98% Of Babies Manic-Depressive

[Demeter]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/98_of_babies_manic?utm_source=onion_rss_daily


NEW YORK—A new study published in The Journal Of Pediatric Medicine found that a shocking 98 percent of all infants suffer from bipolar disorder. "The majority of our subjects, regardless of size, sex, or race, exhibited extreme mood swings, often crying one minute and then giggling playfully the next," the study's author Dr. Steven Gregory told reporters. "Additionally we found that most babies had trouble concentrating during the day, often struggled to sleep at night, and could not be counted on to take care of themselves—all classic symptoms of manic depression." Gregory added that nearly 100 percent of infants appear to suffer from the poor motor skills and impaired speech associated with Parkinson's disease.


(April Fool's Everyone--I'm starting early, because it's going to be that kind of a week)

[Sultana]

1. Fuck, I had to look at my calendar to check

x(

[pleah]

2. LOL Good start!

:hi:

[cliffordu]

3. Fuck . Now I have to make my infant grandson upchuck that lithium I just

shoved down his throat.

[AlCzervik]

4. Did you ever watch My name is earl?

they had a fake newspaper made up and the headline read "Baby suicides at an all time high"

[and-justice-for-all]

5. Sounds like a Faux Noise story...LOL...nt

[butterfly77]

6. I think that it has something to do with ultrasounds..

[AlCzervik]

8. it's the High Fructose corn syrup.

[mitchum]

7. Bullshit...that's all that coke those brats are doing

[mudesi]

9. You Can't Wait Nine Days?

[Demeter]

12. I May Not Be Around in Nine Days

Family and business problems....

[hvn_nbr_2]

10. This could start a real flame war if you posted it in the Health forum. nt

[chollybocker]

11. Isn't there a vaccination for this?

;)

[20score]

13. Too funny.