate it if you would note that the article is satire in your subject line. It would have saved me a click and some annoyance.

[SteppingRazor]

4. Um ... that's actually a leftist's satire, not a "RW idiot."

Paul Street's about as left as they come.

[Perry Logan]

18. Dumb enough to be right-wing, though.

[kimmerspixelated]

2. Well, if she is elected,

I would be pleased if she turned out to be more lefty than she seems to be at the moment. It would be like the old bait and switch routine, but I still don't like it when a candidate is not themselves at all times, at all costs.

[SteppingRazor]

3. That is freakin' hysterical.

I couldn't help but think of the candidates saying those things in their own voices. This bit had me laughing out loud:

“Look, theoretical debate is great,” Edwards interjected, “but let’s move on. Here’s the bottom line, people: the big capitalist sell out and the ‘hegemony’ are all over now. We’re sweeping all that into the dustbin of history. We can finally talk about who we really are. Let us proceed to build the new socialist order, starting right here in eye of the damn imperialist hurricane. Power to the people!”

“Right on, John, you steely-eyed son of the proletarian,” said Hillary Clinton.

:rofl:

[goodgd_yall]

6. I know...I could very well imagine it too.

The writer did a good job of matching the speech of the characters with the speech mannerisms of the real candidates.

:hi:

[goodgd_yall]

5. Ah...if only

[leftist_not_liberal]

10. You said it. If Only.

recommended.

[Blackhatjack]

7. YOU DO REALIZE Fox News Will Carry 'DU Calls For Socialist/Communist State'

[msedano]

8. that is not che. this is che.

the inspired work of cartoonist lalo alcaraz
http://cartoonista.com/

[goodgd_yall]

9. I just read the whole piece

I love it!

[seemslikeadream]

11. it’s just like Hillary said: we’ll deal with it.”

“We’ll Deal with It”



The politically influential Wall Street investment house Goldman Sachs, a leading contributor to all of the leading Democratic presidential hopefuls, offered no comment on how the bombshell Marxist disclosure will affect the Democratic Party’s recently attained advantage in raising campaign money from corporate America. But an anonymous Goldman Sachs insider dismissed Mitt Romney’s recent charge that the firm has fallen under the control of “the international financial and communist conspiracy.” “I guess he forgot to add in ‘Jewish,’” this source said.



The nameless Wall Street insider added that “global investors seem happy enough to do business with a giant nation that still sometimes likes to call itself ‘Marxist’ – the so-called ‘people’s republic of China.’”



“Maybe it’s time for the United States to come under some nominally ‘Marxist’ leadership. If that’s what happens, it’s just like Hillary said: we’ll deal with it.”

[Lerkfish]

12. kicked! hilarious. I love satire

[scarletwoman]

13. Now THAT'S the kind of Democratic party I'm talking about!

:rofl:

[seemslikeadream]

19. It's a Grand Delusion

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=344x142

[Cha]

14. I was buyin' it..right up until after..

"No more hiding behind reformist bourgeois labels and agendas.":P

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

15. Will the DLCer's be calling for Party Unity? K&R

Thanks for the laugh.

[Ghost in the Machine]

16. K&R.... Thanks for the laugh! n/t

[seemslikeadream]

17. a kick for Goldman Sachs,

[nadinbrzezinski]

20. kick and recommend