Oh, Santa, Please Bring These War-on-Christmas Gifts ...

NanceGreggs

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Sun Dec-09-07 08:19 PM
Original message

Oh, Santa, Please Bring These War-on-Christmas Gifts ...

Edited on Sun Dec-09-07 08:19 PM by NanceGreggs

With the War-on-Christmas season now upon us, I've been thinking about what appropriate gifts Santa should be bringing to our favourite GOPers, PNACers, pundits, and other rightwing personalities we've come to loathe over the years.

Here's my wish list - please add to it!

For Georgie W. Bush: An over-sized dunce-cap (emblazoned with the Presidential Seal of Office, of course), so he can be appropriately dressed in public as is befitting his intellectual station in life. Stocking stuffer: An impeachment-inducing BJ (okay, okay, I realize no one is willing to actually do that), so as an alternative, a large bag of over-sized pretzels.

For Dick Cheney: A granite memorial installed in Arlington cemetery, engraved with the details of his five military deferments. Stocking stuffer: A weekend of hunting and shooting with Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Malkin, Bill O�Reilly, et al � and may the bullets fall where they may.

For Laura Bush: Five hundred yards of drapery fabric and a box of dress patterns circa 1952. Stocking stuffer: A blank prescription pad.

For Ann Coulter: A new little black dress to replace the one she's been wearing, day-in/ day-out, 24/7, for the past decade - preferably one with a turtle-neck, so we're not all distracted by her bobbing Adam's apple every time she's out there spewing her shit. Stocking stuffer: A large bib to catch all the shit she spews.

For the PNACers: A nation-wide blitz of billboards displaying all of their predictions about Iraq, to be situated on every major US highway. Stocking stuffer: A Magic-8 Ball.

For Our Friends in Freeperville: A fully-automated spell-check. Stocking stuffer: A box-full of exclamation points � they must be close to running out by now.

For Rudy Giuliani: A personalized calendar displaying every day of the year as September 11, 2001. Stocking stuffer: Subpoena to witness at the trial of one Bernard Kerik.

For Pat Robertson: A televised ass-whuppin' from Jesus. Stocking stuffer: An IRS audit focused on a reconsideration of his tax exempt status.

For the good folks at FOX-News: An ample supply of (D)s to be used in their on-screen graphics as the results of the 2008 election come in. Stocking stuffer: A fair-and-balanced investigation into their reportage.

For the good folks at CNN: A complete cosmetic makeover for all on-air staff, because if hair-dos and wardrobe are all you have to offer, they should be top-of-the-line. Stocking stuffer: Nostalgic old videos of CNN when it actually was a news network.

For Joe Klein: An instruction manual on how to use Google to research actual facts. Stocking stuffer: A correspondence course in Introduction to Journalism 101.

For Karl Rove: A whirlwind speaking tour of US colleges sans audience. Stocking stuffer: A calculator so he can figure out where the math went wrong.

For Mitt Romney: An fully automated position-changing machine, so he won�t have to do it manually. Stocking stuffer: Magic socks to go with his magic underwear.

For John McCain: A reminder notice about what the people he�s now sucking-up to said about his wife and daughter back in 2000. Stocking stuffer: A reminder notice of how he actually used to be respected.

For Glenn Beck: A cancellation-of-program notice from CNN and every other media outlet that carries his bigoted diatribes. Stocking stuffer: A complete explanation of how they got there �

For Alberto Gonzales: A free session with a psychiatric hypnotist who will help him remember everything he�s ever forgotten. Stocking stuffer: An implanted microchip containing his name, address and phone number, so authorities can send him home when he can�t remember all of the above.

For Michael Mukasey: Coupon for one free waterboarding session, so he can definitively decide whether it�s torture. Stocking stuffer: Video of him screaming like a stuck pig, wetting his pants, and cryin� for his mama during the waterboarding session.

For Poppy & Babs Bush: A video and photographic montage of their son making an ass of himself in public. Stocking stuffer: Condolences on the fact that the name Bush will go down in history as synonymous with incompetent, clueless, idiotic, brainless, public embarrassment, etc..

For All Republicans Who Still Support Bush & His Policies: An I AM An Idiot bumpersticker for your gas-guzzling vehicle. Stocking stuffer: An I WAS An Idiot bumpersticker for your grandchildren�s shoes (because after they get hit with the tax bills to pay off the debts that Bush has incurred, they won�t be able to afford a bumpersticker, no less a vehicle to attach it to.)

Please feel free to add to this Wish List �