Need help/info for my nephew, folks..........

[doodadem]

Just got off the phone with my mom again. My 30 year old nephew is still in jail, been there now for over a week because no one is posting his bail.

He was arrested for speeding while drunk driving, and hitting his neighbor's truck. Not good. He's been on this downhill slide into alcoholism since his mom, my sister, died several years ago, complications from life-long diabetes. His dad divorced my sister several years before that when her health really started worsening. Yeah--great guy. He refuses to do anything more to help the kid because he says he "spent all this money" to send him to some bible-thumping religious camp last year that was supposed to do the trick. Of course, it didn't.

I'm telling my mom, the only thing that's going to help him is to get into a real clinic, under a real doctor's care, and on real medication and counseling. I'm sure he's badly depressed, and with our family's genetics, a prime candidate for suicide. He has no insurance, and now, no job.

I'm going to try to do some web research this afternoon. Any ideas on treatment, especially given the financial situation. With our finances currently in the toilet, we can't even come up with his bail money. We'd have to guilt the other side of his family into doing that I guess. He's in Indiana, I'm in Calif.

Thanks

[dsc]

1. Does he want treatment?

Unless he does, jail may be the best place for him. If Indiana is like many other states they will likely force him into treatment due to his dui. If he does want treatment, there may be places that will take him for a reduced cost. I don't know the area in question though, so I can't tell you who.

[crikkett]

6. Keep in touch with him please

it's horrible to feel completely deserted. I think if you keep in touch with him, he might, in the end, find that more valuable than bail money.

If you write him I also suggest spending a moment to remind him of his life before he got into trouble... share a memory or ask about a story you heard about... even if it's something stupid like how he always won at monopoly. It'll help him think positively, remember who he is. However possible that is.

[EFerrari]

2. Does his county have mental health courts?

That would be the first thing to find out. If they do, maybe his case can be diverted there.

Another resource you might try is the AA Central Office in his area. If there are treatment programs there, they should be able to point you to them or tell you where you can call to get a list of them.

Btw, bailing him out might not be the way to go. So, don't beat yourself up if you can't. At least you know he's somewhat safe at the moment. :(

Good luck.

[Warpy]

3. First, he has to agree to it.

If he still thinks alcohol is his friend, there is nothing you can do.

If he accepts treatment, he can probably do it as part of his incarceration or probation.

If he doesn't want it, it's not going to work.

[EFerrari]

5. My son went into rehab to avoid juvenile incarceration.

He's been clean now for 15 years and has served on the board of his former TC for some time. Cheers! Things aren't really that black and white.

You never know when a person will have a moment of clarity and I really disagree with the kind of thinking that just leaves people at the mercy of the criminal "justice" system and of their wet brain.

Jail isn't a therapeutic community. A lot of the time, it's not even a safe place to be. And to expect someone who hasn't had the help of his frontal lobes to make a good decision is, imho, overly optimistic.

/spellin'

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

4. Take it from a Drunk(Reformed)...

You gotta want sobriety like your first piece of ass. Or worse. Just going there to please others will never work.

[MuseRider]

7. Went through this with my youngest brother

and all the treatment in the world will not help unless he is totally committed to it. Promising he will go and work on it if you bail him out is not the answer, he must really want it even if he has to stay in jail for some time. It is hard, my mother finally bailed my brother out then busted him out of rehab and the last thing I knew of him 10 years or so ago he was running from some serious drug dealers and had left Texas for parts unknown. He did not want it badly enough. I never heard from him again and a PI could not find him when my other brother died. Not exactly a good sign, I consider him dead since the last I heard from him he told me that was what was going to happen to him.

This is hard and will be hard. He is safe in jail and so is everyone else. Let him stay, he will have a lot of time to think about all of this and maybe he will decide that drinking is not the answer.

I feel for your family. It is hard. My brother's path started at 16 after my father died.

[EFerrari]

8. Jails are not safe. That's just something we tell ourselves

to cover for our own helplessness. If we're going to insist on honesty, let's really be honest.

[MuseRider]

9. You are correct of course.

I was thinking entirely of his dangerous behavior to himself and others. I did not take the thought further than that. Thanks, you are so correct and it is important to be honest about that.

[EFerrari]

10. Those of us who've had to deal with this situation

have faced a buffet of difficult choices.

Here's to the better ones we manage to make.

:hug:
:grouphug:

[MuseRider]

11. It is a horrible

situation for all concerned. We manage the best we can and hope that it helps. I guess that is all any of us can do, it really comes down to the person every time. Some just never hit that bottom that shakes them awake.

[EFerrari]

12. Yes, it is horrible.

My youngest is still out there. I'd give a leg if it would help but it won't.

Here's to the best that we can do. For our families. :hug:

[MuseRider]

16. I am so sorry to hear that.

It is so hard and a child would make it even harder. You do all you can and wait I guess, hoping that they will come back ready for help. The best we can do. A heart felt :hug: back.

[cbayer]

13. I recommend Al-Anon for both you and your sister.

Those groups are for the loved ones of alcoholics and addicts, and the wealth of experience and information is unequaled, IMO. You can each attend in your area and then discuss together how to proceed.

[doodadem]

14. My sister died.

I think that's what started all this.

[cbayer]

15. I am so sorry.

I mis-read (or read too quickly) the part about your mother being involved. I would offer the same advice. The more family members that go, the better informed you will be about what steps you can take.

Take care.