Memo From a Pissed-Off God - Democratic Underground

NanceGreggs

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Sat Aug-16-08 11:04 PM
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Memo From a Pissed-Off God

Edited on Sat Aug-16-08 11:17 PM by NanceGreggs

Let me start by saying that playing the role of An Angry God has never appealed to me. You know, schtick like flooding the entire planet, or turning Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt – although impressive (and they do tend to make for a great story!), it’s never really been My thing.

Truth be told – and being who I am, telling the truth is kind of a given – a lot of you are really on my last nerve these days, to the point where a plague of locust and an outbreak of boils is starting to seem like a great idea.

Allow me (and come to think of it, who’s gonna stop me?) to be blunt. I am sick and tired of hearing about how some of you – and I know who you are – are screwing up the environment, ignoring your less fortunate brethren, and waging war, while having the My-damned nerve to say that you’re somehow doing it with My blessing.

So let’s start with getting a few things straight between us – a Creator and created-in-My-image kind of discussion, if you will – just so we all know where I stand.

I think I’ve made it pretty darned clear from the beginning that doing unto others as you would have done unto yourself was the way to go – and as I remember it, I didn’t allow much in the way of wiggle room. You either looked out for your neighbor or you didn’t, and I would be the Ultimate Judge of how well you scored.

Nowadays I’m inundated with legal briefs, filed by those of you who think there’s a loophole in that admonition that’s big enough to not only crawl through, but drive your SUV through while hauling a tractor-trailer full of excuses for why you think your fellow man doesn’t deserve your notice.

Now, a lot of you might remember my Son (long-haired hippie-type, popular at parties once that water-into-wine thing got around). Well, I gotta tell you, every time I hear someone say, “How would Jesus vote?”, or “What would Jesus do?”, it makes me wonder if I got so caught up in saying things like “Let there be light” back in the early days of this whole experiment, I forgot to make sure you were all given brains along with your standard-issue humanity kit.

So once again, let me try to make this so simple, even the simple-minded among you can understand.

Waging war for the sake of power and money is not something Me, or The Kid, would vote for. Nor is the idea that killing and maiming innocent people for access to oil something either of Us would get behind.

Here’s a few more tips on things I don’t approve of (and I can’t believe I actually have to spell this out for you, but here goes):

· Screwing up the planet so that a few greedy corporations can make bigger profits.
· Justifying killing people on the basis that they talk funny, worship in places that aren’t called churches, and wear strange things on their heads.
· Waging war and pretending it’s about spreading concepts like democracy when it’s really about coveting thy neighbors goods
· Torturing your fellow man (and just for the record, calling it “enhanced interrogation techniques” isn’t getting anyone off the hook)
· Forcing fellow human beings to work in inhumane conditions and labeling it “the free enterprise system at work”

And finally, the BIGGIE (to use the colloquial term), justifying your absolute worst behavior – i.e. throwing stones from your glass house, judging others as though you aren’t deserving of judgment, ignoring the plight of your fellow man because you have deemed them lazy, not moral enough by your standards, or just too beneath you to be considered your equal – by declaring yourself a God-fearing Christian.

Believe Me – and on this point, I most assuredly know whereof I speak – you are definitely barking up the wrong tree. And if you really are God-fearing, you might want to reconsider your current approach to following My Word.

In closing, I just want to remind all of you, yet again, that I know what’s in your heart of hearts – so don’t even try telling me that when you vote for people who are promoting war, famine, pestilence and death – so long as it’s the other guy who has to suffer, and not you – you are honestly doing so because you think that's the way I would have wanted it.

Folks, I didn’t just fall off the celestial turnip truck. So, please, spare me your woeful cries that when you spat on the homeless guy who was beggin’ for a quarter for food, when you looked the other way when people were imprisoned without charge, when you declared that the sick deserved their fate because they were too lazy to get jobs that included health insurance, you were doing what the Good Lord (that’s Me!) taught you to do – because you weren’t, not by a long shot.

You might want to keep in mind that this All-Knowing thing is not just a rumor, but yet another fact that certain politicians would just as soon you forgot – along with everything else I’ve ever told you.

I’ve got a very long memory. And that doesn’t bode well for a lot of you – especially certain people of the church of political persuasion.

So smarten up, folks. Don’t make me regret that I ever started this whole thing in the first place. I've put a lot of faith in your ability to understand right from wrong, and your potential for coming down, strong and with conviction, on the side of doing the right thing.

Believe me, I am the last person in the universe who wants to be proven wrong.